


Home Is In Her Eyes.

by Drugedbyalex



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Sanvers - Freeform, Slow Burn, War AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-19 11:11:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 104,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11312178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drugedbyalex/pseuds/Drugedbyalex
Summary: War AU.Alex Danvers once lived a picture perfect life, with a loving mother, a caring military father, an adorable adoptive sister, a remarkable best friend, and a practically perfect girlfriend. However, just before senior graduation, Alex's life tumbles down when her father never returned from his last deport. That's when she decides to enlist in the military, and break all her ties to Midvale. It's 10 years later, and Kara's pregnant expecting a visit from her sister. What happens when Alex walks back home, and stumbles into the one person she'd never thought she'd see again?





	1. I Wish You'd Never Left.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while hasn't it? Here's the beginning of the long anticipated War AU. I hope I do it justice, which is why updates are probably going to be slow, because I'm planning on making this story the best thing I've ever written. So, any advice you have for me to make it better is well appreciated.
> 
> I've taken the time to research a bit about the military, and the information I'll be using in the story isn't completely accurate, in fact. I've moderated a lot of it. I couldn't quite understand the rankings, but I think I've managed to make it a little more understandable in the story.
> 
> Also, I'm really sorry if I mix up war information I'm not really a history person, and I'll try to stick to real war events as much as possible. 
> 
> I'm also really sorry for not updating 6 Sessions in nearly a month, I'll get back to it. I've just finished my Summer Course which has freed up the rest of my time. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this first chapter, and encouragement for this story would be greatly appreciated, because I'm going with my heart with this, and I haven't planned out everything. It's going to be a write as I go kinda thing. 
> 
> Kudos & Comment. <3

Alex Danvers is nothing, if not determined. Ever since she was a child building card houses till they surpass her height, fixing 100-piece puzzles in under 2 hours, solving every crossword in every puzzle book she got, running races and not stopping till she won first place. She had to be number one; a painstaking habit she got from her father, and her need to always prove her kid sister wrong. It all started when she was 5 years old, and the fresh aroma of first grade hit her; she was enlisted for her first competition as soon as Mrs. Hanigin, her first-grade gym teacher, noticed her strong desire to finish first during races in P.E. classes. It was no surprise that she accomplished doing just that. She still remembers Midvale’s junior marathon, and how she made Vicky Donahue cry after winning first place like it was yesterday. Alex was a magnet for competitiveness and a seductress for success. That frame of mind followed her all the way to high school, and her dating life. She always managed to pull closer to the women who played hard to get, and hard doesn't even begin to describe her favorite relationship.

Maggie Sawyer.

A total opposite to whom Alex was, Maggie liked the simple lifestyle and the essence of hiding around a sea of people. She was a woman who enjoyed most of her time at a quiet hill next to her family barn back in Nebraska. She was a small town girl, who didn’t like to get caught in between the crossfire attention sparks, and she liked life as simple as it could get. Which meant no winning first place in competitions, or being senior class valedictorian, or even excelling at anything other than being average. With the traumatic experience of her unaccepting parents when she was ousted at 14-years-old, it left her devoting a private life, and being as independent as she could be. Family was no one to her. It was nothing but a jealous fantasy, and friends were a burden. Social accomplices gave her nothing of use, and she opted for a lonesome existence. However, living in a place like Midvale, it was a tough thing to do. Especially during high school, people took a strong interest in the new girl who moved from a small town like Blue Springs, Nebraska on her own, all the way to Midvale, and was living in an apartment above her aunts, not out of choice, but obligation because her aunt seemed to be too afraid she was going to be infected by her “Gay disease.” Yet they couldn’t throw her on the streets. She was the talk of the town for all of the freshmen year, and she had gained “Friends” within the first span of a week, she was more or less what you call one of the ‘Popular’ girls, who were presented with an invisible flyer on their shirts saying “Look, but don’t touch.”

The only common thing she had with Alex Danvers was how uncommon they were, but still somehow, one afternoon, fate and destiny decided to put aside their differences and unite these two completely singular individuals, little did either of them know, but that was the beginning of a story that moved wonders.

* * *

She'd been packing what little clothes she had in her duffle bag, most of which consisted of gray, juniper, green tank tops, and the pile of army-printed pants she'd become accustomed to, for the past 10 years now. It was all she ever wore, and what her eyes had sadly gotten used to. The navy seal print was embedded on her skin; she once felt like it was such an abnormal set of clothes to wear, especially when she first got to training. She could still hear General Henshaw's 'Atten-hut!' utter his mouth and ring in her ear. The second his voice filtered her eardrums she felt like it was the beginning of a different life; like she was entering a double world with one-half of it living in the foreshadows of her past, and the other fighting to release itself from the depths of her present-day despair.

Months had gone by with the breeze of a hot summer desert land circling her entire physique; multiple sunburns graced her skin from the first couple of weeks. Especially when climbing walls, and crawling through mud as the sunstroke it's burning anger on her back; only then did she realize how much sunblock was needed in a place like the desert. The food was atrocious, a ready-to-eat meal packaged into a small brown plastic container for every meal. Her stomach had never grumbled so much for proper food. Although, when the years passed, her abdomen grew smaller, and she got used to the insufficient meals. Light is what she grew to become, an almost skinny replica of her teenage self. The only difference is she had an equip body; even though smaller than the rest of the military men and the handful of women surrounding her, she was more or less rigid.

The scars, the muscles, the scratches, the bruises, the battle signs that piled up the more she got deported were nothing compared to the agonizing ache of happening to go back home again, after 10 years. After being assigned private (PFC) E-3 within less than 3 years, growing to serve as a specialist for 5, and remaining Specialist (SPC) Danvers for 2. Going back home after living through a tremendous military life like that with no trips back to the place she grew up in, it might as well have been like walking through fire, with no shoes on.

The last time she had ever walked the streets of Midvale was back when she was barely 19, fresh out of high school. Looking back was a tough thing to do for her; leaving behind a seemingly almost practically perfect life; it ate at her more than she would admit. Leaving behind a life she cherished, with the people she loved, and the people who loved her back was a difficult thing to do, but she had to do it for herself. The only thing attaching her to that place was the monthly letters Kara never stopped sending, even if Alex couldn't write back for 2 months, or 7, or 10. Kara still managed to write a letter to her every month; informing her of the gradual changes of the town she once had called home and was starting to forget what it smelt like, let alone looked like.

However, Kara was expecting a visit from her dear older sister when she'd sent a letter detailing how she managed to get pregnant after an unanticipated one-night-stand during a 'work party'. Knowing the shenanigans of CatCo, that party might as well have been a high school dance, with twice the booze, and twice the people. It's been nine months since that letter, and it's been 10 years since she'd personally requested a two-week leave. That's why she easily got the approval and was helplessly packing what few items that have become her home into one tiny duffle bag.

"Well, well, well,"

Lucy Lane smirked as she entered their room, and pulled herself up onto her top bunk. Her eyes sparkled as she noticed how much blush Alex had planted on her cheeks while she continued to place things in her bag. A blush that usually never showed itself; the only time Lucy had been privileged to see it was when she happened to remember Alex’s birthday as they served, and she happened to mention it.

"Sargent specialist Alex Danvers, is actually packing up a duffle bag?"

Lucy was younger than her; she'd joined the Army 3 years after she was finally enlisted as Sargent Danvers. Lucy easily found her place in the army world. More specifically, she found it in a matter of seconds. Her father was General Lane, commanding officer of unit 1, much like her father she was insanely good at everything military, and she was promoted to higher ranks a lot faster than Alex had been. She managed to catch up to Alex in literally the blink of an eye; guess it's what happens when your father is an active force in the army. They grew a bond, especially with being assigned to the same unit, and their fathers history on the battlefield. Lane opened up about why she joined the military; it was out of respect for her father. Having been raised like a boy, and watching her fathers more than necessary trips back and forth from base to home, it flourished in her veins. She needed to prove to her father that she was more than a pretty face with killer Taekwondo skills. Once she was ready to enter, she didn't hesitate. That's what Lucy Lane was for you, a woman who wrote her own future, and did as she pleased.

The first time they really hit it of was when Lucy managed to let Alex spill the beans on her own father and why she entered the military. They had an understanding for each other that transcended beyond anyone in their Unit, and in no time at all, they became inseparable.

"So tell me, aren't you excited?" She squealed slightly, laying on her stomach and her chin resting on her arms.

Alex chuckled. "Lucy, it's just 2 weeks."

"Yeah, but after 10 years. You're going to see your family, and a new niece to top it all off." She eyed Alex who stopped packing and stared at a star-struck Lucy. "10 freaking years. I mean my dad is on campus, and when I don't see him for 4 days I miss him, but 10 fucking years. Alex, you're on another level."

The soldier chuckled falling back into her previous actions, Lucy liked to speak her mind most times, Alex wasn’t surprised by her very opinionated speech. "I have high tolerance, with my dad in the military since I was 13. I've gotten used to missing people."

“I’ll pretend that that isn’t the saddest thing I’ve heard, and I’ll still be extremely happy that you’re leaving me for 2 weeks.”

“You’ll be fine, Lane.” She rolled her eyes and felt a rock hard pillow hit her. She laughed, knowing she didn’t have to question where it came from.

“I’m going to miss you dickhead.”

Alex stopped packing for few minutes. If she were going, to be honest, she was going to miss this place, and Lucy terribly. For the past 10 years, she’d been accustomed to this brutal lifestyle; she couldn’t even begin to imagine how going home would feel like. She’d forgotten how sleeping in a soft bed, with soft sheets, and soft pillows felt like; how you didn’t hear bombs explode every few months or the stinging ring of bullets, or how the sunshine in Midvale didn’t make you melt under the 3 layers of clothes you had on. She’d forgotten what home felt like.

“Yeah, I’m going to miss you too.” She smiled softly, earning back a grin. Alex threw her pillow in return, Lucy caught it easily, and as she went back to packing again an angry voice stopped her.

“It’s all your fucking fault!” He barged into their room and slammed his open palms on Alex’s chest pushing her back against, the iron stand of her and Lucy’s bunk beds. “You ask one freaking time, and they fucking give you whatever you want!” He breathed into her face.

“I ask 4 times, and I’m denied! You couldn’t wait till after this month! You know how much General Henshaw values your needs, sometimes biasedly over everyone else’s, and you still go and do this.”

Alex kept a calm exterior. She could recognize the dark brown hair, and scruffy beard anywhere. Mike Montgomery was always short-tempered, and he often concluded things way too quickly. He was a furious man, which made him really good in the battlefront. His anger usually, helped him survive time and time, as he got deported. He’d been in the army for about 12 years, and his burnt leg didn’t stop him from reporting back. All she knew about him, was he needed the finance, for his daughter and wife. That’s why he kept coming back, he wasn’t capable of doing anything other than fighting, and luckily this was his outlet.

Lucy jumped off her bunk, and pushed Mike away, eyeing him annoyingly, like they’ve been through this before. Frankly, with how calm Alex was, it wouldn’t be a surprise if they truly did go through this before.

“Back off, Mike.”

“Everyone’s on her side,” He faced Lucy, then disgustingly eyed Alex. “As if she’s the only one with a sob story here, we’re all risking our lives. Why does she get to be treated differently?”

“Because unlike you Mike, in the 10 years Alex served, she never once asked for a leave. Quiet giving her shit about it.”

“And coincidentally she chooses this fucking time to feel like the rest of us.” He hissed, and then took a step closer to Alex, Lucy moving to stand guard between them. Mike’s angry eyes blazed at her, yet Alex remained wordless and calm.

“Enjoy it while it lasts, Danvers.” He spat. “One day, you won’t have anyone to defend your sorry ass, I hope you have a fucking great leave.” He mocked, and then walked away pushing Private Vasquez’s shoulder as he brushed past her.

Alex finally resumed her breathing once he left. She knew this was going to stir more trouble between her and Mike Montgomery. They were never on the same page, he didn't like how much Alex managed to accomplish in the little time she'd been there. She'd caught up to him rather quickly, and during training, he always managed to deliberately screw her up because she somehow was stronger than he was, and she had more allies than he did. People liked her, the same couldn't be said about him. Alex did have an advantage, with her father's history in the battlefield, she had friends before she even got to first base, which for Mike was difficult to make, and so it started the Danvers vs Montgomery fued.

The reason he was all worked up about Alex getting the leave right now, was because in just a week's time his 1-year-old daughter was turning 2, and he'd promised he'll be there for her. Up until a couple months ago, his leave was approved, however, with the pill of other requests filling up the Generals office because of the holidays, Some people had to be sacrificed. And since Sargent Montgomery had been requesting 3 day leaves ever so often, he was one of the few who had to sit this one out. Alex managed to take his place, and have her leave accepted. She felt hella guilty, Lucy had spent more than a month convincing her that it was just life, and sometimes sacrifices had to be made.

Still, she was never rid of her guilt, and she even almost pulled her request, but Lucy reminded her that it didn't mean Mike would get to leave, there were still other people who deserved it more than the both of them. Private Vasquez tried to talk some sense into her as well, which was why she walked into their room with an apologetic look.

"Maybe I should ask General Henshaw to give my leave to him." Alex defeatedly sighed out, her guilt resurfacing.

"Don't listen to him, Alex." Vasquez placed her hand on Alex's bicep squeezing it for reassurance. "You deserve it more than he does."

"Mike's just being a prick, Al." Lucy comforted her too. "You have every reason to take that leave. Enjoy it, don't let him ruin this for you."

"But his daughter-,"

"He should know by now, this job isn't anything to be taken lightly. Out of all of us, he's had the most leaves. It's not your fault."

"But-,"

"No, buts," Vasquez warned her.

Private Vasquez, though ranked lower than the rest of them, she was an admirational figure, and like a little sister to her, whereas Lucy was the older sister. She hated to admit it, but with the lack of Kara in her life, she looked elsewhere for comfort. Lucy and Vasquez were her empty shoulders to cry on every now and then. Vasquez joined just 2 years ago, and she didn't have much choice in the matter, she was deported within the first couple of months, and she probably had it the worst out of all of them. She was the youngest, and the reason she was placed here, was because of her criminal record with the police. Nothing really that serious, but a bunch of robberies, and vandalisms, things an orphaned kid would do. She ended up here, for fewer prison terms, and within the 2 years, she'd changed very much.

She wasn't a troubled kid anymore, she was a grown woman, and an amazing soldier. Alex saw herself in her sometimes, and for the last 2 deports they had together, she made sure to protect Vasquez on the battlefield, as Lucy made sure to protect both of them. They were each other's second family, and for Vasquez, they were the only family. So, Alex knew better than to defy her orders. She knew she should suck it up, and enjoy what most people like her couldn't enjoy. That's why she continued packing, and tried her very best to shove the pictures of Mike's angry face, or his daughter's sad smile to the very back of her mind. 

* * *

 

"You lucky bastard. The last Twix bar just happens to be yours. Detective, Sawyer."

Jacob McConners said as he threw the last Twix bar supplied in the vending machine on his partner's small table. He smirked sitting down on his desk, with his feet resting on the table ahead of him. Maggie kept reading through the last case file they had taken attention to.

It was about the Mullen boys. Midvale's orphaned twin brothers who took a tad bit too much joy at vandalizing the most inappropriate, and unsuitable spots around town. Maggie Sawyer had been trying to track them down for months now, but they were too good at running and hiding. Hence, why they were out and about marking spots with red spray paint, finding unique ways of spelling disturbing words and not etched into the foster system like they were supposed to be by now. She knew ultimately the boys were good kids, and they're just acting out, making scenes and causing unwanted trouble to spark attention, while also avoiding the elephant in the room. Neither one wanted to be separated, and dropping off two 16-year-olds into the system, spontaneously, there was a big chance it would tear them apart.

Maggie knew that more than anyone and no one knew the value of family more than she did; having lost hers at just the age 14, she knew damn well why these two boys were caught up in the act of looking tough. She wanted to help them, that's why her nose was stuck into the pile of papers, which in its contents were lawsuits against them. McConners was just being nice, and keeping her company as the station emptied, since it was well past midnight, and her eyes were still roaming the sheets of paper in front of her.

"Sawyer?"

Her redheaded partner sighed once he noticed, she didn't touch the Twix bar in front of her. Ever since he moved to this division he knew her favorite snack was a good ol' Twix bar, and normally whenever that shit was around, the Latin cop forgot about her worries and just enjoyed the tasty snack, but lately that wasn't the case. The Mullen brothers had huge targets on their backs, they were running around a rather seemingly peaceful town with spray paint, skateboards, and every single 'bad boy' card out there. People were getting tired of the ruckus. They needed to calm down before a real charge is filed against them.

"You can't keep beating yourself up over this, Mags." McConners stood up from his chair and leaned up against her desk. "The boys are asking for it, can't blame what can't be tamed."

Maggie pulled her head away from the papers in front of her to stare at McConners. Her red eyes clear evidence of her exhaustion, but Maggie wasn't one to quit. No matter how tempting it was. These boys need her, or, at least, they needed her guidance.

"I still have to try. Jacob, they're just kids. They don't know what they're doing, they just don't want to get separated. The system can be bullshit everyone knows that."

"Which is why it's pointless for you to be stressing over this," He reasoned starring into her eyes fiercely. "Boys will be boys, and you can't promise them that they'll be together when you drag them to the system after you crack their hideout, and that's if you find it."

"That's not true, Emily can put a deal for me. She can make sure they stick together."

"I think it's going to take more than your girlfriend's word to accomplish that, Sawyer." If he was a teenager the 'Duh' that came after her last name was for sure etched into his voice.

"It's fiancè, by the way."

She rolled her eyes at him and found solace on the screen computer in front of her. She can't just drop everything she had, pick up, and leave. She'll be damned if she had to watch another family get separated, no child should suffer a life of loneliness. Sometimes she believed it was a fate worse than death itself. Loneliness was a poison no one could escape, and she had made a vow with herself years ago, that no one she knew who walked this earth would have to suffer through that.

She flexed her fingers about to type in names of the best foster care system, when suddenly her screen went black. She held in a deep groan, then she lifted her eyes to see that McConners had the computer cord in his hand. He smirked as soon as he noticed that the Latin woman was oh so desperately holding back a snark.

"Lights out, Sawyer. If you insist on being an insubordinate good cop, then I'mma be an unforgiving stubborn bad cop." He let go of the cord, the ticking sound of the head crashing against the ground, he faced Maggie. "Go, home. Your fiancè's waiting for you, and so is my wife."

Maggie stood up, as she grabbed her car keys, and pocketed her badge, she glared at him. "I didn't ask you to stay, McConners." She muttered picking up a few of the files with her. Both cops began walking towards the door.

Jacob had his jacket hanging on his finger, dangling against his back, like a hook. He pushed open the station doors for Maggie's too full hands, and she waited politely as he locked the door behind them.

The banter was an enormous part of their relationship. Jacob never liked it when Maggie found it necessary to disobey him, or take the lead in a case. He was a fair man, and normally liked things equally standard. He hated how in control Maggie wanted to be most times, but he sucked it up, cause he knew ultimately Maggie's intentions were good and right. If he was going to be honest, she was a little smarter than he was. Especially with her high mighty science degree. Instincts were a big part of Maggie's solving cases technique, sometimes she dismissed her rational side of her brain, and got to emotionally attached; Which was both a win and loss for her profession. Jacob helped balance everything out, you wouldn't find someone more professional than he was in town.

"Hey, have you heard the new rumors lately?" He asked finding conversation again while they made their way to their cars, which happened to be the only cars in the empty parking lot.

"What rumors?"

Maggie didn't like to stick her nose into unnecessary business, however, Midvale was a pretty small town, and word got around fast. Every week or two there was a new rumor floating above the starry skyline. Since Jacob married the town gossip guild, he feeds her with these rumors every so often, whether it be a sketchy affair, that everyone knew about but never spoke of, or if a new couple moved into town. Jacob and Chelsea were the first people to know about it.

"You know that Kara girl right? The pregnant one." He clarified, Maggie nodded, faking her interest as she pulled out her keys from her pants pocket.

Although her and Alex may not have ended on a good note, the Latin cop kept in touch with her ex's sister. Kara was the sweetest thing on the planet, cutting ties with her was more difficult than talking to her, and frankly, Kara didn't have to suffer because of Alex's decision alone. They didn't talk as much as they had during high school, but the ties were never severed.

"Yeah, what about her?"

"Well, Chelsea heard that her sister, the one in the military, Alex is it?"

Maggie froze, she swallowed thickly, it's been a while since she heard that name. It once used to make her stomach turn into butterflies, now it just turns into knots, with an unpleasant feeling of worry, and pictures of her body disfigured, covered in blood somewhere in the floor deserts of Iraq or Afganistan.

"Yeah," McConners continued on, taking the silence as an opportunity to finish what he had to say. "She's allegedly going to be back in town for her due date. I heard for a two-week stay. Chelsea told me she bumped into Eliza in the supermarket early this morning, and she was shopping for catering items and stuff for like a welcome home party-,"

He stopped once he noticed that his side had mysteriously gone void, and Maggie was frozen in her spot like a statue. She looked paler than usual. As if a ghost had suddenly possessed her. The Latin cop could feel her stomach boil with uncertainty. If this rumor was just a game, then someone was playing a sick joke on her. It's been 10 years since Alex stepped foot into Midvale, no way she would walk back again, but normally Midvale's rumors, were never rumors, and they were almost always true.

Once that sunk in, Maggie could only picture Alex's Hollywood smile, and the moment she decided to pursue that Hollywood smile, and make it a solemn effort to see it every single day. Flashes of her high school experience with Alex in every frame, smiling at her, holding onto her waist, or softly placing her hand against her midback for protection or some unknown reason she was jealous. She could keep seeing hot flashes of their soft kisses, or wild kisses, any freaking moment that was significant in their relationship it flashed right before her eyes. She'd stopped looking for that smile, and rode herself of that habit the day Alex picked up and left without so much as a goodbye. It took her 3 years to forget Alex, and another 5 to find a girlfriend to truly move on with.

And she did move on, so why did she suddenly freeze when she heard her name. Why was her heart beating in an impossibly vast way?

_"So, that's it?" Maggie breathed out, her voice a messy bundle of nerves. Tears were smeared across her cheeks._

_The one person she considered family, the one person who was her family, and everything was standing in front of her, shamelessly telling her she was going to be left behind. Alex forced her tears in her eyes, her entire posture hardened, as if she'd already trained herself how to turn her emotions off. The distance between them was killing her, as much as the bile in her throat was destroying her, but she needed to do this._

_"You've decided." The Latin hissed again, taking a step closer to Alex, who remained in her ground, unmoving, and her eyes water-full, however free of emotion. "You're leaving?" She asked this time, her heart physically ripping into two. Alex nearly broke, she swallowed thickly, looking at her feet._

_"I have to do this." She whispered, but Maggie wasn't having it, she took a rough step forward, pushing against her chest._

_"Why?!"_

_"Maggie-,"_

_"Why?!"_

_"Maggie, please-," She felt another rough shove, along with an angry why. Alex ripped her eyes from the floor and stared back into Maggie's brown painful piercing orbs._

_"It's the only way I can make sense of losing him!" She yelled, her tears breaking free._

_Maybe, she didn't train herself hard enough, because she could still feel everything hurt. She could still hear her father's voice, she could still see him, in every god damn corner, in every dream, and she still knew that- that figure she saw was nothing but a figment of her imagination, and she knew she couldn't breathe in this atmosphere anymore. She could still feel the pain and her damp cheeks. She couldn't turn her emotions off like a robot, and she hated that no matter what Maggie did, the pain, it wasn't any less painful._

_"You promised."_

_Alex heard her faint voice, the anger slipping away, and sorrow filling its absence. She couldn't bring herself to look at her girlfriend because she knew if she turned to look at her, she'd break even harder. Alex Danvers never broke a promise, especially a promise to Maggie. However, nothing lasts forever, and here they both stood, hearts ripping apart with no mercy._

_"You promised you wouldn't leave me like everyone else did."_

_Alex caught the crack in her voice, she caught on the soft hitch in her breath. She forced her eyes close, she forced an image of Maggie smiling, she couldn't bare to look at her, because she knew if she did, she'll be faced with brown eyes that felt betrayed because she did betray her._

_"Look at me," The taller girl took a step back, her eyes remaining shut, and her lips quivering. She bit it in hopes of avoiding the shivers crawling through her skin. "Look at me!"_

_Maggie took that step closer again, and she didn't move until Alex reluctantly opened her eyes. Before her stood brown orbs that bore into her with shame and agony-._

"Maggie?" McConners waved his hand in front of her statue-like face. "Hellooo?" Maggie shook her head, the minute she landed back to earth. She faced Jacob with a lost expression.

"Alex's coming back?" her voice was soft. Nothing but a whispered tone, almost as if she couldn't believe what she heard. Jacob nodded, with curious eyebrows.

"Yeah, that's the rumor." He could see how she nearly caught her breath, and his curiosity spiked ten folds. "Did you know her, or something?"

"I knew her," She whispered looking away. She put on a tight-lipped smile, as she unlocked her car. "Well, I hope she has a safe flight." She hissed, and before McConners could even question her tone, Maggie slammed her car door, hitting the drive paddle, and stretching away from the station.

* * *

 

Alex Danvers forgot how it felt like to be selfish. She forgot how it feels like when you do something for yourself when the priority becomes you. She didn't like the feeling, especially now that she stood by the airport gates, after spending multiple hours locked in a cramped seat with nothing but cold cuts to eat for the last 12 hours. Although she was used to the small meals, she'll have to admit that one of the positive things to coming back home would definitely be the home cooked meals. Especially the Mac n Cheese Kara makes, or the apple pie her mom bakes too excruciatingly perfectly, that it makes you eat even if your stomach grew full, and there was absolutely no place left for more.

Thinking about the old meals she missed brought back memories of her time with her family. The lunches and dinners that used to be a burdened custom, now something she missed greatly. The way Kara would talk with a mouth full, and Eliza schooling her about manners, as she wipes the residue of barbeque sauce from Jeremiah's mouth, and she herself devouring everything on her plate, then ending up fighting for the last piece of Pizza, or potsticker with Kara, and happening to give it up because of her annoyingly adorable pout.

She wondered if Kara still did that pout. If her eyes still sparkle like the blue oceans, and if she still had the same long blonde hair she had the last time she saw her. She wondered if her forehead wrinkles now, and if her veins began to pop out. She wondered if age had caught up to her. Even if they were only two years apart, and she was certain that no gray hairs were on her head, she still wondered if Kara had any. She questioned if when she walked through the airport doors, will she recognize her own sister? Will her sister recognize her?

It wasn't long before that question was answered, and Damn. Kara looked exactly the same as she walked through the automatic doors. She spotted her sister within seconds. She still had the piercing blue ocean eyes, she still had that earth shattering smile and breath consuming hug. The only difference was the large baby bump supporting her belly.

"It's so good to see you," Kara whispered, as her arms still held her sister tightly. Alex could feel the single cold tear slide across her shoulder.

"I missed you," Her sister breathed against her ear. Her hug grew stronger with every second. She held onto her for longer than what seemed like a minute, and Alex let her.

She let her devour her hole, she let her soak her in, and hold on to her like her life depended on it because in this moment it did. In this moment, it didn't matter how many times they'd fought over stupid potstickers, or pizza. Kara's sweet cinnamon scent filling up her nostrils was everything. She could swear that she'd never missed the smell of something so sweet like that before. In a nearly empty airport, it was only two sisters bonding, coming together again, after 10 wasted years away. Alex could smell the chocolate in Kara's breath as she breathed harder against her neck, she chuckled remembering when they were younger, how she used to sneak a sneakers bar from their candy jar when Eliza wasn't looking, and how ridiculously candy-holic her sister was.

"Still shoving sneakers bars behind mom's back are we?"

Alex swore she felt her bones crack, as their impossibly tight embrace grew tighter with a hitch of Kara's breath. She hadn't heard her sister's voice in 10 years, and my god did she miss it. She almost forgot what she sounded like, and after what felt like a million years, Kara pulled away. She smacked her sister's arm when she noticed her laugh quietly at her clearly heightened hormones. Tears were still spilling from the younger Danvers's eyes, even when they parted.

"You asshole," Kara shook her head whipping at her eyes. Then placing her hand comfortably on her belly. "I'll have you know, mom and Lena are voluntarily buying me packs of sneakers."

"I can tell," She squinted her eyes playfully. "You gained a couple pounds sis," she outstretched her hand towards her sister's belly, Kara smacked her hand.

"And you lost a ton." She played along.

"Carrying a rifle daily does that to you."

"Did you have to shave your hair too?" Kara teased as she snatched her sister's hat off. She couldn't help but stare at her boy haircut. Alex rolled her eyes and reached for her cap again, but Kara placed it behind her back, and Alex was too careful to attempt to do anything because her niece was resting in that big belly of her sister's.

"I cut it, I didn't shave it."

"God, I miss you, Smarty Pants."

She pulled her into another tight hug again, although it lasted shorter, it was no less hard than the previous hug. Kara was affectionate like that. She wore her heart out on her sleeve, and she was not ashamed of it, she could just recall all the involuntary time's Kara got starstruck and turned to full-on fan mode whenever they went to concerts together.

The soldier was thrilled at Kara's animated rambling as they walked to the taxi cab her sister caught, she enjoyed hearing all she had to say, even if it was useless conversations, and things she'd already mentioned in the letters she sent to her, about how Bistro Cafe was now twice as big as she remembered, and how their old high school buildings were all painted blue now, and Mrs. Haningin finally retired.

It seemed like in all the 35 minutes from the airport to their home, Alex got a full radio-like tour of her hometown. It felt like she was never gone. When she stepped into her old house she could've sworn it felt that way, walking in she expected the place to be empty, with lights shut, and everyone asleep since it was just 6 am, but she was entirely wrong.

The lights were blazing brightly, and there were welcome home banners on the roof of her house. Her home that looked just like she remembered it, with the same pictures in their picture frames, in the same order. The same carved lines of heights on the edges of the wooden wall, still in place. The further she got in, the more surprised she was not only was the whole house decorated with balloons, and it's aroma smelled like her mother's famous apple pie, but both her mother and her best friend Lena stood with wide grins on their faces.

"Surprise!" their simultaneous combined voices rang through her ears. Her heart nearly fell to the floor, just like her duffle bag.

She couldn't soak up the atmosphere she walked into, she didn't expect to come home to this, she expected no one to care, she expected the whole town would be busy going about their day. It was too much, and as her mother walked up to her with a teary smile and a soft "Welcome home, sweetie." Alex couldn't help but fall into her mother's hands. She held onto her tightly, and she nearly cried in her arms because her mom looked older now, her wrinkles began to show, and her blonde her was slowly turning gray, and she looked tired, and Alex just straight up missed her. She couldn't let go of her mother, not until at least a minute passed, and once it did, she could feel her mother's soft touch grace her cheek and wipe away the single tear of joy falling against her cheek. Her mother stared at her longingly.

"You look just like him," She whispered. It wasn't a surprise that it hit Alex hard. She swallowed thickly, taking everything in. Before she could think of crying or hugging her mother again, Lena jumped up behind her, on her back, forcing Alex to hold on to her like she was a child wanting to have a piggy back ride.

"Bout damn time, you're home, soldier." Lena teased rubbing at her hair. Alex laughed then put her down.

"I thought you said you wouldn't miss me,"

"Ay, I was 19, and a pretty good liar." She smirked, her green eyes as glossy as she remembered them. She noticed that Lena seemed taller, and when her eyes landed on the 4-inch heels the brunette supported she couldn't help but laugh hysterically.

"What happened to your kicks?" She asked still shocked that the former football, softball, basketball, well any damn sports team leader, was wearing a pair of heels, and not Nike sneakers like when they were kids.

"A lot can happen in 10 years, Danvers." She rolled her eyes. "I grew up, and I have my own firm now, I need to look professional."

"Kara mentioned you entered Law school. I honestly thought you wouldn't pass the bar."

"Not only did I pass, but I passed with honors." She stuck her tongue out at Alex, whose cheeks hurt from smiling.

"Still as cocky as I remember though," Alex smirked. Lena pinched her elbow like she always did whenever she got annoyed.

"Shut up." She rolled her eyes.

"Kara!" Eliza smacked her hand before she could reach the apple pie, placed on the table with the rest of the well-prepared breakfast, her mother had non-mistakenly made. Kara pouted and rubbed at her hand. "It's for your sister, God knows she must be hungry after the awfully long flight."

"It's cool, Mom." Alex chuckled, watching Kara pout. She missed seeing that, God help her. If her niece was going to turn out anything like Kara, then boy, her sister was about to enter a heavy world of motherhood and unhealthy food choices.

"Don't be coy, Danvers. Your mom spent all last night preparing this pie for you." Lena smacked at her back. Alex walked to her mother's side and cut herself a small piece. She took a bite, then moaned at the nostalgic flavor.

"The best Pie in the whole universe."

"Damn straight," Kara said, finally getting her piece. Eliza smiled cutting up another piece for Lena.

"Thanks, Mama Danvers. This is the best way to start up my day, aside from Bistro's Coffee."

"Oh, I'm dying to have my cream soaked latte," Alex mentioned.

"I'm going to drive by before getting to work, I can drop you off, if you like?"

"Yes, please." She said without a doubt.

* * *

It may have been years since she'd stepped foot in that cafe, but she damn well missed how their creamy latte tasted. How awfully well prepared it was, that she often caught herself ordering two grande sizes. It was a horrible addiction cause surely that much caffeine couldn't be good for her, but nevertheless, it stuck. That was until her taste buds had to get used to the dirt that passed as coffee in the military.

Walking into Bistro's coffee shop was like hitting rewind on an old home movie, then playing it forward thinking you knew exactly how the events would pan out but were dumbfounded by how much you got wrong. In hindsight, the old coffee shop looked the same as it always had, smelt the same even. The only difference is its outstretched counter, and the dozen new tables added, along with its 4-meter wide expenditure. However, other than that, Alex could almost feel like she'd been sucked into a frozen time loop. It seemed almost surreal how nostalgic being back at this dining area was. The smell of Midvale's biggest coffee shop was just as it was 10 years ago, like hard black coffee and a hint of scented vanilla air spray. Before the fancy new chairs, and the linen wallpapers were added, this little joint used to be her gang's hangout back in high school. Whether it was before school, or after, she could just recall the moments her and Kara sat on their usual 5-seated table as they waited for their gang to show up. Winn, James, Lena, Kara, and she had embedded themselves in this little box shop. The same table every damn time. Like it had some special 24-hour reserved sign on it. It someway always remained available for them.

It was a sickening feeling she had while she stood by the line at the counter, without her usual gang, she felt naked. People swung in and out, ordering different types of coffee, some she'd tried before and some she'd never even heard off. That line mostly held people with briefcases who wore sensible pantsuits, grabbing a cup of coffee before work, or busy groups of teenagers who happened to enjoy the taste of the beverage and drank it for something besides its awakening benefits. She was the only person who stood out. With her now white shirt, chained dog tags, her army pants, and desert boots. She was literally a fish out of water.

Several stopped to stare, some stared and gossiped as if she wasn't standing a few feet ahead. She could hear the hushed tones Midvale's residents offered. 'Is that Alex?' She'd heard about a dozen times since she walked in, and right up until it was her turn to order.

She paused after hearing the boring "What can I get you?" monotone of the waitress behind the cash register. She'd recognized the voice, but couldn’t pinpoint who it was, since her face was buried behind the monitor.

"A Cinammon latte, to go, please. Extra cream."

"Size?"

"Grande."

The waitress scribbled some nonsensical letters on the grande cup. She punched a few buttons on her screen.

"Oh, and extra cinnamon too," Alex remembered at the very last minute. The woman behind the cash register scoffed. It's been a while since she'd heard an order like that. After adding the extra cinnamon on the cup, and receipt. She punched a few more buttons before boringly mentioning her orders price.

"That'll be 12 dollars." She casually said. Only then did she lift up her head and fixed her stare ahead, almost choking on her spectrum. "No fucking way." She hissed under breath. Alex stopped digging into her pockets fishing for change when she saw that the cashier was none other than Hannah Manning.

She’d worked as a waitress for Bistro ever since she was 16. It was her mother's business; she looked older than when she last saw her. A few gray hairs stuck out on her dirty blonde hair. Her brown eyes remained the same. Her left side dimple began to show as she smiled catching on the fact that this woman who stood before her was Alex Danvers; the 18-year-old who was fixated on ordering a latte from the moment she was allowed to drink caffeine. She ordered it for nearly every meal.

Hannah could drastically remember how many drinks Alex had tried before fixating on the cinnamon scented, cream latte. She was only 14 when she ordered her first cup of coffee, and Hannah was barely bordering on 16. Alex was one of her first customers. She remained a constant up until high school. Hannah became sort of like a bartender to her. She often shared moments with the older girl, hoping for guidance in usually her hectic dating life. The waitress could hardly register Alex’s new refined form.

"Alex? Alex Danvers?" She repeated second guessing herself.

"Hannah?"

"Holly shit, you look-,"

"Different?" Alex suggested with a chuckle. It was nice to see another old face.

"Hot," Hannah smirked, ranking her eyes up and down Alex's reformed self. The soldier had a splinter of blush roaming her cheeks. "I like the hair." She smirked. "I heard you had entered the military, but damn- I didn't think you actually did it."

"Yeah, I didn’t think I’d be what I am today either." she sighed, finally gathering enough change for her drink. She outstretched her arm towards Hannah who shook her head shoving the soldier’s hand back.

"You're kidding right?" She chuckled shaking her head. "It's on the house."

"You really shouldn't-,"

"Take it as a gift for serving our country and all." Her voice had taken a 180 turn, gone was the boring monotone voice, and back was the perky waitress she'd met years ago. "Never thought I'd see you back in town. When did you get here?"

Alex scratched the back of her neck. "Just this morning. I'm only stopping by for Kara. I thought since I'm in town why not grab some of my favorite coffee."

"Mom will be so flattered. She'll hold her breath seeing you wear that uniform, and she'll curse me for not turning out like Midvale's hot shot army hero." She winked.

The soldier shook her head pocketing her hands. "I'm no hero."

Hannah rolled her eyes. "Sure, kid," her sarcastic tone loud and proud. "But I don't see a line of women from this crappy town gunning to enlist in the Army or Marines. So, in my book, you're a hero."

The modesty grew on her, Alex's cheeks encouraged the blush. She let her eyes smile for a minute, and soon her lips followed as the aroma of her coffee hung in her nose. It was refreshing just smelling her cup as it got ready.

"Grande Cinnamon latte with extra cream and extra cinnamon, ready." A teen boy said as he effortlessly read Hannah's chicken scratch on the cup. Hannah picked up the cup and grinned at Alex.

"Enjoy your coffee, soldier."

"Thanks, Han."

Alex took the coffee, warming her fingers with it, breathing in the sweet cinnamon scent. It was more than nostalgia hitting her, it was a breath of a lifetime that she'd thought passed her, and was never willing to make itself scarce again. She took her time daydreaming and getting reminded of the days and dollars she'd spent in this shop, back when it was just a small town box cafe.

It was then when she heard a cup crash to the floor. The splash causing silence to shift in the coffee shop. Everything stilled as eyes shot in search of the source of corruption. Her heart drowned to the pit of her stomach, and her own cup had nearly slipped from her hands. Those piercing brown eyes, the perfectly placed freckles, and the long raven hair that she was sure still smelt like cherry vanilla, stood shocked in front of her. Eyes apart, lips frozen in a strangled O. She could feel her heart beat roughly, her hands shake, and her breath shuddered.

"Maggie?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Maggie's cheeks were stinging red, she blinked multiple times to make sure that she was in reality. Her eyes flickered to the splatter of coffee on the floor, then back to the woman who caused her clumsiness. Alex could tell she was breathing heavily, maybe even barely breathing. She swallowed thickly and forced her feet to rush out the door. The second she was out, it was like life resumed once again, and the busy cafe returned to its buzzing atmosphere.

Alex didn't even question herself, she picked up her pace, and rushed after Maggie, but by the time she got to the door, those heavenly brown eyes, and silky raven hair were nowhere to be found. Even though she'd checked left and right like she was some crazed maniac, she couldn't find those stingingly familiar brown eyes. She almost believed she'd probably been seeing things. She was probably just imagining it all, she'd hardly gotten any sleep, and she was still jet lagged. That couldn't have possibly been Maggie Sawyer.

_"I'm sorry, Maggie," Alex whispered shamefully, but it was useless, the tears were already shedding from two sets of eyes._

_"No, No." The shorter woman shook her head, her lips stuck on the two letter word. "If you do this," she walked closer to broken hazel eyes. She stared longingly at Alex, her orbs flicking between the eyes above hers. "If you go."_

_Her voice trembled and cracked. She bit her lip trying to collect herself. "Then I can't wait for you."_

_Alex felt her heart crash to the floor. She felt Maggie's feet crush it to pieces. Those words... "What?" she questioned as if it was such a ridiculous notion. Maggie had to force her eyes away. She couldn't watch Alex break more. She turned her back towards the taller girl, who caught herself reaching for Maggie's hand, but pulling back again._

_She was well aware that it wasn't fair, and she questioned sometimes which would be harder. Stepping into the battlefield, or standing back and not knowing when the person you loved would be back or not. She knew the latter part well. She knew it like the back of her hand, and it sucked. She'd never wish a feeling like that on Maggie. So, she knew she couldn't ask her for something, even she herself, could never afford to do. It hurt too much, and it was the least of her intentions to hurt Maggie more. She didn't want her to wash away her days, waiting by the phone for her unexpected calls, or the late mail. She didn't want to stop Maggie's life just because she decided to enter the military. So, she sighed heavily and pulled herself together._

_"I can't ask you to wait for me," she began and reached for Maggie's door, she looked behind her again, holding on to her room. Holding on to her. Shoving everything in this square box apartment to memory._

_"I just hope you do." She whispered before she'd completely left._

_Maggie let her tears fall as soon as Alex's figure appeared out the window. She watched her walk backwards, knowing that Alex could only see her own reflection in her window. When she dropped her head and turned her back, Maggie rushed to the edge of the window. She watched as the love of her life, walked away, praying deep down, asking, whispering._

_"Please, turn around."_

_But, she never did._

* * *

 

 


	2. Trying To Survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The muse hit a stroke in my brain, and I couldn't stop writing till I finished the Chapter. I like where it's going so far. Not having a perfectly manufactured plan is giving me free reign over what to write, and I also like how I'm navigating better on how to write. I feel like my words are clearer now, more precise. I'm really going all out with this story, I want it to be great. I hope you enjoy it. Years of writing Fanfiction, I think I've finally found my ground. ;) 
> 
> I appreciate the comments SO MUCH. Sometimes when I'm lacking confidence I go back and read them all. *blushes* So, please do Comment & Kudos. <3
> 
> Also I'm sorry if there's too much Original Characters, but I feel a story like this should have branched out characters, and P.S. I've edited a cover for this story a couple months back which I am so proud of. Go, check it out on my Tumblr page; (apurpleskyscraper.tumblr.com)

_A few months into the tour and Mike had taken a couple of days leave. He was assigned as the gunner in Lt Astra's Humvee. Once he'd taken off, orders came flowing on Alex's back. She soon found herself volunteering to be the gunner on that Humvee. The daylight was as poisonous as the night, at that point. Iraq, Al Anbar had a very heavy scent that could only be described as years of death. The desert sand was a shade lighter than what a normal desert was thought to be. The never ending string of bullets hitting the floor had served as a great weapon to spread that poisonous dust. Being on top of the Humvee was terrifying, but she could only imagine Lt Astra's job driving the butch vehicle._

_The Humvee was rushing through the desert. They had a mission. Capture Hussain, a man who apparently had valid information, and he knew it too. He wasn't exactly volunteering to come our way either. He's gathered up his own men. They stood ready at the scenes with guns and rifles twice their amount. That's when the shooting began. Curses in Arabic were heard in the midst of bangs. Alex had her eye's set looking through the small bullseye attached to her rifle. Not only was it burning hot, but the layers she wore didn't help. The camouflaged helmet, eyewear, along with the fabric she'd tied around her mouth kept her protected. Hot, but protected nevertheless._

_She didn't even care about anything else, she could only feel the beat of her heart as she waited for the order to shoot._

_"Danvers!"_

_She faintly heard Astra's yell, she felt the Humvee take a swift turn. She'd hardly held on before Hussain appeared clear as day. "At your ready!"_

_"Clear for Target, Lt!"_

_"Commence fire!"_

_Alex felt her hands shake, and her ears gone death. She aimed at Hussain, then shot at his leg. A loud groan was heard, at the same moment, a bomb appeared ahead of them. She felt the vehicle halt and heard the mumbled commands Lt Astra made for exiting the vehicle, and taking immediate refuge. She quickly placed her rifle on top of the Humvee, then climbed out grabbing her rifle again at the very last second before jumping off, and landing on the desert sand at the very moment heat pooled against her back._

_She could hear the agonizing screams of one of the privates from her Unit. She could see as another one of them scrapped to look for his missing right arm-_

Alex shot up her bed, breathing heavily as if she'd just come out of a long dive. Her forehead dripping wet, her hands were shaking. She had to blink her eyes multiple times to realize she wasn't on base, or in Iraq, or Al Anbar. She was home, in her old blue bedroom. She wiped a hand across her forehead, as she tamed her breathing.

It was just a dream. A nightmare actually, a nightmare that was accurately more a vivid memory. One of her very first deports to be exact. It had been just like that. Her heart was racing at an uneven beat, and Lt Astra was actually still around. It was difficult sometimes, reminding herself that Astra was gone. She'd shoved the memory of how she left to the very back of her mind. She'd almost forgotten it. Well, not forgotten it, but it was as taboo as anything could get. Never mentioned, and never remembered.

She willed herself off the bed and stared at the digital clock screaming 5 am. She looked out the window, the skies were still dark, and the sun had yet to reveal itself. Maybe it was the military in her kicking in. She didn't know how to sleep past 6 am anymore. Her body and brain were accustomed to the early upbringings. She decided maybe a run across the neighborhood would be good for her. She changed into one of her juniper tanks, and gray shorts. Her chains around her neck as per usual. She'd put on one of her old sneakers, surprised that they still fit her.

She made her way to the door, then left for the long run she had planned. Her legs started kicking the moment she stepped foot on the outside pavement. She breathed in the clear atmosphere. The familiar brick houses lined up ahead of her were almost a complete replica of the houses she'd left 10 years ago. The countryside shops still had the same signs, ' _Barneys' Liquor Store_ ', ' _Eloise Barber_ ', and ' _Penelope's Potteries_ ' were just a few she'd passed by. Everything was still closed, street lights barely lighting the road. Alex could only swerve her eyes left and right. It was crazy how much changed, yet how much remained the same. The houses two blocks down hers were painted peach now, and Vicki Donoghue's home was still where she last remembered it was, with the same patched-up swing set on the front loan. She wondered if the girl still lived there, or had she rid herself of this town the second they threw off their graduation hats.

Her run down the neighborhood continued on till she reached Midvale Sunset Beach. She slowed down as the view of the ocean appeared, she pressed her hands on her knees and took deep breaths. Her thirst kicking in. She should've packed a bottle of water, but all she really needed at that moment was fresh air. She didn't think she'd come this far. Nor did she think she remembered her way back home. Even after she'd lived 19 years in this small town, the last 10 years had wiped away nearly everything she once knew by heart. It messed with her brain, how she felt like an outsider in the place she grew up in.

Once her breathing sobered up, she straightened herself and took in the sight of the beach ahead of her. She could just recall the moments she'd spent here. Junior and Senior parties she snuck into at Lena's command, or the days the gang decided to go for a swim, and on multiple occasions saw Winn overreact when a fish touched him, which for him would be considered a 15-pound shark. Her first date with Maggie was right by the rocks near the shore. She remembered exactly what Maggie had worn that day, jean shorts and a white tank, clearly not trying too hard. Alex chuckled at the memory. She wondered if the letters she'd engraved on the rocks over 10 years ago still remained there, or did the waves somehow find a way to wash it away along with its tantalizing memory.

Instead of letting her mind run wild, she walked to the rocks, scanning each one looking for the messy scratches of AD, MS spaced in a messy heart shape, which looked more like a silly circle than a heart. She spotted the faint remnants of the MS, and she felt her breath hitch when she noticed that a shadowy figure hovered near it. Her eyes turned numb. She spotted the same raven hair she saw yesterday stare right back at her.

Maggie turned around at the sudden sound of footsteps and she could honestly say, she was about to run away again. Alex wasn't supposed to be there, scratch that, _she_ wasn't supposed to be here. Hovering over a tormenting memory of her 18-year-old self. She was supposed to be home, with her fiancé in a comfortable bed. Her shift had ended nearly an hour ago, but instead of pulling her feet back home, she dragged it here. She didn't even know why she troubled herself to come here, maybe it was her sleepiness catching up to her, she just wasn't thinking straight. The older Danvers had that effect on her, more a curse really than an effect. She swallowed thickly and pulled her pride together walking past Alex, making sure their shoulders brushed with a heavy shove. As if they weren't standing in front of one of their most significant spots in town.

Alex wasn't about to let her disappear again, she ran the few steps that accumulated as Maggie walked away. She held her wrist. "Wait." She pleaded.

Maggie felt her heart clamp, hearing her voice... The same husky tone that made her shiver endless nights, not out of fear, but out of how damn perfect it was. She closed her eyes to breathe it in. It was both a punishment and a reward. Alex hadn't noticed at first, but Maggie's hand felt a tad bit heavier as she held it curtly. She looked at their awkwardly tangled hands, and her eyes landed on the ring on her engagement finger. It was like a hard blow to the chest, worse than any bomb she'd experienced in the military. Maggie could see how her eyebrows crossed in confusion. For a second there she felt almost guilty, but when her eyes caught sight of her dog tags, the glare of the rising sun shining against the metal that read SPC Danvers, it made her hands slip free with force.

"I stopped waiting for you a long time ago," Maggie hissed, and Alex felt each word sting like a string of bullets hitting across her chest.

She turned around in time to watch her walk away, her eyes transfixed on the ring on her hand. She saw her play with it, then wrap her arms around herself as she walked to the police car she'd probably come with. She wanted more than anything to rush after her, but she knew better than anyone that approaching Maggie while she was pissed off was never a good idea. She sucked it up and made her way to Bistro's cafe. At least, that was a place she was certain she would be welcomed.

* * *

Maggie closed her apartment door softly and laid her head against the rough gray door. She sucked in a deep breath. Why did she stop patrolling, and step foot into that horrid place? She'd avoided the beach for as long as she can remember, only stopping by when patrolling during her night shift. She most certainly didn't expect to run into Alex. After seeing her at Bistro in her Military uniform, she almost felt her chest clench.

It made it all the more real, all those years she spent pushing Alex away, and forcing a wall to keep her past behind, it came rushing back. All those times she told herself that it wasn't real, that Alex wasn't really in the military, it all came rushing back. It all swam to the very surface of her mind. She had to stop and stare because she wasn't supposed to ever see her again. She was supposed to be a ghost in her past. Not a lingering figment, that never got off her no matter how hard she shook. Why did she have to remember? Why was it so easy to remember, but so hard to forget?

"Maggie?"

She heard Emily's concerned voice. She was just slightly disappointed that it wasn't Alex's voice. She immediately cursed herself when she remembered that this was her fiancé. Emily was better than Alex was. She'd convinced herself of that over the years. They'd met during one of the group therapies Maggie had entered after Alex left. She'd gone through a depressing phase after the soldier had officially departed town. She'd managed to find a group session, that had an appropriate price. She'd met many people who've had worse experiences than she did. Emily was one of those people. Her twin bother had died in the military, and She somehow found solace in that woman. It had nothing to do with how she was tall like Alex and had red hair like Alex. It definitely had nothing to do with that...

"Hey," Emily placed her hand on Maggie's shoulder, turning her around to face her. "You okay?"

Maggie didn't want to enlist any unnecessary jealousy in Emily, she didn't want to talk about Alex, she didn't want to remember her. She just grabbed Emily's face and pulled her into a rough kiss, when she felt stubborn lips kiss her back. She pulled her closer by her waist and opted to fuck her concerns away because she didn't need to spark up a fire in a place she no longer sought shelter in.

* * *

"Oh, dear God Alex!" Mrs. Manning pulled her into a tight hug, as Hannah stifled a laugh watching her mom nearly crush the soldier to death. The older woman let her go after some time, Alex gave her a smile the second she let her go.

"You poor thing! Are they not feeding you well in the military?"

She chuckled. "They don't exactly serve us croissants, and creamy lattes Mrs, Manning."

"Oh sweetie, take a seat, I'll make you some freshly baked cheese croissants, and I'll have Hannah bring you that Latte you love so much." Alex smiled taking the seat Mrs. Manning shoved her into. It was nice how much attention Mrs. Manning always gave her.

She'd always seen Alex as a prideful woman, in fact, she treated her as if she was her own daughter. Alex's Dad had helped Mrs. Manning open up the shop. Eliza gave her some secret recipes that only the two women knew about too. History aside, Mrs. Manning adored the Danvers family. She adored everything they stood for. Adopting Kara, made them only more dear to her heart. She always compared Hannah to Alex. Hannah liked to make fun of it because it was ridiculous how much Mrs. Manning wished Hannah was a replica of her. Sadly though, they were entirely opposite, and Hannah had to suffer through the rough end of that stick.

The waitress placed her Latte on the table and took a seat in front of her. It was bright and early, and the shop was just opening up by the time she arrived. Hannah took her time before breakfast rush hour to catch up with the Soldier.

She smirked watching Alex take a sip of her hot Latte too desperately. "Can't sleep much, huh Danvers?"

"Not really," She shrugged.

"Something on your mind?"

Alex shook her head. "Nothing in particular." Hannah stared back skeptically.

"Really?" She sarcastically asked, and Alex shook her head again. "Not even someone with piercing brown eyes, 5 ft 2, evenly placed freckles, and raven dark hair?"

Alex coughed loudly into her cup. She knew exactly whom Hannah was describing the minute she said piercing brown eyes. The waitress chuckled shaking her head.

"Come on, Danvers. Ask what you really want." Alex wiped the splatter of latte on her chin with the back of her hand.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're really not going to ask about her?"

"It's none of my business, Hannah."

"Right. That's why you stormed out of here the second your eyes laid on her rushing out." Hannah smirked when Alex couldn't find a possible come back. She sighed deeply. "It's okay if you're curious, Alex. Any sane person would be."

"Is she-," she bit her tongue, the words wouldn't even budge out of her mouth. "Is she married now?"

"If you're asking if you still have a chance, I'd suggest you second guess yourself." Alex eyed her annoyingly. Hannah usually did that; force her to spit something out, then dance along the answer.

"That's not what I was asking,"

"Sure it's not," she rolled her eyes expectantly, "but let's say, hypothetically you were-,"

"Hannah." She said sternly.

"Okay, fine." She sighed. "Sorry Soldier, but she's engaged."

Alex nodded understandably, she wasn't going to break here, or right now. It was enough pain she felt out on the field she didn't have to feel it back home too. She wished this didn't hurt as much as it did. She wishes she could just forget her like she easily forgot birthdays or phone numbers. Alex felt a hand on hers, she looked up at Hannah's sympathetic smile.

"I'm sorry kid, I know you loved her."

Alex shrugged tucking her hand back to herself. She forced a smile and shook her head. "It was years ago, It's not like I didn't have it coming."

She sensed Hannah was about to say something to continue this conversation further, but her mother interrupted her, placing the freshly baked croissant in front of her. She never thought she'd love Mrs. Manning more than she did, but at this very moment, she sure as hell doubted herself. Mrs. Manning smacked the back of Hannah's head, looking at her in disappointment.

"Mom!" Her annoyed tone brought back a smile on Alex's face.

"A few seconds with you, and she's already frowning." Mrs. Manning tusked loudly, pulling her daughter up by her ear when a man in black jeans and a leather jacket walked in. "Go, get to work."

"Fine," The waitress broadly said, rubbing at her now red hot ears. She tossed a small smile towards Alex then went to her usual place behind the counter. Mrs. Manning taking the seat Hannah left empty.

She smiled up at Alex, her smile tired and filed with worry. Her wrinkles grew deeper, her white hair completely sprawled out on her head now. She looked as motherly as always. A hint of relief spread across her forehead where her wrinkles stopped flexing on her skin. Her smile told Alex everything, it told her how she'd spent some nights sleepless, sharing Eliza's worry over her. How she'd prayed every day would pass faster than the other, till she was finally back. Finally home.

"How are you dear? Is Midvale satisfying you, or are you bored out of your mind?"

"It's only been a day, but the familiar space is relaxing."

"Well, it may not look like it, but a lot's changed since you'd last been here."

She took a bite from her croissant. "Yeah, I'm sensing that." Crumbles of the French bread piled up on her juniper shirt, as well as the table before her. Mrs. Manning laughed, then brushed off the excess crumbs from the corner of her mouth.

"Yet, still some habits die hard."

Alex swallowed the piece in her mouth, the blush on her cheeks taking refuge. Mrs. Manning stood up and padded her shoulder. "You're still always welcome here, Alex. This is your home. Remember that."

She told her before getting to work. Alex took full consideration of her words. She might be welcomed here, and any other part of town, but the one home she truly wanted to enter kept a warning sign on its front door. Maggie would never let her back in. Not after the way she destroyed her. Not after the way she left things. _I stopped waiting for you a long time ago._ It still stung hearing those words, over and over in her head. What else did she expect? Maggie had no obligation to still have feelings for her, let alone care about her. However, her subconscious didn't let her think of anything else. She could see those chocolate eyes a lot clearer in her mind now. The way her eyes were clouded with anger, and pain. The way she looked like she wanted to slap the shit out of her, then hug her breathlessly right after.

They were always like that, like fire and rain. The first time they ever fought was when she'd made it her duty to offer Maggie the best Valentine's day she could think off, specifically after the latin teen had told her how much she dispised the holiday. She could just see the way Maggie rushed out her own apartment, slamming the door behind her. Of course, she later realized that Valintine's day offered tortures memories for the shorter woman. It reminded her of the day she lost her family. They'd both kept distant from each other, after that night. Alex had to re-pack, the bottle of champaign she'd struggled to get, along with the box of chocolates she purchased. That night she spent alone in her room, drowning a bottle of champaign on her own. They only rekindled when Maggie had put her stubborn self aside, and opened her eyes to Alex's perspective on things. She'd apologized with a bouquet of roses, box of chocolates, and expensive champaign Alex was sure Maggie had emptied her pockets for.

She wished it was that simple now. She wished that a single rose and an apology would solve this hole she'd created between them. However, life wasn't that simple anymore. Their hearts were twice as complexed now than it was when they were teenagers.

The croissant cooled down in her hands, and her appetite run dry. She didn't feel like eating anymore, and she should probably head back home before, Kara or Eliza freaked out. She pulled out a couple dollars and placed them on the table as she headed back to her house.

* * *

"Black Coffee, two sugars," Jacob announced as he placed Maggie's cup of coffee on her desk.

The strong smell of caffeine filled her nostrils, she looked up from her paperwork and stared at McConners as if he carried the world in his hands. She sniffed the cup, took a large slurp, and sighed like she finally felt normal. It's ridiculous what a cup of coffee could do for her.

"You're a life saver." She breathed out, sipping the coffee as if her life depended on it. Jacob chuckled. He swung his feet up on his desk.

"So, are you going to tell me why you couldn't get your own damn coffee?"

"Anyone ever told you what happens to the curious cat?"

"Chelsea tells me you saw Alex." He pushed, ignoring Maggie's instincts to shut people out. The Latin Cop gazed into her partners expecting eyes, she swallowed the sip of coffee she'd drowned.

"All of Bistro's Cafe saw her." She shrugged, putting down her coffee.

"Yeah, but not all of them spilled their drinks when they saw her." He raised an eyebrow when her cheeks turned red with both fury and embarrassment. "You were never planning to tell me she's your ex, were you?"

"She's not-,"

"Oh, please Sawyer. Don't try to deny it, the whole town thinks you two are some Romeo & Juliet story. Does Emily know you nearly had a heart attack seeing your Ex?"

"Can you just drop it?" She hissed, Jacob's feet fell to the floor, a sarcastic chuckle escaped his lips.

"You haven't told her, have you?"

"McConners." She seethed through her teeth, it only made him laugh harder.

"You're so fucked." He shook his head, oblivious to the way Maggie chewed the inside of her cheeks.

"Why do you take such a strong interest in my life, anyway?"

"Because you like to make it a point no one should be interested, and I happen to like uncovering mysteries. It's why I'm in this job." He smirked. "Also, because I'm the closest thing you have to a best friend in this town."

"You're not my best friend." She rolled her eyes at him. He laughed as he stood up, and patted her shoulder.

"Oh, Sweet thing, you wish you weren't." His smirk lingered on his lips while he threw a file on her desk. Accumulating an unnecessary pile over the other files she's yet to go through.

"What's this?" She picked up the fresh file, scrolling through it quickly.

"Another Vandalism."

"The Mullen boys?"

Jacob nodded, pulling a picture from the file with Midvale's welcome sign scribbled at the end, instead of the 'dvale' a splatter of black spray paint served as the background for a now _'Welcome to Mianus'_ sign. McConners laughed pointing at the letters in red.

"That's pretty smart. Think it took them a long time to figure this one out?" He joked. Maggie snatched the image from his hands and glared at him.

"It's not funny, McConners. This is serious."

"So are their anuses, apparently."

"Jacob."

He shrugged sitting back down on his seat. "Look, it's not that I don't care, but I've seen it before. Kids like them won't listen, and if you try to reason with them, they just push you away more. It's a lost cause, Maggie."

"I'm not dropping this, I'll find them, and talk some sense into them. I can fix this."

"You might wanna fix yourself first," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry?"

"How do you expect to help them if you can't even navigate your own life, Sawyer?"

"My personal position has nothing to do with this." She hissed, throwing the file on her desk. Then getting up angrily. "You won't help me fine, suit yourself, but I joined the academy to help people, and I'm going to help those boys."

She stormed out with her keys. Jacob sighed and pulled himself off his seat. He knew better than to leave Maggie roaming around town without backup while she was on this amount of rage. She was suppressing too much emotion. It's one of the reasons she couldn't quite find where the boys were hiding. Emotion never mixes well with occupation, and Maggie was emotionally invested in this case. She wasn't thinking right.

* * *

Alex knew that she couldn't keep barging into places unannounced. It was a growing nauseating habit that was going to get old soon. She'd forgotten that next to nearly everyone else in the world she was the only person who had time off, aside from Kara. But she didn't count, her sister has been clogged away from society crouched on a couch as if she was an old couch potato who couldn't stop eating chips from the bowl resting on her ever growing belly. Not to mention, her excessive need to boss around everyone in the entire household just because she felt like it. In other words, she was a real royal pain in the ass. Whoever said pregnancy was beautiful, sure as hell lied. Even if she was on a break, most people around town were still trying to accumulate all that's left of their work into these couple weeks before Halloween or Christmas; Times of the essence and all that.

It didn't stop her from standing in front of her best friends newly constructed Law firm. A carefully built glass building, around 6 stories high, with what she assumed could be more than 6 office rooms on each floor. Big white bolding letters screamed _L-Corp law offices_ from the very top of the building. She wouldn't be surprised if this cost more than Lena's entire education fees. The building was an outsider compared to the small boutique shops that stacked beside it. Alex couldn't say she was shocked, her best friend was the daughter of Midvale's Mayor. The Luthors had heavy pockets, and they didn't mind spending a little more than necessary.

Alex was always surprised by how even with a background like that Lena didn't know how to form strong friendships. She was a leader. A woman who invoked the rules, not follow them. A strong mindset like that is what made her captain of every damn sports team Midvale High had to offer. It's when Alex happened to challenge her at a softball match back in freshmen year, and came dangerously close to winning, did their friendship bloom. Lena had then extended her ties of friendship to the goofy looking squad Alex was a part off. They spent four long years going to parties, playing dress up, and spending more time than necessary watching horror movies at each other's homes. Alex took note that she had to make some time to visit, Winn Schott and James Olsen soon. See what they’re up too, and how life turned out for them. For now, however, she'd settle for catching up with Lena during her lunch break.

The inside of the building was laborious and luxurious as she expected; Defined walls, with leather crisp, covered couches in the middle of the waiting area. Looking down the middle of the room she could see the large cubicles that were occupied with people in pantsuits and work attire. She stared down at her scruffy jeans, and old Bare Naked Ladies shirt. She felt completely underdressed, but she'd always been that way near Lena. So, she didn't mind the low-ness of status she was in. She opted to continue walking, and on the right side of the centered waiting area there was a large secretary desk; around 4 people shared it. The sounds of ticks of pens, pencils scratching paper, phones ringing, and others answering, "L-Corp law offices how may I help you?" filled her ear. She walked to the front desk, and immediately she'd caught the attention of a perky pixie-haired brunette who wore black librarian glasses and the casual work suit everyone else seemed to be stacked in.

"Alex?" She questioned.

At first, Alex couldn't recognize her, but when she walked closer, and the woman before her smiled, pushing back her glasses. She couldn't believe who it was.

"Sophie?"

"So, the rumors were true." She smirked. "Alex Danvers back from the military. Only took you what? 10 years?"

Alex had to blink about a dozen times before she could wrap her head around her figure. The last time she'd seen Sophie Anderson she was 12, and a little annoying brat. She'd served as her babysitter when she was 15, and Sophie was 7. Her parents were known to be generous, and every teen in town had been on their first jobs. Winn was working in some old computer shop he found across the street from Midvale High. James was occupied in whatever photography club he'd gotten himself into, dragging Kara's reporter side along with him since the School Newspaper wasn't good enough to satisfy their free hours. Lena had her head in sports, and so it left a big chunk of her time empty with nothing to do. She had decided one day while she lay on her bed staring at the ceiling that babysitting didn't sound so bad, and the extra cash could come in handy.

When she first took the job, Sophie was a hassle. Her parents had money, and she had everything. She didn't make it easy on Alex, the first couple times she babysat, Sophie made sure to drive her crazy. For instance, asking her to make a cheese sandwich only to decide on something else at the very last minute of dinner, then she'd ask for pancakes or waffles, and again once she'd finally finished the stack of pancakes the 7-year-old shrugged asking for cereal instead. It was damn annoying, but she was a kid, and now she was a woman. A woman Alex nearly didn't recognize.

"I could've sworn you were 3 ft. tall when I left." Alex chuckled.

"Time flies fast when you're off the radar I see." She smirked. "How long are you back for?"

"Two weeks."

"I assume for Kara."

"You assumed correctly,” Alex nodded with a smile. “However, I might rethink my decision. She's been penguin-walking around the house driving mom and I crazy. Nagging to her unborn child to get out already. I'm sure she'll reconsider that when she's out, and crying in the middle of the night."

Sophie laughed, then placed her glasses back on. "Guess that means you won't babysit?"

"After the torture, you put me through?" She raised an eyebrow. Sophie blushed with a chuckle.

"I was 7, and bored."

"And an evil genius." She examined the room with a smile. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised you ended up here."

"Working for the firm your best friend owns?" She asked sarcastically. Then shook her head, as Alex scanned the room once more. "A lot to take in huh?"

"I didn't realize how much I missed the little things about this town." She admitted, Sophie offered her a sad smile. "I missed out on everything didn't I?"

"Hey," she placed a hand on Alex's over the counter top. "While the town was expanding its furniture imports, and financial incomes, you were the only one to make a real difference. Aside from your dad, no one had the guts to do what you did." She squeezed her hand. "You're an admiration in this town. Believe me, Mrs. Hannigin wouldn't stop bragging about you, till she retired."

Alex smiled, "I should visit her soon."

"I'm sure she'd love that." The younger woman said. The phone ahead of her rang, and she looked apologetically at Alex. "Lena's office is on the last floor, the big spacey see through office at the very end, you won't miss it." She quickly informed her before picking up the phone. Alex mouthed a thank you, then made her way to Lena’s office.

* * *

 

Maggie and Jacob spent their hours on duty scouring Midvale for the boys, but they couldn't find them. It's like they'd magically turned themselves invisible like they had Harry Potter's Cloak of Invisibility in their possession. She'd made sure to search around every street rat corner in town, checked every skateboarding park, confronted most of the delinquents at Midvale High, and still she came up with nothing. That's how the rest of the day till Lunch was spent. Accomplishing nothing. It pissed her off more than anything. She was already on only 2 hours of sleep after her night shift. The work-a-holic in her didn't let her sleep through the evening.

She had to reach home feeling like an unaccomplished freak. She'd taken her M.P.D. jacket off, then hung it loosely by the door, the keys discarded next, she let them fall into the centered bowl near the side table by the door.

"Em?" She questioned as she took her shoes off. She wasn't surprised when no one had replied. Emily was probably making use of her day, and actually accomplishing something with her social work.

Maggie could only sigh deeply, and flop lazily on her brown worn out couch. She stared at the fan on the ceiling, mindlessly watching as its wings circled round and round executing air. Even the damn fan was accomplishing its job better than she was. She sighed. The Latin cop hated when one of these days came passing by when she felt like a worthless piece of shit. She'd hate to admit it, but she needed Emily to be home right now, just for a minute hug, at least. Just to remind her that she needed her, and she wasn't completely useless.

The memory of her fiancè dragged her left hand towards her face. Her other hand fidgeting with the ring on her finger. She watched as the sparkling jewel twinkled.

_Maggie stared at the carefully crafted sterling silver ring, placed in the middle of the red box Alex had given her. The ring wasn't large or even diamond filled. It was as simple as an 18-year-old employed babysitter could afford. It was less than a carrot and probably coast around 60 dollars. Yet, Maggie's eyes couldn't help but water because no one had ever given her anything this sentimental on her birthday. Actually, no one had even remembered her birthday to give her anything at all. She gazed at Alex with a watery smile. Knowing well enough that Alex wasn't some rich snob, and she had to work 3 shifts babysitting for the Anderson's to even have anything remotely close to 80 dollars. Knowing that only made her heart beat at an even crazier pace than it was._

_"Do you like it?" Alex asked with a grin._

_Maggie doubted that those hazel eyes before her probably shone brighter than the stars in the sky. They were on the edge of the city side mountain. A spot Alex and Kara had stumbled into when they were kids playing hide and seek. The brown-eyed girl knew how much this spot meant to the older Danvers, the sheer fact that she let her into it was heartwarming enough. The gift in her hands as they cuddled on the back of her Dad's old pickup truck was something Maggie promised she'd cherish forever._

_"You didn't have to."_

_"I wanted to." She insisted._

_"I Love it."_

_Alex smirked. "Well, then. Stop stalling Sawyer, and put it on."_

_She could only chuckle at her girlfriend's impatience, and pull the promise ring out of its box, slipping it onto her finger. She liked how the sterling silver complimented her skin, and how the coldness of the metal or it's added weight on her finger did very little to bother her. She loved how it rested perfectly on her finger. She knew Alex had to resize it for her impeccably small fingers. She couldn't get over the fact that someone knew her so well, that even the size of her fingers was noted. Maggie watched as the bile in Alex's throat washed over her. The redhead could barely keep it together staring at her fingers. It made her chuckle._

_"Relax, Danvers. You're not asking me to marry you."_

_"Not yet."_

Maggie heard the jingle of keys by her door. She set her hand down, straightened herself, and shook her head at the odd memory. She was still shook when Emily walked in, only when cold lips touched her cheek did she sprint back to reality. It's been 10 fucking years, why wouldn't she leave her mind? Why were the memories still as fresh as ever? Was it because she was back? Was it because they never faded?

* * *

 

Lena was invested in a phone call when Alex walked into her office. She was welcomed with a pointed finger from her best friend as she conversed in something that looked quite serious. But her green eyes supported boredom, and annoyance as if her instructions weren't taken into consideration. Like Sophie had told her, the room was spacey, and beautiful for a work environment. The view from the large windows around the office made Midvale seem like some big ass city that never sleeps. She could see her old high school from up there. The old town park too, and practically every spot in town. This was officially the largest skyscraper standing in Midvale, even larger than state city fair.

She had to take her time sucking in the view of her home. From afar it didn't look that different from the day she left, but the closer she looked, the more she noticed the newly developed signs, and the advanced police station right across from where the law firm was. Two stories shorter, with older glass windows that had a bit of dust scattered around. However, her heart couldn't help but race knowing that in those reflected glass windows Maggie Sawyer's desk was in there somewhere. She could be starring right at her at this very moment for all she knew. She kept her eyes lingering on the parking lot ahead of the station. Maybe if she were lucky, Maggie would pop out of the building climbing into her police car, and driving to Rocket City bar. Knowing Maggie she was the kind of girl who liked a drink after a stressful shift. Not that Midvale had many crimes, but still. She was sure what little trouble the town had gotten itself into; it would be on Maggie's shoulders. The Latin woman had a knack for fixing things.

"She's got the night shift, Danvers."

Lena's voice burst her bubble. She turned around to find her best friend crossing her arms, with a raised eyebrow. Her eyes suggesting a look of expectancy she'd lacked the sight of for 10 years. The decade apart didn't stop Lena's instincts from reading her like an open book.

"I was just looking at the view," she denied anyway. "It's amazing up here."

"Mhm." Lena crossed the floor, putting back the handheld phone back to its original cord, and sitting on her plush leather desk chair. Alex took the liberty of sitting opposite that desk, her legs immediately holding themselves against the table ahead of her. Her hands resting on her knee caps. As if she was sitting on the edge of the Humvee she'd gotten used to sitting on during their off hours in, Iraq or Afghanistan.

"You hired Sophie Anderson," Alex smirked changing the subject. Lena looked up from her computer to share the smirk Alex's lips placed.

"Imagine my surprise when her CV showed up at my desk looking completely spotless. I swear you wouldn't think she was a little snobby bitch when she was younger."

"Puppetry." The soldier chuckled. "Hits you when you least expect it."

"Life hits you when you least expect it."

"I keep getting blown away by how much has changed over the years."

"Well, 10 years is a decade, Alex." Lena almost hissed as she signed a paper.

Her green-eyed best friend could still read her like an open, but no one ever said it didn't work vice versa. The soldier knew her different tones really well. Her voice sounded more like she was stating facts than being informative; she knew it meant she was pissed. Alex was left to wonder if that anger was aimed at her, or her previous business call. She didn't have to wait long till Lena sighed heavily, dropped her pen, and stared at Alex.

"I mean you couldn't even send me one letter?" She asked more annoyed than sad.

"Lena-,"

"Look, I get that you're not staying at some stateside motel in the middle of a desert-,"

"I don't think there are motels in deserts." She corrected, Lena looked at her stubbornly. Alex understood that-that look meant she had to shut up and stop being a smart ass prick.

"I was worried about you. It's like you were rubbed off the face of the earth, only existing the few times Kara got your letters, which I will mention where too freaking short." Alex was about to begin a protest, but Lena's pointer finger lifted shutting her up. "I'm not finished." She said with a sigh. "Leaving the way you did was the worst stunt you ever pulled. You might have gone to war, but you've dragged everyone else who cared about you with you too."

"I didn't realize this was going to be a lunch protest."

"Hell yes, you knew that." Lena crossed her arms. Alex winced at her loud tone. Truth be told she did see this coming, she just didn't anticipate it would be this soon. "Alex, you're back for 14 days, I'm allowed to exert the 10-year built up anger, and worry you forced me to go through. I mean I've found a white hair on my head this morning, and I'm not 30 yet or a mom."

"You're 29."

"Alex." She seethed. The soldier’s hands formed a zip lock on her lips.

"No more smartness." She promised.

"I just need you to be smart with your actions, and not just your mouth." She huffed then leaned back against her leather chair. Alex raised a careful eyebrow realizing that maybe Lena's protests have come to a resolve and they can actually catch up with what was going on right now rather than a past that couldn't be changed no matter what words were uttered.

"Any more anger left?"

"I haven't even scratched the surface, but I don't want to spend the next hour arguing with you."

"You could just slap me?" It was more a suggestion than a statement.

"Believe me, I'm tempted." She said with a smirk. It put Alex at ease, which meant the hissed words were over for now.

Lena was normally the one person, besides Maggie, who told her things boldly to her face. Kara didn't like to pinch her sister with words. It was always team Danvers against the world, and Kara was too kind to use harsh words against her anyway. However, when tough arguments were exchanged between her and Lena, Alex knew that they were coming from a caring point of view. You could only be wholeheartedly mad at someone you truly cared about. They did care about each other, so much so that Kara had mentioned naming Lena her niece's godmother. It should've hurt that Kara picked Lena and not her, but it was only fair. Lena was the one who helped her through the tough nights when pregnancy was taking over her, and growing a hold on her. Lena was the one to spend nights going to drugstore, or petrol station groceries to buy the random-est things at ungodly hours, and Lena was the one to hold her hair back when morning sickness got the best of her. She deserved that title, especially with putting up with her bullshit too.

Alex was just far too happy that Kara had decided to keep the baby. Being mad wasn’t an option. Nothing else really mattered. She remembers reading her sisters’ indecisive letter, and how much self-doubt evaporated from that 2-paged letter; She knew Kara was scared shitless, and although Eliza supported whatever decision that could've been, she still needed more. It's not that Kara liked to fish for comments, but she was a natural born doubter and having been given-up on herself, she was well aware that her daughter could be missing in on a perfect life somewhere with a perfect family. With that aside, she also knew that-that lingering stench of "Why did they not want me?" Will haunt her forever if she gave up on her. It's what enlisted most of her doubt, and she didn't want that for her unborn child. If anything she wanted the best. Alex could already tell from the tone of her letter, Kara had made a decision long before writing to her sister.

"Chinese, or Pizza?" Lena asked picking up her desk phone once again. Alex laughed at the unhealthy choices, which was so un-Lena of her, and more Kara.

"I see Kara's rubbed off on you. Pizza and beer could never hurt."

"Oh, honey. I'm the only person in town to get your sister to eat Kale salad. That's an accomplishment that deserves something more than an Oscar award."

Alex giggled. "I can't disagree with you on that."

"But, I'm guessing the U.S Military doesn't serve you Dominoes Pizza on weekends, and you miss the greasy shit you and your sister like to pass off as food. So, Just this one once we'll have it your way."

She smirked and quickly made the order of 1 pepperoni pizza, and 1 cheese crusted BBQ pizza. The same orders that always came knocking on their doors during movie night. It was pointless arguing with the Danvers sisters over the menu for movie night. Usually, no one but Lena complained, even though deep down Alex knew Lena was just as much guilty as the rest of them for liking the greasy food. She just had more restraint than all of them.

The food arrived after 30 minutes of continuous conversation about how her law firm came about, and how her dad had made a fair to come up with the extra funds to construct her office. They brushed on multiple subjects, and Alex had asked about her former friends. Lena told her about how James got a job in the city, working alongside Kara as a journalism photographer, and their last subject had been about how Winn won some award for creating an advanced intergalactic online video game and was now working for some huge video game enterprises. He was still single as ever though, and that made Alex laugh. She was on her last triangular piece of pepperoni Pizza when Lena made a bold move and asked about someone that forced the bite she had to almost choke her to death.

"Have you seen Maggie?" She asked watching Alex's body language carefully.

"I ran into her." She confessed, her appetite dying with her words. She threw the rest of her Pizza in the empty box.

"So, you heard." Lena watched as her best friend swallowed thickly.

"About the fiancé?" Her tone went dry and sarcastic. "Yeah, I heard."

"You don't wanna who it is?"

Alex shrugged. "What good would that do? I don't want to know how the person she sleeps next to now looks like. It'll just make it more real. I'd rather just forget her."

"But you can't."

Alex's eyes helplessly drowned in pain. Her breathing slowed, and her head started spinning. No, she couldn't forget about her. She couldn't forget her damn irresistible eyes, and her god damn beautiful face. She couldn't rub her of her skin. She was tattooed there, and no matter how hard she scrubbed to kick her off. She wouldn't budge.

"Do you know if the mail shop by Rocket City Bar is still open?" She changed the subject. Lena sensed her need to drift away from the painful memory of her long-lost loved one.

"Yeah, it's still open. Why?"

"A friend in the Military is probably waiting for some kind of sign that I've landed safely. I might send a little letter."

"Have I been replaced?" She asked sarcastically. Alex rolled her eyes.

"Hardly."

* * *

 

That night Maggie laid in bed while Emily slept naked beside her. The Latin woman found herself escaping the covers of her shared bed. She put on an oversized shirt and tiptoed quietly to her cupboard. She opened it, then crouched on her knees. She dug through the pile of shoes placed neatly next to each other. Emily was somewhat of a neat-freak, she was just glad her fiancé didn't stumble on the worn out shoe box at the very back of her cupboard while she cleaned.

Maggie was practically halfway inside the closet when she spotted the worn out Adidas shoe box. She struggled to attain it without uttering noise. She still tried to be as soundless as possible, and once the box was safely in her hands she took comfort sitting on the floor, back against the closed door of her closet. The box rested on her lap, she pulled open the lid.

Her heart sank to her stomach. The picture at the very top of the box was on of her and Alex, both in flannels and snapbacks, looking as gay as ever. It was an image from when they'd gone for a camping trip one night. Alex and her friends had invited her. It was one hell of a trip, she remembered how Alex had caught a lizard and placed it on Winn's shoulder without him noticing, and eventually when he did. He started screaming like a girl and shrugged off all his clothes apart from his boxers. Maggie chuckled softly at the memory, she brushed a few pictures aside, and she found one of all 6 of them crouched in a photo, standing in front of the tents they'd set up. She remembered how it took them almost 4 hours trying to set up the tents. At that time, it was agonizing, and the heat had made it seem like the worst thing they'd thought of doing, but now as she brushed through the pictures, she couldn't help but smile.

Her hands brushed on something cold. Pushing aside some cards, and other photos Maggie found her old promise ring. Her heart constricted, she picked it up. It was as small as she remembered. The same sterling silver she once adored seeing on her finger. She could only inspect it delicately. The scratches that compiled on its edges sheer evidence of how she wore it religiously.

Maggie felt a tear rush down her eye, she hit her head back against the cupboard, closed her eyes, and breath deeply, placing the ring in her hand against her forehead. She could only hope that she could survive the next few days. _Alex Danvers, you should've never walked back into my life._ she thought soundlessly to herself.

* * *

 

 


	3. Breaking The Glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally done with Chapter 3! I had so many things I wanted to write in this chapter, but I decided against it, and opted to splitting the events into 2 chapters. It's more organized that way. Anyhow! Thanks for all the lovely comments, My selfish side would tell you keep them coming, but my other side would say thank you so much again! It keeps me excited, and when I'm excited thoughts come flowing in my head. I do hope to get chapter 4 up, before I travel on the 15th, So keep checking in for updates, and as always.
> 
> Comment & Kudos <3

It was only 6 am, and already Alex was sweating like a pig as she completed her 20th sit up. That was before she tortured her body into 10 complete push-ups, aside from the 30-second plank she'd become an expert at. After shifts on base, soldiers often had spare time in their hands like any other jobs. Usually, those spare times were either spent at the gym or getting drunk. Sometimes, if you were naive enough you contacted your relatives from the pay phones that only worked at specific times and if angled the right way. Alex opted to working out most of the time. If she was going to jump headfirst into a deathly battleground, then it's never enough preparation. She might as well enhance her body than tarnish it. Even if the brutal hand-to-hand combat training she got was essentially useless, and all that the field really focused on were precise gunshots and bombs. You never knew what could come in handy on the frontline; Precaution was an essential tool in the army, nothing goes by without it.

All that could be heard in her old room were her deep breaths, and creaking of the pale brown wooden floors as she pulled her head off the ground, sucked in her already flat stomach, and then landed back on the floor exhaling a deep breath. Her bedroom hadn't changed since she was 18 years old. The cheap tiffany sheets on her bed were as kinked as always. Her walls were still decked with Bare Naked Ladies, Avril Lavigne, and Kristen Stewart posters from cheap Pop-star Magazines. The mirror above her 3-drawer comodino had images of her old friends tucked into its edges. The pictures worn out and crippled on its corners. She didn't have the heart to take them down when she had originally left for the military. So they stayed where they were, getting dusted for 10 years, their existence merely forgotten. And though it lost its crisp color, the smiles on their faces were as bright as ever.

Once she finished her routinely morning exercise, she got off the floor brushing past her mirror. It was so easy to stop and stare at herself. If anything aged or was different in her room, then it was her. She inspected herself, turning right and left. Her figure skinner than what she would've loved. Lifting her now sweat-damped shirt the part of her back that was exposed as she twisted to her right supported crooked bruises, and slashes of tragically healed skin. The effects of that bomb the night she barely escaped their mission safely.

While her skin was brutally disfigured, and patches of slightly burnt flesh scattered on her complexion. She got off easy, mild injuries only. She was lucky she didn't lose an arm or her life. She didn't want to dwell on how awful it looked, yet she still couldn't help but brush her fingers on the bumpy scratches like a moth drawn to a flame. It didn't hurt anymore. However, it looked horrifying. She sighed, letting her shirt go. At least she was alive and breathing. That had to be worth something.

She took a quick shower and then stepped out of her room. She wore a plain black shirt and skinny jeans that felt like second skin. The house was still dark. The only light that emitted in the sitting area was from the flowery curtain shades draped effortlessly from the window. They did very little effort to cover the bright rays of the morning sun. Alex made her way to the curtains, she pushed it aside, and she let the light shine the gloomy darkness of their room. The view behind stained glass left her feeling fuzzy in the stomach. She could envision the same lawns she'd grown up seeing. The same trees, in the same places, grown twice the size they used to be, with garden knobs and mailboxes drained slightly of their thriving colors but placed precisely where they were 10 years ago. Whilst the morning sunshine decided to start making itself known, the sound of school buses, and kids waving their parents goodbye for the rest of the morning, could be very faintly heard from the corner of the window she peeked at; A soft smile brushing across her lips.

_Alex had woken up for school earlier than usual, she quickly wore her favorite shredded jeans, and Avril Lavigne shirt that she was sure gave her luck, only its girlish necktie missing. Running down the stairs, she immediately headed for the kitchen where she could smell the eggs and French toast Eliza was making._

_"Good morning." She said with a beam, then rushed to wrap some scrambled eggs into two pieces of French toast. She took a deep bite as her mom replied._

_"Morning Sweetie," she grinned watching her eldest devour the makeshift sandwich in her hands._

_She was as much a messy eater as her father. That sandwich was entirely gone in a matter of seconds. A piece big enough for her mouth to combust was swallowed forcefully, and it's remaining crumbs in her mouth melted as she mumbled the next few words she had to say._

_"Kara! Come on!" She yelled as she shoved herself out the room climbing on the bus waiting outside for them._

_Her sister had just gotten to the last step, she huffed at her long hair that kept falling into her face. Unfortunately, Alex had been extra annoying that morning with her continues banging against the door at just 6 am. She didn't have time to put on decent clothes, let alone brush her hair. Kara's eyes were still sleepy-looking, and the yawn that made its way to her lips proved her tiredness to her mother. Eliza chuckled, handing her a packed breakfast._

_"What's gotten your sister all energized today?"_

_"She's asking the new girl out to the Stars In The Night, Dance."_

_"Ah." Her mother nodded seemingly getting the idea._

_"Apparently, Lena tried but was turned down. Now, Alex is taking on the challenge." Kara broadly said as Eliza chuckled shaking her head._

_"Everything's a competition with those two."_

_"Yeah, and I get stuck in the middle." She hissed. Eliza laughed softly, then rubbed Kara's back._

_"Oh honey, don't pretend you don't like meddling." She eyed Kara, who blushed at the truth, taking the brown bag her mother still had in her hands. The school bus horn was heard. Eliza patted her back once more._

_"Go, before the bus leaves, and your sister terrifies that poor girl." Kara laughed, then made her way out the door._

She forced her eyes away from the window and took herself to the kitchen where she began pulling and plucking at cupboards from the top and bottom cabinets, looking for ingredients to make blueberry pancakes. It's been a while since she made them, she had no doubt that once she started mixing the ingredients it'll come together like riding a bicycle without training wheels after its been awhile. You don't ever truly forget it, muscle memory driving her to work. She pulled out the powder mix, baking soda, sugar, salt, and the carton of fresh milk from the top cabinets, picked up two eggs from the fridge, and what little blueberries were left after Kara probably devoured all that her mother procured. One thing she would always be thankful for was Eliza's insistent need to overpopulate the fridge with fruits and comfort food. Her parent's house never functioned a day without going to the grocery store. It came in handy whenever the gang was around, or if any Danvers party got sad. It was also one of the sole reasons why her friends enjoyed gathering in her house, instead of anyone else's. Although, Lena's flat screen plasma T.V sometimes jarred their group to the Luther’s' residence. Kara and Alex's homey houses came a close second.

As soon as she was sure she'd gotten most of the ingredients, she bent down to pull a spatula and a mixing bowl from beneath the perfectly stacked utensils, in the middle shelves. She began to crack the eggs, and make the pancake mix as if she'd done it every day for the past year. It was like she predicted, her hands moved faster than her brain, and once her brain caught on she realized she still remembered how to perfect the sweet breakfast. Flipping the pancakes of the pans were significantly easier now, she had better grip control and a peculiar eye. Handling a rifle might have just given her extra qualities for being the best pancake maker in Midvale.

She heard steps practically banging down the stairs as her stack of pancakes grew to nearly 12 neatly placed circles on top of each other. She didn't have to guess who it was. The grumble that came as the final footstep sounded was definitely Kara. Alex could only giggle at her sister's funny walking posture, with her hand pressed against her mid-back, and her steps small barely balancing her big belly. Her sister finally made it to the kitchen counter, her blonde hair in a messy bun, and her eyes just starting to adjust to the sunlight. However, her features turned a 360-degree when the smell of fresh blueberry pancakes hit her nostrils.

"Morning sleepy head," Alex smirked.

Kara pointed towards the stack of pancakes, her eyes practically drooling. "Are those what I think they are?"

Alex nodded with a chuckle and was quick to work her way around the kitchen, setting a clean plate along with a fork and knife and maple syrup on the counter in front of Kara. Her sister didn't even hesitate; she grabbed hold of the top pancake and placed it on her plate squeezing an excessive amount of syrup over it. She quickly cut a piece, her eyes rolled back as she moaned.

"Oh my god," Alex could only laugh. "This is heaven on earth."

"I'm glad I still know how to make it."

"Alex, these are better than what you used to make 10 years ago." She took another bite and moaned again. "I heard a ruckus down here, I didn't know it was you."

"Was I that loud?"

Kara swallowed, then nodded. "I thought a burglar came in."

"I highly doubt that Midvale has any burglars walking its streets at 7 am, this town's too lazy for that." Kara shrugged, and she rolled her eyes. "Is mom still asleep?"

"Her door's still closed. She went out to Bistro after you crashed on the couch, then helped you sleep walk to your bedroom. She probably came in late."

"Does she still pass by Dad's every night?"

Kara stopped eating for a bit, she nodded sadly. "Like clockwork."

"It's still hard for her, huh?"

"I don't think you can ever get over losing the love of your life like that."

Alex shamefully stared at her suddenly shaking hands. "I guess not." She whispered.

Kara wasn't very mindful of what she'd said, but it hit a cord in Alex. She held on to her hands, shoving them in her pockets. It stung her, sort of like an unintended curse. When she stopped to think about it, she knew it was completely hard on Eliza. Not only did her husband have to spend most of his days away, but also, she had to suck up all the worry him being gone left behind. All the nights spent sleepless because on the news there were stories of bombings, and soldiers gone MIA or even worse, dead. Only for, in the end, to find out that the person she went through hell for, the person she waited every waking moment for is never coming back. To think that she has to go through that all over again, it was worse than persecution. Alex knew that she knew that. Yet, she also knew that no one was more understanding than her mother. It's why she was such an amazingly military wife, or now widow.

"We're going to the hospital later, I have an appointment." She put her fork and knife down on her now clean plate, and then patted her belly. "We're seeing if this little turkey's finally coming out of the oven."

Alex smiled. She walked around the counter, sat next to her sister. She reached for her belly. "Can I?"

Her eyes gazed at Kara's, who rolled her own blue orbs and pulled her sister's hand to the part of her belly where her daughter's little feet collided with her stomach's inner wall. It took a few seconds for Alex to feel the kick. Her face ripped into a nervous giggle, you'd think the baby was her own daughter. The thought of a little human growing inside Kara was intoxicating. It fascinated her how nauseous it made her feel, and she wasn't even the one to carry the baby.

"Unbelievable, right?"

Alex nodded. She felt another kick. "Is she always this active?"

"Sometimes I think she might be a professional soccer player."

"She's a Danvers, and her godmother is a Luther," Alex smirked. "Just give her a couple years, and she'll be a star on the football field. Question is are you ready to be a soccer mom?"

"I have no idea." Kara breathed out, then placed her hand on Alex's that still lay over her belly. "Alex, I'm terrified." She admitted. Her eyes pooling with worry. "I feel like I'm going to mess this up so bad."

"You won't." She squeezed her hand. "I know you, Kara. No one is more equipped to be a mother than you."

"Except maybe you," she smiled softly. "I just hate that you won't be here for most of it."  
Alex smiled sympathetically. "You don't need me. You've been fine without me for the past decade."

"That's an overstatement. Can't you -like- quit? It's been 10 years. Haven't you done enough?"

"I wish it was that easy to quit, but I have people depending on me there. I can't just pick up and leave."

"Like you left us?" Alex stilled.

Kara looked away when she noticed her sister softly slide her hand away from under her grip. She knew that was a low blow, but she missed her sister; she missed how full this house once felt. Now, it just felt empty. Half the people that once lived there are gone, and the constant crowd that used to follow them, all spread out around the world; The carnivores’ sounds that filled the house's atmosphere now nothing but oblivion. Alex felt the stiff heat radiate the air around them. She pulled her swollen ego on its feet. Kara immediately tried to reach for her hand, but Alex was quick to form a gap between them. She scratched the back of her neck like she always did when she got nervous.

"Alex-"

"I should go. I have some things I need to get from the store. Don't wait up for me."

"Alex, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine." She shook her head nonchalantly. She forced a smile on her face. "I'll see you later." She said sternly.

It wasn't as easy to walk away as it was whenever they fought when they were kids. It was somehow haunting. One of her lesser than average strong suits were relationships, more specifically, the troubles relationships encounter. Once it got too hard, she ran away. Fear clouded her judgment, fear of being replaced, left behind, forgotten, or sent to oblivion. She was terrified of the future, which was why she opted to living in the now as often as she could.

* * *

"I'm going to the store in a few," Emily informed her fiancé as she tied up her messy red hair into an effortless bun. "Need me to get you anything?"

"No."

The answer came straightforward without any hesitation. Maggie sat cross-legged on the floor, her back resting against their couch. Her tiny body trapped between the secondhand couch and the 7-year-old brown coffee table. Her files sprawled on the mini-circular makeshift desk, her glasses on the tip of her nose, and her hair up in a messy bun. She was still in her shorts and tank from last night; she didn't have to get to work till the second shift of the day. Yet, still, she found an excuse to work. With Emily about to head to the store, she knew she had time to spare, time in which she could finish all the extra paperwork she abandoned the other day when looking for the Mullen brothers. Emily smirked with a soft shake of her head. She bent next to her fiancé, kissed her cheek, and smiled softly.

"Babe, you need to lay off work for a bit. I know you're stressed about the boys, but you can't get sucked into this every waking moment."

"I really wish people would stop telling me to back off." She sighed, pulling her glasses off, and throwing them on the coffee table. Emily grabbed a hold of her hands. She waited till Maggie looked back at her.

"Something tells me the Mullen boys aren't the only things stressing you out." She eyed her fiancé with a knowing look. Maggie could only swallow thickly, and hold on to her pride.

"Trust me, nothing else is on my mind." She rushed to justify herself, her glasses back on her face, and a file flashed into her hands. Emily pulled it back down looking at her displeased.

"I know Alex's back."

The blunt statement sent shivers under Maggie's skin. She didn't want to get into this conversation now. However, the way Emily's hazel eyes bore into hers, told her how she was going to have this conversation whether she liked it or not. Countless times she’d been put in this position, where Emily sniffed out the stink Maggie hid from her. As much as the Latin Cop hated talking about her feelings, she was damn sure as hell horrible at hiding it. Maggie could never forget the time she’d sat down with Emily for 3 hours straight talking about the life she’d once shared with Alex. It was one of the first evenings they’d spent alone together, a month within the group sessions she’d taken, Emily sort of asked her out. Maggie accepted the dinner invite, only because she thought it was a friendly get together, and even if not, Emily knew her baggage. She decided that there was no point in dancing around the subject, Emily so blatantly started.

"Yeah, she's back."

"And?"

"And what?" She asked confused. Emily raised an eyebrow. "She's back. That’s it. For two weeks, less than that now."

"And you don't feel anything?" Her skeptical tone made Maggie's stomach ace. "Maggie, I'm your fiancé, but I'm not blind or deaf. I hear what's going on around town, and I know you freaked out when you first saw her-"

"I didn't freak out." She hissed. Emily eyed her disappointedly. "I... just, I don't know." She shook her head, then bit her lip, holding herself from saying the wrong thing.

Emily nodded displeased with her lack of honesty. She simply got to her feet. She knew her fiancé well enough to know that if the Latin woman wanted to keep something from you, she could. Her lips were signed sealed, whenever it mattered. She was the only person in town who was strong enough to avoid the gossips, which often made her oblivious to the life outside hers in this small town.

"When you feel like being honest, call me." Emily hissed, picking up the keys from the key hooks behind their shared apartment door.

Maggie could only hear the roughness of the door closing. She knew it wasn't fair to Emily; she always kept an open mind when it came to Alex. She was there for her when no one else was, and although she opened up to her more than she opened up to anyone. She still found it rather difficult to be faithfully truthful all the time. It was just too much of a risk for her. Her head swirled a thousand times before she sighed remembering something, she hadn't been thinking about for a while.

_Group therapy wasn't entirely her idea, it was more the Internets idea, and her new partner's obligations. McConner's had threatened her job, after seeing how much time she sunk into her work, and how very little she engaged socially in a town she was supposed to be entranced in. Him and Chelsea had more social history in a week than Maggie had in almost 17 years. The Latin cop wasn't normally a person who believed in talking your feelings out, but maybe, in this case, she'd have to admit to herself that the only way to move on from this was to get help. It was too much cooped up anger she repressed, and it was only a matter of time before she exploded. Earlier that day, she nearly caught herself slapping one of the lazy bums in the precinct, for making a sexist comment, which she was used to by now._

_Dark gray plastic disposable chairs were placed in a circle, around 13 of them. In each one there was someone seated, only 2 chairs remained vacant; One of them calling out to her. It was the one opposite a redhead, who looked strangely enough just like Alex with the same haunting features. It was only then that she believed in the Twin Strangers theory. Although the smile she offered her was soft and sentimental, it was nowhere near the first smile Alex had given her. So timid and breathtaking, she had to physically find a new way to breathe._

_"Welcome everyone," A man not much older than herself started. "My name's Jim, I'm 24 and the head of this group session. It is important to understand that group therapy is about learning from each other, rather than depending on the psychiatrist. Now, all of you here have similar reasons for being here. With that being said, let's go around and have everyone tell us two or three words describing themselves." He pointed to the man next to him, who sighed and stood up._

_"Hi, I'm Ron and I'm often told to be resilient and angry." He harshly said._

_"Now, thinking about those words. Why do you think you're here?" Jim asked._

_"My son, He entered the Navy 2 years ago. He never listened to me. I told him not to go, and now he has to adjust to a life with no legs." He hissed, clearly anger still boiled in him._

_Maggie could only swallow thickly it's been 4 years since she left for the military God knows what happened to her. Scenarios of a leg-less Alex popped into her head, and she could only feel her throat tighten as images of her trying to walk coursed through her brain. Jim nodded._

_"Thank you, Ron." He pointed to the next person. The woman next to him stood up._

_"I'm Amy, and I'm pretty much a nervous and cautious person. I can't stand surprises or anticipations." Her fingers shook as her voice did, significantly confirming what she had just said._

_"And why are you here Amy?"_

_"My husband left for the army a year ago, he has been back once 3 months ago." she placed her hand on her belly. "We're expecting." She sighed happily. It made Maggie smile. "But, I still haven't been able to get ahold of him to tell him. He's being deported soon, and I'm scared for him."_

_Stories like that were uttered, some heartbreaking; some tear jerking, and some just brutally unfair. But that’s just how life was; it was a series of unacceptable events you had to force yourself to accept. Maggie was one of those people who didn’t accept anything easily; she didn’t like to accept anything she didn’t want. She already had to live a difficult life; she didn’t need extra salt on her wounds. After a few people, Maggie caught herself pinching her thighs through her jeans when the woman she'd been keeping an eye on stood up with a heavy sigh. Scruffy hazel eyes that looked like they’ve been through hell, and gorgeous shade of red hair she’d only seen once before._

_"My name's Emily, And I'm often described as organized, and driven which I guess is essential for being a social worker. Which I am."_

_"And, Emily you're here because?"_

_"My brother." She said sadly. "My twin brother. He- the military was just too much for him." Her voice quivered. "I got the call that he'd honorably died a few weeks ago."_

_Her voice got weaker as she continued on; Maggie could physically feel her pain. She could only imagine how awful that must be. She’d only experienced sisterhood with Kara before, and she could honestly say, she wouldn’t know what to feel if Kara had to die that way. She wished there was something she could do, but she couldn't. There wasn't much she could do for herself, let alone a hurting stranger. She took her seat again, and it felt like lightning struck a cord at the time because as fast as Emily's turn came and went, it was now her turn; She froze, her breath quickened, and people stared at her. She'd almost forgotten what she had to do until Jim smiled at her sympathetically._

_"It's okay, this is a safe place." He told her. Maggie caught herself staring back at Emily, who also smiled at her encouragingly. They’ve been exchanging quick glances all throughout the session. She swallowed thickly rubbing her hands against her jeans. She stood up, pocketing her hands in her leather jacket._

_"I'm Maggie. I don't really know what I can say to describe myself, but umm. I'm always told that I'm stubborn, and worry some. So, yeah. I guess that's what I can describe myself with."_

_"And, is this your first time here, Maggie?"_

_She nodded._

_"What has brought you to us?"_

_She looked around her, the people here. They had it worse than she did. People lost a brother, a sister, a mother, a father, a husband, and a wife. What did she lose? She lost someone she never even had in the first place, a high school sweetheart that was ultimately nothing but a fairytale. Maybe she didn't deserve to be here, maybe she did. Because in the end, she lost someone, and when you lose someone all that’s left in his or her place is a hole. It creeps up on you like an addiction. It eats you up inside out. When Alex had vanished from her life, she slowly began to lose herself. She couldn’t eat, she couldn’t sleep, not the way she used to. She buried herself in her work. She tried so hard to forget Alex. To forget the one person who could crush her heart like a crawling centipede._

_She cleared her throat, looked at her feet, then forced her gaze forward._

_"I knew this amazing woman." She started. "I mean by far, the best thing that ever happened to me." She bit her lips when she felt hot tears pile in her eyes._

_She’d forgotten that she didn’t know these people; she didn’t know whether they were like her parents, whether they accepted love in its many forms, or whether they were plain right hypercritical. She didn’t know anything._

_"It's okay, Maggie. No one's going to judge you here." Jim's soft voice urged her forward._

_"We had incredible years together. Until she got the call that her father-" she stopped and cleared her throat again. "Well, he'd died fighting in the war, and right after she'd decided to enter the military. It's been 4 years. I hadn't heard from her since, and it's killing me more than I'd like to admit."_

_She had to breathe heavily. She'd never once said that out loud. She always shoved it deep inside her. She couldn't even hear Jim thank her; the heavy flow of blood coursing through her body, it blocked her sense of sound. She just took her seat with a rush, shoving her hair behind her ear. Alex was still on her mind after 4 painful years have gone by. She still lay sleepless wondering if her heart was still beating somewhere. Wondering did she still wonder about her too?_

* * *

 

"It's so good to see you." Greg Reynolds, owner of the Dollar Tree market said, as she set the items she procured from the shop on his black counter.

His deep-rooted-bearded smile gave her an essence of the old times. She spent a lot of money in this little shop. Every day before school, she pocketed a chocolate bar and some form of energy drink. It got to the point where she knew the prices by heart. Every nickel, every dime she spent here. She used to gather all her change and spend it here.

A bundle of papers, pencils, letters, mail, and post stamp stickers all sprawled out on the counter. She was planning on writing Lucy a letter, cause she knew Sargent Lane would rack her mind if she didn't hear from her soon. She planned on making it short and simple. Alex was never good with words, and she didn’t like writing much. She just did it because it was expected of her. Down on base, she often hated mail day. She anticipated receiving them, but not as much sending them. She always felt like she had nothing to say. When the blank paper and pencil fell into her hands, her lips ran dry, and her brain blanked just like the clear piece of paper that stared back at her.

She grinned at Greg, placing the items he scanned into a green plastic bag. "You too, Greg. How's the wife and kids?"

"Getting older, and healthy. Jackie is well on her way to college, and Wyatt's entering high school."

"Already?"

He chuckled, scanning the last pack of mail. "The kid maybe going to high school, but he still sounds like a girl. At least he's not shaving yet."

The soldier grinned. "One day he'll wake up with a moth on his mouth. You won't even recognize him." Greg chuckled.

"I bet." He said, clicking a few buttons.

Alex beamed a last smile towards him as she paid for her items. She'd been in quite a hurry, She didn't want to stumble into anyone else she knew. It's been 3 days now with people telling her how she looked different, and how she was missed. Sometimes she even got backlash, like from Lena and Kara. They reminded her how screwed up she was to leave this place. How stupid she was to endanger her life when she could've had something special right here. In this little bundle of a town, she could've had everything. Instead, she went and fucked up her future, the everything she once had, now belonged to someone else.

Her mind was on another level when she accidentally bumped into a tall figure. It took her a few seconds to straighten herself and pick up the few items that crashed to the floor. While she was picking her things up, her eyes scanned the figure before her. She was sure she never saw her before. She squinted her eyes when she noticed that they shared the same hair color.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't looking, I-" She followed Alex's physique as she stood up, and her posture took a halt.

The soldier seemed to notice how her eyes grew larger, a form of realization washed upon the woman before her. It took her some time to grasp the fact that this woman in some way looked vaguely like herself. It wasn't like staring at a reflection, but it was like watching some form of cosplay from her former high school self, only with better posture, and functional wardrobe. The woman blinked a few times.

"A-are you Alex?" She questioned. "Alex Danvers?" The soldier could only frow her eyebrows, did she miss something? She was almost sure she'd never seen this woman before. How did she know her?

"Have we met before?"

She shook her head. "No. Umm- I'm sorry- I just-" she shook her head. "I'm Emily." She outstretched her hand for Alex. Her vocabulary lost, and words seemed to be such a hard concept. Alex skeptically shook her hand. "I'm one of the new social workers in town."

"I think you mean the only one?"

Emily smiled. "Probably." She couldn't wrap her head around the figure that stood before her.

She'd seen pictures of Alex before, Maggie had her everywhere you turned when they first started dating. The pictures were now buried in some hidden corner the Latin cop stuffed them in. She may have hidden them, but she still thought about them. Even if she wouldn't admit it, but Emily knew Maggie never got over Alex. Emily knew that she knew how deep in her fiancè was. She knew from the way the Latin woman tensed whenever the soldier was mentioned. She knew because of how her eyes twinkled just the slightest bit when she accidentally brushes over photos of their gang as teenagers, and Alex happened to be in the frame. She also knew Maggie took interest in her because somehow, she and Alex had similarities, not just physically, but from what Maggie had told her. They shared many emotional characteristics as well. She still gazed at Alex, her eyes moved only when the soldier chuckled softly.

"I'm sorry," Emily blushed. "I've heard a lot about you, I just thought you'd look more-,"

"Butch?" She smirked.

"Does that make me a racist?"

"You'd be surprised how many times I've had the same response. Even in the military, you got categorized. It doesn't matter that we're all wearing the same crappy camouflaged uniform."

"It must be nice then? To be wearing your own clothes again?"

Alex stared down at her plain black shirt, and skinny jeans. A few of the clothes that stayed behind when she'd originally left. They smelt like home. They didn't feel that way though. Alex shrugged.

"It's what it is I guess. I'm not really big on fashion these days."

"Maggie says you never were." Emily chuckled, and Alex felt her entire body spasmed.

"M-Maggie?" Her posture turned hesitant, and her hand immediately shot to her neck. "You know, Maggie?"

"I, Umm-," Emily cleared her throat. "I'm her fiancé."

"Oh."

Her voice faded from existence. For the first time since she met the woman, she felt like running away. The sole reason Alex got by after seeing and hearing about Maggie's engagement was because of how unreal it felt. Because she had deliberately made herself believe it wasn't real because there was no face to put on it. Now that there was, Alex felt like she couldn't breathe. She broke into a hard smile.

"I-I-It was nice to meet you. I- I- have to to go." She quickly rushed her words, she didn't even give the woman a second to respond. She just let her feet take control of her, and shove her to the direction she needed to go. 

* * *

 

That night Alex couldn't find comfort in her room. She couldn't seem to close her eyes. Every time she did, she could only picture one thing. She could only see countless images of her times with Maggie, kissing each other, pecking each other, sharing I love you's, all the moments she could remember. She pictured them with Emily taking her place. How could she have let something so perfect slip right through her fingers? How could she have been so stupid?

Her mind didn't take it easy on her. It bugged her with so many what if's, with so many ways their story should've ended. It was suffocating her, she couldn't take it anymore. She caught herself putting her shoes on, and jogging in the middle of the night, up to a place where she was almost sure no one stepped foot in since she last did. However, she was entirely wrong because as soon as her feet landed on the mountainside spot, she could smell the cigarette's aroma in the atmosphere. She kept her eyes open, scanning the scene before her. She spotted two tents in front of her. Taking a few steps closer she suddenly felt hands cover her lips and eyes. Although they were strong, she could instantly tell she was stronger by the sloppy way they clung to her. Her hands grabbed a hold of the ones on her face, and in one swift movement, she shoved the body over her shoulder and square flat on the floor with her on top. Her hands were firmly pressed against the figure's neck.

"Okay! Okay! Okay!" She heard the voice of a newly puberty-hit boy. His blonde hair and blue eyes weren't unrecognizable. She stopped to inspect him harder in the dark, her hands slowly losing their grip when his physique registered in her head.

"Jude?" She questioned. He beamed.

"Hi,"

Alex quickly got off him and helped him up. He brushed off the dirt that stuck to his jeans. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Hiding out. Can't have your old girlfriend sending us to foster care."

"Us?"

"Connor and me." He explained.

"Wait," Alex blinked a few times. "What happened to your parents?"

"Oh, Right. You weren't around when our house caught on fire, and both mom and dad didn't make it."

The soldier had to pinch herself twice to believe what she heard. Jude could hastily see how physically shaken Alex was. Him jumping out of nowhere had sparked a ticking radar in her brain. After living long years in unsafe places, your brain and body became accustomed to thinking that everywhere else wasn't safe too. Add that with hearing what had happened to the Mullens, she felt like she couldn't function anymore. Jude was kind enough to welcome her to their temporary home. She was equally surprised when Connor appeared in front of her, tall and handsome just like his twin. They sat her down on a log by the fire they created. They had strings hung from one end of a tent to the other, empty cans of beans and beer bottles hung over it, serving as improvised cupboards where they kept bundles of clothes toothbrushes and all the necessary things they needed. They offered her a stick with marshmallows they'd probably stolen from Dollar Tree. Alex gave the place another thorough look.

"How'd it happen?" She asked out of the blue, both boys looked at her. "The fire. How'd it start?" Connor shrugged.

"Gass leak. Jude and I were at soccer practice when it happened."

"I'm so sorry."

"Well, you can't have everything, this damn world is too cruel for that."  
  
Jude nodded. "Even when you try to run from the battle, it follows you."

"I'm starting to think nothing can stop the war." She mumbled.

"Sorry, we kinda hijacked your spot." Jude smiled at her. "We figured Maggie wouldn't think twice bout this place, especially with you gone."

Connor's eyes sparkled at the mention of her leave. "Did you really enter the military?" He asked curiously, Alex sighed pulling out her dog tags, flagging them in front of him. "Cool!" He grinned.

Alex chuckled, tucking back her necklace. "That's the first time someone thinks my leaving was considered cool."

"What's it like?" Jude asked, sharing his brother's curious interests. "Did you escape bombs out there? Or get a really cool scar?"

"Can you fire one of those big ass guns?" Connor's grin grew.

"You mean a rifle?" The boys nodded, she chuckled. "Yeah, I can fire a rifle."

Jude nudged Connor as they both beamed at Alex, staring at her as if she was some superhero. "Dude! That's fucking awesome!"

"Maybe we should join the army?" Connor joked with his brother.

She shook her head, the proud smile that formed slowly fading. "You shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"It's horrible out there. It's definitely not what you see in the movies. You watch people die, take away lives, and you have to move on like you haven't done a thing. The smell of blood and bullets always stuck on your skin. No matter how many times you shower."

"Still beats living in a dump like this." Jude threw his now empty stick into the fire ahead of him. "Connor and I have no place in this town. We got nothing to offer it, so why should we stay?"

"You're still too young to understand how the world works, Jude."

"I know enough to know nothing ever works out."

"That's not true."

"Oh, it's not?" He questioned her, angry eyes staring back at her. "How do you explain our lives then? How do you explain yours? Did you want it to be this way?"

"Of course not, but it doesn't mean you should stop trying to live."

He scoffed. "Sometimes it feels like we're just surviving, not even living."

Connor got up, entered his tent, shuffled a bit, and came back barring 3 bottles of beer. He gave one to his brother, then handed the other to Alex. She was well aware that they shouldn't even have these drinks, they weren't old enough to drink, but she couldn't stop them. They had enough problems, giving them shit about drinking wouldn't do them any good, especially because she often drowned her feelings in drinking too. She could relate to them.

"How long have you been hiding here?"

Connor took a long sip from his beer. His face scrunched then it cleared. "Couple months."

"And no one found you?"

"Your pretty girlfriend wouldn't step foot in this part of town after you left. We knew this place was our safest bet."

"She's not my girlfriend." She muttered, taking a sip from her beer.

Jude watched her carefully. He could easily hear the jealousy behind her statement. "For what it's worth." He started waiting for Alex to look at him. "We're rooting for you."

Alex nearing choked on her beer, a sarcastic laugh erupting her lips. "I don't even have a chance."  
"Sure you do." He smiled. "Just cause we're cooped up in here doesn't mean we've lost civilization."

Connor smirked. "Detective dimples never stopped worrying about you." Alex looked at him confused. "When mom and dad's funeral came to a close, we knew we had to start running. I kind of kept my eye on her. Learned her shift timings, and calculated her day, So Jude and I could avoid crashing into her. I found her once researching bout the military. She constantly checks for updates on any terrorist attacks too, and she has this mail thing every month, it has names of soldiers on 'em. I think they're the ones gone MIA, or maybe dead."

"You snuck into her office? You know that's messing with private property. If someone had caught you, you could've gone to juvie." He shrugged.

"Only a matter of time before we do get into juvie. At least that way we get to be together."

Jude hit his bottle against Connors. "Amen, brother. If it's not juvie, then we might as well enter the army."

She wasn't going to watch others ruin their lives just like she had. It wasn't worth the pain, these boys have no idea what they're doing. They're going to destroy their lives if they continued at this route. Alex shook her head, standing up.

"Don't do that." She hissed. "Don't throw your lives away over something so temporary. You're just kids. You have your whole lives ahead of you. Life isn't going to be all fun and games, I'm sure you know that. So you have to suck it up and be men. If you know what's good for you, you'd turn yourselves in. Face the consequences cause newsflash nothing's going to hit you harder than life."

Alex placed the wooden stick of uneaten marshmallows on her place, she took a large gulp of her beer and stomped her way out. She didn't want to see how badly she crushed their visions of the future, but they had to hear it. It wasn't okay what they were doing. The way they were hiding wasn't good either, and Alex felt like if they didn't get some sense beaten into them, they wouldn't last long.

She stood at the very edge of the mountain, watching how beautiful Midvale looked at night. It was a sight she had missed. Definitely an upgrade compared to the broken, torn, jagged, and patched up buildings with warning signs over them. Life on the frontline was horrible, and she couldn't even begin to imagine how awful of a place it would be for the Mullen boys. The military isn't as glorified as the movies make them seem. They treat you like you're just another fish in the sea. It doesn't matter if you survived, or died. What mattered is that your place was filled. It's a continuous cycle of death and replacement. She sighed taking the last sip of her beer, holding it on the very top with just her middle finger curling the top of the bottle. Most military personnel held it that way. Holding a rifle made you adjust so many things in your everyday life, and once you begin to adjust it, it becomes second nature.

_It was almost second period, and the halls around Midvale High drenched with students rushing to their lockers or classrooms. Alex had been keeping her eyes open for a certain brunette. It wasn't long before she spotted her. She smirked and was quick to jump in front of her. Brown eyes stared at her with boredom, her friends behind her sending hushed whispers in her ear. Maggie, however, crossed her arms on her chest._

_"One date." She said with a grin._

_It wasn't the first time she'd tried to ask her out. Maggie turned her down before, she was known that she didn't open herself up to anyone. That didn't stop people from asking her out though, she was gorgeous, and no one who identified as a human could stay away from something like that. To Maggie, however, Alex was a self-centered attention seeker. She had heard stories of the great Alex Danvers, who won junior track and almost beat Lena Luther at her own game._

_Maggie shook her head and walked passed the smirking redhead. Alex rushed to stand in front of her again._

_"Come on." She smiled. "Just one night."_

_"You're persistent, Danvers. I'll give you that."_

_"I can be very entertaining too." She grinned._

_"I'll bet." Maggie playfully smirked. Alex pulled out two tickets for the dance from her jean pocket._

_"So," she flagged the cards, her smile so infectious. "Be my date?"_

_The Latin woman scoffed._

_"I promise I'm not that bad." Alex insisted._

_Maggie eyed the woman in front of her. Hazel eyes that nearly turned her weak stared hopefully back at her. She almost felt her stomach fill with butterflies, and it only grew as on of her friends nudged her hissing, "Mags." The latin teen rolled her eyes, with a heavily defeated sigh._

_"Will it get you to stop asking me out?" She playfully grinned._

_Alex smirked. "Agree, and you'll find out."_

_Maggie smiled, plucking a ticket from Alex's hands. She gazed into her exhaustingly amazing orbs. "7:30. Don't be late. I'll text you my address."_

_Alex's face never fell from a smile, as she watched the breathtaking brunette walk away with a guarantee that they were going to go on a date. Her heart skipped a beat just thinking about how gorgeous she would look in a dress._

The soldier sighed at the sudden memory. She finished her beer bottle and threw it far into the oceans direction. How could she have messed everything up so bad?

* * *

 

Jacob drummed his fingers on the steering wheel of their patrol car, he was bored out of his mind. His partner had been working non-stop all day during their shift. Maggie was looking into a few case files, she'd left unattended for the past few days. Last night Emily came home looking apologetic and guilty. Although she didn't talk, she did pull her into a steaming kiss. Maggie could only read one thing from it, and it was the heavy dose of guilt blanketing her actions. Life kept her busy, or more specifically the thought of someone kept her busy. She had to confirm a few papers for the frequent noise complaints, and vandalism protests, instead she sat prisoner in a tiny patrol car with McConners's earsplitting fingers.

She groaned shoving her papers down. "Jacob!" He stopped turning to face her. "I swear sometimes, you act like a 5-year-old kid."

"Well, I'm bored. The station's not calling in any incidents, and you're acting as if I don't exist."

"It's not like you're openly volunteering to help me with the paperwork."

"You know I don't do good with papers, I already have around 3 letters Chelsea is bugging me to mail." He pulled 3 neatly folded letters from his M.P.D jacket. "See? She's tucked them into my jacket too."

"Then stop drumming your fingers on the steering wheel, and get to the mail shop."

"Why are you being pissy?" He asked as he put the car into drive mode. "Isn't Miss neat-freak getting you laid?"

"Jacob." She closed her eyes and sighed heavily.

"I'm just asking." He shrugged. "Alex being back here isn't really working out for you, is it?"

"I swear you're practically like my old group therapist when he used to force me to talk." She mumbled.

"Well, good for you. Free sessions, you don't even have to pay me." He smirked looking back at her. She rolled her eyes. "Come on, Sawyer. Just talk to me."

"Aren't guys supposed to run away from girl trouble?"

"This is more lesbian trouble. If I wasn't married, I might as well be turned on right now."

Maggie chuckled shaking her head. "You're unbelievable."

"No, seriously." He said humorlessly. "The last time I've seen you this messed up was way before your group sessions. What's gotten into you?"

The Latin cop sighed. "I don't know," she threw the files onto space between the front window of their patrol car. She laid her hand on the edge of the side window, her head resting on it. "Maybe Alex being back is really messing with my head." She muttered.

Jacob stopped the car in front of the mail shop. "Maybe it's messing with more than your head." He suggested, unbuckling his seat belt. He patted her shoulder. "You need a drink."

She unbuckled her own seat belt. "I actually might agree with you there."

They entered the mail shop the bell that sounded when the door opened told George Maguire, and the few customers he had; actually the one customer he had; that she and Jacob had entered. And Maggie felt it again. She felt the earth spin beneath her feet as she came face to face with Alex Danvers. The soldier looked torn, she looked like she'd been up all night. Like she had one of her nightmares, the same ones she used to have when they were younger, and she used to run to her for comfort. Maggie knew for a fact that she didn't have anyone to comfort her now. She felt almost disappointed too. Disappointed that she didn't seek comfort from her, it almost made her feel guilty.

"I'll be with you in a moment," George said politely as he tore apart hazel and brown eyes. He beamed at Alex.

"I remember when you used to come up here to mail your mother's letters to your father. You were always so excited, and fascinated by how the mail was sent."

"Yeah," Alex smiled. "I remember you used to tell me, we were the reasons to kept the business running."

He took the letter in Alex's hand. A grin still on his lips. "You still are. It's good to have you back for a few days." He placed his hand on Alex's on the counter. "I know Eliza needed a break for a bit, that poor woman worries too much."

"I know," She nodded, then placed her free hand over his while also slipping her other hand free. "Thanks for the favor, I need that letter sent as soon as possible."

"Anything for a Danvers." George grinned.

Jacob's elbow collided with Maggie's, he nudged his head discreetly towards Alex. "That's her?" he whispered loudly. Maggie eyed him furiously.

"Detectives," George aimed towards them as Alex pocketed 2 letters she had in front of her. "How's the search for Jude and Connor going?"

"Unmoving," Jacob broadly said. Maggie still had her eyes on Alex, she noticed her stop moving when she heard the Mullen brothers names.

"No worries, I'm sure they'll turn up somewhere. There's only so many places they can hide in this town." He optimistically said. Jacob agreed. "What can I do for you?"

Jacob placed the letters in his hands on the counter and got engaged in a meaningless conversation with George. Alex took that as cue for her to leave. Their eyes met as she turned around, she didn't attempt to say anything at first, but when she got close to the door, she turned around and faced Maggie.

"If you're looking for those boys, you're looking for them in the wrong places. Try looking for them in my secret hideout." She coldly said. Her eyes stared ahead. "You didn't hear it from me, but rumor has it two tents are set up there."

Alex eyed Maggie one more time. Her brown eyes were as contagious as always, she looked so much more beautiful now. The memory of her figure didn't do her justice. She still had that crumbling effect on her. The soldier had to force her eyes away, in order to breathe again. She left Maggie confused. The crinkle on her forehead said it all, the way her eyes grew larger said it all. Maggie wasn't about to let her walk away like that. She couldn't do that anymore, she couldn't bring her down to her knees like she used to. In a flash, the Latin cop was out the doors.

"You can't do that." She hissed, her voice loud enough for Alex to hear from the 3 step gap between them. Alex didn't turn around, she closed her eyes sucking in the tone Maggie offered her.

"Do what?"

"Talk to me." The cop took two steps closer, "You don't get to do that. You don't get to talk to me. You don't get to say anything."

She turned around with a tired expression. "I don't want any trouble, Maggie-,"

"How can you do that?" Maggie took a step closer.

She looked into her hazel eyes. Years of anger washed over her, years of pain she had to suffer through, worry lines that clouded her forehead all because of her. The cop didn't feel it, but her eyes were watering.

"You left me. _You_ left _me_. You just left. A-a-nd What? You think you can walk back, do me favors, say my name the way you do, and everything will be okay?" She felt the cold tear slid against her cheek. The way Alex looked emotionless drove her insane, the way she could pull off a poker face like that made her jealous. She wished she knew how to hide her feelings like that.

"You destroyed _everything_ we could've had." Her voice quivered. "H-how can you do that? Did you even think of me at all?"

The soldier didn't expect that from Maggie. She didn't expect to have affected her that badly. She didn't even think she thought of her anymore. Maggie moved on, she was engaged, she had a damn fiancé. Alex couldn't give her the satisfaction that it wasn't okay with her. Why should she show her how much she was hurting. Clearly, Maggie didn't want to care. The Latin woman scoffed when she realized she wasn't going to get an answer. She shook her head and brushed past her, shoving her shoulder in the process. Alex held her slim wrist, stopping her from getting too far away. She stomached her pride, swallowed her dignity, and whispered against her better judgment.

"I could never stop thinking about you."

The hairs on Maggie's skin popped, her heart beat slowed, she felt nauseous and dizzy. She felt relieved like she was thankful Alex was hurting too. Like she was happy that she was in pain too. However, that moment of happiness vanished when Alex glanced at her before letting her hand go, and walked away. Her eyes finally gave into her emotions, or she finally saw behind her own pain. Alex was broken, maybe even worse than she was. She was torn, exhaustion, anger, guilt, shame; she could read all that from the split second the soldier lost grip of her emotions. It made her wonder what else could she be going through?


	4. Surprise Me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I managed to finish this chapter on a 2 hour plane ride. ;) I'm glad ya'll are liking it so far! I've got lots more I want to touch on in this fic. I hope you enjoy this chapter too! This chapter is my gift to you, because my birthday's in a few hours and, wow. My last year as a teenager starts in a few hours *o*. So, I'll take every Comment & Kudos as a gift :P BUT, ultimately I hope you have fun reading this chapter :].
> 
> SO SORRY GUYS! I uploaded half the chapter! :P I knew something wasn't right. Sorry, for making you have to read twice. I'll check better for my next chapters.

Two days have passed. Maggie couldn't seem to go about her days perfectly anymore. She was well aware that every waking minute that passed by, was another minute she might never see her again. It's that thought that was tormenting her, it was the thought that she knew Alex was hurting, she knew that the soldier was probably even beyond the point of hurting. She couldn't help but feel like it was her fault. Except, the truth is, it wasn't. Alex had brought this on herself, so why was she caring this much? Why did she feel it was necessary to apologize for what she had said? Alex had it coming from miles away. Surely, she knew coming back would stir up unwanted tension. It was 8 am, she was late for work, and her coffee just boiled itself out of the coffee pot. Brown sticky liquid washed over the kitchen counter and spilled on her white tank top. She pulled the pot away from the heat.

"Fuck!" She hissed.

The hot liquid swam against her skin. She grabbed any cloth she could find from the top drawer and wiped away the boiling drink that stung her flesh. Once she was done a heavy sigh erupted from her lips. She threw the coffee soaked cloth into the sink out of frustration, and damped tissue on the rest of the coffee.

"Damn you, Alex." She whispered.

That woman always found a way into her brain. It didn't matter whether she was angry at her, or upset with her, or even happy with her. The soldier had a spot in her mind that she couldn't ever shake her from. She could just remember how it was during high school, she could never concentrate well-enough when they were in the same class. Alex used to sit two seats ahead of her on the 1st row to her right. Lena was her partner during those periods, but Maggie never missed the glances Alex Danvers used to give her. Each smile had a different meaning, and the way she sometimes frowned her eyebrows or curled her eyes in silly ways made her have to try so hard to stifle a laugh. She was vibrating most of the time, her class partner looking at her as if she was crazy, or possessed.

Maggie hadn't noticed that Emily stood next to her now, cleaning up the rest of the mess she had caused. The Latin cop only jarred from her place when her fiance placed a hand on her shoulder.

"What happened in here?"

"I got distracted." She said quickly.

She avoided her eyes as she threw away some of the tissue that piled up near the soaking cloth, she moved in rush harsh movements to grab fresh coffee beans, and rinse the pot clean with water. Emily stopped her, slowly slipping the coffee pot she was scrubbing so roughly on, into her hands. She left it floating in the sink, then linked her wet hands with Maggies.

"Do you maybe want to take the day off-,"

"She told me she never stopped thinking about me." She confessed with a sigh.

Emily's grip on her fingers loosened slightly. She didn't have to see her face to know that her soft features turned slightly defensive. She could hear her swallow roughly. She cleared her throat slightly.

"Does it mean anything to you?"

Maggie turned to face her, she held onto her hands tighter. That question though simple, she knew had many layers. She had to answer it the right way or things will start tumbling down faster than she could keep up. The right answer would be to tell her what she wanted to hear, but was it the truth?

"She means nothing to me."

"Are you sure?"

"She lost me the second she walked away and didn't turn back around."

Her finacé linked their fingers together tighter. She gazed at the rings in their hands, oblivious to how hard Maggie's throat was clenching. She nodded as if confirming the Latin's words. She let her hazel eyes pierce into brown orbs.

"I trust you, Maggie." She started. "I do, and I don't want to seem like some jealous fiancé, but I don't trust her. Not with you."

"Em-,"

"She has you inside out and upside down. You're getting distracted more and more each day she's here. I don't even know her. And, if I'm being really honest, she seems like she still has feelings for you." Maggie could feel her skin boil from the statement harder than the hot coffee burnt her skin.

"I would never let her back in." She whispered. "Not after what she did to me."

"I hope things remain that way." She intertwined their fingers. "It's easy to catch old feelings, Maggie."

"Alex is not about to mess up my life again. She has feelings for me? Then she has to deal with it. She wants to make it up to me now? After 10 years?" She pulled her hands out of their intertwined hands, anger rising up once again. "She can kiss my ass before I even let her try to apologize to me."

She hissed furiously. Her feet storming away into her bedroom to change into clothes that would be acceptable for the rest of the day. Maggie was never one to give into her feelings quickly. She'll block them, ignore them, maybe even find a way to replace how she really felt, but she would never openly deal with them. Alex was an issue, a bottle of emotions, she never liked to cope. The soldier drove her insane in ways that shouldn't be considered legal. She was a lethal weapon to Maggie, it was like she had leverage over her. An emotional lock around her heart, only Alex had the key to. Emily was aware of how fallen apart her fiancé was starting to get. She'd be blind if she didn't notice the mess Maggie was turning into. Although she knew the reason why she was becoming so fragile, she refused to let her heart accept it. Maggie would never break their relationship for a woman who she didn't even know if she'd ever be back again. That was too much of a risk Maggie would never take.

* * *

Kara stood in front of her sister's room, her fingers playing a push and pull game as they reached for the door handle, then pulled back against her belly. She could hear the frequent steps of Alex's constant morning exercises. It was hard to sleep with the sound of feet crashing into the wooden floors. Since their rooms were so close, she could make out each step Alex took, and it didn't cross her mind how often she heard her wake up in the middle of the night. She knew her sister was having trouble sleeping, the constant foot jabs to the floor can attest to that. What bothered her was the fact that Alex didn't seek comfort from her, in fact, she didn't seek comfort from anyone. She was just fighting this monster in her head all on her own. Alex did that a lot, she didn't like to share her troubles with anyone. Kara could remember clear as day how often Maggie and her fought over this when they first got together. Later though, they sought only to each other for comfort. Now that Maggie and her barely speak, Kara could see the way it was affecting her, the way it had affected her. The loneliness was creeping up in her sister, and she could see it behind hurting hazel eyes.

She heard the floor boards creak louder as footsteps got closer to the door before she could move or even think about moving. Alex's door swung open, a surprised look taking presence on her sweaty face. Her chest was heaving incredibly fast, Kara wasn't sure if it was from her workout or seeing her up this early in the morning. She convinced herself that maybe it was a bit of both. The younger Danvers smiled softly. Alex had been avoiding her for the past two days, and it was murdering Kara silently. She hated when they fought. It stung like a thousand bees attacking her at once. She could remember the worst fight they ever had, back in primary school when Alex was 14 and she was 12. It was a stupid senseless fight over a mp3 player they both shared. Kara was convinced she Alex was using it too much, and she didn't get it for half as much time. Although, it was true, and when push came to shove with Eliza forcing Alex to give it up. Her sister had slammed her door so hard, the ground beneath her feet shook. It took them a couple weeks to find their ground again. Kara didn't want to waste any more days fighting, especially with the limited time they had together.

"Good morning."

"Morning, Kara." She coldly said, passing her sister, and trying to make her way to the toilet.

Alex couldn't fake the pain she was feeling. She knew Kara probably didn't mean what she'd said the other day, but she didn't have to rub it in her face. She was well aware of what she had done years ago. She knew that she crushed something so beautiful. But she was young, she didn't know that pain could subside with time. She didn't know that some feelings were only temporary.

"Alex." She called out softly. The soldier sighed, taking a halt. She heard Kara take the few steps that formed between them. "About what I said the other day, I want you to know that I didn't mean it. Not in a bad way at least. It's just... I'm a little jealous, okay?"

Alex turned around confused. "Jealous?"

Kara nodded.

"Jealous of what?"

"Of everyone you're defending back in the military." The soldier's face scrunched up even more. She sighed. "It used to be just you and me, Alex. You used to never let anyone mess with me, you used to defend me like no one else. You were my soldier, and now... I mean- It used to be the Danvers sister against the world. With you gone-,"

"It doesn't feel that way anymore." Alex sadly finished off for her.

"It feels like you're slipping away."

"Kara," It was the softest Alex had been since that day, Kara felt her heart skip a beat, and her body relax. Her sister intertwined their hands. "I'm not ever going to leave you behind."

"Then why does it feel like you already have?"

Alex's hazel eyes bore into Kara's deep blue oceans. She could see the faint tear that was starting to slip against her cheek. She didn't think that her leaving would've affected Kara this much. She didn't think that what she had done could cause this much destruction on the things she wanted to protect the most. She cursed herself for being so stubborn and blinded. It was tragic that it took Kara nearly breaking apart in front of her for her to grasp how much trouble she'd been. Even when she was miles away from home, she caused shattered shards of glass to scratch the hearts of those she loved.

"I'll visit more often." She whispered a promise she knew she had to keep. Kara sniffed absentmindedly, she closed her eyes and sighed heavily.

"That's all I want." She told her. Alex gave her a sympathetic smile.

"Want some pancakes?"

Kara giggled, wiping at her tears. Alex promised herself that she was going to keep that smile on her sister's face until the day she had to go back. No more fighting, or upsetting her. Kara didn't deserve that, and with her new niece coming into the world. She had to make it better for Kara, and give all she has for her yet to be born child.

* * *

 Maggie didn't think her day could turn out worse than it already had. She almost caught herself wishing she didn't have to go to work, but she knew if she didn't her mind wouldn't get any rest at all. In fact, it would start taking its sweet time torturing her slowly. At least when she was on duty, she could pretend that a certain soldier wasn't clogging up her mind. She walked in the not so busy precinct, coffee at hand. Her badge tucked into her belt, on her jeans. She settled on a regular gray tank and a black leather jacket for her outfit of the day. She looked like a zombie gone back to life as she strutted lazily to her desk. She was thankful that McConners wasn't sitting by his. It was disturbingly adjacent to hers, and he never let her forget that. He was always popping onto her desk; starting up conversations she normally never knew how to get out off. She knew his intentions were good, and she maybe secretly liked how clingy he got because he really was her only best friend. Despite that, she was glad that she arrived at her desk in silence. She could use the lack of noise for a while.

She placed her cup of coffee on the table, she settled in her desk when she noticed Angie Mickelson approached her with a grin. She was the only other female in the entire building and Maggie's only competition during the Academy. Even though they were 2 females in the middle of 30 males, they were top two in the Police Academy. She came up first. She didn't like her position, but she didn't mind a little competition, it was healthy. Angie's dark skin was the only thing keeping her a scale lower than herself. Being black, and a female cop, it was two hits in the gut. It was probably the only time she was thankful she was part Latin.

"Congrats, Sawyer." She smirked when she reached her desk. "All that time trying to pinpoint where those kids were finally paid off."

"What?"

"Don't be coy." She rolled her eyes.

"Trust me, I'm not. I really don't know what the congrats are for?" The Latin cop picked up her cup and sipped a little of her coffee.

"I'm congratulating you for finally catching the Mullen brothers." Maggie choked. "I heard they're in the chief's office right now with McConners discussing their futures, community service, and even foster care."

"I'm sorry, what?"

She felt like she'd probably misheard what her colleague had said. Surely, news this big would reach her. McConners wouldn't leave her out of this, would he?

"Jude and Connor?" She said as if Maggie was insane. "They're in Chief's office right now."

Maggie instantly stood up. "Do they have a lawyer in there? Is Emily coming?"

She'd questioned, yet she never gave Angie time to answer. She just rushed to her chief's office, not even bothering to knock on the door, she just barged in, erupting all the discussions that were taking place at the box office. Chief Garnett gazed at her with angry eyes, his scruffy gray beard, and sterling gray eyes shoving her to the depths of the earth. He stood up. Jude and Connor turned their heads back to look at her with beaten eyes. It's only then she realized that it wasn't only the boys, McConners, and the chief who were in the room. Lena Luther stood near the chief's desk too, in a pencil skirt with a button up shirt that looked almost as expensive as her entire wardrobe. The last time she'd sat down and had an actual conversation with was before Alex had left town. Somehow she managed to avoid her even in this little town.

McConners cleared his throat, placed his hand in a stop motion in front of the chief, getting him to sit back down on his chair. Jacob walked to Maggie, eyed her dangerously, and pulled her out.

"Sawyer, what the hell was that?" He hissed angrily, his eyes the most serious she's ever seen.

She pulled her hands away from his, frowned her eyebrows; Her own furry climbing up her veins, turning fiery red like his hair.

"You're one to talk." She poked at his chest. "Why the fuck am I not in there? You know how invested I was with those boys. Why didn't you call me?"

"For this reason exactly. You're too emotionally attached, Maggie. Those boys need to be punished for their actions, and you're too soft on them."

"Punished?" She questioned. "They're just kids, they made a mistake."

"So did Alex, but I don't see you forgiving her. Now, are you?"

His words forced a bile down Maggie's throat. She felt her body spasm. _What was that McConners?_ She asked in her head. Why did he have to go so low? She cleared her throat trying so hard to push aside what he had said. She calmed her voice down.

"They lost their family, they should be cared for, not thrown into juvie." She softly continued her protests, ignoring what he'd last told her.

"I know, and right up until you walked in Lena had a very strong argument about that. She was about to set the deal down."

"And what's the deal?"

"6 months in juvie, and 2 years community service."

Maggie nodded. "What about foster care?"

"Emily should be coming in late this afternoon. We're going to settle things for good, and if ever anyone thinks of filing a lawsuit against them. They have the strongest lawyer in town to defend them. So, you don't have to worry."

Once the information sunk in, and she realized that things weren't going to be exactly how she wanted, but a close second, she felt her heart calm down. It wasn't so bad; actually, it was the best deal they could've gotten. Now that their futures were nearly settled, her mind couldn't help but drill itself back to a question she should've asked before interrogating Jacob with everything else.

"Where did you find them?"

"We didn't. They turned themselves in. Something about sucking it up, and being men."

"Did they tell you where they were all this time?"

He nodded. "You'd never believe it. They were by that mountainside no one dares to visit."

The Latin cop gasped slightly, her eyes nearly falling out of their sockets. Alex really was telling her the truth. She wasn't trying to impress her or do her any favors. She was genuinely trying to help her. Maggie felt her body crumble. Suddenly, she felt like she was being too rough on the soldier. Why couldn't she accept her help? She wanted to just help her that day, and what did she do in return? She yelled at her, she started a wreck less confrontation. Her eyes... the way they looked so broken. It messed with her head. She couldn't sleep at all. All night she was rolling around in bed for hours. The clock stroke 6 am and still she couldn't sleep. Now that she was starting to think about it, the Mullen boys weren't that much different from Alex. They'd all lost important people, and they were both acting out. It's probably why she pushed herself so hard in this case. Working day and night trying to fix their situation because, in some wired reverse psychology kind of way, she couldn't fix Alex; She couldn't save her, she couldn't help her.

Nights after she'd left. Maggie felt guilt burry her to sleep. She felt like she was useless. Her world had tarnished. Yet, she never thought how hard Alex's world tumbled too. The soldier had lost her father, and Maggie knew how close they were. Alex loved Jeremiah to the moon and back. She was always talking about how brave he was. How she wanted to be like him, and how there was always a grin on her face whenever _Corporal Danvers_ was mentioned at family dinner, in the Danvers house. She was invited to those nights sometimes, and she always saw Alex's eyes sparkled that much brighter whenever Eliza elaborated on a story about Jeremiah's bravery.

"Maggie?" Jacob tried to bring her back to reality. The Latin cop shook her head.

She felt like she was going to throw up, she was getting nauseous, and she wanted to leave so badly. But, the velvety voice of the woman behind her stopped her.

"Detectives?" Lena appeared behind them, her black suitcase at hand. Maggie turned around; she noticed that Lena wore her suit coat this time.

"Is everything settled?"

She nodded. "Jude and Connor should be heading out of town. They'll be put in juvie for around 6 months to almost a year. Depends on how the trials go."

"There's a trial?" Maggie asked.

"This town may be small, but it doesn't mean there are no dickheads in it. Mr. Cooper wants to file a lawsuit against the boys. They wrecked his house gate with spray paint. Now, instead of Cooper's residence, it's Pooper's residence. The paint wouldn't come off, and so they had to buy a new gate replacement. They want the boys to pay at least half the price."

"How much are we talking?" Jacob chimed in.

"They have to pay them back for paint expenses, 60 dollars for the gate, then 40 more for the carpenter, and that's without counting taxes or damage control."

"Where are they going to get that kind of money, they're drop outs, and just 16."

Lena shook her head. "You leave that to me Detective McConners, I'll handle the case. I've never lost a battle in my life, so they're in safe hands." She turned towards Maggie. "Can we talk?"

The Latin cop was surprised by the fluid change in conversations. Lena had specific reasons for approaching them; she was always direct and forward. Unless the subject was something she cared deeply about. Lena could handle a courtroom any day, but put her in a position where she should speak her heart she will undoubtedly freeze to death. Apparently, Maggie was a part of the reason she decided to approach them. She saw the taller brunette gaze at her, then back at Jacob. She looked apologetically at him.

"Alone?" She asked.

Maggie felt her bones shiver. She stared at Lena skeptically, then at Jacob who raised his eyebrows in curiousness. He then made his way far from the women, knowing Maggie's reluctant stare it was pretty clear where this conversation was heading. She kind of knew it too. The only subjects they had in common were the Mullen boys, and Alex. It didn't take rocket science to guess what the next topic they were going to discuss about would center on. The Latin cop found herself biting her tongue. Lena sighed deeply, adjusting her suitcase in her hands. She cleared her throat before looking at Maggie.

"This may come off as rather wired, or better yet unnatural." She started, then cleared her throat again. "But, umm- I know we don't really talk. Not since-," Green eyes met brown ones. "Well, you know."

The Latin cop shifted under her sympathetic gaze. She dug her hands into her pockets and faced Lena as she struggled to make a coherent sentence.

"It's really not ideal for me to ask you this, but I don't think I have any other choice." She cleared her throat and tucked a strand of hair that fell from her perfect bun. "Have you by any chance talked to Alex since she got back?"

And there it was, the deafening question. It was chewing on her insides; her heart was threatening to beat out of her chest. Alex shouldn't have this effect on her. She shouldn't be so enticing, and hard to resist. It's like she was that gum stuck on the back of your shoe, which you can't get off. She bent over backward trying to scrub Alex of her mind, but it was damn hard since she was the center of their conversation now.

"I ran into her."

Lena could see Maggie dig her fingers further into her pockets. She wasn't clueless, she could sniff the Latin cops Delphic aroma. She was aware of the same vague answer she got from her best friend. She eyed the cop skeptically.

"Did she tell you anything?" Green eyes following Maggie's fidgetiness. "About having nightmares? Not being able to sleep? Or even fighting with Kara?"

"No," she shook her head. "Nothing."

Everything Lena had said was news to her. Was Alex really having this much trouble? Her eyes did prove to show an essence of suffering. Yes, they had run into each other. Twice since she came back. In both times, the soldier neglected to mention any of her troubles. It's not like she had any obligation to, and it's not like she gave her room to confined in her, but still. Maggie couldn't shake the guilty feeling in her stomach. She used to be the first person to know every little detail about Alex Danvers; she used to know how to read her like the back of her hand. Every crinkle, or every twitch of her nose, the way she bit her lip any time she had to hold back her anger, or the way she scratched the back of her neck when nervous got the best of her. Maggie used to see them all as clear as day. How could she have missed all the signs now?

"I don't know what I was thinking." She shook her head, then placed her two fingers on her forehead. "Of course she wouldn't."

"W-why would you ask that?"

Lena looked up at Maggie. Chocolate orbs flooded with worry. "She's been acting off lately. Kara's mentioned that ever since she got back, she's been having nightmares; Like really bad nightmares. Waking up, sweating in the middle of the night, bad. She hasn't even slept in the past two days."

"Why isn't she talking to you?"

The lawyer gave her a sad smile. "It's Alex, Maggie." As if that statement was enough to give reason behind her actions. "She doesn't like to talk about feelings. If she even thinks of talking about it, she'd only talk to you, or her sister. And, lately, I think she feels like she's a burden on Kara."

"A burden?"

She nodded. "With Kara's baby on the way, and everything. Alex might think she's just causing the air around their house to suffocate. She probably thinks she's too much work." She shook her head. "I don't know, but if you see her again. Tell her that she's got people she can talk to. We won't judge her."

"Why can't you tell her?"

"Because if she's willing to listen to anyone." A tragic smirk lingered on her plump lips. "It's you."

Maggie had to swallow thickly. Do people really think that? Does Alex really feel that? She doubted it. Alex didn't need her; she didn't need her for 10 years. Everyone around town was just used to that idea. If we're going to be honest, she was a little used to it too. The thought that simple pillow talk could be the cure to heartache, it was addicting.

"Anyway," Lena smiled genuinely. "I'll see you later."

She left leaving behind a questioning Maggie. Alex still lingering in her head, she wondered what she could've said to make the Mullen boys turn themselves in. Even when they weren't talking she found a way to fascinate her. She couldn't help but wonder if Alex was fascinated by how she'd turned out?

* * *

Hours of the day had passed by quickly. It was night before Alex even managed to blink; it's been a busy day, Kara had an appointment. This time she tagged along, it was like watching a miracle unfold. Seeing the baby through the ultrasound was life questioning. She kept on wondering how Kara managed to live through 9 months with a growing soul in her belly without questioning it one bit. The doctor was a nice young woman in her late 30s. She'd told her sister that giving birth could happen in any moment between a day or two. Kara had expectantly gone through a crisis mode. Cold feet forced her to get ahold of her insecure side. Alex had to spend rest of the evening at home, calming her sisters nerves, before she gave birth in their living room couch. 

She had just settled her into bed, when she noticed that right down the hall. Her parents’ bedroom door was still wide open, and the lights were turned on. She walked closer till she found that the room she once used to walk into with both her parents sleeping in bed, is now a hallow unoccupied space. The beige bed sheets untouched, the cupboards she assumed remained as tidy as always. Her parents counter still covered with Eliza's mixture of perfumes from channel N.5 to crappy grocery store body sprays creams for all parts of the body, and finally pictures of her parents posing with cheesy smiles. A frame with her father's picture dressed in his military uniform on the corner. Alex found herself reaching for it, her fingers tracing the scandalous features of her father. His dark hair, brown eyes, and earth shattering smile. God, Alex could just remember the days they used to play together. Crawling on the floors, jumping on pillows lined up on the ground as if they were rocks in a pond, pretending to be at boot camp and under makeshift tents made by the bed sheets her mother had just washed clean. 

She chuckled at the memory, then placed the frame back, opening her father's side of the cupboard. In there, hung with all the things they could never get rid of, was his uniform. The army -print a sight she was so used too, she couldn't help but pull out the uniform, her fingers lingered over  _Danvers_  stitched into the front right side. She sniffed the shirt. God, it still smelt just like him. She sighed placing the suit back. It looked almost like a replica of her own uniform. Except, the rank stitched into her father's left sleeve different than hers. 

  _Alex knew her girlfriend must've been asleep. She knew it was well passed midnight, and everyone in town had their lights switched off, sleeping in bed for a long restless night, everyone, except for the Danvers residence. No one at home could sleep, not with the recent news they were struck with. She knew what she was doing was probably stupid, but she needed someone to talk to. She also needed to forget. Maggie was the perfect distraction, and she was comforting at the same time too. However, it was 3 am; It was a long shot, but she still pursued it. Alex stopped riding her bike the 2 miles that it took to reach her girlfriend's apartment. Sweat had pilled up on her shirt. She slid of her bike, and carefully climbed her way up to the second floor, easily hoping onto her balcony._

_She noticed that her room was dark; the sliding door for the balcony was locked. She pulled a pin from her hair, twisted it, and easily opened it. Alex walked in, and immediately turned her back around slowly sliding the door to a close before any bugs or mosquitoes could swarm in. She felt something heavy hit her head. She landed on the floor a heavy weight suddenly pinned her down. She chuckled once her vision cleared._

_"Ow." She said with a laugh._

_"Alex?" Maggie whispered, her hand that was in a threatening fist slowly loosened. She smiled when Alex's grin formed on her lips. She pulled herself away, and helped her girlfriend up._  

 _"How did you get in here?"_  

_Alex pulled out a twisted bobby pin from her pocket. "Picking locks, a weird skill Winn taught me." She shrugged._

_"I thought you were a burglar." The Latin teen chuckled pushing her, then feeling how sweaty her shirt was. She sniffed her fingers._

_Her face scrunched, it smelt like rotten pee._

_"Oh god, were you on a run?"_

_Alex pulled her shirt close to her nose; she sniffed herself, then shrugged. "Maybe."_

_"That's disgusting."_

_Maggie pointed at her sweaty shirt. The redhead smirked looking down at herself. She pointed to her now nearly see-through t-shirt as she walked closer to Maggie. Hazel eyes grew predatorily into brown ones. Maggie's smile already turning her fowl mood upside down._

  _"This?"_

_"Yes,"_

_"This is sexy." She argued with a smirk, and a raised eyebrow._

_"No," she shook her head giggling._

_"Yes."_

_"No, it's not."_

_"Yes, it's super sexy." Alex argued again, a devilish smirk filtering her lips. She had her hands wrapped around Maggie's waist; The Latin teen playfully slapping at her hands._

_They finally hit the edge of the bed. Maggie collapsing with giggles as Alex hovered over her. She tickled her till she lost her breath. The redhead had snuck her head between her shoulder and chin. She left speckles off kisses across her neck, it didn't turn Maggie on, instead it tickled her shitless. That quirky detail always left Alex grinning. Eventually she'd stopped when Maggie had to grasp onto her shoulders tightly to breath. Hazel eyes brushed back strands of hair when it all calmed down. Alex couldn't help but sigh; Her girlfriend was so damn gorgeous, it was unbelievable at times. Maggie's chocolate orbs could take her to a land so far away from this one; A land where negativity didn't exist. Her eyes took her on a trip to utopia. When their gazes met, she felt like they were the only people in the world. Her eyes were home. She was sure she was going to marry her. She loved the thought off waking up to her morning breath, sharing a bed with her till forever, tickling her with kisses on her neck and gladly volunteering to take the backseat ride in Maggie Sawyer's life._

_Alex's lips had pulled her towards Maggie's. Soft, supple, plump pink lips felt so good. It drove her paralyzed. She could feel Maggie start to take control, press her lips harder on to hers, and intertwine their fingers together. Once she pulled away, her gorgeous features scrunched again._

_"You need a shower." She complained._  

_Alex chuckled shaking her head. "Fine, give me a towel." She said with a smirk. Maggie pushed her off her playfully. Her girlfriend sat back on her bed, and watched her sway her hips till she felt a towel hit her face._

She couldn't linger for long, she didn't want to. She knew memories would keep flooding back but she didn't want it too. She'd done such a good job with burying everything in. It felt like someone was digging all her memories out of the grave she had created. Her eyes brushed over her parents’ clock. It was almost midnight, and Eliza still wasn't back. Alex decided it was time she went to get her mother. She knew exactly where she'd find her. 

* * *

Bored. If anyone were to ask, Maggie was absolutely bored out her mind. Sometimes she hated the night shift. Patrolling when it was dark in Midvale was essentially useless. Nothing really happens during the daylight. Nights were worse; every single civilian in town went to sleep. Midvale's citizens cherished sleep a little too much. It was only fools like her, who had to endure the late hours of work that stayed up. She watched all the lights in town gradually turn off. Drove through the streets at 30 Kilometers per hour. It was wild how things could be this peaceful while on the other side of the world people were dying because they stepped on a wrong piece of land, and erupted an explosion. It was abusing her mind. How can both peace and war coexist? Thoughts flooded her head; Thoughts of a particular soldier who blurred the lines between war and peace; She stopped a few feet away from the local graveyard, she pulled her phone out. The Safari icon falling victim to her thumb, she headed straight for Google, and typed  _casualties of war stats._ She clicked on the first link that popped up; Her eyes immediately scanning the numbers; 180 deaths per day. She could feel her heart constrict. Here she was bored out of her mind, while people enlisted and risked their lives for families and humans they'd never even met. Sometimes she questioned if they were even human at all. The way the world acted it was like they were animals. The only difference was our ability to communicate, and even then we argue not communicate. 

She sighed, threw her phone to the passengers’ side, placed two fingers on her forehead, and stared out the window. How did Alex manage to do it? How did she manage to pack up and leave? Leave the comfort of a safe place to a battle zone? Maggie couldn't understand it much. Yes, she was a cop, and both professions were to protect people. But the Police Academy had nothing on the Military's Boot camp. The most she could do was stop a bar fight, write up tickets for speeding cars, and busting drug dealers; A soldier though? Man, a soldier could save lives. Alex could've saved lives, she risked herself for others she didn't even know their names. So, why? Why was she upset with her? Isn't it always sacrifice the one for the many? Isn't that what Alex had done?  

She'd been so in over her head till she noticed two figures stepping out of the graveyard. She put her car back into drive mode, and slowly drove closer. She immediately hit the breaks on her car when she noticed who the figures were. Alex had her mother's right arm hung around her neck, while her left arm wrapped around Eliza's petite waist. The soldier was struggling to keep her mother upright; she had only stopped when she felt the blinding light of the police car in front of her. Maggie didn't even have to think. She stepped out of her car, and helped Alex place her mother in the backseat. Eliza looked completely disheveled, it was clear she'd pass out any minute now. Her aroma smelt like vodka, and bourbon. She figured she was probably drunk.

"Oh Maggie dearest," a lazy smile formed on Eliza's face. "How did you get here?" Her slurred words conformed Maggie's theory. Eliza was drunk. 

"Mrs. Danvers, are you okay?"

"I'm just peachy." She grinned, looking back at her daughter. "Alex! Sweetie, you're back! God. I had this awful dream that you were in the military," she turned to face Maggie. "And you were going to get married to someone other than my sweet Alex." She laughed. 

"Yeah, mom. It was all just a dream." Alex had seethed through clenched teeth. 

A few more steps with Eliza's unfortunate running mouth, and they had reached the car. They easily slipped her into her seat. As soon as the passenger door came to a close, Maggie was faced with Alex.  

"Don't ask." The soldier immediately brushed off. "I know you don't owe me any favors, but can you just drop her home?"

Maggie noticed Alex's intense need to avoid her eyes. The soldier looked almost as exhausted as her mother. She looked into the passenger side window, Eliza had passed out. She gazed back at Alex. Her eyes subconsciously staring back at her. And there it was, that excruciating, begrudging pain. The Latin cop couldn't deny her request. She nodded, and faster than a speeding bullet Alex had walked passed her. She immediately rushed behind her. 

"Wait, where are you going?" She asked. 

"I'm walking home." Alex had coldly said, wrapping her thin cardigan harder around herself. 

"In this weather?"

"I've been in worse."

Still Maggie followed her. "Alex, get in the car."

The soldier stopped, turning around, crossing her arms on her chest. "I said I can walk."

"And I said get in the car." She ordered. 

"You don't have to pretend to care." 

"Alex, just get in." She ordered a little softer this time. 

The soldier had to think twice before accepting the offer. She had climbed into the front seat, and closed the door. She didn't dare face any other way than forward. Not even when she heard the drivers side door close. Maggie, on the other hand, she'd immediately had her eyes on Alex. She could notice so many things about her most people wouldn't think twice about. Like how the veins in her hands show so clearly now; results of pulling ropes, climbing ruthless mountains, and spending years in boot camp she assumed. The way her eyes betrayed her figure. She was exhausted, beyond exhausted. The way her chest was heaving in slow deep breaths told her that Alex was trying very hard to stay calmed down. 

She knew the soldier wouldn't dare say anything, so she started driving. What she hated about this little interaction they were having was how well she still memorized the way to her house. It wasn't like she hadn't been there for almost 10 years. Halfway through their ride, they had stopped by a red light. Maggie caught herself turning to gaze at the passenger side. Alex was entranced in the view outside her window, but Maggie noticed her shivering hands. She swallowed thickly. 

"Are you cold?" 

Alex pulled her eyes away from the window; she licked her lips. She didn't want to say anything more than she had to, so instead she reached for the AC controls just at the moment Maggie did. Their fingers brushed. Alex felt a shiver hit her, definitely not from sheer coldness. It was from the ring on Maggie's hand. The cold metal had brushed against her skin; Alex could feel the tears coming.  _No weaknesses_. She told herself, and pulled her hand back quickly. The Latin cop was aware of her subtle actions. 

"Sorry." The soldier whispered, shuffling in her seat.  

"Don't worry bout it." 

The rest of the car ride continued in silence. It wasn't long till they had reached her home. Alex couldn't believe it. She felt like the dry tension in the car would suffocate her. As soon as the car came to a remote stop, she reached for the door, opened it, and almost climbed out. Maggie grabbed hold of her wrist before she left; Lena's words flashing to her brain. The soldier looked back at her ex.   

"If you need to talk to someone," she started. "There are people who will hear you."

For a moment the atmosphere stayed silent, too silent; Maggie felt like she might've been deaf. That was until a heartless laugh erupted from Alex's lips. 

"Lena made you say that didn't she?"

"No," she said a little startled that Alex knew. "I just thought-,"

"Well you, Lena, and Kara don't have to think for me." She hissed. "If I wanted to talk, I'll talk."

"God, Alex." Maggie dropped her hand, the once sympathetic feelings she had towards her slipped away. "Why do you have to be like that?"

"Like what?" 

"Cold." She eyed her sadly. "Heartless."

"I'm heartless?" She questioned. Another sarcastic smile lingered on her lips. "This coming from the woman who told me she stopped waiting for me years ago."

Maggie was surprised by the sudden words coming form the soldiers mouth. She hadn't realized it would hurt her that much. "Th-thats different."

"I knew coming back here would spark unwanted tension, but I never thought that you of all people would judge me." Alex gazed deeply into Maggie's eyes. "You were supposed to understand. I've got enough people from left and right telling me how much of a fucking screw up I am. You were supposed to be on my side." 

The Latin cop felt her heart rip apart. She didn't believe that Alex Danvers had tears falling down her cheeks. She caught herself reaching for her tears. When the soldier noticed her watery complexion, she forcefully wiped her own damp cheeks, and rushed to escape the cramped cop car. She sniffed heavily.  

"It doesn't matter." Alex looked into her eyes. 

"Alex-," 

"You're not even mine anymore." She whispered, then slammed the door, and quickly got to her mother.  

By the time Maggie unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of her car, Alex was already a couple feet away from, struggling to unlock the door, and keep hold of her mother. But this was Alex; in no time at all she had managed to enter their house with no difficulty. The Latin cop was left outside, wondering, guessing if everything was still the same in there. Wondering if Alex had to climb the same steps she used to sneak up to once before. Was her room still as it always was? If she entered the Danvers home, will it feel like home? Because; once upon a time, years ago, it felt like home. 

She shook her head, climbed into her car. Anger, confusion, self pity; they all swam across the surface of her brain. She hit against the steering wheel. 

"Fuck!" She yelled. 

Why did Alex have to be so complicated? She didn't stand guard for long. She'd pulled off the curb of her house, and began to finish her night patrol, definitely going to ask McConnors to take the rest of her night shifts till Alex had to leave again. It was cruel what the universe was testing her with. It's like it was trying to poke needles into her skin just for fun. She couldn't understand what her feelings were in the moment. They were just a jumbled up mess, like unsorted chains tangled together. She hated how stubborn both her and Alex could be. It made everything between them difficult. She couldn't remember how they got through things before; life with Emily wasn't that way. They didn't fight as much, but maybe the fire didn't spark as much either. However, it was better than the torture Alex put her through. 

She'd reached home, hearing the running shower. Emily was getting ready for work. She slipped of her shoes, discarded half her clothes, till she was left with a shirt and underwear. Leaving behind a train of dirty clothes she knew Emily would pick up, wash, clean, fold, and place back in her cupboard. She simply crashed into her bed, a long sigh reflecting the hard day she's been through.  

_Alex had showered in a matter of minutes; she came out of her bathroom, and snooped through her girlfriend's closet like it was her own. She brushed through the piles of flannels and tanks in all different colors, she couldn't help but chuckle at how gay Maggie was. She reached the pile of oversized shirts, borrowed one, wore it, smelt its precious aroma; Vanilla and jasmine. That's how Maggie smelt, like flowers and beautiful flavors. Alex sometimes caught herself just sniffing through her hair, whenever they laid down with her hair at the crock on her neck. She adored her sense of smell. It was comforting. She closed her closet, made her way to the dresser, picked up Maggie's brush, and combed her wet hair before placing it in a messy bun. The Latin teen eyed her with a smirk through the mirror; her wet hair was as Maggie put it 'adorable'. Alex chuckled then sat next to her watching her work on her most recent detective game. She kissed her neck; her girlfriend smiled, and then brushed some of her wet hair back._

_"Hey, you okay?"_

_"I'm alright." She lied. Maggie stared at her. She could see the worry lines on her forehead as if it was bright as day. Alex sighed. "It’s just home stuff."_

_"Your dad?"_

_Alex nodded._

_"Is he okay?" She quickly turned to face Alex; Her hands brushing against her cheeks. Alex reached for her hands._

  _"He's fine." She said before she sighed, looking away._

_Alex didn't like to talk much about what her father does for a living, despite having blabbed all about his courageous efforts, and her lovely childhood with him. The redhead always choked when it came to the story of his enlisting. She hated it as much as any one of the Danvers party did, but she hated disappointing her father more. And with everyone openly telling him how he should retire, how he was doing his family wrong. She couldn't help but feel obligated to support him, and she did most times; Even if it drove her restless. Maggie had watched her check the stats of casualties nearly every morning before going out of bed, and every night before getting into bed. It was like she was checking the time. She had many tricks to help her through the night, checking the war status were one of them._

_"Hey," Maggie whispered, then raised her head. "I'm here." She looked into her eyes. "You can tell me anything."_

_Alex breathed deeply holding her hands. "He extended his tour, Maggie."_

_Silence filled the room. Her hands held on tighter against Alex. The defeated look Alex had on her face, it skinned her flesh. She knew how happy Alex was that her father had finally came back from his supposedly last tour. The girl was so ecstatic, she couldn't believe that Corporal Danvers would no longer be Corporal Danvers. He would just be Jeremiah Danvers, a loving father, and a loving husband. Without all the complications of war, and it's deathly glooms. Maggie could picture Alex's enormous grin when she took her to meet the legendary man. It's that grin that tore her apart, the fact that she knew Alex would never smile as big as that until her came back from his tour safely._

_"Oh, sweetie." She placed her hands around her face, pulled her closer to her chest. Held on to her in a tight embrace._

_Alex closed her eyes, and tried to hold in her tears, Maggie pulled her into a tighter hug. She knew how long she'd been waiting till her father retired, and now he was back at war again. Alex held on to her tighter, as she cried a little harder._

_"It's okay, it's okay." She whispered over and over to her. And when she finally calmed down._

_"Can I stay here tonight?" She asked. "I'll sleep on the floor I don't mind."_

_Maggie shook her head. "Don't be ridiculous," she smiled softly, pulling her up. "Come on." She said and then spooned her all night brushing her hair back._

* * *

"So are you attending the 10 year reunion for class of 2007?" Hannah asked placing Alex's cup on the counter. 

The soldier supported confused expressions. Last night was brutal, the hours of sleepless nights compiled over each other. She could barely keep her eyes open, let alone know about the latest news in Midvale. She needed coffee, and a run. She was sweating like a pig when she arrived at Bistro, but no one bothered to care. Everyone was busy getting their orders to notice her grey damp shirt, and juniper shorts. 

"What reunion?"

The waitress raised an eyebrow. "You don't know bout the reunion party?" 

The soldier shook her head. 

"It's happening at Midvale High, obviously. This Saturday. They'd seemingly made it earlier just for you. Everyone wants to see the brave soldier." She smirked.

"So, basically I don't have an option but to attend?" 

"Pretty much, Hun." She smiled sadly, placing a brown paper bag on the counter with the rest of Alex's order. She picked up the bag, and paid her bill. She sighed exhausted, Hanna held Alex's hand, a genuine smile on her lips.

"Hey, at least you'll get to see your goofball friends again."  

"Yeah," Alex chuckled. 

"Tweedledum and Tweedledee." She smirked referring to James and Winn's old nicknames. The soldier laughed. 

"You're right."

"I always am." Hannah grinned. "Well, have a great day, soldier." The waitress grinned one last time at Alex. 

She noticed that they were stalling the line a little too much. Alex held on to her cup, and bag filled with different flavored croissants for both her mother and sister. They could use the breakfast take out. After her mother's bad night Alex didn't think she'd be up to making breakfast, and Kara was well, she was pregnant, she'd go for anything. She'd just exited the line when she heard a soft voice aim at her. 

"Hey, Alex." The Latin cop smiled softly; Her own coffee in her hands.  

Alex was surprised by the sudden greeting, after last night, she figured Maggie would never talk to her again. The Latin cop had awakened an awkward tension between them. Her cup free hand twitching then sunk it into her pocket. Alex didn’t have the will power to reply back to her, and she was thankful that her phone buzzed before she could come up with a possible response. She pulled her phone out, then answered quickly without checking caller ID. 

"Hello?"

"Where the fuck are you?!" 

It was Kara's voice, but Alex was almost certain that was the first time she'd heard her sister curse. She had to pull her phone away from her ear, and check caller ID, before placing it back against her ear.

"Kara?"

"Alex, get your ass back home!" 

"Why? I'm at Bistros."

"Well get your ass back home! I need you! I need to get to the hospital! Now!" She yelled. "My water just broke!" She rushed to explain. 

The soldier’s eyes grew wide; she glanced at Maggie for a second. The cop had heard a small snippet of her sister’s voice. The shaken eyes that formed on Alex's hazel orbs told her everything she needed to know. The redhead rushed out the coffee shop. Maggie watched her, drop the coffee and her bag by any random table, scramble to the door, and run like a speeding bullet towards her house direction. She felt almost awkward. What was she going to say before she got that call?

* * *

 

 


	5. Caught Up In A Mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!! This chapter took a fuck load of time to write. My muse hit a nerve but finally I managed to finish this. I hope you enjoy it, and let's hope for quicker updates. Comment & Kudos <3\. Just a reminder guys make sure you've read the second part of my last chapter! I accidentally uploaded half of it before!

A little white room, in the back half of Midvale's best hospital, it's rectangular window parallel to the patient's bed and a small transparent baby crib next to it. That's where Kara Danvers was laying, asleep. Exhaustion overwhelming her body, little Crystal Jeremiah Danvers fidgeting inside that baby crib while Alex used her hands as a temporary cot mobile. The little-agitated sounds Crystal was making formed elaborate grins on her lips. She fell in love with her the minute she held her whilst her small figure was still covered in blood, the nurses helped her wash her clean, and wrap her in a thick blue garment that kept her warm. She tried to rock her to silence, but she preferred her mother's arms. The second Kara held her, her cries quieted down. Alex saw something in Kara's eyes. It was that confirmation that she was proud of her decision. Keeping the baby was the best thing she could've ever done. Her eyes were a crystal blue Alex had never seen before, hence her name. Eliza almost teared up when she heard Kara name her daughter's middle name as Jeremiah.

Her mother had just woken up from her comfortable position on the visitor's chair, her coat jacket hung on the back. She had discarded it when Kara finally let her exhaustion take over. She approached her eldest daughter, placed a hand on her shoulders. They both watched as Crystal reached for Alex's fingers trying to hold on to them. Soft grumbles were heard because her little fingers couldn't keep hold of her aunt’s large hand.

"She's so tiny," Alex whispered in awe.

"You were that small once."

"It's like she's not real; like a freaking doll."

Eliza chuckled; she patted her shoulder. "Do you think you can handle her, and your sister both? I need to go take a shower before people start piling up to see our new edition to the family."

"I can handle Crystal." Alex nodded towards Kara's direction. Soft snores were escaping her slightly a jarred lips. "Kara on the other hand. Her hormones are still under the impression that she's pregnant."

"It's an adjustment, sweetie."

"Yeah, I know."

Eliza smiled sweetly, then reached for her coat. She put it on and made her way to the door.

"Hey, mom?" Alex started, her mother turned around. "You're going to be okay right? When I'm gone again. You won't fall apart, right? Cause..." she looked back at her disheveled sister and her playful baby. "They need you."

She smiled sadly, "I think they need a lot more than me."

"If I promise that it's the last time I have to leave again-,"

"I've heard that promise before. Don't do what your father did, Alex." She eyed her seriously. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Mom-,"

"When you're ready to come back for good, to suck up your pride, be with your family, and you're absolutely sure that you'd give up the life and promises you built over there. That's when you can tell me that you're ready to quit. Don't put hope in a place where misery is determined to replace it."

Alex had to watch her mother walk away with a tired expression, her judgmental eyes burned into her skull. Even Eliza wasn't on her side, it left her feeling more lonely than she was before. It ate at her how cynical the most important people in her life were being. They all had warning signs, and every time she was near them, those alarms triggered. She sighed. Crystals' grunts grew frantic, her hands started to rub against her tiny face. Alex couldn't help but chuckle when her soft groans started to sound. She picked her up gently, laid her down on her right arm as she let her grip her left ring finger. She smiled down at her soft, gentle features. It was fascinating how light she was, her weight barely heavier than a feather.

"You won't judge me right?"

She whispered while forming a bouncy rhythm soothing her little body. Crystal tried to imitate any type of sound, her mouth opened but not a word came out. Alex felt her stomach drift into a sea of butterflies at her adorable attempt to reply.

"I hope I won't disappoint you too," her crystal blue eyes opened slowly in response, her aunt chuckled. The soldier rubbed her nose against her nieces.

"You might just be the most beautiful girl I've seen. You'll totally have all the guys and girls falling for you with just one look. I know I have."

Alex's bouncy rhythm had drifted the little baby into a comfortable slumber, her tiny chest heaving up and down. Her small features were so wonderful to see. Her little gorgeous blue eyes, her hands that couldn't make up half of Alex's, her little button nose; they were all so precious. The soldier’s stomach filled completely with butterflies, she was jerked away from her trance when she heard the unintended accident that happened right outside Kara's hospital room. She looked up to find Maggie desperately apologizing to one of the nurses, a bunch of files fallen around them. The Latin cops hands frantically collected most of them and gave them back to the nurse.

"I'm really sorry, I wasn't looking, and I-,"

The soldier's compassionate chuckles drove heat to the forefront of the cops' cheeks. They glowed a cherry red, once their eyes met. Maggie couldn't help but giggle and bite her lip. She crossed her hands on her chest, took tentative steps towards Alex. She quickly gazed at the baby, then behind the redhead. She found that both mother and daughter were sound asleep.

"Maybe I should come back another time?"

"No." Alex grinned softly. "Stay."

Maggie's cheeks burnt redder, she felt her stomach drown. All their problems stifled beneath the newborn in Alex's hands. The cop couldn't help but reach towards her small fisted arms. She giggled when some sort of noise erupted the little one's lips. It was like their dilemmas had disappeared, no anger, no judgment, no sadness; all fragile fractured feelings subsided as they watched Crystal get fascinated by every little thing life had to offer. Maggie would be lying if she didn't admit how damn earth-shattering Alex looked holding her niece. Brown eyes trailed to watch Hazel ones suffocate under Crystal's gaze. The soldier was completely enamored, and it led to Maggie feeling just as amazed.

"She's gorgeous." The brunette whispered.

"I know."

"She really can make you fall for her with just one look," Maggie smirked. Alex's eyes bugged out when the cops subtle hint registered.

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough to know that you prefer talking to a baby, than someone with a rational working brain."

Alex's cheeks embedded embarrassment; they invited the red glow. "It's easier when those who listen don't talk back."

"You never liked to admit anything."

"And you never liked accepting other opinions."

"Some people call it being determined."

"I call it being hard headed." Maggie rolled her eyes, and she chuckled.

The cop let her eyes land on the small figure perfectly placed in warm hands. She couldn't help but wonder how light the baby must feel, or how soft her skin probably was. Alex noticed Maggie's soft gaze, she smiled, cleared her throat.

"Do you- umm- do you want to hold her?"

Maggie stared at her with worried eyes, she immediately shook her head, her hands clamping together. "No, I shouldn't-,"

"Maggie," Alex's tone was easily readable. The cop had been subjected to it multiple times before. It often meant she had to shut up, put aside the consequences of life, and just do what she wished.

"Hold out your hands."

The Latin woman did so. Alex carefully placed Crystal in her hands. At first, Maggie felt her arms shake, she held her loosely afraid that in some kind of way she was going to break her or crush her to death if she held any tighter. However, the longer time passed, the more Crystal twitched in her hands, she held her stronger as if she could fall any minute. The cautious attitude Maggie supported was a freaking sexy sight for Alex, and her gentle giggles forced the redhead's heart to drop down to her stomach. It was like she didn't believe what she was seeing, or holding right in her hands.

"She has your nose." Maggie grinned as she looked up from Crystal to stare at Alex. She was technically the soldier’s cause of death; that smile...

"I remember you used to talk about wanting kids a lot." She randomly mentioned. Maggie laughed.

"You wanted a boy so badly."

Alex smirked. "And you _craved_ a girl."

Maggie's eyes Landed back at the precious innocent baby in her hands, "I even picked out names." She admitted. Alex felt her body spasm.

"You never told me."

"I never had the chance."

The painless illusion atmosphere disappeared. That sentence had sparked all the guilt and shame buried in Alex. The reason she could survive so many years in the military was because she had the opportunity to illusion herself into believing how happy everyone was without her. When Emily popped into the picture after she met her, she felt like her illusions weren't illusions anymore. Maggie had found a way to be happy without her. Alex should've been thrilled for her, she should've accepted it. It's what she had wanted when she first left. She didn't have the right to be angry, upset, or even hurt. But just one look at her beautiful brown chocolate orbs, her long brunette hair, her evenly tanned skin; it was damn hard not to realize how much she had lost. It was hard thinking that this beautiful creature was once mine.

Maggie smiled sadly; she outstretched her hands very cautiously placing Crystal back in Alex's arms. She played with her little fingers a bit more before gazing into Alex's eyes.

"Send my congrats to your sister. She has a gorgeous baby."

The soldier nodded, then watch Maggie pick herself up and leave. Alex was quick to lay the sleeping baby in her crib. She ran after the Latin cop, she managed to catch her wrist. Maggie looked at her confused.

"I'm sorry."

The cop’s eyebrows furrowed. Alex let her hand go, she stared at her feet then back at Maggie's paralyzing features after taking a huge breath.

"I'm just- I- I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"All of it." She sighed. "I screwed up. Leaving the way that I did. It was stupid." She shook her head. "I was stupid. I-I broke my promise to you."

Maggie's eyes were clouding with water she didn't even know filled. "You did." She whispered.

"It's the biggest regret in my life."

"Alex, you don't have to say these things-,"

"No, but I do. You deserved better than me, or what I had to offer." She forced a genuine smile. "And I'm glad that you found it."

Alex noticed Maggie look away, play with the ring on her finger, then smile softly. The soldier swallowed thickly.

"But, I'd never be able to live with myself, if I didn't at least try to fix things between us. I have only a couple of days left, and I was wondering if- Um- I-lf-,"

"If what?" She asked gently.

"If we could have lunch together tomorrow." Maggie's eyebrows rose. "It's not a date!" She was quick to reassure her. "It's just a peace offering. So we can bury the hatchet?"

It was more a question than a statement. The way Alex was twitching, and all nervous it had Maggie grinning. It was the total opposite of how she had asked her out before. Not that she was asking her out now, but the simple fact that she was trying to correct things between them. It made her feel like maybe she wasn't nothing to her after all. Maybe somewhere deep down Alex really had feelings. She knew it must have taken a fuck load of courage to ask her this.

"Rocket City Bar, Tomorrow, 3:30. That's when I'm off my shift." She watched as Alex's eyes nearly fell from their sockets. "I'll see you then."

The soldier couldn't move. She was frozen in her spot. Watching as a gorgeous brunette cop walked away. Her stomach getting all sick, her breathing quickened; Her face light up with a smile once Maggie had disappeared. Maybe it was possible to salvage what little they had left.

* * *

 

Maggie had made it home with a grin on her lips. Her back rested against the closed apartment door, a twinkle in her eyes that's been missing for quite a while. She had almost missed her fiancé jolted down on the living room couch, holding a cup of coffee reading through a file. Emily raised her eyebrows at the strange state Maggie was in. The Latin cop had a tendency of drifting off daydreaming. She'd done it about a dozen times when she was in group therapy, the times Jim had to call her name to break her out of it was cute before. However, now, it left an unsettling feeling in Emily's stomach. Especially because she knew that those dreams often occurred when the Latin Cop thought of Alex. She wouldn't be human if jealousy didn't make itself known. She was damn envious. After seeing what the soldier looked like, in flesh and blood, she could see what all the fuss was about. Not only was she utterly beautiful, but Alex served a purpose, not most people volunteered to. She cleared her throat causing Maggie to jump from her spot.

"Are you back on planet earth?"

Maggie blushed. She made her way to her fiancé. "I went to see Kara in the hospital." She sat down. "She gave birth yesterday."

"Was Alex there?" The skeptical voice Emily had purposely used didn't go unnoticed. Maggie slipped her hand into Emily's.

"You don't have to be jealous."

"Me? Jealous? Why would I be jealous? You only have -like- what? 10 years of history with her?"

"We have 5."

"3 of which you were trying to get over her."

"Are you angry?" She asked confused.

"No," she sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just work. That's all."

Maggie nodded; she bit her lip. "Does this mean it's a bad time to tell you that I agreed on lunch with Alex?"

"Alone?"

"Well, I mean. Not technically. The rest of the people at the bar will be there?" She grinned hopefully. Emily scoffed, tugged her hand back, and threw the file on the coffee table. She stood up, and walked to their kitchen; Maggie trailing behind her.

"Emily."

"I'm not asking too much from you." She hissed. Her shoulders lost their perfect posture. She set her hands on the edge of the sink.

Maggie wasn't dumb; she could sense the unsettling feelings Emily carried. She rarely used offensive tones. She never had a reason to, but lately feeling abhorrent was becoming a priority in her fiancé life. The constant way Maggie twitched whenever Alex was mentioned, or the multiple flashback states she'd caught her in. It made her think that maybe she wasn't ready to move on just yet. In fact, maybe she didn't move on in the first place. She knew she was a cheap replacement. However, Emily never felt how real that statement was until Alex showed up. And the worst part was she was completely in love with Maggie that even something like this couldn't tear down how much she felt for her.

"Emily, if you need me to cancel I-,"

"You can go," she turned around. "But, I have some ground rules."

"Anything."

"No private places." She gazed into brown eyes. "I don't want you alone with her. The place you meet up in has to be packed." Her girlfriend nodded.

"If she tries anything- If she kisses you, or- just avoid close spaces." Emily sighed, she moved towards Maggie, intertwining their hands. The Latin cop stared at their hands. Emily's fingers were shaking almost like they were uncertain. Hazel eyes pleaded into brown ones. "I need you to remember who you're marrying."

"Alex isn't that irresistible, Em."

"To you, she just might be."

"Emily," she started waiting for her fiancé to look at her. Her hazel eyes landed on brown ones. "I'm just so tired of feeling angry. I'm finally dealing with it. It's nothing more than working things out between two old friends."

" _Just_ friends."

"Just friends, I promise." She smiled softly then kissed her cheek.

* * *

 

_It was bright and early when she heard the agonizing screams of a child bawling for his mother. The shrieking screams of "Mama!" haunted her as she crouched down under the comforting safe zone behind a chopped down rusty old brick wall. It was dusty, yellow, and sandy in Afghanistan. Her arms occupied holding a rifle that was nearly as tall as she was. Beside her, on her right covered in the enemy's blood was Lucy, while on her left Lieutenant Astra held the orders to remain undercover. Her and Lucy were one of the few Privates in their unit who remained alive after the uncalled for attack. They hid behind ditched remains of a house waiting for backup. While they waited; the devastating screams of that little boy calling for his mother kept growing. Alex could feel her bones chill; she couldn't stand by and watch as the child entered into the middle of a battle zone. Bullets flying in crisscross motions, as the little boy, not older than 7, blindly cried standing frozen. In an instant Alex caught herself jumping to her feet, however, the strong tug that forced her down refused to let her submit herself to dangerous grounds._

_"What do you think you're doing, Private?" LT. Astra hissed._

_"That boy can get hurt."_

_"It's none of our business. He's part of the enemy."_

_"But, he's just a boy." She stated annoyed._

_"And this is war. People die, Private."_

_The older woman angrily informed her, she aimed her rifle at the two enemies standing ahead of her holding machine guns. Astra easily shot them between the eyes; they both fell like flies being zapped. Lucy had taken her own aim on the right as well. Yet, Alex could still hear the boy’s screams. Everything else was silenced, nothing but the cries of a 7-year-old boy floated on her mind. She kept her eyes open locating any targets that could hit the boy, she'd aimed and fired at an approaching man with guns. He fell to the ground like another fly. She did her best to follow her commander’s rules, but the sight of a woman in an Abaya screaming for "Mohammed" had forced her off her feet again. This time both soldiers with her had been occupied with their own rifles. Lucy was firing at one of the men when she noticed the same uniform she wore dashing towards the boy._

_"Alex!" She'd yelled._

_"Damn it." Astra hissed. "She's too soft to be a soldier."_

_Alex had easily engulfed the boy in her arms, protecting him from the bullets that fired. She managed to shove him towards his mother's direction. She only got a glimpse of them reuniting before she felt sharp pain sliced through the back of her leg. She fell to the ground in agony. She examined the space around her quickly. Lucy and LT Astra still kept popping back and forth from their hiding spot shooting bullets at the enemies. She could also see that most of the men approaching her were shot in rapid motions. She knew they were from Lucy's rifle, and she knew it was her one opportunity to find shelter. The soldier has spotted stacks of sandbags on the corner. she crawled till she reached behind the stacks of sandbags placed over each other forming a temporary wall. The back of her leg had blood spewing out of it. She groaned roughly, biting off a large piece of clothing from her sleeve. She wrapped it tightly around her wound. It wasn't enough to stop the bleeding but it was enough to slow it down. Her heart was beating, racing right out of her chest. She still heard the ringing of bullets go on. She felt herself lose conscious slowly. The rapid flow of blood she was losing causing her to grow weaker. It didn't matter that she was probably about to die. It was worth seeing mother and son reunite._

_For a few minutes, she believed it was going to be her last night alive. Her life flashed before her eyes. Her parents smiled at her, her sister calling her over to play hide and seek, her best friend shoving her into wild high school parties, and finally, her girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. Maggie's forehead pressed against hers, mouthing I love you. She knew it was over, she knew it was only minutes till it was over, and just as she was about to pass out, she felt a rough shake._

_"Alex! Alex!"_

Lucy's voice drained into her mother's voice. She felt Eliza's soft hands press against her wet sweating forehead. "Alex, are you okay?"

Her mother's voice still sounded stifled; almost like she heard while she was drowning underwater. The soldier’s heart still beat rapidly, her eyes finally adjusted to reality. Her mother kept touching all over her face. She frowned when Alex held her hand. She stopped her from investigating her body more. Alex knew that her heart was beating roughly, and she probably needed a shower.

"Sweetie, you're burning up." Eliza's voice rang through her ears. The blonde woman's features scrunched.

"I'm fine." Alex dismissed shaking her head. "It was just a dream." She told herself mainly.

"You should go home." Her mother tucked back a strand of her hair. "Take a shower, and rest properly."

"I'm fine, mom."

"Alex, will you please listen to me for once." Her mother pleaded.

Eliza looked both shaken and exhausted, her crinkled forehead was almost a full-time crinkle. She had both worry and denial on her features. Alex knew better than to deny her pleading request. She stood up with a heavy sigh, and left to take that shower, then rest hopefully without any inconsistencies.

* * *

 

Her Tiffany clad sheets smelt like roses and jasmine. The soldier had only noticed the change in detergents from cotton candy; bubble gum scents to roses and flowers as she lay wide awake with her head smothered in her pillow. Even if the dark sky was pitch black, and the only light emitting in her room was from her blinking digital alarm clock. It's red numbers flashing 2:42 am; As if mocking her. Alex couldn't find enough comfort for sleep; her stomach somersaulted when she noticed that lunch with Maggie was approaching quicker than she could handle. She'd felt like such an idiot. How could she have asked her out for lunch? _You think one lunch is going to fix the damage you've done, and she'll fall for you again?_ She whispered to herself. _Probably_. She thought on, then again she also thought that Maggie would've waited for her. It's fascinating how false thoughts could make someone believe in their dreams. Reality can be a bitch, but fantasies are worse. It's why Alex often avoided being unconscious. It's not like she could even sleep. Her nightmares got the best of her most of the time.

During her adolescent years, she used to have dreams that her father had either gone MIA or died in the battlefront. It had later become reality, and with her enlisting at the military right after high school, those nightmares escalated. She was the heroine in them this time. Her centric figure, which had to deal with, all the consequences aimed her way. Most of which were memories of her experiences on base. Some were predicaments; worst-case scenarios that always hovered in the back of her mind. She dealt with them, by not dealing with them; Ignorance being her bliss. It was only Maggie who managed to crack her indefinable behavior whenever she started having nightmares. Her ex-used to encourage her to confined in her. For a while Alex did; during her last year in Midvale, she forged a pattern. At precisely 2:45 am, Alex would pick up her phone, and dial a number she knew by heart.

The soldier caught herself doing the same exact thing, as soon as she glanced her digital alarm clock. It's red numbers screaming 2:45. Her hand reached for the phone she kept near her bedside table. Before she could stop herself she typed in her former girlfriend's number thinking it would either go to voice mail, or someone else must've gained authority for the little chip, and Maggie had replaced her number. However, she was surprised to find that after the 3rd ring, Maggie's soft voice echoed a "hello?" through the line.

"Alex?" She questioned when the soldier had lost sense of her words. Alex had to blink frantically for a few seconds before Maggie's voice registered.

"I-i'm sorry." She rushed to explain. "I didn't think you'd answer."

"Can't sleep?" She asked softly.

"Did I wake you?"

A gentle chuckle voiced through the phone. "Did you forget how many times you called me in the middle of the night, cause you couldn't sleep?"

Alex stayed silent. Come to think of it, Maggie's voice didn't sound tired at all. It wasn't throaty or hoarse like you'd expect it to be. Instead, it was perfectly normal, like she'd been up all night. That thought forced a soft smile on the soldier’s lips.

"You knew I'd call?"

"You always do, no matter what state we were in. 2:45 am. That's the time you'd always call. It's become a habit for the past 10 years now. I can't sleep anymore either." She admitted.

It wasn't in her intention to even state such a confession. The words just flew out of her mouth. Maybe it was the prospect that her and Alex were finally putting aside their anger, and their resolve was starting a lot sooner than either of them expected. A few silent seconds passed on the line; each of them having memorable smiles on their faces. It once used to be that easy. Picking up phones and dialing numbers in the middle of the night. Once, they managed to talk till they saw the sun rise from between the oceans. Easy conversations that tend to force away from the brutal nightmares or excruciating realities that played in either one of their heads. That 2:45 am call was somewhat their sanctuary, it still was. But as soon as Maggie remembered that just behind her in her bed, was her fiancé laying peacefully waiting for her company. She sighed.

"Listen, Alex. You can't just call me at 2 am, like we're in high school. I have-"

"A fiancé." She quickly finished off. "Right, I shouldn't have called. A habit I guess."

"Yeah, I'm sorry-,"

"You don't have to apologize. I know I'm asking too much for even just lunch tomorrow."

"About that." She looked over her shoulder; Emily still seemed as asleep as ever. "You're not trying anything, are you? Because if you are, you should know Emily's a little, well umm-,"

"Jealous?"

"Protective." She corrected.

"Hey, I'm not judging. If it was me, I'd be jealous too." The soldier said with a little hurt in her voice. It was the truth. "How about we just enjoy our time at Rocket City Bar like we used to? No strings attached. Just plain, simple, and innocent."

"With the pool tables?" She laughed.

"Maybe I could still beat you."

"There's no doubt in that." She softly said, then blushed.

There was that effortless banter she used to enjoy. This was the Maggie and Alex she remembered. This was the way things had ought to always be. Her soft chuckles had awoken Emily. The Latin cop didn't feel her shift in her bed though. The phone that pressed against Maggie's ear was her only source of attention. All Emily could see from her view in her bed was Maggie's left side pressed against their bedroom doorframe, her right hand supporting her phone and her shadow like body that vibrated from gentle laughs. She felt a little jealous. The way Maggie was swooning by whom she figured was Alex on the other line. It made her feel uneasy. She was second-guessing her decision. Should she let them fix whatever it was between them? She knew it would be completely selfish of her if she stopped it, but what else was she supposed to do to protect her own relationship.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Maggie."

The Latin cop smiled through the phone. She could feel Alex's smirk lingering on her lips. For a few fleeting seconds, neither woman wanted to hang up the phone; Maggie glanced at the clock on her iPhone, it was getting later; She had to hang up, and catch some shuteye before Emily had to be up too. Alex felt the tension rise. She checked the time on her digital clock. She couldn't stall for much longer.

"Night, Detective Sawyer." Maggie blushed at that, it was her favorite nickname when they were younger. It's ironic how it actually was her title now.

"Night, _Soldier_." she whispered back.

She forcefully pulled the phone from against her ear, pressed the red button, and ended the call. Her iPhone hadn't moved from her hands. She still smiled at the caller ID, _Gay Danvers_. It was an inside joke 10 years ago. Alex had put her name down as Princess on her phone, and Maggie couldn't help but laugh at the sentimental name when she'd lost her phone in her apartment, and she had to call it to find it. "Really, Danvers? Princess?" Was the response Alex got from her new girlfriend at the time. Alex had rushed to grab her phone from her hands. It was the first time she caught Alex blushing like a red tomato. A grin lingered on her lips with that memory still in mind she looked back to find Emily sound asleep; Oblivious to the fact that she was pretending to be asleep. While a few blocks away, Alex had her phone still pressed to her ear. Even after the ding that indicated the call had ended, the soldier kept her phone pressed against her ear. If even just to imagine what the continuation of that call could be.

* * *

Crystal's loud cries had been the final straw. Kara must've arrived home from the hospital. Alex pulled herself out of her comfortable bed. Her lips uncontrollably uplifted into a smile as her feet dangled on the edge of her bed; just hours before she was on the phone with Maggie. It was brief, frank, and also cut short. Yet, it was the first time they'd ended on a good note. The Latin cop even dared call her 'Soldier'. Things were starting to look brighter, and it wasn't just because the sun had come out, or her sister and her niece had finally made it home. She could hear down the hall Kara's voice tumbling with exhaustion and frustration as Crystal cried. Alex decided to get out of bed, but by then the sound of her niece's crying dissipated after stiletto heels clunked against the hard wood floor. They were differently stilettos, and it was her best friends. Lena's voice echoed just as she expected it would.

"There, there." She cradled the baby, rocking her, and soothing her to sleep.

Kara stood with a huff, her baggy maternity clothes hanging loosely on her now empty belly. There were dark patches gracing her shirt, most of which she guessed were Crystals vomits. Eliza walked passed her to the kitchen with grocery bags. Her sister looked tired, dark circles formed under her eyes, and sweat sprinkled on her forehead. She could hardly smile when she saw Alex chuckle.

"Don't even start." She warned her sister.

Lena smirked, glancing between the two sisters. "Did she wake you?"

"I was already up. However, it looks like she kept someone else up."

"I hardly slept all night," Kara complained. "I pick her up she's quiet and sleeping. I put her down; she's crying and hungry. I feed her she throws up. I clean her, and then she has to go to the bathroom. She's only like 3 inches, and already I feel like she's over powering me." The young mother huffed falling against the living room couch.

"Kara, she's not that bad." Lena defended as she still rocked the baby.

"You should try sleeping with her for a night, we'll see what you think about the little angel then."

The lawyer rolled her eyes. It was only a few seconds after when Crystal seemed to vomit milk on her very expensive La Coast shirt. Lena gagged, Kara smirked, and Alex laughed.

"I take that back," The soldier walked towards Lena, picked her niece up, grabbed some tissue and wiped her clean. Lena wiped her work clothes as well. "She's a handful."

"Don't worry, Crystal. Auntie Alex's by your side." She whispered to her, she kissed her little forehead, then moved to kiss Kara's cheek, then Lena's, then her mother's who had just walked into the room.

The Lawyer stared at her best friend with confusion. Alex was overly touchy-feely today. She'd been smiling since the second they got home. At first, Lena brushed it off, thinking it was her excitement over her newly born niece. But the cheek kissing, that tipped her off. She noticed that both Danvers women in the room looked just as frazzled as she did.

"You seem chipper today," she decided to break the silence. Alex looked back at her family still smiling.

"Can't I just be happy?"

"In the 17 years that I've known you, I'd have to say no."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Even you can't ruin my mood today."

The soldier placed Crystal in Eliza's hands. She grinned at everyone. Her uplifting spirit made her chipper than ever. She was still high from that call with Maggie.

"I'm going for a run." She stated before climbing up the stairs again.

Lena's head immediately swerved towards Kara with a questioning look. The new mother shrugged in confusion.

"What's gotten into her?"

"She's meeting up with Maggie for lunch," Eliza informed them. Lena's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. Kara's eyes perked up.

"Really?" The younger Danvers smiled with anticipation.

Lena shook her head. "She's what?"

"That's good right?" Kara grinned.

"You're both okay with this?" The lawyer stared between both Danvers in front of her.

"Lena, it's none of our business," Eliza stated.

"She's setting herself up for pain." Kara looked at her with sad eyes, then she shook her head.

"I'm sure Maggie knows what she's doing." Kara tried to reason. Lena looked at her unhappy with her reasoning.

"I don't think Maggie realizes she still has feelings for Alex, and she'll never admit it. She's engaged to another woman, and their wedding is within a few months."

"We all know, the reason she said yes to Emily was because she never thought she'd see Alex again."

"Kara," Lena sucked a breath. "I love you, and I know you want to have faith in your sister, but she screwed up. Maggie's not hers anymore."

"If she wasn't then we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"She's engaged."

"Engagements break off all the time."

"You don't even know how long she plans to serve for."

"Maybe if we could just help push her in the right direction she'll come back home for good."

"Kara-"

"I think you two have forgotten the most important thing," Eliza said, stepping in the middle, rocking Kara's little baby in her hand. She disappointedly stared at the girls. "It's Alex's life, not yours."

* * *

 

"Tell me it's not true." McConnors dumped a bag of donuts on Maggie's desk.

The Latin cop perked up. She picked up a donut and bit into the heavenly snack. She never associated anything with stereotypes, but the only one she'd admit to was the stereotype of cops having a thing for donuts. Every single one she knew adored the rounded treats. She was too unversed in her donut that she missed what her partner said.

"What did you say?"

"You're going on a date with your Ex?"

Maggie's eyes flexed. She swallowed the bite in her mouth. "Where the fuck did you hear that from?"

"So it's true?"

"It's not a date." She threw her half eaten donut into the crumbled bag of donuts. Jacob pulled out his phone, then typed something.  
  
"Definition of a date," he smirked glancing at his partner before continuing to read. "Going out with someone with whom one is romantically or sexually interested." He pocketed his phone and grinned at her. "And what is it exactly you're doing?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's not a date."

"Deny it all you want. It doesn't change the facts." He smirked opening up his files for paperwork. "It's a date."

"It's not." She hissed mostly to herself.

* * *

 

Hours of the day had rushed by. Alex felt herself hyperventilating when she came face to face with Maggie's apartment. The doors before her felt almost like an illusion hologram. Her stomach suddenly ached; she felt like her entire body started to sweat, her fingers shook. It was just like high school all over again; like being a teenager finally going out with her crush. Maggie was definitely more than a simple crush, and the escalated feelings of nerves mixed with restlessness were even twice as much as it would be if she were a teen. Her breaths were shortening, and her resolve to feel calm was flailing too. She held her hands together, took a deep breath, then reached for the doorbell. She wondered if Maggie was just as nervous, or was it only her. Emily greeted her on the other side of the door. Her nerves tumbled two times more. A disturbing smile plastered on her Ex's Fiancé's lips. She crossed her arms over her chest. Alex felt like she was back in high school again; this time at the principal’s office.

"Is Maggie here?"

Even though she knew the answer, she felt like she had to break the aching silence. Emily shook her head that disturbing grin still wide on her lips. She let her hands uncross, then stared back at Alex; Her gaze fierce and predictive. It was enough to scare an average person, but Alex was no average person. Alex was a soldier, military personnel. She was trained beyond rationality, and beyond fear. Emily knew that, and it pissed her off.

"Remember," she took a step forward forcing Alex a few steps back, her disfigured smile gone; Her eyes as fierce as before maybe even more. "She's not yours."

"I remember."

"If you try anything. I swear-," Emily stopped herself. _No_ , she wouldn't stoop so low. She trusted Maggie. She shook the bad thoughts away, then faced her once more. "Just keep your hands to yourself."

It was a threat. Alex could feel it from the tone of her voice. She'd expected it, she wasn't one bit threatened, but still, her tone suggested that her and Maggie were serious. The seriousness is what bit her in the ass. The fact that Maggie had moved on, it’s what tormented her. The Latin Cop had walked into the doorway just in time to slice the tension in the room. She looked back and forth between her ex and her fiancé. Her stomach drowned from the unfathomable tension. She felt Emily slip her hands around her waist, lift her chin up, and kiss her deeply. Alex's strong build slowly start to shatter. Her eyes couldn't tare themselves away. Normally, when things like this happened you were supposed to look the other way. Yet, here she was staring at the enemy right in the eye. The excitement she's been carrying throughout the day had turned into intoxicating voids of emotion. She didn't even know what it was. She just barely kept her eyes water-free as Emily made it a point to hold onto Maggie's waist a little tighter than she should. _That could've been me_. It was all she thought about; the what ifs. What if she never left? What if they were still together? What if?

"I love you," Emily whispered when she let her go.

Maggie bit her lower lip; a slight pang of guilt washed over her, she flicked her eyes back at Alex. She found her eyes bloodshot red, but her face just as emotionless as she always managed to force it to be. It made her a little annoyed. The soldier was trained to suppress any sign of weakness. It's become routine on the battlefield. Alex could fake any emotion. It drove the anger inside Maggie stronger.

"I love you too." She whispered.

It was in those few seconds that Alex lost her grip; a tear trickled down her cheek. She wiped it quickly before either woman in front of her could see. Did Maggie really not know what she was doing to her? Alex had become so good at faking her emotions she hadn't realized how good she was. While she may have looked normal, she was screaming inside. She was paralyzed watching someone else... touch the love of her life. She grinned when they finally broke apart, Maggie stepping outside her apartment.

"We'll be back for dinner," Maggie said, and Emily pecked her.

"I'll see you then."

* * *

 

"Do you really?" Alex blurted the question as they reached her dad's old truck. Maggie turned around confused.

Three simple words; It was three simple words that sent an avalanche towards her. Alex could barely focus on breathing after she heard the exchange of I love you's between fiancées. It hit her then that that was the first time she'd seen them together. It was chewing on her insides. She could remember all the time's people asked Maggie out, and her stomach would churn watching from the sidelines. She could remember the times Maggie got hit on, and during that time she could just pull her closer, kiss her breathless, marking her territory. Just like Emily had. It felt excruciating and awkward being at the other side of that now.

"I'm sorry?"

"Do you love her?" She asked again. "Do you really love her?"

Alex's hazel eyes looked hurt, almost pitiful; As if she was the one who had to endure years wondering if she was alive or not. As if she had to go through group therapy to shove depression out of her. As if what Maggie was doing was shameful. The cop could only feel a splinter of anger rise. There was the fire again. Two steps forward and one step backward. On the phone the other night it sounded like they were going to fix things, but this was quickly tumbling down hill. Alex had no right to look at her that way as if she was at fault. What good would her envious feelings be now? When pain has already been inflicted, and years had passed? What good was Alex's jealousy now? Maggie could only scoff.

"Really? You're acting jealous now?"

"I never said that I was-,"

"Bullshit, Alex." She eyed her. "I can't read much of your expressions, but I can read that."

The soldier looked away. Maggie scoffed again; she wrapped her hands around her chest and shook her head. Maybe Jacob was right this was a bad idea.

"I don't know what I was thinking, obviously this isn't going to work." Her feet worked on their own accord taking lucid steps ahead of Alex.

"No, no, no." Alex stood before her stopping her from leaving. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. I meant what I said last night. I want to fix this. Innocent and no strings attached."

Maggie stared into her hazel eyes. She could see Alex's earnestness rise. Her eyes spoke for her. She was serious; she wanted nothing more than fixing what she tarnished years ago. The thought of a solid friendship with Alex, it made her stomach churn. The thought that she didn't have to associate the soldier's name with anger every time it was mentioned. It was music to her brain. She could recall when things were almost perfect between them. When they smiled more than they fought. The Latin cop took a deep breath. She no longer wanted to just remember Alex that way; she wanted it to be that way. Her lips curled into a soft smile. It made Alex smile too.

* * *

Rocket City Bar was just as she remembered it. Alien posters splattered against the walls. Pool tables scattered everywhere. The tables and seats resembled rockets, and UFO's, while the large bar in the middle had bar tenders dressed in cut up T-shirts with the words Rocket City Bar scribbled on them in red. Walking in erupted a laugh from Alex's lips. Maggie grinned when she saw the soldier smile staring around the place as if seeing it for the first time.

"Is it really not 2007?" Alex asked.

"Still as scruffy as you remember?"

"Even better." They walked closer to the bar. "I never appreciated how this place looked before."

"It's still a dump compared to Bistro."

"No one can beat Bistro."

"You used to say that my cooking was better.” She smirked.

Alex chuckled. “Yeah, well I had to. You were my girlfriend, and you knew terrifyingly too much about guns, or how to get away with murder.”

“I wasn’t that bad.” The Latin cop blushed.

“You burnt eggs, Maggie.”

The shorter woman shoved her shoulder playfully. “Shut up.”

Alex laughed, her eyes watched as Maggie’s cheeks blushed into a crimson red. The sight made her entire body flush in heat. God, it’s like she never aged. No crinkles on her skin, her dimples as deep as ever. Her skin as flawless as it always was, and the way red looked extremely good on her. She couldn’t force her eyes away. Not until Maggie suggested she set up the pool table, and let Alex buy some drinks.

“What can I get you?”

The darkly skinned bar tender wiped across the bar with a towel that she later hung loosely on her shoulder. Alex forced her eyes away from Maggie when she faced ahead her eyes scrunched at the familiar figure.

“Megan?” Talk about not aging; Megan’s face didn’t change one bit. It was the same face she had even at 16.

“Alex?” her grin expanded. “No way.” She chuckled.

Megan was in one of Lena’s softball teams back in high school. They hung out a couple of times. She had an awesome reputation for mixing drinks during senior parties. It wasn’t much of a surprise that she ended up bar tending in the town’s best bar.

“It’s been a while.” Alex smiled.

“Try 10 years?” Megan scoffed. She leaned across the counter, and shoved Alex. “ How you been girl? Last I heard you were on your way to sign up for the military.”

“I’m back on leave.”

“So you actually did it?”

Alex sneered. “Did everyone assume I would bail?”

“It’s just everyone thought you and Maggie would work things out. You know? High school sweethearts and all.” She waved nonchalantly.

Alex swallowed heavily, her head automatically turned behind her to find Maggie conversing with a boy not older than fifteen as he helped her set the pool table up. She turned to face forward again.

“Yeah, I screwed up. She didn’t deserve a screw up like me.”

“Hey.” She nudged her shoulder. “I think what you’re doing is brave. My mom served as a nurse in the military for years. She saved lives, and I think you’re one of the few people who graduated Midvale High with an actual goal.”

The soldier smiled, Megan was always one of the very few people who supported her. Coming from a military family herself, she understood Alex on a level most people didn’t. The bar tender smiled, then that smile turned into a smirk watching Maggie approach them. It was one thing to see Alex, it’s another to see the both of them standing together in front of each other.

“Speaking of the Devil,” Her smirk grew the second Maggie smiled at her.

“Hey, Megan.” The cop grinned.

“The usual?” She looked at them with a smile, Maggie chuckled, then nodded. “Two beers, coming up.”

She smirked then left the both of them alone. Maggie’s lips curled into a beam, she grabbed Alex’s wrist and pulled her towards the pool tables. The one they specifically always played with. It looked just like it did 10 years ago. Alex had peeked on the right side of the table, her fingers slid across it till she felt the scratches of their initials. A soft smile plastered on her face. They did that a lot, her and Maggie. They flaunted their love everywhere. It felt so good 10 years ago, now it just gave her a sense of sadness yet relief too.

“You’re up first.” Maggie placed the heavy plain white cue ball in Alex’s hands. She held her own cue stick, as Alex held hers. She smirked when their fingers brushed.

The soldier placed the white ball in the center; she leaned against the table, aimed, then hit the ball forcing multiple billiard balls to spread apart. One of the balls entered a whole; she played once more coming dangerously close to scoring again. Maggie grinned took her turn, and from the first hit against the white ball, she pushed one of the balls into the dark black hole. She smirked seeing Alex’s shocked face. Normally the Latin had to try around 6 times to hit one ball into the hole.

“Have you been practicing?”

“10 years worth.”

Alex laughed. “You hated that I always won.”

“And you were thrilled I lost.”

“I had to find something I could beat you at.”

“You had me beat by a lot, Alex.” She rolled her eyes, taking another shot, and scoring. “Every girl in school wanted to be your girlfriend, even the straight ones.”

“Right.” Alex scoffed. Maggie smirked, taking not of her sarcasm; she peered at her from her position low against the pool table. “Not all.”

“You had to just pull a stunt and stick with the one girl who gave you a hard time.”

“Opposites attract.”

Megan approached them with their beers. Maggie had missed her final hit making it Alex’s turn. The bar tender placed their drinks on the nearest table. She then walked away with a chuckled before Chelsea McConnors stopped her; Her blonde hair and blue eyes piercing at Alex.

“Is that?”

“Alex Danvers?” Chelsea looked shocked. Megan nodded.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes either, and get this that’s Maggie Sawyer with her.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” She whispered while Megan walked off with a smirk.

* * *

 

After a couple rounds of Pool and bear, the women finally decided to take a seat in their favorite booth. It was a rounded table in the far corner of the bar. It’s coached a red leather plush chair, the tip of it forming the ends of rockets. The table painted in a dark shade of black with small colorful spectacles on it. They were considered stars, or more like a galaxy really. They sat opposite each other. Alex didn’t even have to touch the menu to know what she wanted; The laminated plastic on the table had exactly everything it did 10 years ago, no new added meals, just the same old ones, she missed dearly.

“How was the police academy?” Alex started the conversation once they had their orders set. Maggie chuckled; she was always blunt in that way.

“I’m sure training wasn’t as brutal as boot camp.” She pointed towards Alex’s head. “But there are no restrictions on what to do with my hair.”

Alex chuckled and ran her fingers through what little she had left of her hair. “You noticed? I cut it.”

Maggie laughed at her sarcastic tone. “I’m not surprised you decided to cut it; You always preferred short hair over long hair. I mean you always said that having short hair-,”

“Saves the planet from using too much water.” She finished off with a laugh. “ I remember.”

For a moment Maggie felt her body shiver. The way Alex’s smile made her feel it was remarkable. It’s that same earth shattering feeling she used to get years ago. That unstoppable spasm she got every time Alex was happy, it made her feel invincible. She cleared her throat when she noticed that the soldier had been staring at her eyes too deeply.

“Did you finally know why your father kept going back?” she asked, the smile on Alex’s lips shifted.

She froze in her spot; the question catching her off guard. The soldier played with her fingers trying to accumulate some time to form proper sentences.

“I get it now.” She started. “Why he kept going back.” Alex lifted her head; she looked into Maggie’s eyes. “War is… it’s worse than anything you can imagine. I spent such a long time having to accept that being at war meant that I had to take lives. I’ve aimed my gun at people, and I shot them.” She looked down. “At the time you don’t realize how dysfunctional it is. Not until you realize that you have to move on the next day like you’d done nothing.”

“Then why do you keep going back?” Her voice remained above a whisper.

“Because you gain relationships there. Families; people depend on you to save them like they save you. And I finally understand how valuable life is now, how we’re not bulletproof, and anyone can die at any given moment.” A single tear threatened to fall from her cheeks. Maggie could see it from miles away.

“Oh my god, Alex. Did you know someone who-,”

Alex smiled sadly. “Her name was Astra. She was the LT for my Unit.”

“Alex-,”

“I promised myself I’d keep going back for her.” Alex stared at her fingers. “She died because of me, and I just feel like I can’t let it be in vain.”

“How did it happen?”

“I’d rather not talk about it now.” She shook her head, then smiled when the food arrived. “Let’s dig in.”

Maggie had lost her appetite. For a long time, she didn’t think about how it must’ve been for Alex in the military. Her concerns only were for herself, she’d never felt so selfish. Alex must’ve been through hell being deployed. She could only picture guns a blazing on the grounds as she tried to escape. It was a miracle that she was even here, functioning, smiling, and breathing. She watched as the soldier tried to lighten the conversation as she chewed on her food.

* * *

 

By the time they’d left the bar, Alex slipped her hand around Maggie’s wrist. She stopped her from reaching the parking lot. She took a deep breath, exhaled heavily, and then faced Maggie. Staring into her pricing brown eyes.

“There’s a reason I kept myself distant from everyone, Maggie. It wasn’t because of malice or foolish reasons. Out there,” she shook her head. “I just- I never know when I’m safe, or when I could be back.”

“Why are you telling me this?” she whispered, mindful of the lump that sat in her throat.

“Because I made a promise to Kara I shouldn’t have.” She swallowed thickly. “And I need a favor.”

“What is it, Alex?”

“It’s hard to keep in touch when I’m overseas. Kara used to send me letters before, but now with the baby, I know she won’t have time. But those letters gave me comfort. They kept me sane. She won’t find time to send me letters, and frankly, I don’t want her to.”

“Why not?”

Alex smiled tragically. “She’s too innocent, too good. She doesn’t know how cruel the world can be sometimes, and it’s why I could completely be honest in my letters to her. That’s why… I’m asking you to write to me.”

Maggie’s eyes widened.

“It doesn’t have to be much. Just a letter a month.”

Before she could get an answer, a loud bang erupted from the parking lot. Instincts ran through Alex’s veins, without thinking much she pressed Maggie against one of the walls in an alley close to the bar. She shielded the cop with her own body. Maggie could feel her rapid heart beating. Alex’s brain traveled a thousand miles across the world, she felt like she was back at war, that loud bang sounded very much like a bomb. She only existed her trance when she felt Maggie’s hand against her cheek.

“Alex?”

The soldier blinked multiple times. Maggie’s voice wasn’t supposed to be in the desert with her. She shook her head, the Latin's hands slipped from her cheek. Yet, Alex never moved.

“It’s just a car engine.”

Alex faintly heard Maggie’s reasoning for the bang sound. She faced the Latin cop once more. It was in those little seconds when their breaths became one. The air shared by both of them suffocating any rational thought they had in mind. Alex's thumping heart almost visibly hearable. The adrenaline from the car engines loud pop still left fragments of what seemed to be a vision of military bombs. Being pressed up against an old ally with her former partner in life backed against the estranged wall in front of her; Old and fresh graffiti serving as backgrounds on the wall behind Maggie. It helped her reverse back to reality. The Latin cop had a racing heart beat as well, but for completely different reasons. Hours passed with them behaving innocently. She couldn't tarnish it again. Her life couldn't be ruined in Alex's hands again. Yet, the way her hazel eyes stared at her with fear and comfort, as if she held the cure to a life threatening disease she was infected by. She couldn't remember that Emily's eyes could ever be this effective or binding. All she could feel was her heart rapidly beating as the soldier dared to take a step closer. The soldier’s right palm shot up to her cheek.

Alex's soft hand shuttered Maggie's eyes closed. They felt so soft, so gentle, so Alex. It was like finally being able to feel after being numb. She could sense the heat of her hot breath when she took an even further step closer. She knew if she opened her eyes she'd have no restraint on her actions. This was Alex. Damn it; Emily was right. Alex was irresistible. Then it hit her, _Emily..._

" _Alex._ " She whispered.

"I know."

The soldier could tell by her tone of voice. She had to stop. What essentially was an innocent mistake drove her indulging deeper into the forbidden woman in front of her. She forced her hand back; she sliced it into her jeans pocket. _Snap out of it, Alex_. She took short steps back; Maggie finally released a deep breath she was holding, her eyes opened to the sight of Alex's Hollywood smile. As if nothing had just happened, as if she didn't feel the earth beneath her feet shake, or her heart beat out of her chest.

* * *

 

 

 


	6. Drunken Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again my muse hit a stroke! :P So, we're getting to the good part of the story. More angst is coming up, and a looooot more. Comment & Kudos! I appreciate all your feedback! Enjoy the chapter, I'll see you during the next update. ;)

Coming home that night felt like slashing through a rug burn. Alex was thankful that when she entered her home, the lights were off, and everyone was sleeping. There were no prying eyes to watch her unload the weight on her shoulders. Nothing could be heard, just the occasional ticking of the clock. It was a huge contrast to how noisy the house used to be years ago, the soldier caught herself missing that disturbing sound. It didn't feel so alone back then; how could she have once cursed it? She used to think that the house was too crowded before like she couldn't find enough space in it. She didn't appreciate it as much as she should've. After She dropped Maggie off at her place, a tug in her heart kept pushing her towards her, and she felt all the more empty. She shouldn't have to drop her home; she should've been her home. Maggie should've been waiting to bring her inside; she should've been hers. Those were all hopeless wishes; Dreams that were never meant to be. Alex had to try so hard to ward herself backwards. She had to push herself back, and nip the bud that kept growing inside of her. Her feelings for Maggie can't resurface, but she was too late. They've been resurrecting the second their eyes met.

Alex had to breathe deeply, she pressed her back against the door, closed her eyes when she felt the heaviness take control of her. Years she'd suppressed how she felt. She pretended that she was okay, until the point she actually believed she was okay. Right now, it was taunting her how fake her stamina had been. A bottle of unresolved feelings was now ready to combust. For the first time in a long time, she didn't care that tears were slowly sliding down her cheeks; the heavy droplets crashing on the wooden floors; it didn't matter anymore, it was no use. _Maggie is not hers_ ; She lost her, she lost so much. She had only herself to blame. A hurricane of guilt washed over her, it felt so hard to breathe.

"Alex?"

She heard Kara's soft concerned voice. It struck her by surprise. The soldier immediately backed off the wall, rushed to wipe her tears. She smiled at her sister, who held an empty milk bottle in her hands. Clearly, she was coming down to prepare more food for Crystal, she wasn't expecting to come across Alex in her broken state. Her blue ocean eyes had filled up with worry.

"Hey." Alex simply forced out, the rapidness of her voice was something she didn't expect.

Kara didn't have to think for long, she put her daughter's bottle down on the nearest table, and engulfed her sister in a hug. Alex had to blink multiple times to recognize that there were hands wrapped around her. For once someone was protecting _her_ , keeping _her_ safe, huddled between soft hands. Kara felt Alex crumble into her arms. She'd never seen her look so small. It must've been so hard to hold on to her strength. She had to look brave, and untouchable. Like war had made her stronger because if she didn't, shadows of regret would walk all over her; but the truth was sad; War hadn't made her stronger, it made her venerable. It took her innocence and held her captive. It only took her a few seconds to choke out a sob she tried to hold on to so badly. Alex's fingers rushed to fist her sister's shirt.

"I fucked up, Kara." She whispered between breathless tears.

"Shh." She hugged her tighter; there was no way she was going to let Alex feel sorry for herself. "Everyone fucks up." Kara pulled her out of their tight embrace; she brushed fingers through what little hair she had. Trying to comfort her with a recognizable touch. "Just look at me. I'm about to raise my daughter without a father. How fucked up is that?"

Alex chuckled sadly through her tears. "I think that is the second time in my entire life I heard you use the word fuck."

"You can thank Crystal for that." Alex laughed genuinely, which made Kara smile. She gazed at her sister's eyes; they were clearly red and in pain. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know." She sighed curling her hands around her stomach to stop the blood clotting feeling.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Alex's eyes searched for any reason that could make her say yes, but nothing was popping. She wanted to be able to tell Kara how brutal the battlefield was, or how awful it was to not be Maggie's. However, she'd never want to tarnish her sister's innocence. The best thing about Kara was how she managed to be so pure in this dark cold world. The soldier didn't have the heart to break that build down. A new mother shouldn't hear about how she'd seen babies as young as Crystal bleed to death, or how love sometimes wasn't the best answer, and how it could be the cause of even more torture.

The soldier simply smiled. "No, I-I don't want to talk about it."

Kara had a protest ready, but Crystals crackling cries made her head turn to look upstairs. She sighed looking back at Alex. "I should go check on Crystal. Maybe, you could sleep with us for the night?"

The thought that she could join them made her stomach swirl with butterflies, but then she remembered her nightmares.

"Actually, I think I'm going to chill down here for a little while."

"Alex, if something's wrong-," Crystal’s cries got louder. Alex could see the tormenting indecisive look on her sister’s face. She didn't know whether she should tend to her fragile sister or her even feebler baby.

"It's okay." Her sister decided for her. "Go."

She nodded, and the sheer layer of guilt came to light on her face. Alex had to suck up the emptiness she felt when Kara no longer stood with her. It often felt that way; actually, it's how she always felt. Empty; even on base where Lucy and Vasquez were with her. She felt empty. It cut through her deep. Her biggest void was where Maggie once lived, now that she wasn't in her arms anymore. That void remained empty. It was a desolated, dark, cold, and lonely hole; abandoned for nearly 10 years. When they stood so close to each other, that's when Maggie had one foot stepping back into her originated hole in Alex's heart, and for a second light had returned to that dark hole.

* * *

 

Maggie had pulled out a beer bottle from her fridge; she twisted the cap open, threw it on the table, and took a large gulp. It's been an hour since Alex dropped her off. She hadn't changed, hadn't searched for Emily, hadn't done anything but wallow in her sorrows and guilt. How the fuck did things get so... difficult? She knew there was no way she and Alex could be friends. She knew that Emily would get jealous. She knew that everything was going to fall apart once Alex got back, but damn. She couldn't stop herself, why couldn't she? There was something alluring about Alex, and it was beyond her or her better judgment.

_"Tell me again what am I supposed to, and not supposed to talk about?"_

_Maggie straightened her scrunched up shirt while she looked at herself in the mirror; it was a black button up that went perfectly with her dark jeans. If it were any other time she would have deemed her outfit flawless, but right now as her girlfriend kept herself busy while she second-guessed everything she wore, Maggie deemed it unacceptable. It was around 30 minutes now; Maggie had been trying on countless outfits. The first 3 times Alex had given her honest descriptive opinions on them; most of which she thought were gorgeous, but around the 4th outfit Alex would tell her how pretty or beautiful she looked. To Maggie, those weren't the answers she wanted, and she eventually continued to try on different clothes till she satisfied herself because she knew her girlfriend would say she loved anything she wore, even if it was made out of trash, just so she could get out of this fashion crisis. Alex was behind her going through the little trinkets, perfumes, and half used makeup on the table._

_"There are no restrictions, Maggie. You can talk about anything."_

_"What if I say the wrong thing? And he doesn't like me?" She tried to pull her shirt down trying to straighten it._

_"Dad likes everyone." She deadpanned. "He even likes Rick Malvern, who used to hit on me when I was 13."_

_The Latin woman groaned when her button-up wouldn't listen to her brutal commands, and it kept punching up. She pulled her shirt off and threw it on the floor. She sighed, rubbing her hands through her hair; she stood with just her bra and jeans; she faced Alex. Maggie was completely nervous, even if her girlfriend had given her the heads up about meeting the legendary Corporal Danvers, nearly 2 weeks before the actual day. She was a ball of nerves waiting to explode._

_"I have absolutely nothing to wear." She argued, a defeated sigh lingering on her lips._

_Her girlfriend smirked. "You could just go like that."_

_Alex wrapped her arms around Maggie's bare waist from behind. She dipped her lips on the crook of her neck. The Latin woman had temporarily forgotten her troubles. Alex's touch had that effect on her, but she knew if her girlfriend continued manipulating her powers against her, there was no way they'd make it to the Danvers Family Dinner on time. So, with all the pride left in her, she slipped Alex's hands off her, and she turned around in her hands._

_"I'm serious." She whispered. Suddenly, she felt so insecure. "What if he thinks I'm not good enough for you?"_

_Parents normally didn't like her. She was what all parents tried so hard to avoid. A 17-year-old girl disowned by her family, living on her own in a shitty apartment, making ends meet through stupid tempt jobs. She didn't think she was good enough for Alex, what would her dad think? Alex saw the way brown eyes turned shy and uncertain. Maggie wasn't the type of person who'd let her confidence slip in front of anyone. Her girlfriend knew this was eating her more than she cared to admit. Her fingers brushed through long brunette hair, as soon as she pushed it behind her ear, she let her forehead rest against Maggie's._

_"He won't."_

_Maggie's eyes closed at the comfort. "How do you know?"_

_"Because, I think-," She closed her eyes. I might- possibly," her lips started to tremble. Alex bit her lip trying to steady it, she breathed deeply and held Maggie's gaze. She could see how her worry lines showed faintly. "I think I maybe am in love with you."_

_Alex felt the Latin woman stiffen in her hands; it was the first time she'd let the words slip from her mouth. The surprised look on Maggie's face had made her stomach boil. It's been almost a year since they started dating. Somehow, they'd never touched on the subject beforehand. The L word never brushed their lips. It didn't feel wrong, and butterflies didn't flutter in Maggie's stomach. Instead, she felt a grounding feeling rise; she felt a confirmation satisfy her. It wasn't butterflies that swam in her stomach; it was a fucking bundle of large moths crawling inside her. She swallowed thickly, her brown orbs drilling holes into Hazel eyes. She knew that Alex was waiting patiently for a response. She could tell that her heart was beating by the way her chest heaved._

_"I-I think I might, possibly, maybe be in love with you too." Alex's face broke into a reddened smile. Her eyes twinkled, and her grip on Maggie tightened. The Latin woman giggled when Alex's cheeks reddened._

"Get out of my head." She hissed holding on to her head; the beer in her hands almost halfway done.

God, this was crippling her. Alex was crawling right back into her skin. All the words she'd promised before about not letting her back in, they've become nothing but useless protests. In the bigger picture, they meant nothing. The soldier still found a way between the cracks, and she was crawling towards her so fast, that in a blink she'll be in front of her.

"Are you okay?" Emily's voice had made Maggie's head swerve in her direction. "Should I be concerned?" She walked closer when her fiancé seemed at a loss for words.

Maggie took another sip from her beer, she wasn't drunk enough to have this conversation. "I think I might want to just crash the rest of the night."

Emily couldn't find the right words to comfort her; she stood watching as the Latin cop finished her beer, gave her a shallow kiss on her cheek, then walked to their bedroom. Her head heavily filled with pictures of her once perfect relationship. Maggie let the thoughts of Alex fuck her up. She felt her fiancé climb into bed a few minutes after she had. Yet, her brain hadn't thought of the woman lying next to her. She kept staring at her ceiling envisioning Alex's hazel eyes gazing at her.

* * *

Running helped ease her frustration. It was an easy escape, a shelter that was away from home. Keeping her heart pumping, and her blood circulating were good. She needed her brain to focus on things other than dark brown eyes with matching the long hair. It was good to have a breather between compressed feelings. Alex had been on a run for the better part of an hour. She stopped once she reached the sandy shorelines. The soldier took a comfortable seat near the water. Most military personnel avoided the beach after being in the sandy deserts; a lot of them found that the sand in the beach matched the sand back in Afghanistan or Iraq. She didn't see that, the beach had always been a peaceful place for her. Fireworks, however, those things felt like crippled bombs, and they stung like a motherfucker. While she was sitting and, breathing in the seawater, her phone buzzed; An untraceable ID on it.

"Danvers." She answered.

"So, in your letter, you mentioned that you missed me already, but I find that hard to believe since it's dated around maybe the time you had just arrived at your little town. However, I'll pretend that it wasn't a blatant lie, and let you explain yourself."

A grin formed on Alex's lips, even through the cracking statistics. She was glad to hear a familiar voice. Lucy's uplifting tone helped her relax. The background noises of soldiers drinking and having their daily cheers; happy that they lasted yet another day filtered in the background. The soldier found herself closing her eyes, envisioning the scenery. She almost wanted to be back there, where danger made itself known in every corner.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice."

"And here I thought you were ecstatic to be out of this dump. How's Midvale treating you?"

"Like I'm a ghost walking on its perfect streets." She brought her knees to her chest wrapping her arms around them, with her right hand still holding her phone. "It's as if I've committed a crime."

"You did kinda drop everything and joined the army. I think it's pretty realistic for everyone to freak out that you're back."

"It's bittersweet I guess, some are happy." Maggie crossed her mind. "Some are not."

"You mean the girlfriend?"

" _Ex_ -girlfriend." She seethed.

"Sounds like drama. Did you sleep with her yet?"

Alex chuckled harshly. "She's engaged."

Lucy halted, for a second the line went dead, then came back to life. "Well, damn."

"Yeah. And you wanna know what the worst part is?"

"What?"

Alex shook her head, a sarcastic smile creeping on her lips. "I don't want her to be."

The silence on the other end of the line was a sign that told her Lucy had her sympathetic gaze on, and she was waiting patiently for Alex to admit what she truly wanted. There was something in Lucy's eyes that made you want to confess whatever was on your mind. Alex often thought it was because of how soft they were, but those eyes weren't in front of her right now. That's why Lucy opted to admit what she needed to for her.

"You still have feelings for her."

"It's screwing me over, Lucy." She breathed out. "I mean I almost kissed her yesterday. It's like she's buried inside me, and I don't know if I-," she bit her lip, shaking her head again.

"If you what?"

"If I can handle this much longer." She admitted.

"You want the brutal truth, Alex?"

She nodded even though she knew Lucy couldn't see her. Her military friend continued anyway. "I think you should go for it. Tell her how you feel."

"Are you insane?" Alex almost shrieked into the phone.

"How else do you expect to stop her from getting married?"

"I can't tell her how I feel."

"As if she doesn't know already."

"I don't think she wants to be involved with someone who's at war for more than 9 months a year." She deadpanned.

Lucy rolled her eyes. "If she didn't, you wouldn't have been so close to kissing her."

"I'm leaving in a few days, I can't drop a boom like that and leave. She'll hate me more than she does now."

"I'm pretty sure she doesn't hate you, and-,"

"Lane! You're stalling the line!"

Alex heard the anxious voice of Tom Ramsey. He was a fellow soldier she'd briefly been on a tour with. He was big beefy guy, with a rugged brown beard, and matching brown hair, his eyes a dark shade of green. He was known to hog most of the time on pay phones calling his wife, and 3 daughters. Most of his money on base was spent on calling cards. She felt a smile cripple her lips; he was a big softie underneath his strong build.

"Ramsey, go steal someone else's phone. I've still got 3 minutes on my calling card, and I won't be able to talk to Alex till she gets back." Lucy defended herself.

She chuckled knowing very well that Lucy had a playful smirk on her lips and an obnoxious eye roll. "It's alright, Lucy. I'll see you in a few days anyway."

"I'm only going to hang up cause he's a life saver on the battlefield, and I want his lumberjack body to save me. I'll see you soon, and tell her how you feel, or you'll regret it."

"Bye, Lane." She nonchalantly said with a grin on her face.

Lucy shook her head in sarcasm. "Bye, Danvers."

Alex heard shuffling through the line before the buzzing beep that indicated the call had ended. She sighed once the sounds of the ocean's waves came into focus in her brain. Lucy's words playing on repeat. Telling Maggie how she felt would be a risky move. A dumb, stupid, absolutely ridiculous, risky move, but it did give her at least a two percent chance that Maggie would reconsider her engagement. Would it be so bad if she admitted it to her? If she told her the truth? In all honesty, she wanted to break off the wedding in some way or the other. Even if it was selfish, unreasonable, and inappropriate; she still wanted to do the wrong thing. She wanted Maggie for herself, and frankly, she was almost sure at least a small part of the Latin cop wanted her too. With only less than a week left, the urge to want to pursue Maggie was growing stronger; stronger than it should.

* * *

 

It was almost 45 minutes into the trial, and Maggie's grin only expanded when Lena seemed to be crushing The Coopers scrawny Lawyer badly; that woman was fucking fierce in court. She had her opponent crumbling; he literally looked like a bag of sweating pigs in a brown pantsuit. It was just getting to the good part when she heard munching by her ear.

"How's it going?" Jacob asked with a mouthful, the residue of Laye's potato chips falling on her leather jacket. Maggie wiped the crumbling bits from her shoulder.

"Cleaner than you eating that junk."

"So we're winning?" He grinned anyway.

"Yeah, it's looking good for the boys." She said peeping once again to look at them.

Jacob peeked too; he stifled a laugh. "It's looking good alright." He noticed Jude's eyes staring at Lena's ass through her tight pencil skirt. Unfortunately, his giggles were loud enough to have heads turning in their direction. Maggie quickly pulled herself and Jacob back, closing what little crack was left open on the door. Maggie smacked his stomach, enjoying the groan that came out of his mouth.

"Hey!" He argued, and then shoved a handful of chips into his mouth. "I'm eating." He mumbled.

"You're just as nosey as your wife." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Speaking of my wife." He started as they walked to their beat car. "Guess who she saw yesterday getting all cozy by the pool tables at Rocket City Bar."

Maggie stiffened; she felt her cheeks blush. Her partner smirked. "Did Chelsea ever think of being a gossip columnist for Catco magazine? Cause she'd be perfect at it."

"Alex is growing on you again." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully at her; ignoring her protests about his wife. Maggie shoved him; a scoff lingering on her lips.

"Did you forget? I'm _engaged_."

"I didn't, but you probably did."

Maggie wouldn't stoop so low to his standards. She let him think what he wanted. McConners was annoying like that. He saw past her failed attempts at acting somewhat civil with Alex. He'd witnessed them once only face to face when they ran into the soldier at the mail shop, and damn the sparks in the room grew ten folds. They climbed into their cop car, Jacob's smirk still plastered on his face. His entire physique smelt like gossip. Chelsea must've rubbed off on him so much. He was practically just a male version of her.

"Did you know that the 10 year Reunion for class of 2007 is going to be this Saturday?" He mentioned while stuffing more chips in his huge mouth.

"Why do you even know that? You never went to Midvale High."

"Chelsea and I are volunteering to decorate."

Maggie rolled her eyes. "Of course you are."

"You're going right?" He faced her, as she started to drive. His partner ignored his rambling tongue. "Alex's going to be there."

The Latin cop swallowed thickly. "Can we focus on our jobs for a second."

"You got it bad." He told himself mainly, finally dropping the subject.

Alex still floated on the top of her head; Her smile, her laugh, her bizarre distraught reaction to the car engine. She'd been thinking about it a lot, it's like all her war scars suddenly came to the forefront of her face. Her normally calm Hazel eyes looked frightened, she looked frazzled. You'd think that after fighting for your life for 10 years, she'd be stronger than that. Then she remembered the guilt and remorse the soldier secretly carried, it was consuming Alex and she didn't even know it.

* * *

 

Kara had been wanting to go to the store for two days now. She and Alex have been cooped up in their home taking care of Crystal. Eliza helping them ever so often, she was usually the one to go to the store. Alex avoided leaving her home; she didn't want to run into Maggie. Thanks to Lucy all she's been able to think about for 2 days was confessing her feelings to her. She'd dreamt about it, considered possible out comes; most of which had fatal endings. It was devouring her whole, thinking of what could be. She wanted it to stop, and spending time with Crystal and her sister did that for her. It was her main aim for her leave anyway. They put her mind at ease. Especially when the little bundle of joy slowly started learning how to smile. Alex adored when they gave her a shower. It was the one time all four Danvers women gathered under one roof, in one room. Eliza held Crystal carefully in the sink space, where Kara placed the baby's spongy tube like a makeshift bathtub. Alex stood on Eliza's left side while Kara stood on her right. The eldest Danvers teaching Kara how to bath Crystal as Alex made distractions to keep the little one from crying.

That was better than any therapy Alex could ever be put in. She loved how cozy it was, even if the little bathroom got too crowded, or feverishly hot. Just the simple fact that it felt full, it was enough. God knows the soldier wouldn't be able to handle more emptiness than she already had to.

After both, Alex and her sister noticed that Eliza needed a break from going to the store, and their stack of clean pampers was nearly finished. The soldier offered to make the trip to Dollar Tree; she had to pick up baby products as well as a fresh pack of beer. She'd finished most of what was left in the fridge, and with James and Winn arriving this evening for the 10-year reunion on Saturday; they needed at least two stacks in the fridge. She got dressed in a white shirt and jeans. She'd made her way to the market, picked up 2 packs of Pampers as well as 2 6-pack beers, and she made her way to the cashier paid what she had to, then walked the few steps to her dad's old pick up truck where she'd bumped into the person she least expected.

"Alex." Emily nonchalantly greeted her.

"Emily." She shared the same bored monotone.

"We meet again."

"I guess so."

The air around them felt awkward and stiff. There wasn't much they could talk about or would want to talk about. Alex felt completely incompetent holding two shopping bags in her hand. It felt like salt was being poured into fresh wounds. After a few painful seconds have passed she decided to pick up her pace and walk to her car.

"I don't know how you do it." Emily's judgmental tone filled her ears as soon as her back faced her. She heard footsteps take place behind her. "How do you have this whole town, including my fiancé wrapped around your little finger?"

The soldier turned to face her. "What are you talking about?"

"You have everyone convinced you’re some war hero-"

"I am _not_ a hero." She immediately hissed impassively.

"You could've fooled me. People think you're so fascinating and brave. Like you’re the only goddamn person to enter the military, but you're not." It was then when she saw Emily's eyes turn heavy; a sense of pain betrayed her threatening voice. "Thousands of people enlist, and most of them die; Right there on the battlefield. You're just one of the lucky ones who get to come back home."

"I'm far from lucky."

"I just hope Maggie doesn't fall for your tricks again. You have to know I'm not going anywhere unless she wants me to."

"Is that a threat?"

Emily took a few steps closer, her eyes nearly poking into her brain. It was far from just jealousy in her eyes, she looked angry too. Almost like Alex had already taken something from her; something she held dearly.

"When I'm threatening you, you'll know it." She hissed; shoving her shoulder against Alex purposefully as she walked passed her.

* * *

It took a while for Alex to find her own headspace after that. She couldn't help but be disgusted by how most of the things Emily had said were true. She despised how she was treated as if she was extraordinary just because she was in a life-threatening job. She couldn't stand it cause back in the military you weren't extraordinary. You were just another follicle, a tiny piece of a replaceable puzzle. You weren't special or beyond life. You were a puppet that did what you were ordered to do. She didn't like how special people made her feel back home because with enough time she'd believe she was. And it was never good to feel over confident in the battlefield. Another thing that left her on the screeching edge was how Emily reminded her that she was marrying Maggie. She reminded her that she wasn't willing to down easy. She thought that maybe admitting her feelings to the Latin Cop would do nothing to spare her. It wouldn't help cause Emily was willing to fight back.

The soldier found herself switching from the route that led to her home, and she drove her way to Rocket City Bar. She needed to drink her thoughts away. It was too much crowding her brain. She had only two days left till it was Saturday, and it was only two days left for her leave. She was running out of time, and frankly, it was destroying her. Maggie was slipping away really fast, and she couldn't handle it. That's why she ended up pulling into the best bar in town. She didn't have to think much once she was inside the scruffy bar; she sat on one of the stools by the counter. Megan had a smile on her face when she approached her.

"Back so soon?" She grinned; pulling a beer from the freezers below her, she placed it on the bar counter ahead of the soldier. Alex shook her head.

"Something stronger."

Megan raised an eyebrow; she shrugged when Alex made sure her eyes remained on her fingers. The bar tender whipped up a shot glass and poured the appropriate amount of Vodka. The soldier chugged it down, feeling the numbing acid slowly trickle down her throat. She sighed once the awful taste vanished, shoved the glass back at Megan, discreetly asking for a refill. She poured her another shot, and watched Alex devour it, but before the soldier could ask for more, Megan hid the bottle away and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Okay, Danvers. Talk to me."

"You don't want to hear it."

"Believe me, I do. I'm a bartender I hear shit every day." She smiled gently. "Lay it on me."

Alex sighed, playing with her empty shot glass. "What's the point of feeling?"

Megan laid her hands on the counter. "I'm going to need more than that."

"I mean we never really act on how we feel." Alex continued anyway, her helpless attire made her look so weak. "We ignore it, we ignore everything. Hate. Love. Jealousy. All we do is pretend. We pretend to be happy, we pretend to feel fine-," A sarcastic laugh escaping her mouth. "I've gotten so good at pretending, I don't think anyone notices the difference anymore."

"Maggie is messing with your head again." Megan easily concluded.

Alex ran her fingers through her hair, a pained expression evident on her face. "Why do I still have feelings for her? Why do I keep thinking about her?"

"Maybe cause you're trying so hard not to?"

"I can't forget."

"Then stop trying to." Megan placed her hand over Alex's on the counter. "You're not the only one pretending, Alex. She still loves you, everyone can see it, and it's beyond me how the both of you keep missing each other's hints."

"She's getting married." Alex hissed pulling her hand back. "What more of a hint do I need?"

Megan's face scrunched into a sad sympathetic look. She could see Alex struggling to gain control of her life again. She was falling apart, in front of everyone; and no one can see it. The bartender couldn't stay with Alex; she had costumers to tend to. She promised herself that after a few minutes she'll be back, but in the mean time, she pulled the bottle of Vodka out of its hiding spot and poured her friend another glass. The soldier sighed getting the hint. She held her glass at eye level. This little pint size of a glass gave her more comfort than it should. It made her stop feeling, and that's exactly what she needed at a moment like this. She chucked the drink down just in time for a voice she hadn't heard since high school came up to her. At this point, her shots were starting to get to her.

"Hey, there beautiful." Rick Malvern's drunken voice echoed. It was clear he was looking for a booty call, and he probably didn't recognize her. Alex faced him, and he straightened as much as he could in his drunken state. " _Shit_." He muttered, recognition forming in his eyes.

"You have a thing for picking up lesbians, Rick."

"In my defense," he sipped from his glass of beer. "I'm kinda drunk, and your behind looked very pretty, and different."

"Yeah, well my behind still likes girls. So, you can move on now."

He smirked, taking a seat next to Alex instead. She rolled her eyes at him, he did always do the opposite of what she wanted.

"Sexual preferences aside, I actually do enjoy your company." He padded her shoulder roughly, and then took a swig from his beer. "I know everyone else does too, so why are you all alone?"

Alex didn't see the point of pretending anymore or hiding anything. She was almost positive Rick wouldn't remember half the things she had to say so why should she stop herself.

"I've fucked up my entire life; my mom's still not over my dad’s awful death. My sister is going crazy raising a child on her own. My best friend thinks I've replaced her. My old girlfriend is getting married to a fancy new social worker and I'm slowly slipping from sanity." She grinned mischievously at him; His gaze frozen in a shock expression.

"You need another drink."

* * *

Maggie and Jacob were sitting in their cop car, doing their usual rounds. Everything in town looked pretty normal. It was quiet in Midvale; most of the residents volunteering to decorate Midvale High's gymnasium for the reunion, so the town was slower than usual. Boredom was resurfacing, for McConners more than for Maggie. It was so boring that when the Latin's phone rang, both cops twinkled with joy. Jacob got a glimpse of Alex's picture blinking on her phone. He smirked at Maggie, reaching for the phone before she could.

_"Jacob."_ She seethed, he grinned brighter and answered.

"Maggie's phone." A smirk still shining across his face, even if Maggie was sending death glares at him.

"You asshole!" She hissed slapping whatever body part she could reach, as he cornered himself against the car door. His face scrunched when the voice that answered him sounded way too familiar.

"Megan?" He question.

"Yeah." She replied with a sigh.

Maggie stared confused at Jacob as he pulled the phone back from his ear, and stared at the screen. He was positive that it read gay Danvers, so why in hell did Megan's voice filter through the phone. He pressed the speaker icon.

"Why do you have Alex's phone?"

"It's better if you hear it." She said then a few shuffling sounds rushed through the line before a distant sound of loud occasional noises collided.

_"Chug! Chug! Chug!"_

The repeated notion continued on, before cheers hovered on the phone, and what sounded like Alex loudly enjoying her victories with a "Fuck, yes!" Rick Malvern's voice erupted soon after. "Next up! Body shots!" Maggie's heart dropped down to her stomach. She quickly grabbed her phone, but it off speaker, and ended the call. Alex was drunk of her ass, and the soldier wasn't the type of girl to get tipsy at noon. The Latin cop didn't have to think twice, she drove her way to the bar, surpassing speed limits every so often.

* * *

 

The soldier was shirtless, hanging upside-down on to the beer keg, her abs flexing as her dog tags dangled against her face while she swallowed a painstaking amount of beer; Rick cheering her on with his drunken groupies surrounding her. Maggie couldn't believe her eyes, not until Alex stood up barely catching herself from falling, she was laughing uncontrollably with the rest of the gang, searching for her shirt. Maggie noticed the scars gracing against her back. They were crippling and painful to comprehend. Yet, everyone else seemed too drunk to notice it. The Latin cop looked like a deer caught in a red light.

"I'm guessing that's not how she normally is?"

Jacob whispered against Maggie. The soldier had quickly pulled her shirt back on before the cop could even process what was happening Megan stood before her with Alex's phone and car keys.

"I tried to stop her, but Rick got to her before I could." She quickly explained.

"Fucking Malvern." She hissed.

She stormed her way between the crowds forming around Alex. Jacob helping her brush through the sea of people. Maggie grabbed hold of Alex's wrist, she grinned at her.

"Maggie!" She beamed. Rick's eyes twinkled wrapping an arm around Alex's shoulder.

"Well look what the cat dragged in." He smirked.

"Let her go, Rick."

"We're just having fun." He innocently said. He smiled back at Alex. "Right, Danvers."

Alex laughed, then nodded. "I took 4 body shots." She informed Maggie, who felt a lot more jealous than she should.

Her stomach boiled in pain. Her heart stung. Seeing Alex this intoxicated was hurting her more than it should. What could've possibly been this bad, that she felt the need to tranquilize herself? Maggie was convinced that the person who stood before her wasn't Alex, she wasn't even the soldier she'd grown to be. She was just someone who looked vaguely similar. Jacob could see the struggles Maggie was going through, he decided to step in.

"Okay, time to go home soldier." He picked up Alex from the bottom of her legs, thankful that she wasn't as heavy as she looked.

Maggie glared back at Rick. She followed Jacob, they stood for a few minutes scanning the parking lot for Alex's pick up, once Maggie spotted it, Jacob carried a now half unconscious Alex towards the passenger side of her car. He made sure she was placed stably before closing the door. Looking back at his partner he could see the saddened look in her eyes. Alex had been mumbling about nonsense the whole way to her car.

Jacob placed his hand on Maggie's shoulder. "She's going to be fine, Sawyer."

"I just don't understand. Alex would never voluntarily do what she just did. Especially with that asshole."

"People do crazy shit when they're drunk."

"But that's the thing. Alex is almost never drunk." She whispered sadly. Jacob gave her a sympathetic smile.

"Well, at least we got her out before she could get more drunk. You think you can handle taking her home alone?"

She nodded.

"Alright." He padded her shoulder. "I'll see you at the precinct." He told her, then left.

Maggie climbed into Alex's car. It smelt so familiar. Aside from the alcohol induced stench Alex's clothes left, this truck was their only form of transportation for a while; Maggie could just recall how many times they tried to make out in this tiny space, she chuckled at the memory. When her eyes landed on a nearly unconscious Alex. She felt a tug in her heart. She couldn't help but brush her fingers against her ear. It was even softer than she remembers it was. The temptation to kiss her resurfaced and Maggie cursed herself when her engagement ring flashed. She bit her lip, shook her head, and started the car.

* * *

 

"Alright. Come on, soldier." She whispered.

Maggie managed to softly wake Alex up. She was by the passenger side pulling her out carefully. Alex's feet hit the pavement, and a groan escaped her lips. The Latin cop couldn't help but chuckle, the redheads face looked adorable whenever she scrunched. It reminded her of the times she made her try vegan ice cream or anything remotely healthy. Maggie wrapped her arm around her shoulder, she kept an arm still around her waist, and she fumbled with her to their door. She rang the doorbell and knocked on it for more of an effect. It was seconds until the door swiftly opened.

"What took you so long-," Kara's face turned stiff when she saw the Latin cop cradle her sister. She didn't ask much, she immediately helped Maggie balance her sister's weight.

"Hi, Kara," Alex mumbled.

"Don't you hi me." Kara's motherly tone took presence. "You're explaining this to me when you wake up." She hissed. Alex groaned, and Maggie could only hold in a smile.

It was like they were back in 2007, and it was just the three of them. They had Alex in her bed under the covers in no time at all. Maggie pulled her blanket up to her shoulders; she smiled at her peaceful state. Kara noticed the unsubtle way Maggie's eyes lingered on her sister, a hidden smirk playing along with her lips. She wished she could stay to watch more, but Crystals crying had come to pry her out of the room. She sighed.

"I have to go, thanks for bringing her home," Kara whispered quickly with a soft smile.

"Don't mention it." She smiled back at Kara, then watched her leave.

She deemed that it was time for her to leave too. She stood up from her crouched position, and the second her foot took a step towards the door, she felt a gentle tug against her wrist.

" _Stay._ "

Alex's whispered plea had her knees falling. She watched as the soldier slowly shuttered her eyes open; A single tear sliding against her cheek. "Please."

Maggie couldn't stop herself from wiping away the heavy drop against her cheek. "Move over." She commanded slowly. Alex didn't hesitate; she shoved herself aside and waited till Maggie lay on top of the covers facing her. She felt her fingers slide across her cheek; it made her sigh. The softness of her touch it made her feel safe.

"Why'd you have to do this to yourself?" Maggie whispered, mindful of how hard her hangover was going to be.

"Would it be so crazy of me to still love you?"

Maggie felt her body shiver, was that- No. She couldn't say something like that. She probably didn't mean it. She was still drunk. Alex was probably just hallucinating. She couldn't have possibly meant it.

"Because..." The soldier’s soft voice rang in her ears. "I think I'm still in love with you."

Alex felt Maggie's eyes fill up with confusions and excitement. The soldier caught herself moving closer, she stared at her eyes, then back at her lips. They looked so perfect under the dim lights of her room. For a second there she thought she wasn't a soldier, she thought Maggie wasn't getting married, she thought that she was still a teenager, her father was just coming back from his final tour, and Kara wasn't a single mother, and Lena wasn't disappointed in her. For a second she thought life was perfect and as full as can be.

Alex shifted closer to Maggie; she reached for her cheek. One more look into her eyes and she couldn’t hold herself back. Her lips pressed against Maggie's soft lips. The soldier was sure she felt the whole world crumble, all the extras disappear. _Those lips_ ; they felt exactly like they did 10 years ago; just a fraction away from perfect. She caught herself questioning how she managed to hold herself for so long, and maybe it was for a second, but Alex felt Maggie's lips press harder against hers before she pulled away; The Latin's fingers touching against her own lips, her eyes now looked shocked. It was the last thing Alex had seen before her eyes fluttered to a close.

* * *

 

 

 

 


	7. Damaged Goods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting more Angsty huh? :P Anyway, I hope you enjoy this Chapter, I'm super excited to write the next one! Your comments are so sweet and uplifting, I can feel the motivation spew out of me :P I'll start putting trigger warnings for when violent things are going to be mention in the chapter starting with this one. So if you feel sqwimish with gore, it's just a heads up, that the Chapter will start with it. It's a little part so don't worry.   
> Keep the comments and Kudos Coming I really appreciate them, and they help me update faster. If you're looking for songs to listen to while reading this Chapter I suggest anything by NF. Seriously spent all the chapter writing with his songs in the background :P

_She couldn't comprehend what her surroundings were; all she could make up was the smell of fresh blood mixed with the essence of sandy deserts. She had to wipe the sweat that pilled up on her forehead to return back to reality. They were back on the battlefield, and all Alex could distinguish from her current spot inside a broken down civilians house was the square hole punched through the wall. She peeked out; men with cloths around their faces surrounded the area, each one holding some type of lethal weapon. Searching the grounds for any living military personnel. Tom and Mike were undercover with her; she had split up with Lucy and Astra. Somewhere along the barricades of gunshots they got separated and found refuge. They were waiting for backup. Most of the men had been shot down. Those injured were priority, and they'd been lifted onto the large truck. Still even with the dozen injured soldiers that were being transported; she could see double the number lying on the floor, fatal wounds with blood spewing on the ground._

_"Montgomery, what the hell are you doing?" Tom hissed when he saw Mike escorting a family of three made up of a mother and two children hiding inside the half beaten down home._

_"I found them hiding in one of the rooms." Mike had his gun aiming at them, his eyes were clearly terrified; He didn't know what he was doing, but the adrenaline in him wouldn't allow him to grow soft. Alex could see his shaking hands._

_"On your knees!" He yelled, sweat dripping from his forehead. The mother looked reluctant and couldn't quite understand what Mike was ordering her to do. Yet, he continued to yell. "I said get down on your knees!"_

_"Mike!" Tom rushed in front of him, holding down his gun. "The fuck man?"_

_"They're fucking terrorists, I'm sure they've got a boom somewhere in here." He argued._

_Alex took it upon herself to comfort them. She walked closer to the mother, who instantly collected her children closer to her; A young boy, and an even younger girl. She could see they were covered in black dust, the effects of a boom near by. She could see the hidden bloody slash on the mother's arm when her Abaya trickled upwards. Alex held out her hands in surrender. She wanted to help._

_"I'm not gonna hurt you." She gently mentioned walking towards them, as they still countered backwards._

_Alex approached them gently, her hands still at her sides. Proving to the protective mother that she had no weapon on her, or at least none that she could use. She pointed towards her wounded arm. "I can help." She offered._

_The woman still seemed reluctant. Alex's uniform sending her unprecedented vibes. How could she know if Alex wasn't exactly like Mike? She decided to stop moving when the family hit against the wall. She started hand gesturing for the mother, broken Arabic words forming in her mouth._

_"Asaedak." She tried to pronounce the word help in Arabic. Somehow it set the mother at ease. Hearing her language had let her grip on her children loosen a little. She even almost let Alex help her._

_"Danvers get the fuck away," Mike hissed, pushing aside Tom. The woman extending her hand gave him chills, just minutes prior he's seen one of their own throw a boom at their campsites. He was afraid. Alex stood guard ahead of the family; Tom approached Mike again snatching the gun out of his hands._

_"You need to calm down, Montgomery," Tom whispered._

_"I'll Fucking Calm down when they got no booms anymore."_

_"She's hurt." Alex reasoned._

_"That's how they get to you, play dead, you help them, then they fucking shoot you in the back."_

_They heard footsteps enter from the back off their tiny safe zone. The children started crying crawling closer into their mother. Mike freaked out grabbing his gun from Tom. He shot at the wall against the back door. It was only seconds later Lucy and Astra popped out, guns against their chest for protection. Lane breathed out in relief._

_"Jesus, Montgomery." She hissed, then made her way to Alex._

_"Come on, Backups here. We need to leave before they find us." LT Astra ordered. The two men followed without hesitation._

_"Alex lets go, we don't have much time." Lucy tugged her, but her friend aimed towards the terrified family._

_"The mother's injured." She informed her. Lucy bit the inside of her cheek._

_She wanted to help, but she knew they'd get caught easier with people dressed like them. However, she also knew that if she didn't help Alex wouldn't move from her spot. So, she quickly carried the young girl from her mother and dragged the boy forcefully. Alex had kept the mother behind her, she was calming her children with soothing words, but it didn't help they kept crying, and their cries got louder. Alex and the mother had stopped by the back door when a bullet hit the ground in front of Alex. She lifted her head up to where the bullet came from, and it was clear that they'd been caught. She quickly pushed the mother to their rescue truck where she rekindled with her children. It was only then when she crouched by an old desolated army truck did she notice that LT Astra was behind her._

_"Do you always look for strays?" Astra hissed. "You never follow protocol."_

_"Mike found them, and what was I supposed to do? Let them die."_

_"It's what happens in war, Private."_

_Alex's face reddened with anger. "If I can save someone, then I will."_

_Astra shook her head. "It's no time to argue. Move; I'll cover you."_

_"What about you? Who's going to cover you?"_

_"I can handle myself."_

_"But-," she was shoved out of their crouched position before she could protest._

_For a few minutes, she actually thought they were going to reach their rescue truck safely, even if guns were blazing at them half way. Somehow Alex and Astra managed to reach pretty close to their escape. Soldiers including Lucy and Tom had their arms stretched out in order to help them climb up quicker. The second Alex was about to grab Lucy's hand was the second she heard the gun fires behind her. She swerved her head to the direction of bangs, only to find LT Astra standing guard behind her, blood spewing from her chest. Alex's eyes bugged out. Her feet worked at their own accord. She was quick to hold her as she fell. Her breaths quickened, her skin was turning white and cold despite the burning weather._

_"No, no, no." She whispered, trying to control the bleeding by placing pressure on it, all it did was block the blood from spewing rapidly. Alex still applied pressure; she put most of her strength in picking her up. She felt a part of a bullet sling through her shoulder she groaned but kept pulling Astra with her._

_"Private!" LT Astra barely hissed._

_"Save your breath. I'm gonna get you out of here. You're gonna go back home, you'll see your daughter again. It's going to be fine."_

_Alex tried to convince herself more than the LT. Astra was growing weaker, she was laying all her weight on Alex, and it made the soldier slower, more reliable for bullets._

_"Let me go." She whispered._

_"No."_

_"Alex."_

_It was the first time LT Astra had specifically said her name. It gave her all the more reason to continue thrusting her to the truck, but she knew more than anyone Astra was dead weight. She still carried her even through the LT's protests. Alex had stepped on something sharp along the way. She bit her lip forcing a groan back her throat. Astra had it at that point. She was weaker than ever, and with her final ounce of power, she pushed Alex to their truck where Lucy grabbed a hold of her._

_"No!"_

_Alex had to watch as her LT fell to the ground, another bullet breaking through against her forehead her face fallen disfigured, her body fell to the ground-_

Alex shot off her bed, she was drenched in sweat; Her hands ran through her hair. She shut and opened her eyes again and again. She couldn't forget the way Astra looked. The way blood trickled down her face, her body fallen limp. She hit the ground like a feather. She saw it all happen in slow motion. Her heart thumped louder in her chest. It didn't matter that it was years ago. 8 years ago to be exact. The memory still haunted her. She could still remember Tom and Lucy holding her back as she tried to fight her way back to Astra. She still saw it from time to time. LT Astra had risked her life for a Private who never even obeyed her. She deserved better. If only she had listened, if only she followed the rules. The soldiers’ hands ran through her hair. She held herself from crying, yet a heavy whimper escaped her lips.

She picked up her phone from her bedside table, aware that it was later than 2 am, but the guilt was eating her whole, she couldn't stand it. She needed to talk to her. Her head hurt, and she felt wobbly when she stepped on the floor. Her breathing labored as the beep kept ringing in her ear; sweat still falling against her forehead. She couldn't remember anything past her nightmare. So, it was beyond her why the one person she wanted to talk to wasn't answering back.

_"The number you are trying to reach is now not available. Please try again later."_

The beep became louder, and Alex felt more guilt rise in her. She threw her phone onto her bed, sank her fingers into her short hair. She breathed heavily.

"Damn it!"

* * *

 

Maggie was sitting on her kitchen table. A half filled bottle of whiskey starring at her, an acceptable amount poured into the glass next to it. Her eyes trailed to her phone. It buzzed with Alex's face on it. She wanted to answer it so badly, but every inch of her body had threatened her not to. She could only feel Alex's soft lips press against hers again, and again. It was a notorious notion. She could just replay the moments she last spent with the soldier. It was immobilizing. She felt like she was being pulled from both sides of her body; Her conscious yelling at her. _You completely fucked it up, Maggie_ ; Her heart almost praising her for not stopping Alex. Her phone buzzed one last time before it blacked out; she shut her eyes with a sigh; Her hands automatically aiming for the glass of whiskey. She gulped it down.

Alex was going to demolish her, in fact, she had already paralyzed her; Nothing but the soldier's thoughts permeated her brain. She was hurting both Alex and Emily. The thought of Emily sent her avalanches of remorse. She didn't deserve any of this. She'd been considerate, kind, and loyal. Any beef she had with Alex, it was all because of her. She knew Emily didn't like the soldier even before the mention of her being her ex. Emily disliked Alex because of how she managed to survive, while her brother couldn't. Her fiancé couldn't find it in her to like someone who could've taken her brothers chance at a healthy long life. It still didn't excuse her behavior yesterday. She should've been able to see it coming. She should've been able to stop Alex, but she couldn't stop herself to save her own life.

* * *

 

"You think Alex is in the right mindset for this?" Kara asked as she placed Crystal in her baby cot. Eliza was getting some milk ready for her granddaughter in the kitchen.

"I think she's got a day left, and her old friends want to spend some time with her." Lena picked and poked at her hair as she stood in front of the mirror.

"Yeah, but what if this get-together just reminds her of how much she's going to leave behind?"

"She felt fine leaving us behind the first time." Lena hissed.

She'd offered to pick up the Danvers party for their little get together at Bistro's where Winn and James were waiting for them. As the time for Alex to go back became closer, it left Lena in a state of denial. She didn't want her best friend to go back because she feared she wouldn't return. Knowing Alex, she knew that if it became too much she wouldn't come back. Add that with the prospect of Maggie getting married, it would definitely tarnish half the reasons Alex had for coming back. She still reminded herself that there was Crystal now; she'd have to have some decency to want to see Crystal grow up.

"Let's not bring up the past, okay?" Kara placed her hand on Lena's shoulder. "We don't need to dwell on things we can't change; we just have today and tomorrow with her. I don't want it to end on a bad note."

Lena sighed. "Me neither."

Alex had heard most of their conversations as she stood behind the staircase. She felt worse than she did when she woke up. The quick shower she took before getting ready helped calm her nerves. Kara was actually quite wrong about her not being in the mindset for this. She needed this. She needed to get her mind of what the military was like. Midvale is too humble a town that she'd nearly forgotten how corrupted the outside world was; She had to suck it up, she made her own path. It was none one's fault, but her own.

"I'm ready." She said with a smile, she'd put on one of her old jeans, and an ACDC shirt.

She'd already packed up most of her clothes, and she'd set her uniform out for tomorrow. She had to catch her plane right after the reunion, and she saw no point in wearing anything else. It saved her from having to pick an outfit.

Kara and Lena smiled at her. Alex had managed to wash away her frazzled state. The thought that Maggie had ignored her call still left a gut-wrenching feeling, but what did she expect? Her sister had told her that she came home yesterday completely drunk, and Maggie was kind enough to bring her home before she could do something stupid. The soldier was pretty much convinced that she'd done something reckless. She hadn't heard a word from Maggie since then. She could only associate her silence with something she'd naïvely done. Whatever it was that she did, she hoped it was something that could be forgiven.

* * *

 

Bistro was even more crowded than usual; most of the current customers were old Midvale High Schoolers back in town for the reunion. Alex had recognized some faces. Vicky Donahue was one of them. She looked older, her honey eyes remained the same, yet her brown hair was dyed blond; she offered Alex a small smile, and maybe a tiny flirty look. The soldier had missed it, although what she didn't miss were her old friends in their usual rounded table. James wore a business pantsuit, with a light purple button up, and a darker shade of purple necktie. His suit jacket sprawled out on the edge of his chair. He looked like he'd been in the gym for most of his time out of high school. It was such a deviant contrast to Winn. That kid remained skinny and scrawny as ever. His wardrobe looked practically identical to his outfits in high school; a checkered shirt, with a sweatshirt on top, and black jeans. The only difference was his sunglasses that looked almost like FBI replicas.

Seeing them had pitched a smile on her face; a real one. It felt like such a long time since she smiled. The feeling was quite surreal. Lena and James were currently making fun of Winn's love life, or the lack there off; even with the billion dollars he managed to attain from his online games. He still managed to be a wired quirky guy that knew too many random facts.

"If I wanted a lady, I could get myself one with a snap of my fingers, and a single phone call." He grinned.

"Are you insinuating that you have hookers on speed dial?" James smirked at him. Winn's face fell. It made the rest of the gang laugh.

"Maybe they're too expensive, James." Lena continued to tease him.

"Need I remind you; I'm richer than all you freaks." He huffed.

"All the more reason you'd have access to hookers easily."

Winn growled at Lena. "Why don't we talk about something else? Like Alex for instance."

"Me?" She chuckled sipping on her latte. He grinned, and Alex shook her head. "I'm not that interesting."

"Don't act so shy. You're a fucking soldier." He beamed. "You're more interesting than half the people here."

"For the first time ever, I actually agree with dorky-pants." James smiled.

"With you being in the military and all, do you get info about Area 51?" Winn's eyes sparked with interest like a kid in a candy store. Alex's eyebrows scrunched, she chuckled softly.

"No."

"How bout aliens?"  
  
"No."

"UFO's?"

She shook her head an amused smiled lurking on her lips.

"Anything unearthly?" His eyebrows tweaked. Alex laughed.

"Winn; we protect what's on planet earth, not what's outside of it."

He grumbled. James patted his shoulder.

"I still think she got laid more than you did."

"It must be so easy to get hook ups." He deadpanned. "Who wouldn't be attracted to a soldier." He concluded. Alex felt her skin crawl.

"I don't exactly hook up when I'm deployed, Winn."

"Oh come on, not even once?" He asked. Clearly, he'd seen too many war movies.

The soldier rolled her eyes. "It's not like the movies, Tweedledum."

"So, you're saying that Channing Tatum's portrayal of Dear John was bullshit?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying." She chuckled at his strangled huff.

"Well how bout Andrew Garfield's, Hackshaw Ridge?"

"Still not like the movies."

"You have any real stories a journalist would find interesting?" James chimed in.

Alex shook her head. "Not really." Kara could sense her sister's uncomfortable state; Alex didn't like talking about what she did abroad. She decided to break the conversation from her sister with a large smile.

"Who's excited about the reunion? I'm dying to see how everyone's lives turned out. Especially, Siobhan Smythe."

Lena huffed. "That girl wouldn't know what her career was even if it kicked her in the ass."

"You're not even curious?" Alex quirked an eyebrow.

Siobhan and Lena used to have Midvale's biggest drama fights in school. It was pretty funny watching them get head to head. Alex hasn't heard of Smythe since. Truthfully, she did wonder how she's turned up. She could discreetly remember Lena's face when Siobhan dared mock her. Her best friend was redder than a tomato because she knew deep down; the tension between them was more than just a mental wordplay. It was strongly induced by physical sexual tensions, and it was high school. People were still exploring their sexuality. Both Lena and Siobhan were feisty, athletic, brunettes. Alex couldn't help but wonder how the latter could've turned out since Lena's well, a completely different person now.

The lawyer rolled her eyes; a defeated sigh playing against her lips. "Maybe, I'm -like- a tiny, tiny, little bit curious."

Alex laughed, noticing how Lena's cheeks grew uncharacteristically red. "Holy shit." She breathed out.

Everyone in their little table seemed to have brushed off Lena's crimson cheeks. The gang skeptically stared at the older Danvers. Alex could see it clear as day though. The Lawyer was more than just innocently curious. The soldier swatted her best friends shoulder.

"You're turned on thinking about her!"

Lena's cheeks grew frantically more red. She swatted Alex's hand away. "Am not. You're sick."

"And you're a fucking liar." Alex chuckled with a shake of her head. "I knew you always had a tiny thing for her."

"I don't." She seethed and shifted in her place. "Are we going to ignore the fact that Kara had a lucid crush on Adam Foster?"

Kara's cheeks flushed, her eyes bugged out at the sudden turn of events. "Don't you dare turn the tables on me!"

Winn grinned. "It's not very nice being picked on huh?"

All 3 women turned to face him and simultaneously hissed. "Shut it, Winn!"

James fell into a louder bark of laughter; Winn crawled deeper into his chair. It was then Alex felt the nostalgic feeling of high school grace over her. It felt so good to laugh, and smile without having to think about how to fake it; Primarily, with everything going on lately. She needed this, this pause in her life where she could ignore all the cruel affairs running into her. The way Kara's eyes were twinkling, Winn's ridiculous Trivia knowledge got bumped down, James smirk endorsed smiles, and Lena's essentially unnatural crimson cheeks; those were the things she was going to miss. These were the little fragments of her heart she left behind. It was slowly creeping up on her, how much she missed it. How much a part of her wanted to stay. It was evident that she wasn't the only one to think that.

Hannah approached them with their 3rd round of coffee and sweet dishes. She'd been watching the gang from the corner of her eyes. It was nice seeing them back together, seeing Alex laugh and beam without a care in the world. It was heart warming. The remembrance of her younger self-working had popped in her head. They were always the loudest group in the coffee shop, it was nice to know that- that hadn't changed.

"You guys should get together more often." Hannah placed the final cup of coffee from her tray on the table, before she leaned against Alex's chair watching the old group of friends smile naively.

"Man, I wish we could." James sighed, his broad shoulders tensing. "It used to be so much easier when we were kids."

"No responsibilities." Kara sighed.

"No worries," Lena added.

"No remorse," Alex whispered, her head down.

"We felt like we were fucking invincible." Winn tried to lighten the mood.

Hannah felt bad for them. "For a while, I think you kids were invincible." Her eyes landed on the soldier. "Besides, there was a time when you were 6, not 5."

It was as if it was planned, cause the second Maggie's absence was about to be mentioned the Latin Cop appeared her fiancé trailing behind her. When they'd made it into the coffee shop, and brown eyes spotted Hazel ones across the room, Maggie's hand immediately intertwined with Emily's. Alex felt like being stabbed right in the back. She couldn't help but think of how she called her that night, and how she didn't get a reply. The soldier couldn't tear her eyes away. She felt Kara's hand rest on her knee. Alex was thankful for the distraction; she placed her hand on top of her sisters.

"Maggie!" Winn beamed. He stood up; waving his hands in crisscross motions as if they were in the middle of a large crowd. James shook his head, as Lena heavily sighed for the entire group.

"How can someone be so smart, yet so dumb at the same time," Lena whispered to no one in particular.

"Guess that's my queue to leave," Hannah whispered putting as much distance as she could. She still kept an eye on the gang though as she found her place back behind the counter.

The cop felt awkward ignoring Winn. She couldn't, that's why she pulled Emily along with her as she made her way to their old groupies' table; a forced grin coming to terms with her lips. She hugged him briefly before James stood up to give her a side hug.

Winn tapped her head; he smirked. "You're still as tiny as ever."

"Watch it, Tweedledum."

"You know, I never got that. Why do I always get the dumb end?”

"Cause you are dumb," James smirked.

"Again; Remember I'm richer than all you freaks." He reminded them, and then extended his hands to Emily. "Winn Schott." The redhead shook his hand looking skeptically at her fiancé.

"Emily." She smiled politely.

"Are you Maggie's cop partner?" He asked innocently.

Maggie cleared her throat. "No, she's my fiancé." Her eyes landed back on Alex, she saw her fidgeting in her seat.

He laughed. "Yeah, and I'm not gay for Channing Tatum." He sarcastically said.

James smacked the back of his head. Winn noticed that no one was laughing with him; he looked at his group of friends, then back at Maggie who supported an embarrassed look. He cleared his throat.

"Oh," he swallowed. "You were serious. I do deserve the Tweedledum."

Emily cleared her throat, and Maggie focused on how to get herself out of this situation. "Everyone this is Emily." She pointed to her fiancé. "Emily this is James," she gestured towards her old friend. "And, well, you know the rest."

"It's nice to meet you." Emily politely said.

A few moments of silence filled the table.

Winn tapped his feet on the floor looking between everyone. "So, Emily are you into games?"

"Depends. What kind are we talking about?"

"Let's say, something along the lines of Alien Isolation?"

Emily smirked. "Pre-ordered it when it first came out in 2014."

Winn's eyes shone, he immediately pulled the redhead a chair. "We're going to be great friends."

Maggie felt awkward as hell; she whispered to her fiancé that she needed to use the restroom. Alex noticed her intense state; she immediately hopped off her position. It was instincts acting for her; she followed her; while Emily's eyes tracked them.

* * *

 

All Maggie could think off as she splashed adequate amounts of water on her face was Alex's disappointing eyes. Those hazel orbs looked so beaten, so out of shape; As if she wasn't expecting Maggie to be with anyone at all as if she didn't know that she was engaged. The cop could only relive the moments she'd spent in her bed last night. The way her lips pressed firmly on to hers; the way she liked how they tasted. The water was cold, and with each second that passed by her splashes grew heftier. Yet, the soldier remained on the tip of her brain; powerlessly unmoving.

"You're ignoring me."

Maggie felt a chill rise through her bones. She was most definitely certain that it wasn't from the cold water trickling down her face. She rubbed at her eyes till her vision was clear, her hands worked frantically to pull at the tissue roll from her right-hand side. She refused to acknowledge her statement; she went on as if she didn't hear Alex's burning voice. It only certified what the Soldier had stated earlier. Maggie had no intention of continuing a conversation she was sure she didn't want. Emily was right outside, it was wrong of her to even be in a solitary place with Alex. She reached for the door, but Alex reached to it before she could. The soldier worked skillfully, locking the door, and placing her hand guard on top off the knob.

"Alex." She seethed, a heavy sigh escaping her lips; Her back still facing Alex.

"You're ignoring me." She stated again, this time a rougher tone graced her lips.

"I'm not ignoring you-,"

"Don't lie to me." Alex's voice softened slightly, she heard a couple footsteps, and Maggie felt her heavy breathing behind her. She closed her eyes. "There was a time you never lied to me."

Maggie turned around anger in her eyes. Alex looked like a mess. Now that she got a closer look she could see it, the dark circles under her eyes, the way she looked so disheveled like she's had enough. Then she remembered that this was how she was supposed to remember her in a few days time. This was what she was going to leave her with. _Again._

"There was a time when you weren't leaving for war."

"Is that what this is about? You're ignoring me because I'm leaving?"

The cop could only painfully swallow her ache. Did she really not remember anything? It's not like Maggie wasn't expecting it, but could she really not remember confessing to her, or hell, kissing her? Leaving her in a bed of emotions yet again. Could she not see how fracturing she is to her?

"This is not the time or place, Alex." She turned to reach for the door again, but Alex splattered her back against it.

"I don't have time." She pleaded. "I thought we were working things out. I thought we were fixing whatever it was between us."

"There is no _us_." Her eyes were cold; Alex felt the chill in her bones.

"Kara told me you brought me home yesterday." Maggie bit her lip facing the other way. "I know I was drunk." The soldier was determined to break through her wall. Maggie couldn't play this game for long; she was terrible at hiding her emotions. Alex was going to prove it.

"Did I say something?"

The cop shook her head. "Just never mind it." She tried to nudge Alex.

"Obviously, I said something to freak you out."

"Alex, let it go."

"Why do you have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Push me aside like I'm scrap." Maggie couldn't help but lift her gaze on her. She sounded unnaturally weak. The fire in her eyes was deciphering slowly. "You're confusing me. I-I don't understand what you want from me, Maggie. I can't take back the 10 years that passed. I can't erase the pain I put you through, but... God. You can't be nice to me one day, then ignore me the next day."

"You are in no way authorized to say something like that." Alex twitched at her hardening gaze, and her angering tone. "You wanna know why I'm so confusing?" She hissed, then punched her finger into Alex's chest, stepping closer to her, forcing her back against the door. "It's because of you, Alex. _You_ \- you confuse the _fuck_ out of me. Just when things were about to feel normal between us, you had to-" she bit her lip.

The soldier’s eyes looked nothing more than a broken-hearted mess. She was weaker than ever, losing her senses. She was falling apart, and that was the first time Maggie had truly seen past Alex's brick wall; She could see the pain, she could see the hurt. She could see so much more. Her eyes held stories words could never describe. Maybe for a second Maggie felt her pain, she felt how awful this situation was for her. She felt how time was corrupting, and suffocating her.

"What? What did I do?" She asked, her eyes pleading for an answer. Maggie felt her tears grow heavy. She held them back.

"You had to remind me of how much I missed loving you." She whispered before forcefully shoving Alex aside and unlocking the door.

The soldier could barely catch her breath. She felt the strings at her heart tug brutally. She was not expecting to hear that. In her own twisted way, that was Maggie's confession. That was Maggie's way of saying I love you, and I hate that I do. Alex couldn't move. Confusion aside, she felt the hairs on her skin jump. Her feet frozen in time, she couldn't swallow what's been thrown at her.

* * *

 

Three tries; it took Maggie three tries to stable her hand enough to unlock her apartment. Emily had noticed her frazzled demeanor the second she walked out of the restroom. It dawned on her how many times Alex managed to make Maggie's knees crumble. She could never leave that much of an impression on her. She could never love her to the extent where her knees felt like water. The cop wouldn't ever love her as much as she loved her. It hurt badly how much they were both burying feelings inside of them. Although they walked into a silent apartment, their heads were far from silent; Alex being the big elephant in the room. Maggie put their apartment keys down on the first table she came across. Emily could see how heavy the soldier was weighing on her fiancé’s shoulders and it was more than immobilizing. It was more than torture for the both of them.

"I think we should talk."

The cop knew that tone; that serious mind-fucking tone. She knew from the way Emily was smiling painfully at her, with heavy tear-filled eyes, that this was _the_ talk. The 'It's not you, it's me' talk. She wasn't ready for that. Not with what just happened with Alex. She wasn't in the right headspace for it. She couldn’t deal with losing more people.

"Please, not you too." She whispered.

Emily couldn't face her; she bit her lip and stared at her feet. "You're not happy."

"Emily-,"

"I'm not either."

Silence. It rang through both of their ears. Maggie couldn't hold it together. She could hear the cracking noise of her apartment floors as Emily made her way closer to her soon to be ex. The redhead placed a soft soothing hand against her cheek; She brushed her hair back.

"I can't keep watching you love someone else."

Maggie shook her head. "That's not true. I love you, Emily." She held onto her top tightly, a pleading look in her eyes. The redhead smiled sadly.

"Maybe you do." She whispered. "But you love her more." She could feel the spasm cross through Maggie's veins. "You always have. It was stupid, and naive of me to think I could break what you two have."

"You're better than she was." Maggie held on tighter. She wasn't ready to lose someone else, on top of losing Alex. She wasn't going to lose someone dear to her again.

"I'm sure." She chuckled sadly. "But we never want what's good for us."

"Don't leave me." She begged. Emily took a deep breath, sliding her hand away from Maggie's cheek.

"Would you have been with me if Alex never left?"

The question caught her off guard. However, the answer was written on her face. It was more than Emily needed to know where she stood. She knew it from the start. She knew what she was jumping into, she just never expected to meet her rival, and Maggie never expected to see Alex again. It was fate's dysfunctional work that destroyed the future they had planned together. Alex did come back, and Maggie's feelings for her showered her. There was no turning back. This was a mistake that had long been made. Alex was what opened both their eyes on reality. The Latin's fingers flexed, she let her top go. Emily's smile looked almost as heartbroken Alex's eyes earlier. She could hear her sniff as she slowly but surely slipped her engagement ring off her finger. The redhead buried it in her tight fist. She breathed deeply turned her back on Maggie, placing the ring on the table nearest the door. She turned her head at the last minute.

"Go after her." She simply told her before she walked out.

Maggie felt her heart crack. Yes, Emily was a substitute. But she was a damn good one. She was there for her when no one else was; she loved her even when she couldn't reciprocate in the best way. Emily was the most selfless person she'd met, even more so than Alex. So why? Why was she still feeling a tiny bit happy about this? She felt some sort of relief, the ring on her finger felt lighter. She felt lighter. The tears that were dripping felt almost comfortable, but it also hurt. Bittersweet, that's what it was right now. Bittersweet.

* * *

 

Alex had straightened her uniform jacket staring at her reflection. She almost couldn't recognize herself. Starring at an echoing image that felt like a proper carbon copy of herself. It still felt more her than the ripped skinny jeans, and band T-shirts she had to wear while she was home. She'd forgotten how heavy her uniform hung on her. It made her feel proud, but also void of innocence. These past two weeks passed faster than the one week preparing her father's funeral. She'd slicked her hair back, making sure it was tidy enough to place her hat on. She gave herself another through look, straightened her posture, and took a deep breath.

"I wish you didn't look so brave in that." Kara's voice filtered her room. "It'd be easier to make up excuses that would force you to stay if you didn't."

She could see her sister's eyes swell through her mirror. She was still in her pajamas, still in denial that her sister was leaving in a matter of hours. Alex was semi-surprised that she was even up at this hour. Last night had been spent reminiscing on past memories that swore they would never fade. They'd only gotten up for bed when it was well past 3 am. Alex couldn't sleep, much like she couldn't sleep when she was on her way home. This time the begrudging, agonizing insomnia that hit her was because she was well aware that it was going to be quiet a while before she could come back home before she could see her sister cradle a much older Crystal before she could see her mother's smile or Lena's uplifting smirk. It was going to be a long time before she could see Maggie again. Married or not, it was still going to be a fuck load of time before she could set her eyes on such a beauty again.

Alex held her tears, she knew someone had to. She turned around, and in one swift movement, she felt Kara crash into her, her sob heavy on her shoulders. She closed her eyes, and held her baby sister in her arms, breathing in as much of her essence as she could.

"I'm going to miss you so much." She whispered in her ear, making it that much harder to hold her tears in check.

Alex didn't trust her voice enough to respond. She just hugged her sister tighter. Kara let go after a while, she wiped at her own damp cheeks. A painful smile plastered on her face.

"Don't be a stranger, okay? I'll try to send you letters when I can."

"Pictures of Crystal would be enough."

"Are you sure you don't want anyone to drop you off?"

Alex shook her head a forced smile on her face. "I don't want to be reminded of how many things I'm leaving behind." She stared at her feet. "Again."

"Just...," she waited for her sister to look at her. Alex saw the clear evidence of worry burden her appearance. "Stay safe, okay?"

"I promise."

* * *

 

Lena had picked her up right after she'd hugged her mother goodbye. Already she'd promised two things she couldn't take back, and she was sure was stupid of her to have made in the first place. It was supposed to make leaving easier, promising to come back, to stay safe. It was supposed to make it easier, but it didn't. It made it all the more harder, because she had to hold on to that promise, and she didn't know if she could.

Alex and Lena were standing in front of Midvale High's old gymnasium; walking down the halls felt so yearning. The gray lockers that lined up against the wall, the white floors that seemed super polished for tonight, hell, even the smell of her old high school brought her back to a time when things were perfect; When she had everything, and she was envied beyond anything that was acceptable. It brought her back to a time when she felt enough, more than enough. There were no gruesome images of war in her head, or someone else holding Maggie's hand. It was perfect. Life was once picture perfect. So much for Karma, people's envy sure burned her life out.

Lena was dressed in a dark blue gown that proved how gorgeous she was, it complemented her green eyes, and left her looking ten times more striking than she normally did. They were inches away from the gym doors when she felt a hand hold on to her wrist. She turned around to see Lena's glossy eyes face her.

"Before I criticize myself for being a cry baby let me just say that I'm sorry."

"What for?"

She forced a genuine smirk. "Missing you."

Alex knew that admitting something like that was very much taboo on Lena. Her best friend never approved of weakness or crying for that matter. The soldier was half shocked by the sudden need to confess, but she also knew the effects of her leave ending was floating in the air. It was hitting her hard, and maybe harder for the people around her. Alex simply smiled gently and engulfed Lena in a tight embrace that left her breathless.

"I'm warning you, Danvers. You better come back soon, or I'll enter the military just to snatch you back myself."

Alex chuckled at her threatening tone. "I'll be back."

"Soon?"

"Soon."

They'd departed after that. Lena had wiped her tears and fixed up her make up like a pro. She knew that her leave wasn't going to be mentioned again by her anytime soon. Lena wouldn't risk crying twice in front of her, especially not twice over her. She grinned flawlessly when they'd made it to the gym where Mrs. Hanigin offered Alex one hell of a back slap. She'd reminded Alex of the days she ran track and completed first on the rare occasions Lena was out of it. She'd patt Alex's back in a proud manner, and encouraged her to keep at it. Mrs. Hanigin was still as influential as ever. All she could talk about for the 5 minutes they stood with her was how brave Alex was for signing up for the military, and how proud her father would have been. Alex kept her smile in check for those five minutes, and she was happy when they'd gone further into the gym for other encounters.

The gym looked cleaner than she last remembered. The bleachers were painted black instead of gray, and the floor still had Midvale High's lion mascot plastered on it. It just looked more advanced than she'd last seen it. The regular sweat filed aroma replaced by the smell of a dozen perfumes aligned from everyone's choice for the night, along with spiked punch. It felt like prom all over again. Specifically when she'd caught up with Winn and James dressed in proper suits. James in a black pantsuit, with a blue shirt, a matching tie, and a black suit jacket. Winn was primarily dressed the same except his shirt a baby pink color with a darker tie. They'd found a spot close by the spiked punch, all four of them were standing and talking about how strange it felt to not have a band playing while everyone danced over each on the dance floor. It felt ridiculously proper.

"Is that Siobhan Smythe?" Winn pointed at a woman dressed in a black pencil skirt, and a white button up. She seemed to have been laughing at a joke one of the people she'd gathered herself with told.

"Well, fuck." Lena couldn't stop staring. Alex chuckled.

"Guess you're not the only one who grew up, huh?"

Lena pinched Alex, "Shut up."

The group laughed, resulting in Siobhan to glance at them, and her deafening eye roll definitely gave her away. That sure was Siobhan Smythe.

"Yup, that's Siobhan alright," James smirked.

"I wonder what she's into these days?" Winn asked.

"You think you might have a shot, Winn?" Lena flicked the back of his head to get him to stop staring at her ass.

"Well, my last name isn't Schott for nothing."

She rolled her eyes. "And that's exactly why you don't have a shot."

"Hey, chicks dig men with money." He pointed to himself with a smirk. "I'm a man, and I got money."

James chuckled. "A lot of ego too."

"Maybe it's the feminist in me talking, but most women don't give two shits how heavy your pockets are, Winn." Alex grinned. "We can make money for ourselves now. It’s not the 20th century for nothing."

"Ohh, burn." Lena laughed, along with James and Alex. Winn's face scrunched.

" _Fuckers._ " He hissed under his breath and crossed his arms. It only took him seconds before he joined their ever-growing laughter.

"Still the loudest gang of class of 2007." Adam Foster smirked making his way into the group. "Such a shame the final groupie was two years younger."

"Still thinking of my sister I see," Alex smirked.

"Kara was a great math tutor if you know what I mean." He grinned, then took a sip of his red plastic cup. "How is she?"

"Not interested in you, that's for sure." Lena murmured.

"She's fine." Alex shrugged.

He pointed at her uniform. "It's wired seeing you dressed like that."

"Some people think it's quite impressive." Lena grew defensive. Adam raised his hand in defense.

"Hey, I wasn't trying to be mean." He shrugged. "It's just strange."

"Your tux is strange." She countered back. Alex felt warm in her stomach. She missed the feeling you got when someone defended you. It was comforting.

"Chill, Luthor." He sipped his drink again, then faced Alex. "You pretty much have a following here, Danvers. Can't go anywhere in town without someone mentioning the brave heroic soldier. Your old pop would've been proud."

"I'm not a hero." She repeated for what felt like the millionth time. "I'm just doing my job."

"How'd you actually do it? I know a shit ton of guys who tried to enter, but freaked out at the last minute."

"Alex's got guts." James offered.

"Must run in the family," Winn informed too.

Lena could see how Alex's fingers started to fidget. She turned them into tight fists in order to stop the shaking.

"Don't you have somewhere to be, Adam?" Lena nonchalantly said.

He could see her eyes burn into his skin; he could read between the lines. "I'm going to get a refill."

"Thanks." She whispered for Lena's ears only. Her best friend smiled a silent welcome on her lips.

Winn's eyes kept lurking around the gym. He scratched the back of his neck, then faced his friends again. "You guys seen, Maggie?"

Alex felt her skin crawl. Come to think of it the Latin cop didn't appear to be anywhere. She wasn't going to miss the reunion, is she? The soldier couldn't help but feel her heart pump faster, was the last time she was going to see her be that time? When she was beyond any reason or rhyme. Would she really avoid saying goodbye to her? Was she that troublesome? Because she couldn't handle it if she was.

"She hasn't shown up yet?" James questioned. "I know she's always fashionably late, but I mean Alex," he faced her. "You've got -like- what? An hour or two left before you have to leave right? Is she not coming to say goodbye?"

The question forced her to swallow thickly. "I don't think she'd want to." She whispered.

"Why don't we get some drinks?" Lena pushed her best friend to the direction of punch.

She poured herself a cup while Alex helplessly poured her own; she had her head stuck on the beautiful cop she knew too well. If Maggie wanted to avoid you, she could. Alex didn't quite trust her emotions at the moment; her mind wouldn't stop pressing to know what Maggie could possibly be doing. All the soldier could see was her admitting her feelings for her. It's like she couldn't function without a fraction of Maggie in her. Her mind begged and boiled itself for an answer, but it wouldn't come. She just had to hope to keep her sanity alive; she had to hope that she was coming soon. Alex had been too busy floating in her own universe that she didn't even notice it when she accidentally walked into someone. Her drink sprinkled itself on what looked like a white polyester dress.

" _Shit,_ I'm so sorry." She quickly apologized; trying to find some tissue or anything the person ahead of her could wipe the red dots that were forming. She froze when she heard a soft chuckle.

"If it isn't the Alex Danvers dressed in her military uniform." Tyler Mills smirked as she watched Alex slowly recognize her. She blushed the slightest bit out of embarrassment.

Tyler was one of the girls Alex had dated for a while before Maggie showed up. She was a petite blonde, and she enjoyed painting, she was pretty good at it too. Alex did have a thing for small physique-d' women. She was a great partner for the couple of weeks they'd dated. Something just never sat right between them, and eventually, they'd become more like strangers as the years passed. She didn't cause Alex much trouble. She wasn't the clingy type, and Alex had appreciated that.

"You look even better than you did in High School." She smiled harmlessly. Lena eyed them in silence, sipping at her cup. It was always awkward between exes.

Alex cleared her throat. "I'm sorry about your dress."

"Don't worry about it. How have you two been?"

Lena smiled. "I'm doing good, I have my own firm now."

"That's amazing." She focused on Alex, her grayish eyes fixated on the soldier, who had to work hard to swallow the lump in her throat. She couldn't help but imagine Maggie's eyes in her place. "How bout you?"

Alex shook her head, then focused her eyes on Tyler. "I'm well, and you?"

"Pretty great, actually. One of my painting is going to be featured in the New York Times gallery."

"That's great!" Alex genuinely smiled for her, but she could see beneath her lies. She may have known Alex for a little while, but she could identify her tricks well. She gave Lena a knowing look, then let her eyes set on Alex.

"I hope you really are doing well, Alex." She placed a hand on her bicep. "Just because everyone automatically assumes you're fine, doesn't mean you have to be."

"I'm fine." She was quick to put a grin on her faces. She was not ready to show her scars to anyone who was not Maggie. She wasn't ready before, and she is not now.

Tyler could only smile for her; she let her arm go, nodded respectfully, and tended to her dress. Lena placed a hand on her shoulder; Alex turned her attention to her best friend.

"Why don't you head to the restroom? Take a breather. People are piling up in the gym, and I'm pretty sure they'll hog over you."

Alex nodded and made her way to the bathroom. Maybe a cold splash of water would help her feel a tiny bit better. She needed to stop imagining Maggie everywhere. She needed to get a grip; in a few hours, she'll be back in a deserted sandy island, with guns a blazing. She had to straighten up. _Man the fuck up, Alex._

* * *

 

Maggie had been questioning attending the reunion. She was in no way, shape, or form ready to go. But she knew that if she didn't, she'd have a ton of criticism about it. Besides, Alex would be leaving today; she couldn't stop thinking about it. She couldn't leave with how things ended between them. She couldn't get over Emily either. She'd left her in antagonizing pain, in an excoriating time of her life. Her eyes were dark, and circles clouded around it. The Smokey makeup helped cover much of it. However, if one was willing to look deeper into her eyes, they'd notice the bleeding red veins shine in them. She'd been up all night. Guilt, pain, and remorse keeping her up, Alex being a significant source of her agony. She couldn't stop thinking about what Emily confronted her with. She knew she was right. Alex; she was never going to get rid of how she felt about her. Once you love someone, it's so damn hard to un-love them again. She even felt that the soldier was beyond the point of love. This thing she had with Alex it defies all odds; it could break you, and it could fix you. Whichever it was, Maggie found herself diving head first into it. No questions asked, no skepticism; she just went for it; Mostly as a result of lack of control.

Eventually, she pulled herself off her bed and put on a black tight dress, her best heels, and a plastic smile that she was sure no one could tell was fake. Alex was going to clog her brain no matter what she did. Truthfully, she needed to see her one last time; she needed to breathe her in. If it was going to be the last time she could see her, she might as well let her see what she's done to her. She couldn't be the only one in agonizing pain. Her way to Midvale High had been dangerously quiet, and it allowed the thoughts in her brain to grow louder. She'd stayed put in her car, in the parking lot for the better part of 20 minutes, contemplating whether she should go in or not. After long torturous minutes of contemplating, she breathed deeply and pulled herself out of her car.

* * *

 

Maggie walked in. Her hair pulled back into a bun, her dress a black tight knee length dress. It curved her body in the most perfect way, showing off her exceptionally flawless curves, exploiting just enough of her cleavage. The soldier had gotten out of the restroom; she was making her way to her friends when she'd caught sight of her. Alex couldn't tear her eyes away. She couldn't breathe. She looked... beautiful; Even more than that. She was a fairytale princess walking into her castle ball. The soldier felt completely underdressed next to her. She was... -fuck- beautiful. She was breathtaking. Alluring like an angel fallen from heaven. She noticed how she walked in alone, how her eyes gripped hers. The world stop spinning for the dozen seconds their eyes locked. She could feel Maggie's breathing hitch even from the multiple steps separating them. Why was she alone though?

"Alex Danvers."

She heard the distinct voice. She turned her head for a second to put a face to the voice she'd just heard, and it was Vicky approaching her. She turned her head back to where she last spotted Maggie only to barely catch a glimpse of her rushing out. She cursed herself and faced Vicky again.

"Or should I be calling you Corporal Danvers now."

"It's Specialist." She felt the need to correct. Her eyes fell back on to the space Maggie was once in. Her hands started to shake. She couldn't have this conversation now. "Vicky, I gotta go."

She didn't give her enough time to reply. Alex was quick on her feet; she rushed towards the direction Maggie had barged through. She paced faster when the halls after the gym turned up empty. She couldn't have gone far, the clicking sound of the main door erupted, and Alex's fast steps turned even faster. She'd existed her old high school just in time to witness Maggie struggle with her car keys.

"Maggie!"

The Latin cop froze, she sniffed the tears that were functioning on their own accord still sliding down her cheeks. Her back faced Alex, who was slowly approaching her. Maggie couldn't breathe, seeing her in her uniform. It made it all the more real, all the more treacherous. Images of Alex beaten, burned, killed on an isolated desert fled her mind. She didn't need this, on top of Emily leaving her. She didn't need to go through this without anyone to hold and cry on. She felt weight fall on her shoulder. Maggie immediately flinched, her tears running down harder.

"It's your fault." She hissed. "She left me, because of you." Alex could only swallow roughly.

Maggie turned around to face her again; her makeup had run down with her tears. She was a mess. The soldier had opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. The cop could feel rage hit her in an avalanche; she shoved Alex away from her.

"She wasn't like you. Emily was there for me, she was kind, considerate, loyal, and yet...," she shook her head. "Why do you do this to me?" Her tone rose. The soldier's eyes fell to her left hand, there was no ring, her heart beat louder until.., " _I hate you._ "

Alex felt her skin lose its color. Suddenly, she was nothing but dead weight standing shocked that those 3 words came from Maggie's mouth. She had shoved her again.

"I hate you, Alex. I hate how damn selfless you are. I hate how you're always in my head. I hate how you can make me feel _so_ good," she laughed hysterically, then shook her head. She was cracking. "But you can also fuck me up, like no one else. _God_... I fucking hate you."

Alex felt her hands shake; she fisted them. Holding herself from breaking. Maggie was done with her. She could see it in her eyes, and she wished she could un-see it. Her chest felt another shoved. She caught Maggie's fists, her eyes threatening to cry.

"Say something!" She demanded. The soldier could only look into her eyes.

Maggie's demeanor softened at Alex's hurting hazel eyes. Their hearts beat rapidly. The soldier gently loosened her grip on Maggie's hands. She brushed a strand of her hair back, wiped at her tears. Alex was aware of all the shit she dumped on her. She couldn't blame her for being this mad at her. She couldn't blame her for hating her because she knew she didn't. She couldn't. If she could she would have a long time ago. Alex held her gaze, till Maggie calmed down at her touch. The cop closed her eyes and breathed deeply, her hands rushed to cripple her uniform. She crashed into her arms; Alex's warmth keeping her from falling apart. The soldier's grip was tougher now. Much more confident than the 18-year-old Maggie remembered. She felt Alex lay her chin on her head, and pull her tighter. This was the selfless side of Alex that would always make her swoon. This was what she wanted, and what she hated that she wanted.

Alex was counting the seconds left for her; it was a little over an hour left. She had to be on her way out to the airport. Feeling Maggie pressed against her like this, she didn't know if she could take it. As if reading her mind, Maggie slowly loosened her grip. She faced Alex.

"If you don't come back, I can't-," she stopped herself from imagining the worst again.

The soldier couldn't find words; she wanted to say something, anything. It was like she didn't know what words were anymore. Alex felt a tear fall against her cheek, even with how hard she was holding it in. Even with how much her throat constricted with pain, that tear still found an escape. Maggie was aware of it. She placed her hand on her cheek, her soft cheek. She swallowed thickly, then leaned up to her lips. Alex felt her heart beat faster. This was confusing, messy, wrong, and dysfunctional. But it was Alex and Maggie. That's all that mattered.

"Don't die on me," Maggie whispered.

The soldier’s lips trembled before she felt stable greedy, soft lips press onto hers; Her knees grew weak, she felt them shake. She wrapped her hands around Maggie's waist, guiding her gently against her car. _This is wrong._ She argued with her subconscious. _But it feels so good._ She reminded herself. Alex could feel Maggie hold on to her for life, her fingers could've ripped through the material if her nails were made of metal blades. Pulling away made them both feel empty, their eyes met. Nothing else in the world mattered. Maggie had cursed herself, Emily just left her, and already she couldn't stand to hold herself back from Alex. She was right. Alex Danvers was irresistible. Alex took comfort in laying her weight on her forehead.

“What are we doing?” The soldier asked softly.

“I wish I knew.”

“Maggie, I lo-,” She felt a gentle shake against her forehead.

"Come back to me." She whispered with her eyes closed. “Come back to me, then you can tell me what you were about to tell me.”

"I promise." She felt Maggie sigh against her.

* * *

 

Alex had to pull herself together. She'd made countless promises, and only 3 of them really mattered. She had to stay safe, act wisely, and most importantly; she had to come back to her. With minutes only left while she was still in town Alex sucked up all her pride and walked to the one place she managed to untangle herself from completely. She'd only made herself known when she went to bring her mother home. Her heartbeat at a stable pace, it was much calmer when she was there the last time. She picked a single red rose on her way over. She twirled it in her hand, till her father's grave came to stare at her. She sighed. The most sacred times she'd spent with her father flashed before her eyes.

"You know, I've been avoiding seeing you." She started her fingers still twirling the rose in her hands. "Everyone's been telling me how proud of me you'd be if you were alive." She chuckled heartlessly. "I know the truth though."

Alex's eyes focused on her father's name engraved on the solid rock standing before her; The gray cobblestone a little rusty now, with dust collecting on the top, and the letters starting to fade. It's rugged edges proving the decade it's been through; standing still as the seasons changed, and comb webs formed.

"You would've been so mad at me." She chuckled; a painful laugh cutting through her throat. "You'd hate the fact that I turned out exactly like you. Cause you wanted better for me, you wanted me to be braver than you were, stronger than you were." She sniffed. "I failed you, Dad."

It was a painstaking feeling; having one side of a conversation. She would kill to hear her father's voice again. To hear him yell at her, and tell her how stupid she's been. She wouldn't care what he told her; all that mattered was hearing him again, seeing him again, being able to say goodbye for all she cared. She just wanted a moment with him; a moment where she didn't feel like she was talking to the air. She wanted him to prove her wrong, she wanted him to snap some sense into her. Yet, she knew as much as anyone with a functional brain. Once you're dead, you're gone. She's never going to have that intervention. She was robbed of that peculiar moment.

"I failed _everyone._ " She whispered guiltily. "I failed mom, Kara, Lena." Her eyes trailed to the ground. "Maggie." She swallowed her indiscretion. "And I would give anything to hear you say it to my face."

She breathed deeply, pushing aside her worthlessness. She placed the rose she'd been fiddling with on top his grave. Her fingers lurked on the crumbling edges. Heavy hazel eyes dragged to a close, as a sigh harbored her lips.

"I know you won't though. I know you can't pull me out of this darkness like you used to, and I know it's up to me to find the light again." She opened her eyes. "I promise you, I will. For her sake, if not mine."

She smiled and willed herself into her awaiting Taxi. Alex knew that whatever happens to her in the field, she had to come back. Not just for herself, but for all the people she let down. She knew she had to come back because things were different now, she had a reason to come back; Many reasons. The strongest one being the one thing she never thought would want her again; _Maggie._

* * *

 

 


	8. Letters To War.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I finally got done with this chapter, and as you can tell I'm sorry for the late update. My laptop caught a bug, and it's been not working well; hence the late update. Anyway, don't be shy to leave a comment. I'll be updating from my phone, so if anything is messed up. I'm sorry in advance. ;)

8,000 miles apart, and still she remained on the very brink of her mind; She couldn't even cope with the matter, she tried. She was trying. Maggie was alone, with spare time on her hands. Her demons were viciously loud. She had to stop, and think for a minute. Where exactly did she stand with Alex? They weren't together; they were ... Well, that's just about it. She didn't know. They had no label, and she wanted it to stay like that for a while. Emily leaving her still had some sprinkled effects on her. She hadn't been out since Alex left. Losing the both of them simultaneously put her in an emotional state she might not be able to handle. She couldn't function well enough to even pass by the grocery store. She was caved in her own little apartment. Running on a lifeline that was about to end. It's been a while since Alex left; 1 week, 2 days, and 6 hours. But who's counting?

Maggie had been sitting on her kitchen counter, paper and pen placed in front of her. The pen she held twirled unconsciously in her hands. She wanted to write her a letter, explain to her what their situation was, or at least try to understand. She had so much she wanted to say. Yet, somehow when the blank white paper stared at her, her entire vocabulary disappeared. It dissipated like the ashes of a human body. For a second she thought she knew what she wanted to say. Her hands worked before her brain managed to keep up.

_Dear Alex,_ -

Damn it. She scribbled on the same two words she had repeatedly written for more than a dozen times. She crippled the paper into a ball and aimed towards her trash can. She missed. It fell to the ground colliding with the other crippled papers that have piled up, replacing it with yet another plain paper. Maggie was helpless at writing much like Alex was. She didn't know where to start, or how to stop sounding like a kid fresh out of writing class. She wondered what Alex was doing right now, half across the world. Every time she remembered that she was miles away, it was a slap across her cheek, and a fuck you from Emily. She was a mess; actually, calling it a mess would be underrated. She was in chaotic peril. If she were a man, she probably grew a beard by now.

_Knock, knock._

Maggie didn't even bother to acknowledge the knock. She kept wondering what Alex was doing. Was she asleep? Or was she vehemently building her muscles? She knew Alex's best way to excel frustration was to exercise excessively till sweat dripped down her face; maybe she wasn't in a dysfunctional mood at all, maybe she was smiling now. She couldn't know. Not while she was like this.

She heard the keyhole to her door get tampered with, soon after the rusty sound her knob made uttered, and following that were hefty footsteps she recognized as McConners. She was evidently right; the 6-pack beers that crashed on her kitchen counter proved it. He sat ahead of her, and Maggie sighed.

"If you're here to pull me out of my own apartment, then I'm not interested."

"I see your paper's still blank, and I'm almost positive your fridge is too."

"I'm not hungry." Her stomach grumbled involuntarily. She cursed it and kept a hold on her empty stomach.

"Your body thinks otherwise."

The cop sighed, putting her pen down. "Is everyone still talking bout me and Emily?"

"The bigger gossip is about you and Alex. People are concluding that you left Emily for her."

"Emily left me, and I'm not with Alex." She felt the need to correct. "Although, I had it coming." She mumbled.

"Listen," he placed his hand on Maggie's. She faced him. "It's okay to be missing them; both of them. Hell, it's even okay to love them both, but you can't live inside your little apartment like a caveman. Stay cooped up in here any longer, and you'll be as pale as a vampire."

She rolled her eyes. He pointed towards the plain paper ahead of her. "Why are you so stuck on this?"

"Maybe because I'm not a writer?" She sarcastically said. Jacob ignored it. "I don't know what to say." She admitted.

"Then ask for fucking help." He obviously stated. Maggie's eyebrows frowned. He hit his head on the back of his hand. "Who had been sending her letters for the past 10 years?"

Maggie still looked confused, her scrunched face being disappointedly accused by McConners. He sighed heavily.

"Jesus Sawyer, you can be so blind when you want to." He mumbled. "I'm talking about Kara."

Realization washed over Maggie. Her heart skipped 10 folds. She got off her seat, her pen resting on the counter. "You're insane."

"What's so insane about it? Just ask for advice."

"Oh yeah, cause it's so simple to walk into my ex's house and ask her little sister for advice on what to write on a letter that I'll be sending to her military sister while she's at war. Not to mention abundantly telling her that she's technically not my ex or my partner."

"Exactly." He grinned. Maggie shook her head.

"I'm not talking to, Kara."

"Grow some balls, Sawyer. Whatever you have with Alex won't work if you don't talk. Talking is all you have." He stared at her furiously, almost like a protective brother. "I don't have to remind you that she's miles away. I'm sure you remind yourself of that every waking minute."

Maggie's eyes trailed to the floor. She bit her lip; she'd never seen McConners get so serious and defensive like that. Jacob often reverted to sarcasm, and hypocrisy to lift her mood up, but not this time. She heard him shuffle and get to his feet.

"I don't like seeing you like this. All tangled up in your bottled emotions." He waited till she lifted her eyes to look at him. "I'm giving you just another day, Maggie. If you don't get up on your own, I'll drag you out myself."

Jacob sighed heavily. He realized it was pointless waiting for her to talk. He knew she needed time, but so did everyone else. Maggie won't deal with her feelings unless someone was willing to drag her kicking and screaming. McConners was willing to do that, but he was also willing to give her one last opportunity to do the right thing for herself. She'd already missed a lot of work at the precinct, and her partner was respectable enough to not rat on her, but he could only keep his mouth shut for long. Jacob left her apartment, leaving Maggie to think twice about what her life had become.

* * *

"It's mail time fuckers." Tom Ramsey's beam broke across his face. The cart filled with a mix of letters that were different shapes and sizes parked ahead of him.

Alex sat cooped up in her bottom bunk; she had one leg folded with a hand dangling on it, breathing in fumes of oxygen. She'd just stripped down to her white tank, and camouflaged pants after she finished from the gym. Once she managed to take moderate breaths, she got to untying her boots. She was sweating all over, she'd been working out for a while. Lucy grinned climbing down her bunk and settled near Alex as her breathing started to tame down, and her hands were occupied with untying her boots in order to let them take in some fresh air. Lucy rubbed against her hair as if she was some dog. Alex wicked her hand away, a laugh lingering on her lips.

"You sweating out what you gained in Midvale? Ever since you got back, you've been hitting the gym more than lumberjack over there."

"I told you, you don't have to keep your eyes on me, Lane."

"I forgot how reserved you are. All the while you were gone I had to train an oxygen thief Rookie."

Alex chuckled. "You took some of his chatterbox skills too?" Lucy rolled her eyes.

"Lane!" She turned her head towards Tom. "You got one." He threw a letter at her; she caught it without hesitation. Vasquez jumped from her place and walked towards the cart.

"Anything for me in there?" She asked excitedly.

Tom dug through the piles of letters he had. He smiled sympathetically and shook his head. "Sorry, kiddo. Not today."

Vasquez's smile dropped. It hung heavily on her shoulders. Lucy pulled a pillow from behind Alex and aimed it towards Vasquez, who'd caught it effortlessly. She rolled her eyes at her superior and made her way towards her friends dumping the pillow on Lucy. Alex chuckled. A modicum of curiosity seeping its way through her mind. Susan Vasquez did not send letters; much like herself, they weren't very social. Sending or receiving letters weren't their thing. They bonded over it. Sometimes they were the only people who rolled their eyes when the mail dunk came in, so she was a little shocked to find her not only hovering near the mail but asking for one too.

"Since when do you wait for mail?"

Lucy grinned at Vasquez's blushing cheeks. "Since I signed her up for Pen Pal."

"They still do those?" Alex chuckled.

"Mhm, and she's got herself smitten for some rich hot shot in National City."

Alex's eyes landed on Vasquez who blushed harder. "Get out!"

"Lucy's over reacting." She rolled her eyes. "I'm not smitten."

"Sure you're not."

"I'm not."

"What's her name?" Alex grinned. Vasquez chuckled, hiding her blush by covering her face with her hands.

Vasquez cleared her throat. "Whatever happened to don't ask; don't tell?"

"Look at her," Lucy pointed playfully at her. "She's blushing harder than a red tomato."

Alex laughed, "Come on we're not harassing you."

"If you must know; Her name is Sam, and she's like 28," Vasquez mumbled. Alex got up from her seat and ruffled her hair just like Lucy did to her.

"You're growing up so fast."

Susan tried to force herself out of Alex's grip. She eventually found her way out still blushing. Tom had temporarily left his cart unattended; he roughly patted Alex's back. She nearly felt him shove her insides out. Tom was relentless like that. He didn't feel how much of a giant he was. It helped when they were out on the field, but right now she felt like a miniature toy soldier standing next to him.

"It's good to have you back, Danvers. Lane was getting kinda winy without you, and I hardly remember how Vasquez looked with a smile."

"The reason I don't smile is cause jackasses like you sadly exist." She sarcastically said while crossing her hands.

"And, I don't wine." Lucy rolled her eyes at him, then got up from her place. "I'm going to read my letter while you suckers dwell on not getting any." She stuck her tongue out and left.

"Speaking of letters." Tom headed to his previous spot behind the cart. "I gotta finish giving these out before the calling lines get too crowded." He smiled at Alex. "It's good to see ya again."

"Same here." She smiled at him. He waved, and as he turned his back her eyes landed on the small cart he pulled.

She was more than aware that her name hadn't been uttered yet. It wasn't until Tom evaporated towards the next few bunks did she realize, there weren't any letters for her. She was disappointed, to say the least. Alex didn't expect the deafening silence she was getting. Not that she expected Maggie to write her the second she got the chance to; who was she kidding? Of course, that's what she thought. But, it's been more than a week, and still nothing. She didn't want to overstep her boundaries and call. Maggie might be ignoring her on purpose. It would be worse to confirm that by an unanswered call than go on not proving it. She made a pact with herself, if nothing showed up on her bunk in a couple more days, then Maggie was definitely ignoring her, and that calling card she's been saving would've been put to waste. However, if by some supernatural twist in destiny, she got a letter, then she'd call her; Because Alex knew how frustrating it was to wait. She knew how crippling it could be to someone. No matter how patient they were; patience is a virtue, not many withstand. Maggie may have had a lot of it, but in the end, she was still human. At some point, torture could get too endearing.

* * *

Maggie walked into the precinct with her black shades on, a hoodie that covered most of her bedhead hair. She held on to her stomach that grumbled loudly. She'd hit the limit. Somehow her apartment kept on squeezing its walls, and it was becoming tighter with every hour that passed. She had to shove a fuck load of pride down her throat just to step onto the outside pavement of her apartment complex. She was mindful of the gaping mouths, and star struck looks she got. Although her ears were mostly covered by the thick hoodie she cramped her face in, she still got faint whispers of the flaming gossips in Midvale.

"I heard she didn't even attend their reunion."

"No, she did, but people saw her leave with Alex."

"I reckon they did the nasty, and she's just now walking the walk of shame."

"Maybe that's why the wedding bells are off."

The Latin cop rolled her eyes. Even men were well caught up with gossip in this town. She skimmed her way past the unfortunate amount of desks till she stood in front of one particular desk near hers. She sighed out infuriatingly and threw her sunglasses on his table. McConners looked up from the file in his hands.

"I'm hungry." She mumbled. Jacob put his file down and smirked. "And my fridge's empty."

"If you're up for it, I'm about to head to Bistro. Chelsea's on the way as we speak."

She groaned. "Does she have to be there?" She didn't hate Chelsea, but that woman didn't know when to stop gossiping even if her life depended on it.

"It'll be good for you to socialize more since you're back from the dead. You've got a shit ton of paper work to do too-,"

"I'm not coming back to work yet."

McConners stared at her expectantly waiting for an explanation. Maggie sighed.

"I- I still need to write to her first." Her voice hovered above a whisper; Jacob knew how much it took for Maggie to admit that. Standing with him right now must've been treacherous.

"Did you talk to Kara?"

She shook her head. "I'm not talking to her."

Jacob sighed, and picked up his file again. "You're talking to the wrong person. If you're not going to talk to her, then you can forget lunch with me."

Her stomach grumbled again. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Jesus Jacob,"

"It's not as hard as your making it out to be."

"It's fucking awkward."

"But it's not difficult." He grinned, and her stomach began to cry loudly. He picked up his phone and started typing. "Yum, Chelsea's going to order some turkey and cheese croissants with creamy Frappuccino’s, and strawberry tarts for dessert." She groaned; he smirked.

"Fine." She huffed. "I'll talk to her."

"Excellent."

* * *

"I'm not doing this." She argued. Their beat cop car parked in front of the Danvers residents.

Lunch with McConners had been quite uplifting. Despite the poisons rumors Chelsea had to desperately mention, and her dangerous effort at trying to look Unpleased with the new information she was collecting. She pretended that the talk people were having behind her back about her and Alex wasn't bothering her. Bistro's food served for a perfect distraction. She'd been living in such sullenness that it felt good to hear the noise centered coffee shop. Her stomach enjoyed the real food it devoured as well. It all tumbled down hill when the drive to Alex's house began. Jacob could see Maggie's unsubtle hints as clear as day. The Latin cop couldn't help but fake a stomach bug, or an unprecedented headache. She'd even gone as far as fake vomiting to stop him from continuing his way to the Danvers household. However, Jacob stuck to his ground rules.

"You're not chickening out when we are this close."

"To be fair, I never agreed to do this."

"EHH! Wrong answer."

Maggie huffed crossing her hands against her chest.

"Get out." He ordered.

"No."

"Out."

"No."

"I swear Sawyer if your butt doesn't move right now, you'll get to know what it feels like to have my shoe against your cheek."

"I'm not doing this." She refused anyway.

"Okay, that's it."

He unbuckled his seat belt, climbed out of his car. It took her a few seconds to realize what he was doing, he reached to her side of the door before she could lock it, and with swift controlled hands he managed to unbuckle Maggie's seat belt and spring her out of the car. He carried her all the way to the front door, ignoring the rough punches she managed to inflict on his back. Jacob rang the bell. He didn't put her down, despite the echoing protests she yelled against his ear. Maggie's feet met with floor only after he'd rung the bell. The Latin cop smacked the back of his head.

"Fucker." she hissed.

"You'll thank me later." He grinned.

"What am I supposed to say?" She argued.

"I don't know how bout I want to write a letter to Alex, but I don't know where to begin?"

"You're useless."

"Once the conversation gets going between you two, you'll figure out what to say."

"Wait- what do you mean you two?"

He grinned and pulled out his phone when the shackles of the door started to sound. "Oh, would you look at that? Chelsea's waiting for me at home."

"Jacob!"

McConners managed to escape before Maggie could hold him back. She was left standing with sweat dripping from her forehead despite the cold weather. Kara had managed to open the door, with Crystal in her hands. The younger Danvers looked confused, and rightfully so.

"Maggie?"

"I'm sorry for disturbing you."

Kara smiled politely, "Please, come in." She moved aside, and the cop took the invitation. Might as well try this asking for help thing since she was here. She promised herself though; McConners was going to have the night shift for the next month on his own.

* * *

Kara had walked ahead of her, she'd walked behind the young mother as if she'd never been to this house before. Like she was a brand new guest, that never stepped foot on these grounds. As if she didn't know that the path they were walking on was going to lead to the living hall, and upstairs rested Alex's bedroom untouched next to Kara's. She knew this place like the back of her hand. She still knew it, and the only solid difference she had noticed were the extra baby cots, toys, and milk bottles laying around. Kara had placed Crystal in a deep crib; it had its own cot-mobile. Crystals little hands tried to reach for the soft flowers it dangled down. Little grunts were uttered when her tiny fingers managed to hit the cotton flowers and make them move. Maggie found herself swooning at the image. Such innocence shouldn't be legal; Kara chuckled as she made her way to the living room couch, she sat down. The cop knew it was queue for her to sit down as well. The young mother began to collect all the chewy toys and empty bottles that lay on the couch. She lazily placed them on the coffee table before them.

"Sorry, the place is a mess."

Maggie chuckled. "It's not like we ever kept it clean."

Kara laughed. It was a rare occurrence to find the Danvers household spotless. If this was 2007 she could envision instead of the baby products that lay ahead of her, the table would be filled with Doritos, Cheetos, pizzas, and sodas covering its surface. You wouldn't even be able to see the brown wood underneath. Maggie felt a little piece of her heart relax at the nostalgic memories. This was comfortably familiar. McConners was somewhat right in such an annoying way.

"I finally understand what mom went through," she laughed. "6 kids under one roof couldn't have been easy."

"Well, you Danvers women always find a way to defy the odds." Maggie smiled sadly. Kara felt her own grin fall. Alex floated on their minds.

The cop cleared her throat before the silence could get to them. "H-have you gotten the chance to write to her?"

The young mother sighed heavily, shaking her head shamefully. "I haven't even had time to sleep. She usually gets a letter from me by now. I feel so bad that I didn't send one yet."

Maggie couldn't get enough courage to continue the conversation. Her mind kept going over how Alex must be feeling now. No contact with her home, out, all alone, in a deserted island. She wanted to have the audacity to ask that simple question Jacob mentioned, but it was against all her rules. The Latin cop was a reserved person, she kept her feelings to herself. Or at least she tried. She wasn't as good at it as Alex was, but she was a runner up. Kara could identify that personality from miles away. It was written on Maggie's face. The worry and fear it was more than evident.

"You can't stop thinking, can you?" Kara spoke with a gentle tone; Maggie's eyes secured on her. "If she's asleep and well, or bleeding and in pain?"

"Does it ever end? Can you ever get used to it?" Desperation reeked in her voice.

Kara shook her head. "It could be decades, and still the worrying is as heavy as ever. It may be selfish of us to feel this way, but it's harder for us than it is for them." Crystals little grunts grew a tad bit louder, her mother stood up and held her hand above her daughter. She let her play with her fingers, sucking her ring finger. Kara smiled.

"We're safe in our homes, in our beds, we wake up every day without any bombs or explosions threatening our lives; and, yet-," she turned to look at Maggie a sad smile on her lips. "We don't feel safe at all."

"I-," she breathed deeply, her eyes shut. "I want to write to her." She admitted. "But-,"

"You don't know what to say." Kara smiled, picking Crystal up, and settling her in her lap as she sat back down.

"I don't even know if I should write to her."

"I think you should."

Maggie looked at her surprised.

"Maggie, you mean a lot to my sister, and I know she means just as much to you." She paused for effect. "I heard what happened to you and Emily."

"I deserved it."

"It was because of Alex wasn't it?"

The cop reminds silent. She kept her eyes staring at her fingers.

"I know how inevitable you are to each other. This must be killing you inside. Having Alex so far away when you're trying to work out your feelings."

Maggie chuckled painfully. "I can't really hide my feelings from any of you Danvers."

"It's easier than you think," Kara smiled. "Once you start writing, it never stops."

"But I don't even know where to start."

"I find the best way is to imagine her with you. Don't be so monotone. Write to her as if she's going to reply to you as if she's with you." Crystal started to cry in Kara's arms. She stood up and cradled her baby, rocking her slowly. "If I could write to her I would. Alex won't admit it, but she loves it when she gets letters. It's her only essence from home."

"I don't think I can do it like you did. I don't think I can handle waiting."

"You want to know what's worse than waiting?" Maggie kept her eyes on Kara; she could see the single tear roll down her eyes. "It's not hearing from her at all. I know my sister, and she's not brave enough to make the first move. Write to her, and I'll promise you she won't wait for a second to write back. You just have to be strong enough to wait."

* * *

It felt nauseating being back in front of a blank paper again. Words still arguing against helping her write down a simple letter. _Just write like she's sitting in front of you._ It's much easier said than done. One-sided conversations were never a good sign, but maybe this time it could be a good thing. Maggie had seated herself near her window in order to let the night-light help inspire her muse. The view was very inspiring yet her muse didn't think so. She was still blocked behind a six-foot story building made of metal. She stared out the window. Glimpses of the past faded in her mind, a smile uplifting her cheeks when one particular memory flew across her.

_"You did good today." Alex smiled, her fingers untangling from Maggie._

_Her girlfriend had finally concurred her biggest fear; Meeting Jeremiah Danvers. The Latin woman had her chest beating rapidly for unfathomable reasons. It was just once in her entire lifetime did parents actually preach her. Jeremiah and Eliza Danvers may have been the kindest people to her to date. She relished in the feeling of Jeremiah hugging her to bits and pieces as if she was his own daughter. Alex's grin was priceless too; Maggie couldn't help the warmth she felt growing in her stomach. Is that what home felt like? Because if so, she loved the feeling. Alex, Kara, Jeremiah, and Eliza were practically the perfect American family. The bantering and pitter-patter all throughout dinner proved it to her. They managed to be positive even when Maggie's nervous hands accidentally spilled her drinks all over the dinner table. Jeremiah even laughed at it. In her old household, she would've been starved for the night._

_Maggie blushed so hard; she pressed her head against Alex's shoulder. "I tipped my glass all over dinner." The redhead couldn't help but laugh softly, the Latin woman feeling her vibrations. "Twice." She mumbled into the comfort of her shoulder._

_"Yeah, you were pretty much a screw-up."_

_Her girlfriend pulled away from her shoulder and glared at her playfully. "Way to make your girlfriend feel better."_

_Alex shook her head giggling before she leaned into her girlfriend's lips. She let them press onto hers; Her hands swiftly holding Maggie into place by her waist. She let herself enjoy the taste of her lips and the way the cool air hit against them. Alex could feel Maggie's comforting hands find solace on the baby hairs against the back of her neck. She played with them while Alex subconsciously pulled her closer; Their lips forcefully detaching; taking their sweet time at it._

_"Feel better?" She whispered with a smirk._

_Maggie shook her head with a chuckle. "Much."_

She opened her eyes to reality again. Alex was miles away. She was going to be miles away for a while. They can't kiss the way they used to, touch the way they used to. Rest against each other's heads, comfort each other, or even hold each other. They couldn't do more than half of the things a normal couple could do. However, that didn't stop the nagging feeling in her stomach protesting that Alex still meant something. Even with her lack of appearance on a daily basis. Alex will always mean something. It shouldn't have to be logical or reasonable. She just was, and for some unexplainable reason, Maggie wanted her to be something. She didn't want her out of her life. Not now, not ever. She didn't think she would be able to handle it if Alex disappeared again. She knew it wasn't in her hands, and Alex could disappear. Yet, she still felt like she'd go through it. She's willing to go through the pain. Alex Danvers was a drug. The pain that comes as an aftermath of loving her was just another part of her. It shouldn't be enough to tear them apart; it wasn't.

It hit her right then, Maggie could feel the flow of inspiration hit her. She straightened her paper out completely and started writing.

* * *

Alex had a clipboard in her hand; it was filled with check lists for inventory counts on the medical supplies. Lucy and she were assigned to make sure they were stocked well. They'd split the work on each other; Alex checking of the names of painkillers that had more than enough stock, while Lucy did the actual counting. Lane was about to finish count of the Modafinil pills.

"Alright, you can check Modafinil off the list," Lucy said as she began to place back the bottles of pills in order.

Alex had been preoccupied. Over her clipboard, she places a small pocket size picture of Maggie. She'd packed the picture from her old bedroom. Its edges were crumbling, and the corners were wearing out of color, however the image it held still ripped a hole through her heart. In the photo, Maggie was smiling brightly her dimples flashed, and laminated her eyes. She'd kept the picture buried in her army jacket pocket, only taking it out at night. Reminding herself that across the world this beautiful woman was waiting for her, or hoping she was. She'd been thinking about her too loudly lately, and only her picture could calm her down. That's why it was plastered on the clipboard as she did her "military chores."

Lucy waved her hand in Alex's face. "Hello? Danvers, you in there?"

Alex shook her head, and immediately pocketed the photo. "Sorry, I got distracted."

"Thinking about the Ex?"

"She's not-," Alex sighed. "I don't know what she is."

"Alex, are you sure you're okay? You haven't been this distracted since Astra."

"I'm fine, I just...,"

"You miss her."

The soldier loosened her shoulders at the mere mention of missing Maggie. It's only been 3 weeks, and it's been eating her alive; she didn't just miss her. She wished her back. She couldn't sleep at night, aside from her vivid nightmares. Alex couldn't find comfort to rest with Maggie's thoughts high on her brain. She told herself she wouldn't contact her until she got a letter, but as the days passed her hope was fading. She was hanging on to the last string of faith, just in case, Maggie was still waiting. Just in case she still wanted her.

"You still haven't heard from her, huh?"

She shook her head, then sighed heavily. Alex felt Lucy's hand rest on her shoulder. "Maybe her letter still didn't get through?"

"It's been 3 weeks." She deadpanned.

"Don't give up so easily, Danvers. The worst thing that could happen is you having to fight your pride, and call her. You still have your calling card right?"

She nodded.

"Good." She patted her back. "Now, let's get back to work. I hear if we finish early, Vasquez might share some of the powder hot chocolate her lover sent her." She smirked.

Alex chuckled. "You're having the time of your life making fun of Vasquez."

"That girl was stone before I signed her up for pen pal. I mean seriously I thought her cheeks could never blush."

* * *

Inventory finished slower than either of them expected. It still beat lying around like sitting ducks waiting for the call to be deployed. Walking past the pay phone section Alex paused for a moment. She saw Tom grin through the pay phone; his cheeks stretched out completely. He looked like a kid who was still excited about his Christmas present. His eyes shone brighter than the sun. That could be her; that could be her talking to Maggie. After a long day of military chores, whether it be inventory or giving out the mail. She could just unwind about her day, if not read through the imaginative letters she keeps hoping for. She sighed, making her way back to her bunk. She stripped out of her army-print Jacket. Spreading it out on her bunk, when she noticed a single yellow envelope neatly placed on her pillow.

Alex's body spasmed, without thinking much she grabbed the letter scanning through the words on the back. Alex recognized the scratchy handwriting, and her heart beat faster when she saw _Maggie_ _Sawyer_ written alongside her address, and a very familiar post stamp only Kara had access to. It took everything in her to not rip the letter open. She cut through the sticky part of the envelope carefully as she made herself comfortable in the corner of her bunk. Inside the envelope; there was a neatly folded piece of paper. Alex opened it to the sight of Maggie's chicken scratch of handwriting. Her eyes almost felt tears clamping around the edges. The sound of military life blocked out as she started to read.

_Dear Alex,_  
_I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what we're doing. It's been 2 weeks and 3 days since you left. Yeah, I've been counting. I didn't even mean to. I sort of just... did, but you've always made me do things I didn't mean to. I guess it's not something new.  
To be honest, I didn't think I could do this. Write to you, I mean. The waiting, not knowing; it's been driving me crazy. So crazy that I talked to Kara. I know what you're thinking, 'Maggie? Talking to someone? About her feelings_?' _I_ _surprised myself too. Granted my partner Jacob had to drag me to her door, but still. I did it._  
_Your sister is very wise; I guess motherhood sparked the wisdom in her. She reminded me of something I didn't open my eyes wide enough to see. And what's worse than not being able to see you every day; is not being able to talk to you at all. I'll take what I can get._  
_That's why I need you to tell me everything, Alex. I don't care how bad it is, I want to know everything, every excruciating detail, every painful chronicle. Everything. Don't even worry about censoring it. I want it to be like I'm right with you. Every step of the way, starting with what happened to Astra. Talking is all we have, and if I have to endure months of waiting for you then you have to do something for me too. Just... Don't shut me out. Talk to me, whenever you can. I don't care if it's at 6 am or 2 pm. I just want to know that what I'm waiting for, will be back..._  
_I'll do the same here, I'll tell you everything from how annoying McConners managed to get, to how tall Crystal grew, to how Lena and I are talking a lot more. I'll tell you everything. I just... I need you to be open with me too. I’ll be waiting._  
 _Yours Truly,_  
Maggie.

Alex felt her heart skip multiple beats. She ran her eyes over her letter again. She could feel the strong pump her heart pressed against her chest. It was heavily weighing on her. She didn't even notice that her lips were uplifting into a solid grin till Vasquez noticed it.

"Looks like you finally opened the letter." She smirked. Alex quickly folded the letter in her hands. She placed back in its yellow envelope, a blush on her cheeks. Susan chuckled crossing her arms on her chest.

"I umm- I-,"

"You don't have to explain anything." Susan made her way to Alex and patted her shoulder. "Just enjoy it."

Danvers nodded and tucked her letter under pillow before pulling out her calling card. She flashed it at Vasquez silently explaining where she was going. Susan shook her head with a smile and watched her rush to the pay phone lines. It would be about a good hour before she could get her hands on one, and it was probably really early back in Midvale, but it didn't matter. The snail mail had tortured both of them enough. Alex needed to hear Maggie's voice, even if it was through cracking statics and horrible satellite. She'll take anything.

* * *

It was 4 am, after Maggie had finally fallen asleep. She felt the heavy vibrations of her phone buzz on the bedside table. Her first instinct was to ignore it, but the ringing was very persistent. She groaned throwing a pillow on her head. It stopped ringing for a few seconds. She was content on falling back asleep, however, the ringing began again, she sighed sitting back up in her bed. Maggie had given up on hoping that it was Alex, which was why she was annoyed that this caller was so insisting on cutting her nightly routine short. Every single time her phone rang she assumed it was Alex until a week had finally passed since sending her a letter with no call or anything really from her. She knew the services were pretty slow, she just didn't expect it to be this slow. And since Alex never used calling cards, she thought that if she ever got a reply from her it would be through a letter. Fortunately, she was entirely wrong. The cop picked up her phone, not even bothering to view the caller ID. She was too tired to care about whom was on the other side of the line.

"Hello?"

Alex, on the other hand, felt her heart jump at the raspy voice she heard through the line. She couldn't control her heart from jumping rapidly. It's been so long since she heard her comforting voice. It felt like a fresh breath of air. She could just hear it over and over. In fact, hearing her voice rendered the soldier silent.

"Hello?" Maggie tried again. When she didn't get a reply her nerves were slowly growing impatient, all she could manage to hear was the cracking of the line and soft breathing.

"Is someone there?" She asked, and still no response other than deep breaths.

The first conclusion she came to was that it was probably Midvale's teenagers having a late night making prank calls. That was until she heard a faint 'Roger that' filtering through from the background noises. Then it hit her, the cracking sounds, the timing, the deep breaths. She sat up straighter.

"Alex?" She breathed out.

"I got your letter."

Maggie slipped off her bed; Her heart thumping faster than a speeding bullet. She clutched her phone tightly. Her worrying wrinkles finally at ease for a few fleeting seconds. Alex's voice felt so good to hear. It echoed in her ear.

"You're okay." She whispered faintly.

The soldier could almost feel her concern through the line. It made her hold on to the phone harder, and wish she had called sooner. All that she could recall were the fresh words she'd read from her letter. _I just... I need you to be open with me too._

"2009." She started in a rush because she knew that if she didn't now, she wouldn't later. "The 3rd of March, 2009."

"What?"

Alex sub consciously hit herself in the head. Maybe it wasn't the perfect way to start, but it was a start. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "I had just become private. LT Astra had been in the military for nearly 7 years. She always told me that I was worst of the worst."

The soldier chuckled softly, and Maggie was slowly grasping the fact that Alex was opening up to her. She could hear the way her voice was cracking and shaking. It wasn't a result of the bad connection. It was Alex's quivering heart. She could hear her swallow thickly, and take her time with her words.

"She never thought I was fit to be a soldier," Alex mentioned. "We were doing our daily rounds, and we got attacked. It was an ambush in Afghanistan. We had those sometimes, and things were tougher the closer we got to 9/11. Explosion after explosion; it felt like it would never end. Tom and Mike, a few of the soldier that had made it with me; we were seeking coverage in a civilian's home. It seemed empty, and for a while, we managed to protect ourselves. While we were practically kept hostage, Mike had discovered a family of 3. The mother was injured, and the children were terrified."

The cop could only imagine Alex's awful situation. She kept any questions she had buried in her head, and she settled for listening to Alex intently.

"I had to help them." The soldier whispered shamefully. "When our rescue team came through, and Astra herself barged in with Lucy, another one of us survivors. She managed to help haul the kids into safety, and the mother had caught up to them at the very last second before we were attacked again. Astra and I were the only ones left strangled on the battle field." She took a deep breath. "We found solace behind a useless Humvee; it was broken down. Destroyed, scattered on the sandy grounds. Astra had made it her job to cover for me. Since I was so insistent on taking the family to a safe place, Astra and I were open targets. When we were making our way towards the rescue truck. She got shot- protecting me. She blocked the bullet from colliding with me. I saw it slice through her flesh. I went back to help her, but it was no use. She'd died to shove me back to safety."

"Alex-,"

"I wasn't supposed to help them. That family- They were part of what casualties were. I was supposed to protect my people. No one gets left behind. But I-,"

"You did the right thing."

"She had a daughter." Silence filled the line. Maggie knew that, that was what probably scared Alex. It was the fact that she left another military family parentless. "I couldn't even-," Alex stared at the ground. "I couldn't even deliver the news to her myself."

Maggie knew there was nothing she could say to change the guilt in Alex, but she could be there for her. She could comfort her. She could listen, and she did. Her silence was comforting for Alex. It meant everything to her. Just the fact that she managed to tell her how it all went down was an accomplishment. She felt her shoulders lose a bit of its weight.

"Thank you." The cop whispered. "For telling me."

Alex nodded, she sniffed wiped at her tears and hated that she had to do this, but the line wasn't growing any shorter, and she'd almost used up all her time.

_"You have one minute left."_

They both simultaneously gripped their phones harder. Maggie shut her eyes pushing away the worst things she could envision. It felt too much all of a sudden; she didn't want the call to end.

"Alex-,"

"I know." She whispered back.

"Write to me." Maggie desperately said as she was counting the second's tick by.

"I promise." She held the pay phone tighter as the monotone machine reminded them they had 30 seconds left. "I love-,"

The call cut before Alex could finish her sentence. The soldier's eyes remained fixated on the buttons the pay phones provided. She sighed deeply, placing the handle back in its place. She felt empty again. She'd pulled out Maggie's picture from her pocket and stared at it. I miss you. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply, walking away from the phones. She made her way swiftly back to her bunk opening her letter and reading it again. She could imagine it right in front of her. Maggie crouched down on the floor ahead of her coffee table and writing desperately. She could never be neat with her work. It was a Sawyer signature move. Alex couldn't help but enjoy it.

* * *

 

Beeeep.

Maggie had to hold her breath. The stinging beep that rang across the line hurt to hear. It was loud in a way it shouldn't have been. It was a fierce reminder that Alex and her were essentially miles apart. She couldn't even enjoy listening to the soldier tell her she loved her. Their time together was very limited. She hated that. In the speed of lightening her worry rose. She felt more than worried. She felt her blood run cold, and her heart beat rapidly. It was going to be a long day. At least she had the privilege of calming her worried heart for a little while. It was going to have to be enough for the next time she heard from her. Whenever it may be. Right now, it was going to have to be enough.

_"Alex!" She huffed while a splatter of clay slapped across her cheek; Her feet heavily pressing on the Potter's wheel subconsciously. Her nostrils filled with the smell of clay, it was a distinctive scent, and it lingered heavily in her nose._

_Somewhere around their 4th date, Alex wanted to take her girlfriend out to do something fun. She got tired of the old fashioned dinner, and a movie scenario, so she decided to branch out. Maggie was all for it as well; that was up until she found herself standing in front of Penelope's Potteries. Or more specifically when she caught herself being slapped with clay, and really desperately trying to control the pottery machine's speed. It was like learning to drive all over again._

_Alex laughed hysterically before stopping her perfectly molded pot. She took a seat behind her girlfriend, slipping her feet on the peddle as she slowly pushed away Maggie's; The pace of their pottery tool slowing down gradually. She intertwined her fingers with Maggie's; trying to stabilize them while they tended to the sad pile of goo that had to pass as her girlfriend’s pot._

_"You need to be patient, babe," Alex whispered, noticing Maggie's very difficult state. She wasn't the sit-down, and be quiet type. At least not when she's around the people who really knew her._

_"Screw patience." She hissed. "This fucking machine is broken."_

_Alex laughed softly; Maggie enjoyed the soft vibrations she felt across her back. She dipped herself closer to her girlfriend; their hands finally finding a calming pace; the bundle of goo lazily modeling into a circle._

_"Ahem," Alex pressed her lips closer to Maggie's ear. "You were saying?"_

_The Latin woman blushed as her girlfriend smirked._

_"It's not fair you've done this before. You actually had a Dad around to teach you these things."_

_"I remember when I was 9 I think I broke one of the machines from how fast I was going."_

_The older Danvers's laugh lost filtered through her girlfriend’s ears. Maggie couldn't help but imagine a young flustered Alex sitting on her father's lap as he taught her an unnecessary family skill. She envied that part of Alex's life; even with all the awful military issues, it came with. In the end, she had a father that loved her for who she was. Someone who was willing to fight for her, someone she was willing to wait for, and finally someone she'd risk going through all kinds of crisis it brings. The only person she had who loved her unconditionally like that was Alex, and she'll be damned if she lost her._

_Brown eyes lingered flawless fair skin. Maggie could see Alex bit her lip in concentration; the freckles that shone along with her baby red hairs on her forehead made her stomach rumble in butterflies._

_"Dad says the trick to making an excellent pot is silence and calmness."_

_"Never change." She whispered to her. Alex faced Maggie a soft bright smile plastered on her face. "Promise me you'll never leave me." She tightened her grip on her fingers._

_"I promise."_

It felt like forever ago since Alex and Maggie have been together. Yet the memories, they always seem as fresh as ever. Alex had broken a very important promise, however, that didn't stop the cop from falling in love with her all over again. It didn't stop her from not believing in her. She had to admit that this time around things felt different. They felt stronger, heavier. Was she really doing this? She was really starting a relationship with Alex again. It felt so surreal, and scary, and exciting, and awfully life threatening. But the strongest feeling she felt was love, it was spewing out of them even as they lay a thousand miles apart, in separate beds, and separate homes. Maggie found herself pulling towards her cupboard. She pulled out her box of pictures, brushing past the captured memories she buried for a long time, till she found one of her and Alex. Her lips smile at their own accord. The way Alex was grinning in the image moved her; she couldn't help but stare into her sparkling hazel eyes. It was clear as ever that no matter where they were home was in each other's eyes.


	9. Yours Truly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know it's been a ridiculously long time. No, I did not forget about this story. I got super busy with life, first personal problems, then college, and then some family drama, but I'm hoping to get back on track. For those questioning if I'm going to abandon this story. No, I won't. I plan to finish it, not soon, I don't know when really. 
> 
> Well, the CW have officially murdered Supergirl. I mean really? Maggie Sawyer not seeing herself as a mom. -_- I wonder where all the fanfiction writers got the name Jamie Sawyer? Oh, wait I do. Like come on, if they're gonna write her out at least do it while she's in character. 
> 
> Anyway, I do believe this might be my last Sanvers fic for a while. I kinda have the urge to write a fanfic about Stephanie Tanner from Fuller house. I'm going through a Full house/Fuller house binge phase. =P Let me know if you're willing to read that.

**October 6th, 2017.**

**Dear Maggie,**

**It's been a little tough adjusting back to military life. I forgot how different it was compared to Midvale. Funnily enough, our little town is surprisingly much more entertaining than war. Without Lucy or Vasquez our youngest troop I don't think I would've kept my sanity all those years ago.**   
**It's a little quiet here, I wish I could tell you where I was, but it's against military confidentiality.**   
**I wonder if you're feeling okay? I know I wrecked everything you had built with Emily, and I really hope you're not running to me for closure or fear of being alone. In fact, I sure hope you're not handling everything on your own. Jacob sounds like he's looking after you. I need it to remain that way. Don't push him away.**   
**How's Kara? And Crystal? You should visit them sometime, don't coddle yourself up in your apartment. My house is always open for you. So is Lena's if you decide to have a girl’s night out. I know Kara needs it; she's probably not seen outside our home since Crystal was born. You need it too.**   
**Trust me when I say this; Lena knows how to have a good time. So, go, have fun. Don't worry so much about me, okay? I'll be waiting for your next letter.**

**Yours Truly,**   
**Alex.**

* * *

_October 23, 2017._

_Dear Alex,_

_I went to visit Kara the other day; she was quite ecstatic to hear from you. She made me promise to send you a pic of Crystal. So, I attached one to the back. You know how my camera skills are, and I'm sorry if it's blurry; so bear with me. Your niece might just be the cutest baby on the planet. Her hair is growing now, and I think she grew an inch since you last saw her._   
_Lena doesn't want you to know this, but she's counting the days till you get back. We're all waiting for you. As far as Jacob, that douchebag isn't going anywhere. Apparently, I'm his only close friend. Other than food, he's gained around 3 kgs this month, and he won't stop complaining or eating._   
_I haven't heard from Emily yet, she should be dropping by soon; to pick up her things. I plan on spending my day far away from my apartment. And it's not your fault we broke up... I should've known better from the start. Somehow, no matter how hard we try to avoid it, we always wind up making mistakes._   
_I miss you, Alex... I wish we could at least video chat, but I know satellite sucks, and it's tough catching the calling lines. So, I'll be patient as long as you are careful._   
_I want to hear more about your friends, Lucy, Vasquez, Tom, and Mike. They seem like good people._   
_It's almost time for Halloween in Midvale. They’ve got the old haunted house walkthrough up and running. There’s no one to tag along with me now that you’re gone, and anyway it’s not the same without you. I miss our horror movie nights._

_Yours Truly,_   
_Maggie._

* * *

 

**November 1st, 2017.**

**Dear Maggie,**

**I'm glad you have Jacob around. At least that way I know you're not completely alone and thank you for the picture of Crystal. I hung it on the wall next to my bunk. It's very uplifting waking up to her sight. Tell Kara and Lena that I'll be home sooner than they think.**  
 **As for my military friends; Lucy Lane is the closest thing to a military sister. I've known her the longest out of everyone; her dad's a General too. I think at some point he knew my dad. It's how we got so close in the first place. Susan Vasquez, or more formally known as Vasquez. She's around 21 years old, or so. She's quieter than most and smarter for sure. She's the observing type. Sadly though, she lost her family when she was very young. She spent most of her life in foster homes, and for most of it, they sucked. She has Lucy and me now. I think we help her more than she helps us, and lately, she's smiling more. The letters she's getting from a mysterious woman in National City is brightening up her world. I can tell because your letters do the same for me.**  
 **Tom Ramsey, I met that lumberjack at boot camp. Even though he's as tall and as buff as Mount Everest, he's just a big puddle of love. He's got 3 daughters, around the ages of 14 to 6. I can't imagine how difficult it is leaving them behind with his wife. It's** quiet **funny, even if it's toughest on him, he's the only one who knows how to keep a smile even through the darkest times.**  
 **But Mike Montgomery, he's what I call a** friename **. We fight more than we get along. He's got anger issues, or just a really bad temper. I try to keep as much distance from him. I still get glaring looks from him when I pass by the waiting area. I kind of stole his leave when I came to visit. It still sits on my shoulders cause I robbed him of his daughter's birthday.**  
 **Enough about me though, how are you? And everything else in Midvale?**  
 **P.S. I attached an image of me and my war buddies for you. I'm 2nd from the right-hand side, if you couldn't tell, and behind us is the Humvee Tom drives on his daily rounds. That's what a day in the army looks like.**

**Yours Truly,**   
**Alex.**

* * *

 

_November 22nd, 2017._

_Dear Alex,_

_I think that photo is the butch-_ iest _you've ever looked. You all look very brave. I can't imagine how much the heat kills you guys; you do look a little more tanned. Which is strange considering how pale you managed to stay even during our trips to the beach. Do you remember those? We used to scare Winn into believing there were sharks._  
 _Midvale is as quiet as ever. The Mullen boys are starting their community service soon. They've begun to tidy up their bad boy act. I'm also pretty sure one of them has got a crush on Lena._  
 _We're having a BBQ night soon, at_ McConners _place. He's more than happy to be my life's chaperone. I swear that guy has a freaking woman living inside of him. Apparently, he's got big news to tell me, and I thought it would be good to invite Kara. She was literally squealing when I told her to join us, and of course Lena's coming too. Chelsea McConners will be living in paradise._  
 _I like your friends, and I think Mike's anger is pretty reasonable, but I'm sure it'll fade with time._  
 _It's starting to get cold, and most people are shopping for Christmas presents. I haven't gone shopping yet or set up my Christmas tree._  
 _I can't wait to hear from you, Danvers._

_Yours Truly,_   
_Maggie._

* * *

 

**December 7th, 2017.**

**Dear Maggie,**

**Christmas is right around the corner, I wish I could spend it with you, but I can't. I don't mean to make this sad, but I might get deployed soon. I hope you're enjoying the snowy weather. I should be getting a leave after my 6-month rotation is out. I promise you, I will give you the best substitute Christmas. Take care of yourself for me, and wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Especially mom. You should spend Christmas Eve with her; you know how much she and dad loved it. I miss you.**

**Yours Truly,**   
**Alex.**

Maggie sighed deeply as she cuddled in her bed, her blanket keeping her warm. It's been a while since she felt her stomach grumble in worry. She'd forgotten that at some point Alex had to eventually enter the battlefield. She was just getting used to the idea of waiting, but now her nerves doubled, and her brain quivered. She had to get used to feeling comfortable with this. Sending and receiving letters had been the perfect peak of every month. Everyone in town could tell when Maggie had received a new letter just from the way her eyes twinkled, and her aroma grew brighter. Even with how very few she received, it glorified her. It kept her worries at bay for a while. Now; knowing that Alex was going to be deployed soon. It meant fewer letters, and more worrying. How did Alex do this when they were younger? How could she have been so calm on the outside when her father went through all of this? She couldn't imagine how hard it must've been. To smile and act like it's all wonderful during father's day when he was not there. She knew not having parents that hated you around was a stab in the back, but not having parents that loved you with you. That might just be worse. She was starting to understand Alex with all her complications.

Maggie's fingers touched across the words Alex had left her with. She could tell from the shortness of words the soldier herself was devastated. It's been all of 3 months. The cop couldn't remember the last time she felt so empty, yet so full. It was rupturing not being able to have Alex at arm's length. She was finally coming to terms with how she felt about her. Her thought process only consisted of how their lives together could be. How magical it'll all be when this stage was over; when Alex gets home safe and unharmed; Because she will. She had to. The soldier had her own place in her heart, as well as in her apartment. At first, it felt awkward how half full everything seemed once Emily had taken her things. She noticed even the smallest details, like how the cup of toothbrushes by the sink went from 2 to 1. Or how the two mugs that were always placed by the coffee maker became only one. She almost didn't recognize her apartment. Yes, Emily leaving was right, but still. It hurt. She shouldn't be called selfish for it, or greedy.

With Emily gone, the trips to Dollar Tree had lessened; along with the laundry. Her apartment was getting messier as the days went by, despite how much little time she spent on it. She opted to distracting herself whenever she didn't receive a letter from the soldier. If it wasn't McConners, then it was Kara. She'd gotten closer with the younger Danvers. Spending time with Kara and Crystal was very comforting. It was like she had a part of Alex back, and it could never be wrong to spend time with kids as beautiful as Crystal. She was growing rapidly in fascinating ways. The more she grew, the more gorgeous she became.

Maggie dug into her pillowcase, pulled out the pile of letters she'd received from the soldier. One by one she read them like it was the first time; A tear trickled down her face when she got to the last one; Her brain barely containing itself. She sighed deeply.

"I miss you, Alex."

* * *

 

"Alright, buddy. You wanna play dirty, fine. I call, and raise 100 dollars." Tom said as he smacked the 100-dollar chip on the table.

Vasquez smirked; she sat across from him, her eyes hollering at the chip, she didn't even flinch. Lucy could only barely hold in her laughter. They've been playing poker for the better part of an hour. Vasquez has been driving Tom relentlessly crazy; being the man he was he didn't back down. He refused to be beaten by a girl, but it looks like luck wasn't on his side.

They were all trying to cool their minds of telling those they loved that soon enough they were going to be picked on the battlefield. It was good to keep their minds occupied. Alex, although she was sitting with the rest of the group. Her head, and eyes were focusing on other things. They were focused on the little pocket size picture of Maggie held in place in her fingers. She was not proud of her final letter. It was nearly Christmas. A time when families were supposed to be together. Yet, They weren't and all she could do was send her a 3-line letter. She felt like she was failing her; She shouldn't be here, she should be with her. They should be together, having date nights. Spending every Saturday at her parent’s house watching the most Cliché movies with the closest people to her; babysitting Crystal, getting to know McConners. There was so much she would rather do than be here, so much she should do. It was a first, in all her years of serving, did she feel this way.

"What's this?" Mike's voice filtered along with the picture in her hands.

Before she could register the voice that appeared. The image that installed some sort of sense in her was dragged away from her fingers. She couldn't even get up and grab the image back because Montgomery had turned his back, and outstretched his hands. Putting even more mortifying distance between Maggie and her. A smirk lingering on his lips while Alex's cheeks burned in anger.

"Such a pretty face." He deemed. Alex tried to reach for the picture once more; he pulled it back higher, inspecting it, and teasing her. "So out of your league, Danvers. Think she'll mind a married guy?"

"Give it back." She hissed.

"Why?" He waved the picture around. "This little thing can't be that important."

Alex was not in the mood to be patient. Mike needed to watch what he did next, or she will combust in a way she never thought she could. Her friends had long forgotten their game. Lucy was on her feet before Montgomery got the chance to breathe again.

"You don't have to be a dick, Mike."

Montgomery swerved his head towards her. "Stay out of this, Lane. This is between me and Danvers."

"I don't want to fight. Just give me back my picture." Alex demanded.

He held the image in her face. "You're a fucking coward, you know that. You don't want to fight?" He began to rip the tip of her picture. "Then what are you doing here?" Alex's hands flexed into a fist while Tom placed his hand on Mike's shoulder trying to calm him down.

"Stop it, dude."

"Fuck off, Ramsey." He shook his arm off, then took a step forward towards Alex. He slammed the slightly ripped image on her chest, his lips only a breath away from her ears. "It's not nice, is it? Being miles away from the one thing that makes you feel wanted."

Alex didn't have the heart to stare back into his eyes. She knew what he meant. His voice told her everything. She held onto her picture tighter, because she finally understood the anger that had itched itself onto Mike. The anger of being miles away from what made you feel normal, not alone, and actually meaningful. The war zone is more a place to get lost in. You're no different than any other person; you're only rated by ranks. The higher you are, the greater your chances are of surviving without the occasional teasing from the higher-ups. She didn't want to end up like Mike Montgomery; Furious at even the flies that never dared touch him. She wanted to be out of this collateral damaging state. Maybe the only way to do that is to leave.

"You're pathetic, Alex," Mike muttered.

"Montgomery." Vasquez hissed.

"Everyone here has a solid reason to fight." He shoved her. Ramsey held him back. "What are you here for, huh? What? Just because Daddy fought in the war you feel like you have to too?"

Alex felt her fists tighten, she felt her eyes harbor heaviness it shouldn't. Droplets of tears cornered in her eyes. "Screw you, Mike."

She felt the tears in her eyes begin to fall. Lucy started to make her way towards her, but Alex had fled off so quickly; She turned into nothing but a green blob running away. Lucy could feel Alex's discomfort; she could feel her indecisiveness from miles away. She turned around and faced Mike, her hand moved on its own accord. Smack! The slap that made itself comfortable on Mike's cheek was a loud deafening sound.

"You're such an asshole." Montgomery breathed deeply, trying to keep his hands to himself. "Whatever you have against Alex must really be something. You're one of the few people here to be with her all the way, and all you do is make it harder for her."

"She makes it harder for me!"

"Why? Because she took your fucking leave?" Lucy shoved him. "Grow the fuck up, Mike. You know she deserved it more than you did, and if you have to question why she's here then you're no true soldier at all."

With that Lucy turned around, her middle finger aiming at his face. Alex had enough on her plate, she knew more than anyone how difficult it was for her. She was just starting to pick up the pieces of her life, and now it's all flushing down the toilet. It's like she's starting back at square one; being miles away while the love of her life stayed lonely at home.

* * *

Maggie stood near McConners' backyard. Her back resting against the sliding glass door, a cup of champagne Lena had brought as a parting gift, in her hands. She watched Jacob find a new way to burn another piece of hot dog while Kara and Chelsea tried to teach a now almost 3-month old Crystal to stand up on her own. It was a nice view; the green grass on the backyard floor complimented the darkening sky. Little stars twinkled, and the smell of burnt barbecue sausage left her stomach grumbling. She felt a fresh breath of air hit her. The seasons were changing and it was getting cold in Midvale. She tightened the grip on her jacket, as the air blew against her skin spiking up the hairs on her flesh. These were the times when she found herself wishing Alex could just teleport back to her, wrap her arms around her from behind, keep her warm, keep her safe.

It felt like a piece of the puzzle was missing; an irreplaceable piece that left the perfect picture incomplete. She sighed deeply closing her eyes and settling for imagining it. Sometimes paradise is nothing but a faraway dream. She needed to dream for a bit. She needed reality to settle down for a while. She was starting to feel lonely again, or not lonely, but just out of place. She felt disconnected. Her body was in Midvale, but her mind and soul they were 30 thousand miles away.

"I hate how much I miss her."

Maggie jumped slightly at the sudden sound of Lena's voice. She held her own glass of champagne. Somehow the green-eyed brunette managed to find her way beside her. The Latin cop didn't need much explanation on what Lena meant. She took it in, no question about it; God knows, she knew the feeling. Lena sipped on her glass.

"I can't go a day without worrying about her." The lawyers’ fingers played with the top of her glass, running circles around it. "I shouldn't be worrying though. Alex's been doing this for 10 years, why is it so hard now?"

"Cause we're expecting her to come back." Lena turned to face Maggie, who sustained her eyes starring ahead watching as Crystal kept losing her balance, and Kara holding her up with Chelsea. "She is going to come back." She whispered.

Lena fixated her gaze on Maggie. She could see beyond the hidden dry tears on her cheeks. The heavy veins that popped out on her skin. The residues of worry lines on her forehead. She was amazed by how strong she was; how she could keep it together like this. If only Lena knew how her nights were spent, or how often she sat by her window waiting for the day Alex would be able to walk through her door. Missing someone was a lot of work, and hope was a constant string along that fucked with your mind, anyone in the Danvers family can attest to that.

"I admire you."

The cop turned to face Lena who smiled at her.

"You're stronger than any of us. I don't know how you're keeping it together, but you are."

Maggie chuckled heartlessly. "It's Alex. She's the one keeping me together." She shook her head, "And tearing me apart." She took a gulp from her champagne glass. "God. She's miles away, and she still controls my heart."

The cop nearly threw up in her own mouth. Maggie wasn't the type to get sentimental and talk about her feelings to just anyone. Lena, as good of a person she was, she was on the bottom of her trusted list. They never connected that deeply, at least not in the level Alex did. She used to be jealous of Lena back in the day. At a certain time, she had to compete with her for Alex's attention. Not even compete, but just work harder. Maggie was almost certain that the champagne was starting to make her a little tipsy. The heavy thoughts, and the pouring of her heart it was not what she normally was.

"She never stopped loving you, you know." Lena waited till Maggie looked at her, a soft friendly chuckle let loose on her lips. "You don't just control her heart. You control her entire existence. She never meant to ignore you for 10 years."

"I know." She whispered. "I think I get why she did. I was too young, angry, and naïve to open my eyes back then. I don't know how she did it." Her eyes trailed at Kara, Lena following. "How either of them did. Some days it's like I'm suffocating."

"At least we're together." Lena tightened her grip on her glass. "Out there, Alex can only have so much."

"She's not alone. She has friends that look out for her. It's one of the only things that make this bearable."  
  
The smile that slipped on Lena's lips was one of slight jealousy, but it was also pride. Alex was a woman that's so easily taken in. She knew how to be friends with everybody. Lena envied that; a part of Maggie did too. It was a trait only the Danvers women had. They could break the bridges between everything and anything.

"Ah. Shit! Shit! Shit!" McConners hissed while he juggled a steaming hotdog in his uncovered hands, clearly trying to find a spot to place it in. It caused both Lena and Maggie to laugh.

"I think your partner needs some help."

"I offered to help before he even turned the grill on, but McConners will never give up his manly hood."

"He is in the center of women," Lena smirked. "Plus, Alex mentioned you were a bad cook."

Maggie blushed and watched as Chelsea had gone to get him a plastic plate, and he eventually dropped his hotdog on it. A cool towel that his wife had brought along with the plastic utensils was placed on his fingers. Maggie had gently excused herself from Lena's side while Chelsea and Lena sat on the grass floor with Kara and Crystal. McConners was still blowing his fingers by the time Maggie reached for the Barbecue fork Jacob was using.

"Told you to let me help."

"Please, you're no better. I'm surprised you haven't burnt anything yet. I actually made it through 4 corns and a hotdog."

Jacob slipped his hand onto the fork before Maggie turned it the wrong way. The Latin cop rolled her eyes and crossed her hands. She watched him turn the fire up, and flip 3 hot dogs on the grill. Her mind drifting over to what Alex could be doing, it's been a while since she got a call from her. The last letter she read was hanging on in her head, and she didn't like it.

"I saw you talking to Lena. It's not like you. Are you doing okay?"

"Not really."

"Still haven't heard from her?"

She shook her head and shoved her hands in her pockets. "I'm just getting used to her letters, I don't want her to get to the frontlines."

"Maggie it's her job."

"I know." She shook her head. "I just...," she sighed deeply, then faced McConners with a huff. Jacob directed his head towards Lena and Kara.

"Have you told them yet?"

"No. I think they're worried enough."

"You should tell them. I'm sure Alex wants you to tell them."

"You know what Jacob?" She forced a smile. "Today's not about me, it's about you. You're the one with the big announcement, yet you haven't said anything. What's so important you threw a barbecue?"

Jacob's eyes twinkled, and his smirk flaunted naturally on his lips. "You'll have to wait till dinner."

* * *

Alex curled underneath her bunk; fishing through the few things she buried under. She was looking specifically for a box she kept hidden. Her body relaxed when it touched the hard surface, she pulled it with her and settled comfortably in the corner of her bunk. She yanked the cover open and pulled out the letters she gently protected. Her fingers softly brushed on the messy cursive handwritten name on the back of her envelope. Clearly, Maggie was slowly trying to perfect her writing skills. The soldier appreciated it, but secretly she loved the messy way her words tumbled on each other, and the way her b’s and d’s lacked to complete a full circle. Whenever she felt out of sorts, Maggie’s letters brought her back. They were reassuring and relaxing. She felt secure reading them, it’s why she kept them protected and hidden deep beneath her bunk bed. It was too risky to shove them under her pillow.

“Alex?”

The soldier thrust the letter in her hands back into her box. She lifted her eyes to the direction of the voice she heard. Lucy smiled down sympathetically at her.

“Hey.”

“You okay?”

She nodded, and Lucy took a seat next to her.

“You know Mike’s a dick, right.”

She chuckled sadly. Her fingers tangled into each other. “He’s not wrong.”

Lucy bumped into her shoulder. “Don’t you dare let him get under your skin.”

“It’s just… What am I here for Lucy?” She sighed deeply when Lane gave her a heartbroken look. “I mean, I don’t- I’m just-,” she huffed, “I feel wrong being here while she’s miles away.” She admitted.

“Is this about our deployment? Did you tell Maggie already?”

“I mentioned it.” Alex shook her head at herself. “Through a letter.”

“Oh, Alex-,”

“I know. It’s a shitty move.” Alex stared at her fingers on her lap. She twisted and tangled them together. The last time she ever felt this nervous about a deployment was from the very first time she was called out to the front line.   
Lucy sighed heavily; she pulled a card out of her pocket and slapped it into Alex’s hand. The redhead faced Lena with a confused look.

“Call her.” She simply explained. It forced Alex to stare down at her hand, her eyebrows shot to her forehead when she noticed that it was a calling card. Alex was quick to hand it back, but Lucy was quicker. She stopped her with a shake of her head. “You need it more than I do.”

Alex sighed contently, and then engulfed Lucy in a hug. “Thank you.” She whispered in her ear.

A knock erupted their hug, Vasquez peeked her head into their room, when Alex and Lucy eventually separated. She smiled sadly. “General Henshaw is calling us down to his office.”

Every soldier knew what that meant, and usually, Alex had no problem with it. However, this time it felt like a knife was stabbing her behind her back, and there was no way out. 

* * *

Maggie shook off her coat, and dropped her keys on the table by the door; A relaxed sigh escaping her lips. Dinner was more than uplifting, the grin that sparked on her face after Jacob mentioned that he was going to be a father, remind on the edges of her lips till she got home. Shinning brightly even in the midst of her dull mood. She was happy for him, ecstatic even, and maybe a little jealous. McConners deserved this, although she wasn't super tight with Chelsea she could see the loving flares they shared over the dinner table. The unsubtle glances they gave each other once the topic of their baby's possible gender aired made them anxious, and happy; almost disgustingly happy. If this were any other couple walking on the street, she would've twitched in her seat, and gaged a little. Maggie didn't do romance too often, it may be biased that she liked to show it off herself but never appreciated it when it was shown to her. It reminded her of how much she lacked it in her life, how much she was missing. It was always the little things that made you trigger. Things could've been completely different had Alex not stumbled back into her life. She would've been married to Emily. Though the thought wasn't that bad, it was unsettling. She was glad that things worked out the way they did. It's much easier to break off an engagement than a marriage. Emily was a good person, but deep down she knew where her heart truly lies.

She flopped onto her couch, a hand strained over her eyes blocking what little light the bulbs on her celling brought. The nights were growing colder, and the days were becoming shorter. Yet, to Maggie what was supposed to be 24 hours felt like an eternity. Each day passed by slower than the next as if mocking her. She would wait for Alex, she would. But it wasn't easy, not even a little bit. Her phone rang, vibrating inside her pocket. She wiggled it out and answered with a tired 'hello'.

_"Merry Christmas."_

That was all it took for Maggie to shoot up from her place; A hint of a smile playing on her lips.

"I know it's not Christmas yet, but it's as close as I'm going to get."

"It's _so good_ to hear your voice." She sighed out. Closing her eyes.

"I should've called sooner, but I couldn't find time to catch the calling lines, and I was packed with chores-,"

"It's okay. I get it."

Alex sighed thankfully, her beating heart slowly steadying. The line went silent for a few seconds.

"Maggie, There's something-,"

"I went to McConners-,"

The soldier chuckled slightly; Her head staring at the ground. Her news could wait. "You go first."

Maggie smiled. "McConners had a barbecue tonight. Remember, I told you he had something to tell me?"

Alex nodded, then mentally slapped herself realizing she wasn't with the Latin cop. It made her smile falter. "Mhm."

"Guess what? He's going to be a dad."

"Maggie, that's amazing!" Alex could feel Maggie's grin through the line.

"I'm really happy for him. I know that he and Chelsea had been trying for months." She sighed contently. "Kara and Lena were there too, and Crystal of course." Maggie stood up from her couch, her legs practicing a rhythm. "She's growing up so fast. Kara is already trying to teach her how to walk."

Alex chuckled through the line. She was more than aware of how fueled Maggie's tone was. It made her feel calm knowing that she wasn't entirely depressed, or alone.

"I'm surprised she hasn't taught her how to say mommy yet."

"Oh, she's doing that too. Almost any time Crystal opens her mouth, Kara enunciates the word, mommy."

The soldier laughed quietly, as Maggie giggled. She sighed once the line died down. Alex shifted on her feet when she saw most of the calling lines were clearing, and the phones were about to be disconnected in all of 30 minutes.

"Did you think things would turn out this way when we were 18?" Maggie dreamily mentioned.

"I had such _grand_ plans."

"We were going to get married."

Alex smirked at the memory. "On a sunny July morning."

"Do you remember where we wanted to go for our honeymoon?"

_"The Caribbean."_ They both simultaneously said.

The soldier chuckled. "We were going to have 3 kids."

"Oh really?" Maggie's eyebrows rose while Alex's cheeks flushed red.

"Mhm. 2 boys, 1 girl."

"You really had grand plans."

"I thought we had forever." She whispered.

The thought that they could've had all that momentarily made them pause. The last 10 years have been empty for Alex, and they've been missing something for Maggie. To realize that it wasn't going to be that way for much longer, it was calming. It was reassuring. For once in both their simultaneous lives they felt a sense of security, even if Alex was on her way to some remote deserted island. They still had a sense of trust that protected their relationship. The soldier felt like she didn't deserve to forgive herself for what she was about to throw on Maggie's shoulders.

"Maggie...,"

The cop caught on her depressed tone. There was the shoe she was waiting to drop. She closed her eyes and prayed for the worst to pass.

"I'm being deployed." She whispered once the silence forced a wedge between them. Maggie's heart stopped beating for a second. She felt a hot flash start to reveal itself on the surface of her skin as if she didn’t know already.

"When?"

"In 2 weeks."

"Where?"

Alex felt her heart constrict. "You know I can't tell you that."

Maggie swallowed thickly. "For how long?"

"It shouldn't be more than 4 to 6 months."

"6 months?" She sighed out in frustration.

The soldier felt the tip of her fingers turn white. Her breathing doubled. _"Hey,"_ The heavy breaths on the line softened. "I'll be back before you know it."

"You promise?"

Alex could smell the desperation reek in her tone. She could feel the worry from her quivering voice. She held the handle of her phone tighter and forced her own voice to still. "I promise."

Maggie sighed heavily. "You'll owe me 2 dates." The cop tried to lighten the mood. "One for Christmas, and one for New Years."

The soldier felt her lips curl into a smile. "Any request?"

"Let's go to the Caribbean." Alex stilled for a moment, and the line went dead. "I know, it’s wild but… we don't have a lot of time together, and I-I don't want us to miss anything. We've missed 10 years already." The soldier's end was still silent. “I could buy us both tickets, and book a nice hotel, I can fix everything.” Maggie swallowed thickly thinking how stupid she was to offer that, she shook her head. "Never mind. It's crazy-,"

"It's not crazy." Alex's soft reply shook her.

"It's not?" She asked with a relieved chuckle.

The soldier smiled. "No. Let's do it. The second I get back, we're going to the Caribbean."

Maggie’s lips broke into an enormous grin, a soft giggle following pursuit. "God. I love you, Alex."

The redhead felt her skin freeze. "What?" She asked surprised.

Maggie's skin turned white. She didn't mean for it to come out; her entire body filled up with spasms. "I-I,"

Alex knew she didn't mean for it to pop out like that. She knew she was freaking out. Maggie's mouth accidentally took right of its own passage. She could hear the heavy swallows the Latin's throat had devoured. She wasn't ready yet. Not for a confession like that. The call had announced the few minutes left, and immediately Maggie shook her frazzled thoughts away.

"Will you be able to write to me?"

"I will, whenever I can. I'll be back, Maggie. Sooner than you think."

The cop relaxed. Her state still in shock of what she'd revealed. Her fingers remained hooked on her phone; it never left her ear, till the agonizing beep that hovered against her eardrum.

* * *

 

Maggie's hands were shaking the minute she put her phone down. Her eyes closed, and her breathing slowed down. The beat of her heart nothing more than a shallow attempt to keep her alive. When was the last time she'd said the word love? It was a blur. Not only did she say it, but she said it to Alex. Alex Danvers, the woman who tore her apart, then put her back together as effortlessly as she broke her. The last time she felt this hyperventilating semi fainting feeling was years ago. She'd been really good at hiding it from Alex's prying eyes that she didn't notice how much she was lying to herself, but now... The soldier knew how she truly felt. Even at the many attempts, Alex had tried to say it first. In the end, _she did._ And she was terrified beyond any logical purpose. It wasn’t because it wasn’t true. She was afraid because it was entirely true. The emotions in her heart were beginning to explode. There was not enough room to exploit all those emotions, especially not in her apartment, where she felt smothered in every corner. The feeling of being lonely, it could kill. It was a weapon that devoured her soul. She needed to get some fresh air.

She picked up her car keys and headed to her car. At first, she didn’t know where she wanted to go. She just drove the empty streets of Midvale, a few core shops in town had their signs lit, and the smell of cigarettes mixed with alcohol filled the air. It was the same aroma of a small little town, where 95% of the people have gone to sleep content with their lives. She was jealous of those people; those people who had a wife to come home to after work, children to raise, and play with during the holiday seasons. Lives that were complete, unlike hers.

Yes, she had Alex. But how much did she really have her? She knew how abundant being at war meant to the soldier. She knew that it was one of the very few things that made her feel like she was making a difference in the world. Nonetheless, the consequences still hurt. She could only keep it together for so long.

Before she had the chance to stop herself, she found that her car had parked right in Midvale’s most precious view spot; that mountain hillside that she had avoided for such a long time. Being back there, even if it rots with the smell of dead cigarettes and empty beer bottles, it felt like Alex. She got out of her car, walked to the very edge, and sat down on the floor, her legs dangling from the cliff. The scenery was no doubt beautiful, and she could only think of one person she’d enjoy it with.

_The city lights were out of focus, and it was almost the holiday season. Most of Midvale’s lights consisted of green, red, and white colors; Spotlights dangling from one end of town to the next. Although most of the town citizens were in ecstatic spirits, her girlfriend was not even near happy. She could tell despite her strong efforts at making a phony smile seem real. She was sitting down near the edge of the cliff, while Alex picked up rocks and pebbles of different sizes, she threw them as hard as she could with fierce anger that was very hard not to notice._

_“Alex,” Maggie softly called to her, as she placed a hand on the back of her thigh. The redhead had finished throwing away all the rocks in her hand._

_“Why can’t he just quit?” She angrily huffed. “Can’t he see that we’re falling apart without him?”_

_Maggie knew this was one of the rare moments Alex truly lashed out at the truth of her father’s work. Beneath all the support, and prideful manners Maggie could tell Alex hated what Jeremiah did for a living, probably the most out of everyone._

_“I mean- we’re supposed to be a family, we’re supposed to be the most important people in the world to him. He’s supposed to be here, for my 18th birthday, for Christmas, for new years, or for the 3 times I was valedictorian of the year.” She complained, and with one softer tug from Maggie, she flopped down next to her, playing with her fingers on her lap. She sighed deeply. “He wasn’t even there for prom.”_

_Maggie rubbed up and down Alex’s back. “Hey, I’m here for you.” Alex turned to face her. “Always.” The Latin’s fingers stroke back red hair behind her girlfriends’ ear._

_“I don’t want to be that kid who’s selfish because she wants her dad to quit war, but-,” she forced her head down, her fingers playing with Maggie’s hands that found comfort on her lap. “The longer he’s away… the more I feel that way.”_

_"You're not selfish, Alex."_

_"I feel like I am." She ran her fingers through her hair and closed her eyes desperately. "Mom's acting like it's all okay when I know she's dying inside. And Kara's forcing herself to believe that she's happy, but she's not. And I'm..., the worst of all."_

_Alex felt soft hands intertwine with hers. Maggie's touch was a foul play to her. She could never resist it, or act like it didn't affect her. It did. It drove her insane, and it made her feel so good. It protected her more than it should. She wasn't supposed to show this side of her to Maggie. She'd always been supportive of her father, but she'd just had it. Midvale was getting ready for the holiday carnival, and the one time she truly wanted to spend with her father had been snatched away from her. Again. Normally, she chucked it up, brushed it aside, and put a smile on her face. But this was senior year. It was essentially the last vacation she had before college. She was allowed to hate Corporal Jeremiah Danvers now. Was it so bad that she wanted to celebrate these moments with her father, rather than stand on her tip toes at the edge of an empty grave?_

_The redhead tucked her feet into her chest, she wrapped her arms around her knees, laying her chin on her arms, and let a single tear trickle down her cheek. Maggie shoved herself closer, she wiped Alex's befallen tear. Alex turned to face her._

_"I can't tell you that it's going to get better, cause I don't know that. I don't know anything, but I can tell you one thing." Maggie made sure her eyes were gazing into her girlfriend's eyes. "I can tell you that you don't have to worry about losing anyone me. I'm gonna be here. Always. I won't ever let you go."_

_Alex smiled slightly._

_The latin foiled with her girlfriend's hands till she managed to untangle them and intertwine them with each other. "I love you, Alex. A lot of people do, and I know for a fact that Jeremiah does too."_

_"I think I love you a little bit more every day." She whispered dreamily._

"10 years later, and I'm still loving you more every day, Alex." Maggie smiled fondly at her memory.

Who would have thought that in 10 years time, their positions would switch? Maggie certainly didn't see her life heading in this direction, but now that it was, she promised herself she was going to make the best of it. Alex and she deserved it, for all the years they wasted, all the moments they washed away. She owed it to herself to make the best of the future they were yet to have lived.

* * *


	10. Dissipating In Distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i'm sucking at the update timings, it's just been a very stressful semester, and i'm almost done, with both the semester and this story. we're getting to a close for this FanFic. I wanted to kind of take a break from writing anymore sanvers fics, but honestly every time I say i'm done my brain thinks otherwise. I do have a really long one-shot planned to be coming out, after this fic is done. Let me know if you guys want it. It is going to be about Sanvers with kids. ;) Also, as a sorry for being late I made an edit. :)

    

Alex curled into a ball, covering herself with dusty material lying around the Humvee's trunk. It smelt like ammunition, and she could've sworn flies were walking on her. The irritating trickle she kept feeling was bold proof of that. There was a big possibility that there were bugs walking on her, considering she was smothered in what little space was left inside this monstrous vehicle. Alex was too tired to care. A large duffel bag smacked against her face forcing her to wake up from her very difficulty procured contented state. Despite all the shifting, and shoves she got as Vasquez moved even further inside the Humvee; making sure all the ammo they were shifting were perfectly intact. Alex didn't have much sleep last night. They'd finally landed into their new temporary home base, and it was day one on the job. The soldier had still been having trouble sleeping soundly in the dark of night. Nightmares kept floating on the edge of her mind; they made themselves very comfortable in her unconscious state.

"Hate to break it you, Danvers, but you're on duty." Vasquez bundled up the handkerchief she normally pocketed in her pants, after she wiped the pool of sweat on her forehead. She transformed it into a ball, and aimed it at Alex.

The later soldier groaned. Throwing back the sweat filled cloth, and straightening up her posture. Vasquez was kind enough to cover for her, and work double what she had to in order to keep her out of trouble; but now that they were almost ready to transport their ammo to the required destination; Susan thought it'd be best to wake her up. Things could get ugly if word got out that Alex was slacking on her job. The youngest troop chuckled and sat next to Alex, wiping her forehead once more before placing the damp handkerchief back in her pocket. The soldier yawned heavily earning herself a pat on the back from Vasquez.

"You haven't been sleeping well have you?"

Alex shook her head.

"For what reason? The bugs? Or the smell of Lane's arm pits."

"I'm tempted to say both." She chuckled. Vasquez snickered, then bumped her shoulder playfully.

It was a drag trying to find comfort in the tents they had to call home for a couple months. It was hot, and humid; it didn’t matter if you wore the thinnest piece of clothing, you still managed to sweat. Now add that with Alex’s already faulty sleep patterns, the redheaded soldier had it bad.

"On most cases I would agree with you, but seriously what's going on? What's really bugging you?"

"I don't know," she sighed. Trying to find comfort on the dusty humid floors of the Humvee that shook as Tom drove through corrupted streets.

Vasquez gave Alex a look, which forced the older soldier to sigh heavily. "You can talk to me, you know? It's not just Lucy that's willing to listen."

Alex shrugged. "Lucy won't like to hear this, but... my heart's just not set up for this anymore."

"I know how that feels." Vasquez smiled sadly.

"I don't like that I feel this way, there's still so much I promised to do before I end my time here."

"I think you've done your country good, Alex.“ Vazquez turned to face her friend. “If you want to retire we're going to support that. Especially, Lucy; she knows what you've been through more than anyone. You gave what you had to offer. Don't hold yourself prisoner in this place for us."

"I can't leave you guys hanging dry." She felt the guilt suppress inside of her. "I did that once before..." She started at her fingers.

Susan chuckled lightly, shaking her head. "You're too much of a goody two-shoes, Danvers."

Alex laughed sarcastically. "I am not a goody-two-shoes. Believe me."

Vasquez rolled her eyes. "We're not here because we're heroes, well apart from Lucy that is."

The redheaded soldier turned to face her partner, a lazy smile on her face. "What are you getting at, Vasquez?"

"I'm just saying," she shrugged. "I'm here because I'm still on the path of redemption. Lucy's here because she loves it. Tom, and Mike are here to pay off their debts and provide for their families." The young soldier smiled for her friend. "We're here to make our lives better. It's not an obligation for you to stay here. You and I both know what you really want isn't in this blockbuster truck."

Alex shook her head. "I can't quit."

"Why not?"

She didn't really know herself. She had all the reasons to quit; all the reasons to say no. However, when the time came, and she had to put her foot down. It wavered badly. She tripped and fell hard on the floor. How could it possibly be fair? The friends she'd made would be risking their lives, and she'd be home protected in a proper sheltered house with a roof over her head, and air conditioning. _Life is unfair._ She heard her conscious state almost instantly. Because eventually there will come a time and place she wouldn't be here anymore. She wouldn't be a soldier anymore. Then the thought of transitioning back into just a civilian it felt _good_. She would finally be able to properly rekindled things back home, not just with Maggie, but her entire hometown.

"Listen," Vasquez pulled her out of her contemplating state. "If I had the chance that you did, I'd take it. I still got 2 years ahead of me." She smiled sadly, "2 years before I can start a relationship with someone I haven't even had the chance to meet yet."

Alex leered sympathetically. She didn't realize how difficult this must've been for Vasquez.

"But you?” She playfully punched Alex making her chuckle. When their laughter died down and their eyes met, she smiled for her friend. “Don't waste your time here, Danvers. There's a lot going on for you in Midvale than there is here."

Vasquez was more than right. She was wasting precious time, but how could she accept to leave those she cared about to rot in danger while she sprung a happy and healthy life. That's the real war. Holding a gun and aiming at the enemy that's the easy part, but figuring out whether you should continue fighting or retire? It was the devil walking inside you; trying to stir you to the place he desired most. It was all Alex thought about as Tom drove through the rocky roads, with every bump the Humvee took, she imagined what it would be like to drive through smooth roads with Maggie's fingers curled into hers as they drove across town, and a little boy with his favorite golden retriever in the backseat singing to the latest hit song.

* * *

Mistletoes hung loosely around Midvale. The smell of fresh chestnuts roasting climbed inside Maggie’s nostrils as she wondered the local park. She tugged her coat tighter when snowflakes began to slowly fall, accumulating even more snow on the ground. Midvale was gorgeously white, and the Christmas trees around the local areas brought a sense of life she greatly appreciated. The sound of children’s laughter as they played with the snow, it ripped her heart apart. The longer she strolled, and watched as families enjoyed the holidays together, the more her stomach tightened. It was an unsettling feeling. Particularly; when her eyes accidentally landed on McConners and his wife. The way his hand protectively stilled on Chelsea’s now visible bump.  The pecks he laid on her lips, it made her disgustingly jealous. She hated how envious she was becoming of her partner. The laughter and humor he tried to spread was not reaching to her anymore. Not as much as she wished it would.

It was sad. The way her honey brown eyes began to water, proved to show how bad it hurt. Alex was a ghost at this moment, a ghost that made her jealousy spike in ways it never had before. In ways it never should. And that wasn’t the worst part; the worst part was the fact that it didn’t stop with McConners. It was a cycle that grew towards everyone around town. It was the cruelest part about living in a small town. She was the only one that was lonesome. She was the town cat lady, without any actual cats. She sighed heavily when Jacob caught her eyes; she forced a grin when he shoved a hand full of chestnuts in his mouth trying to lighten her mood. He had forced her to join everyone else in the park for a pre- Christmas celebration.  All the guys from the precinct, with their kids, and families that happened to have joined in on this joyous occasion were there. They surrounded her, yet the one person she wanted to surround herself in, she was way out of reach. It finally hit her how it felt like to be in a sea of people, but still feel completely alone.

“Alex would’ve loved this.” Kara whispered lovingly, Crystal in her hands wrapped in multilayers protected from the ice cold. “It used to be her favorite time of the year. We constantly fought over who would get to put the star on the tree.”

“She eventually always let you do it.”

Kara blushed. “Not my proudest moment, but I did make up for it when it came to her gifts.” She laughed softly with herself remembering the last Christmas she’d spent with her sister. “Remember the time you got her a NASA sweat shirt, and I got her-,”

“A Bare Naked Ladies signed record.” She chuckled. “I think that was the only time Alex squealed.”

“She thought it was a Christmas miracle.”

Maggie smiled at the memory, however it wasn’t long before she felt her stomach twist. Her smile faded as fast as it creped on her.

“You don’t have to hide it.” Kara whispered soundly. She faced her, and Maggie had to try so hard to hold her tears in check. “I know you miss her, and I know it’s killing you.”

“Kara, I’m fine-,”

“She’ll be home.” It was a fact. “Faster than you think, but in the mean time, I want you to come to me, or Jacob, or Lena. You don’t have to put up a wall for us.”

“Thanks, Kara.” She whispered.

Maggie swallowed thickly, still keeping her tears in check. She knew she didn’t have to put a façade for any of them, but she did anyway. Mainly for herself, because if she didn’t she’d be a water fountain that never ran dry. Yet, she knew that numbing the pain now will only make it feel twice as bad when she actually felt it. How could she not put a face on? Maggie couldn’t let her fragile heart take another bullet. It was better wearing the bullet proof vest, even if it sent false hope, even if it was temporary. It was better than dealing with the issues at hand. She didn’t want to talk about her anymore, so she easily stirred the conversation towards Kara and Crystal just waiting for the moment things got better.

* * *

“Oh no, no, baby.” Kara gently wiggled the piece of wrapping paper Crystal had begun to chew on, she kissed her little mushy lips. “That’s not for eating.” She whispered gently to her, as the 4-month-old crawled away.

Maggie chuckled quietly siting on the floor opposite Kara. The coffee table serving as a centerpiece between them; the brown wooden desk filled with cut up wrapping paper, extra ribbons, and around 7 wrapped presents. Yet, still there were a couple more naked gifts that needed packaging. Eliza loved to go way out of her way with Christmas presents. The ones they were wrapping at the moment were going to the children’s shelter during Christmas day. It was a kind gesture; Eliza Danvers was probably the softest person she’d met. She was glad that both Alex and Kara had inherited that trait from their mother.

Kara blew her hair out of her face. “I’m pretty sure mom’s going to come home with a dozen more gifts to wrap.”

“The woman loves Christmas and kids.”

“Yeah, or she’s just trying to so desperately avoid the elephant in the room.”

The youngest Danvers huffed throwing the scissors in her hands on to the table; Maggie stopped measuring the gift in her hand, she looked up at Kara. “Mom’s doing everything she can to avoid being home for Christmas this year,” She whispered soundlessly, her tone bluer than usual. “Alex coming down here, and Crystal… I think they’ve sparked the grief in her again.”

“You don’t actually believe that do you?”

“I wish I didn’t, but mom’s becoming a mess.”

“Have you tried group therapy?” Maggie stared at her fingers. “It helped me the first time around.”

“I did. She dropped out within the second session.”

“I can see where Alex gets her determination from.”

Kara sighed. “I hate saying this, but the only cure for mom is having all her girls safe, and in one place.” she fixed Crystal’s legs, spreading them apart before she crossed them. “But how can you stop someone from doing what they believe is right?”

Maggie stared at her feet. It sucked, this feeling of helplessness, it sucked. She wasn’t the only one suffering because of Alex’s actions, but sometimes you have to accept someone else’s choice even if it’ll cut you like a knife. No matter how stupid Danvers could get, she still managed to steal hearts away. She still managed to be lovable, wonderful, and miss-able, in the most miserable way. She could handle the pain; it was the voice inside her head that had to remind her of how long she had to handle the pain. Nothing worth fighting for is priceless.

* * *

“Sargent Danvers,” General Henshaw walked towards her, his steps stable even through the shaky lapses the fighter aircraft made.

Most of the soldiers in Unit 3 were secured in their seats, helmets on, chest protections on, rifles at hand, with about a dozen bullet refills. They were more than prepared for a vicious battle. Alex had lifted her head of the ground, and faced Henshaw as soon as he stood in front of her.

“You’re in first position, Sargent Lane, Private Vasquez, and Sargent Montgomery are from now on your responsibility on the battle field.” He circled around the other side, “Sargent Ramsey, you’re in second position with all the rest.” Henshaw walked further into the middle of the aircraft, his posture as stiff as ever. “We have one mission, capture the culprit Shaker Khan, he’s an Afghani male, 34 years of age.”

General Henshaw pulled out a photo of the man, his face lined with wrinkles as if he were older than what he appeared to be, his eyes were a dark brown that almost replicated the black sea. The soldiers took note of his figure, and once Henshaw put the image away he looked at each soldier with a knowing look.

“This man has been accused of swallowing a bomb. We are required to capture him, and his followers. Our plan is to get in, catch him, and leave with no causalities. You’re only allowed to fire if you’re threatened. Is that clear?”

“Sir, Yes, sir.”

“Am I clear!”

_“Sir, yes, sir!”_

Alex’s heart started to pump harder in her chest. If only things could be as simple as General Henshaw put it. Causalities are an impossible thing to avoid. They could try their very hardest to not fire a single bullet, and yet still causalities followed like an invisible ghost tagging along their journey waiting for the opportunity to haunt them. She just hoped things won’t get too messy. Her hands had automatically fished into her upper right pocket, pulling out Maggie’s smiling picture. She stared at it, till she engraved it in her mind. She’ll be home soon. _I’ll be home, Maggie._

* * *

“Chelsea’s been such a pain lately.” Jacob complained as he opened the door to the precinct, Maggie right behind him, with a file in her hand.

“How come?”  She blindly said, her eyes poorly scanning the latest complaint from the citizens of Midvale.

“She’s working extra hard with Christmas decorations this year, trying to carry the heavy decorative shit out of our garage and into the house. I swear it’s like she keeps forgetting that she’s pregnant.”

Maggie swallowed thickly, shoving the file in her hand to a close, and pushing down the burning fuse of jealousy that was slowly crawling back into her skin. “She’s just excited, McConners.”

“Yeah, well there’s a difference between excited and careful.”

He didn’t have to say that twice. She knew more than anyone what careful meant. Jacob shouldn’t be complaining about his wife, at least she wasn’t miles away suffering the desert heat during Christmas Eve, or dodging bullets, and barely finding time to acknowledge her existence. She hoped with everything in her that Alex was more than just careful. Hope was all she had, and it was slowly getting harder to believe in it. The clock was ticking and still not a word from her, she was starting to get worried, and it was affecting her badly.

“Anyway,” Jacob beamed once he flopped into his chair. Maggie took her seat at her desk, forced a smile on her lips. “We’re getting closer to figuring out if it’s a boy or a girl soon.” He raised 4 fingers. “4 months to go.”

The Latin cop forced a grin, patting her partner’s shoulder as she got up. “That’s great, McConners.” Her voice quivered slightly, but Jacob was too oblivious in his happiness to notice. She forced her way ahead of him, as quickly as she could. Holding in tears that would not find an escape unless she was behind a locked bathroom stall.

* * *

“ _Vasquez!”_ Alex called for the young private crouched beside her. The sound of bullets firing after each other nearly turning her hearing aids numb. “What’s the status on Ramsey’s team?”

Vasquez shackled the walkie-talkie from her packed hand duffle, she pulled the metal antenna all the way. “Unit 3, Ramsey to BASE.” Statics rushed through the other end of the line. Susan looked worriedly at Alex. Chances were never good when the other end didn’t reply from the first time. “Dispatcher’s not answering.”

“Try again.”

“I REPEAT Unit 3, Ramsey to BASE.” She tried louder.

“Vas!-ksh-,” Vasquez physically calmed down. Alex released a breath she held. “it’s Ram-ksh-sey. Go ahead!”

“What’s your status? Over.”

“Roger. 1-ksh- man down. But-ksh- Shaker is in-ksh- custody. Over”

Susan turned to Alex, who looked a little devastated about the 1 soldier who wouldn’t be able to make it home for Christmas this year. She closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and swallowed her pity. She fired at the approaching target in furry, then faced Vasquez with a stern nod. She continued aiming at the few vultures who thought Shaker was doing the world a favor becoming a terrorist. She took them out one by one with no remorse, anger building up in her veins. How dare they take away a life that should’ve been home with his family. She couldn’t imagine what the outcome would be like if it was her, who wouldn’t be returning home.

“Clear, Over.” Vasquez said into the walkie.

“Clear-Ksh.”

Alex had shot her final victim before examining the area one more time for extra measures. When she was satisfied that it was clear, she stood up. Vasquez following pursuit, they walked towards Montgomery, and Lane who stood at Alex’s arrival.

“Mission’s been cleared.”

“They caught him?” Lucy asked relieved. Alex nodded.

“So what now, captain?” Montgomery snarled. Alex ignored him, while Lucy shoved her elbow into his stomach. Mike swallowed the pain.

“We clear the area, and head towards the plane.”

* * *

It was Christmas Eve, and most of the people she couldn’t live without surrounded her; most, but not all; the keyword here being most. The fire that was burning from the fireplace offered warmth that could only barely keep her saint.  She could hear the chatter, mixed with soft laughter, and the Christmas music playing in the background, all the way from the living room. She closed her eyes, and sighed. Maggie needed a little time to regroup, and pull herself together, so she snuck into the slightly smaller living room. Alex’s home; it felt much better than her apartment; she was glad that she had the audacity to celebrate Christmas in the Danvers household rather than her own place. At least she could pretend for a little while that sleeping in an empty house didn’t bother her, or the fact that Alex hadn’t sent a letter in nearly a month was torturing her. It was getting harder by the minute. Every tick that hit the clock, she felt like she was waiting on something that’s never going to happen.

Her patience was wearing thin. Alex seemed to be nowhere, yet everywhere. Pictures of her, Kara, Eliza, Jeremiah, and even herself were prepped explicably neatly over the fireplace, and in every frame around the house, smiles on their faces that never in a million years will be the same. It dragged a feeling of regret in Maggie’s hallow stomach. She thought she was over this stage; the feeling sorry for yourself stage, but she wasn’t even close. She downed the beer in her hands, and forced her hazy steps back into the living room, where she had to cover up her insecurities. To prove to herself that she was okay, that everything was going to be okay.

“Everyone,” Lena stood up, catching the attention of everyone in the living room. She smiled happily, the Christmas spirit reaching her eyes more than it will ever reach hers.

“I have an announcement to make. This year’s been, well, I guess harder than most. We’ve all been through our ups and downs.”

Maggie could tell this was going to get real deep real soon. Lena’s trembling fingers, and her nervous smile could attest to that. The lawyer cleared her throat, collecting her courage.

“Some of us revisited our past.” She eyed Eliza, “Some of us have found a way to build a future with our past,” Her eyes turned towards Maggie. “Some of us have created brand new ones,” she turned her gaze to Kara and Crystal, Jacob and Chelsea were next. “And others are still waiting on a miracle.”  She stared at her wine glass, a soft chuckle escaping, before her eyes pulled themselves forward. “I’ve been fortunate enough to have lived through all of these moments with you, and I don’t think there’s a better time than now for what I have to say.”

“Oh god,” Kara’s voice filtered the room. “Don’t tell me you’re moving.”

Lena chuckled. “Not quiet,” she breathed deeply, then exhaled. “I’m getting married.” She cleared her throat and stared at her feet. “To Siobhan.”

A few seconds stilled, the silence defining its importance in the room. Shock was written on everyone’s stone cold faces. Kara was the first to speak.

“When- How- You-,” She sighed, giving up trying to make meaning out of this. Her cheeks burst into a beam, when Lena’s eyes began to crumble into a nervous wreck.

That was until the news firmly sunk in, after that it was hugs, and kisses all around. It was more than a surprise to say the least. No one knew Lena was even in a relationship, let alone that she was so in deep she was willing to get married. Maggie had approached Lena with nothing but good intentions. She smiled at her.

“Congratulations, Lena.” The Lawyer grinned, and engulfed Maggie in a hug. “I hope so.” She breathed out, once she let go. “I still haven’t popped the question, but I’m pretty sure she’s the one.” Her cheeks blushed. “Alex is so going to kill me for doing this before she could make fun of me, and tell me I told you so,” she giggled.

“Yeah.” Maggie forced a chuckle.

And then there it was, the burning jealousy crawling back into her skin; she smiled big, played the congratulations card one more time. Her entire body trembling, she crossed her arms around her mid- section trying to stop the shaking numbness of her body. She was glad that Chelsea had stepped up to hug, and congratulate Lena. It gave her time to escape, and run out the backdoor. She slid the glass door open and rushed out, she didn’t even bother putting on a jacket to shelter her from the freezing cold. Her hand had immediately slammed against her shivering lips, the other holding on to her stomach tightly. Her tears threatening to fall, she choked back a sob, took heavy breaths until her heartbeat calmed down. All she could think of as the seconds passed, and the sound of laughter lurked behind her, was when was this going to be over?

* * *

“Merry Christmas, buddy.” Lucy padded Alex’s shoulder as she sat down next to her on the sandy floors, outside their tents.

Alex sipped at her beer, brought her legs up to her chest, keeping her eyes on the stars that had such a rough time shinning in the dark of night. “Yeah, Merry Christmas.” She heartlessly whispered taking a larger sip from her beer.

“I can bet you Mom, Lois, and Clark are unwrapping presents as we speak.” Lucy supported a tragic smile, as she shared the starry view with Alex. The soldier sighed, handing her beer to Lucy who took it without question, and gulped as much as she could.

“I can bet you Eliza Danvers threw a Christmas party, and is now sharing my most embarrassing pictures to the entire town.”

Lucy chuckled. “I’d kill to see that.” She handed Alex her bottle back, and watched her take a larger sip.

Alex didn’t even have the heart to fake a chuckle, with all the missions thrown at her unit, it was difficult accumulating enough time to write down a simple letter. Things shouldn’t be this hard. She was more than pissed, after having finished the ammo transportation with Vasquez, and the monitoring hours with Lucy, she finally found a couple minutes free to write down a letter for Maggie which was long overdue, but by the time she’d gotten to the mail tent the soldiers in charge were taking their break and now she couldn’t send her letter until tomorrow. Which meant it’ll be even an extra day later. She couldn’t wait any longer, tomorrow is their biggest mission yet, and she wanted to reassure Maggie that she was safe and fine, but it was like everything was against her.  

“Alex?” Lucy softly snuck her hand on the soldier’s thigh. The redheaded soldier closed her eyes, took a sip of her beer, then turned to face her friend.

“Don’t start with the hope speech, I’ve heard enough of them.”

“It’s not a hope speech.” She said, before snatching the bottle from Alex who stared at her annoyed.

She outstretched her hand aiming for the bottle that Lucy kept pulling back. “Give me back my beer-,”

“I need you to promise me something.” Lucy’s tone dug into seriousness, her eyes drilled holes into Alex’s.

She sighed, pulling her hand back. “Lucy-,”

“I need you to promise that when we get back to base, you’re going to quit the military.”

Alex’s eyes bugged out, her legs fell back down. “What?”

“Me and the guys talked,” she smiled softly at her friend. “We put in a good word for you-,”

“But-,”

“Go home, Alex.” She starred into brown orbs. “Go, live, don’t put us first. Put yourself first for once.”

“I can’t.” she shook her head as she stood up.

“Why?” Lucy raised herself from the sandy grounds, watching Alex walk back and forth in contemplation. “Why won’t you quit? What are you so afraid of?”

“I can’t.”

“There’s nothing for you here Alex!”

“I’m scared!” she forced herself in front of Lucy, her eyes burning red with heavy tears. “I’m scared, Lucy! If-if I leave then what am I? If I’m gone how am I going to know that you’re okay? How am I going to know if Vasquez is okay? H-ow h-how am I supposed to let myself go through that again? How am I supposed to go back to not knowing?”  

Lane put the bottle down on the floor, pulled Alex into a hug, she stroke her hair, and let her release a sob she was holding on too so badly.

“What about Maggie?”

Alex stilled, her tears cut short. _What about Maggie?_ She couldn’t let her go through this. She couldn’t let her feel the sting of a thousand knives stabbing her. _But what about everyone else?_ That’s the problem with her. She cares. She always cared, and it always came to bite her in the ass. Trying to play off that this decision is quick and easy was a lie. If she quit, or if she didn’t in both ways, she loses something. It was figuring out which part deserved her attention more. _Maggie? Or the army?_ Once the question was asked, the answer came to her almost instantly.

She held on to her friend tightly. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

Lucy had to hold in her tears, because she knew what that meant. She knew what Alex had chosen, and she will be damned if she didn’t support her through it.

* * *

“Here’s your coffee, and breakfast.” Hannah smiled handing Maggie her order. “Mom, made you something special.” She winked.

Maggie smiled. “Thanks, Hannah.”

“Don’t mention it. It’s the least we could do.”

The cop nodded once more, before leaving Bistro. She was doing better now, Christmas was tough, New Year’s was tougher. She had to sit through fireworks while couples around her spent the last hour ringing in the new year with each other. It felt like they were sticking infected pins and needles directly in to her flesh. She had to keep reminding herself that a little bit more than 2 months had gone by, which meant in a few weeks’ time it’ll be 3 months till Alex could get back. It calmed her down for the most part. She hopes that nothing will change till then. Up until the last letter Alex had sent her, 3 weeks after Christmas, the military were sticking to their plan.

It felt good knowing that the time was actually passing, even if it was harsh at it. It was difficult waking up smiling, and walking through the day as if life was normal. It wasn’t. It was dark, she knew it. Her desires were slowly, but surely killing her. Maggie had put on a mask; she didn’t even know had glued so tightly on to her face. Everything seemed fake. All the people who were trying to make it easier for her, they were just mocking her. She didn’t think things could feel any worse, that was until she came face to face with someone she hadn’t seen in a long time.

Her steps froze, she wrapped her arms tighter onto her coffee cup. She was just a few steps away from her car. She could walk away without acknowledging that Emily had stopped a few feet ahead of her or she could man up and greet her like she would anyone else. Emily was frozen in the same state she had been, but instead of crushing a coffee cup, the latter woman had crippled her car key chains, as she adjusted her shoulder bag. Emily was the first to take a few steps forward.

“Hi,” she awkwardly addressed her, her eyes on her feet.

“Hey,”

Emily’s head stared at her Ex in shock. She wasn’t expecting a reply, she found herself adjusting her bag again while Maggie shuffled her feet. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine.” Maggie was quick to reply. She forced a smile at Emily, she knew the taller woman was probably the only person in town who would be able to read her. So, she shoved her empty hand in her pocket, and smiled politely. “See you around.”

She started to rush her steps, pulling open her car door.

“I know you’re lying.” Emily stated. She turned around to face Maggie’s back. “You can fool everyone else, but you can’t fool me.”

Maggie shut her eyes. “I’m fine.”

“I know it’s hard. I know how it feels like to be waiting on someone who’s at war.” She sighed deeply, then took a few steps closer to her ex. “I’m not going to lie to you. It’s not going to get any easier. The days they pass, the letters they come and go, but _that fear_ . That _sickening_ fear of what might happen, that never goes.”

A tear was sliding across her cheek, when the silence registered. Maggie’s shoulders slumped, and Emily noticed it. She’d been with this woman for 5 years. She knew that meant she was about to break.

“I’m not saying this to hurt you. Just because we broke up, doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

Maggie swallowed thickly.

“My brother wasn’t fortunate enough to come back home, I hope Alex is.” She whispered to her. “For your sake.”

It was the last thing she’d said before her footsteps drifted away. Maggie pulled open her door, climbed in, and shut it roughly. The sob she’d chocked up, reached to the very brink of her throat.

* * *

Maggie had spent a total of 45 minutes parked in front of the prescient. She didn’t want to go in. she knew if she did McConners, or someone who was not her would have great news that she wished she had. Lately, it felt like that’s what was going for her. Everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. She had to pull herself out of her car, and force her feet to walk into the station. She noticed a crowd hovering over Jacob’s desk. His grin bigger than his entire face. The minute she walked in, heads turned, and McConners squeezed himself out of the crowd. He beamed at Maggie, shoving a picture in her hands.

“Can you believe that this blob is my baby?” he eagerly pointed at the ultrasound image.

A couple of guys from his desk came up to pat him. “Dude’s been showing this off all morning.”

Another cop played with Jacob’s red hair. “All he’s been talking about is how amazing it feels to know he’s going to be a dad, and how awesome it is having to start a family.”

“Get off me, Renaldes.” Jacob blushed, and shoved the guys away from him.

Maggie couldn’t even put on a fake smile. She gave him the picture back. “Congratulations, McConners.” She numbly said shoving her way past the guys, and towards the coffee machine.

Jacob frowned, he placed the picture back in his pocket, and followed Maggie.

“Hey, you okay?”

“I’m fine.” She roughly stated.

“Sawyer, if something’s bothering you-,”

“I said I’m fine!” she glared at him. “Would everyone just stop asking if I’m fucking okay!”

The whole station went into a silent zone; everyone was shocked that Maggie Sawyer had lost her cool. Jacob examined the station quickly, then instinctively pulled her into one of the empty interrogation rooms.

“Maggie, what’s going on? Did I do something?”

“No, no, you did absolutely nothing.” She sarcastically said, while crossing her arms.

“Okay, Sawyer. Spill, what is it?”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“To hell with that, what’s going on Maggie?”

“You want to know what’s going on?” she put her hands down, he stared at her challenging her to come clean. “I’m not okay. not even a little bit,” she laughed humorlessly. “I’m so fucking jealous of you, McConners.”

“Jealous?”

“Yes! Jealous. You have _everything_. A wife, a home, a baby on the way. You don’t even have to worry whether they’ll be home in a year or not.”

“This is about, Alex.”

“YES, it’s about Alex! It’s always been about Alex! I miss her, Jacob! I _fucking miss her_! I miss the way she smells; I miss how her nose crinkles, I miss how good she makes me feel-,” a sob cut through, she gasped shocked at herself.

Her hand slammed against her mouth. A choked sob slowly breaking free. McConners was quick to drag her into a bone crushing hug. He set her head against his chest. Wrapped his protective arms around her. Maggie had let herself fall comfortably in his hands. He had to sink down into the ground with her. He’d never seen her like this before. Maggie Sawyer never cried in front of anyone. He felt so bad for her, he felt so guilty for flaunting his success on her. He could only think of one thing to do for her.

* * *

“How is she?” Jacob asked as soon as Kara placed a cup of coffee in front of him.

“Quiet.” She wrapped her jacket tighter around herself. “Very quiet.”

After Maggie had collected herself, McConners was quick to drive her over to Kara’s. He and Kara had exchanged a couple of texts on the way over here. The Latin cop was currently seated in the living room, eyes red, and non-expressive.

“I never saw her so weak before.”

“She needs a few days away from it all. It’s difficult for her.”

“She’s been bottling everything up. I didn’t even know she was hurting.” He stared into his cup guiltily. Kara placed a hand over his.

“Hey, don’t bully yourself over this. She’s here now. You did the right thing bringing her over. Staying with us might help with the loneliness.”

“Can she get through this?” he asked worried.

Kara smiled softly. “It’s Maggie Sawyer we’re talking about. She’ll get through this. They both will.”

* * *

Alex grinned taking a seat in front of Vasquez who was reading a book in the breakroom. The youngest soldier peaked from behind the pages of her book. She saw a beaming Danvers stare back at her. She chuckled putting her book down.

“Smile any harder Danvers, and your cheeks might crack.”

“I submitted my request to resign last night.”

Suzan’s eyes bugged out. Her heart beat at a slow pace, and for once in a really long time she thought Alex Danvers had cracked a joke. “You did what?”

The soldier’s smile transformed into a soft grin. “I’m going home.” She bit her lip. “For good.”

Vasquez stood up, and pulled Alex into an enormous hug. She patted her back roughly. “Well it’s about damn time. When do you leave?”

“I’m not sure yet. Within the next month?” she guessed happily.

“Have you told Maggie yet?”

She shook her head grinning. “I’m surprising her.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.”

Alex chuckled.

“I’m getting us some drinks; this causes for a celebration.” Vasquez patted her shoulder as she walked towards the fridge.

It had been a long time coming, Alex felt some sort of relief after having that talk with Lucy the other night, a week later Alex had already begun her request for resigning. She felt so much lighter knowing that in a few weeks’ time, she’ll be home for good. No more trips back to this horrid place, no more guns, no more bullets, no more military chores, or ready packed meals. She was free, and she had Lucy and Vasquez to thank for that. The only thing keeping her a tad bit guilty was leaving them behind. She’d made Lucy promise her that she was going to visit. She was going to make Vasquez do the same. She was going to turn her life upside down, or so she thought.

Vasquez had just opened the fridge when she felt the floors shake, and a cryptic sound echo. It happened so fast, big bulging blocks of bricks crashed on to the floor, sand blinding her vision. In a flash, another bomb was heard. This time Alex was sure it wasn’t a dream, or a trip down memory lane. The screams got louder, the rushing soldiers passed by her, collecting guns, and ammo to fire back at their sudden attackers.

“Alex!” she heard a faint groan utter from somewhere behind her. “Alex!”

Her head spun, her eyes scanned the room twice, and still all she could see were the scattering soldiers running to protect their lives. She heard her name being called again, a weaker cry this time. She faintly saw the fluttering eyes Vasquez gave her. Her right leg caught between the heavy fridge, no doubt crushed. Susan’s forehead bleeding rapidly, her own body compromising the cuts and bruises she was attaining as she crawled towards Vasquez.

“Vas,” She was quick to bend down, and try to lift up the fridge, even though she knew it was impossible.

She groaned as she pushed, and pushed with barely any result. Another bomb erupted, Alex caught herself shielding Susan. She felt a hand rest on her elbow.

“Get out of here,” Vasquez whispered. Alex shook her head.

“I’m not going anywhere without you.”

She rushed to push at the fridge again, her veins ready to pop out of her skin. a louder groan rushed out of her mouth as the fridge moved a little more.

“Alex,”

“No one gets left behind!”

The redheaded soldier refused to look at her face. She knew what was going to stare back at her wouldn’t be the same Vasquez she’d grown to love and know. It wasn’t going to be the same young soldier who was nearly a memory of her younger sister. She wasn’t going to lose someone else in this battlefield. She wasn’t going to let her down. She wasn’t going to leave her behind.  

“I’ll get you out, I promise!” Her grip on the fridge strengthened, and it had finally slipped off her friend’s leg. However, Vasquez’s eyes seemed to have shuttered to a close by the time Alex looked back.  “No,” she shook her, “No, no, come on Vas.” She shook her again.

“I will not lose you!” she screamed, and wrapped her arm around her shoulder. Picking up her weight. She was not going to make the same mistake she’d done years ago. Vasquez’s fate won’t be what Astra’s was. Things will get better, they have too.

* * *

 


	11. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, I'd like to apologize for the extremely late update. I couldn't for the life of me sit down and write this chapter out in one go. I kept getting blocked, and in all honestly I lost inspiration for this ship for a while. Not because I loved them any less, but just because my mind wouldn't let me enjoy them without the constant reminder that Floriana left the show. But I got through it, and I finished the chapter. I've been writing it for months literally. I didn't want to post something half-assed and inspiration-less it's part of the reason I took so long. So, I'd like to thank any of the readers who've been patient with me, and are willing to give the rest of the story a chance, cause we're getting to the end. I will do everything in my power to finish the story. And I haven't forgotten about the long one-shot with kids, It's under the process of being planned. Again, I'm sorry for taking so long to update, I just hope people are still reading.

It was hard for Alex to avoid the temptation of sleep with echoing beeps coming from the million machines hocked up to Vasquez’s arm. The rhythmic sound forcing her eyes to shutter close, but no matter the temptation Alex’s eyes didn’t rest. It was like she was scared to miss anything. It’s been a couple days with the air coursing in Vasquez’s makeshift hospital room, dissipating, living in atomic silence. After the attack destroyed nearly most of the temporary tents they’d set up, soldiers were sent back to base, some even had the courtesy to be sent home. Alex had managed to get Vasquez the medical attention she needed in just the right time. However, things were far from resolved. The clock was ticking, and Alex hadn’t yet stepped foot outside Susan’s room. It was only Lucy’s voice which nearly startled her as she walked in, that forced her out of her solid state.

“She’s still asleep?” Lane asked as she approached Alex, who shifted in her seat inhaling a deep breath.

“Out cold, like a rock.”

“Doctor’s said she’ll be off duty till they figure out what the problem is.”

Alex chuckled heartlessly. “Typical.” She hissed rubbing at her eyes to stay awake. “The only thing the military cares about is its body count.”

“Alex-,”

“She’s just a kid.”

Lucy sighed heavily, “Alex-,”

 She shook her head in silence, closed her eyes. “If only I-,”

“It’s not your fault.” Lucy placed her hands firmly on Alex’s shoulders, the latter soldier stared into her partner’s eyes.

“I should’ve been faster, I should’ve been stronger, and not-,” She bit her lip sighing regretfully. “Distracted.”

“No,” Lucy crouched before her, her eyes fierce in anger. “No, you _do not_ get to play the guilty card, Alex.”

“If I was faster, I would’ve been able to save all of her-,”

“But you weren’t!” she yelled. The frustration of happening to watch Alex trouble herself with remorse was accumulating to the surface. Her own eyes harboring tears of guilt. “You weren’t,” she whispered.  “And there’s nothing. _Nothing_ , that you say or do that’ll change that.”

Alex looked away, holding her fists tight. Lucy, swallowed thickly, Alex’s watery complexion made her grow soft. She shouldn’t have said that. She placed her hand over Alex’s tight fists.

“She’s alive, whatever her condition is. Her heart’s beating because of you.” The red-headed soldier was able to breathe a little easier at that fact.

“It should’ve been me.” 

“It could’ve been any of us,” Lucy waited till Alex’s teary eyes stared back at her. “You can’t lose yourself over this. Vasquez wouldn’t want you to. You’ve survived this long. Now, go call Maggie, make sure she knows you’re okay.”

Alex nodded shamefully, she hugged herself rubbing up and down her arms. “Let me know if she wakes up.”

* * *

Maggie’s legs have been on a vibrating binge since the news coverage about the unexpected explosions aired, it’s been nearly 48 hours since she heard what happened. Her heart had jumped down to her stomach as the names that have been tragically deceased echoed one after the other. Any time the news reporter was close enough to say Alex’s name Maggie felt the tremble brush through her body, and she was still feeling the tremor. She hadn’t left the Danvers household since Jacob dropped her off. The only hours she was out of the house were spent washing away at the precinct or doing silent rounds patrolling the city. She was just starting to accommodate to living in Alex’s room, without her presence. She had to learn how to fall asleep at night without her brain reminding her that Alex’s face won’t be lying next to her; or how the smell of her bed sheets reminded her of what she smelt like, a mix of lavender and jasmine.

Sometimes when the memory of her clouded her mind, and her eyes refused to sleep, she would sneak into her closet and slip on one of her shirts. It gave her a sense of comfort. Alex’s shirt was a glimpse of her arms wrapping around her, she loved the fact that her tops proved to be a little too long on her. It allowed her to tuck them in her pants, and throw a sweater on whenever she left for work. It was a small fabricated piece of Alex she liked to carry around. 

It’s what she wore at the moment, while Eliza cooked breakfast, and Kara put Crystal in her baby cot. The young mother placing a few chew toys that would keep Crystal occupied long enough to let her mother have a proper meal for breakfast, which was a lot more than she could say for herself. Eliza and Kara had made their peace with the news as soon as day 3 kicked in, the same couldn’t be said about Maggie. She had to lift her legs of the ground and press them towards herself to stop the tremble. She didn’t know how both the Danvers women could be so calm after news like that had been released, but then she remembered these people have lived in a military world all their lives, they’ve probably gained a tolerance for these type of things.

Eliza placed a plate of scrambled eggs, and toasted bread in front of Maggie, she knew it was a long shot that she’d even take a bit, but either way she was hoping the smell of breakfast would jump start her appetite. 

“Alex is alright, Sweetheart.” 

Maggie felt Eliza’s soft brush against her head. It caused her to close her eyes and sigh. “How do you know that?” 

“We would’ve been notified by now if she was in critical condition, or worse.” Kara immediately responded, soon starting with her breakfast. “So long as she’s able to breath and walk on her own she’s 2nd priority. The military will focus more on their causalities making sure that those families were informed, and they tend to do that job quickly.”

“So she’s okay?” Maggie’s voice traced with worry.

Eliza smiled softly, her worry lines much calmer than usual. “She is.”

“If anything,” Kara swallowed the large bit she’d taken from her sandwich. “This keeps her out of trouble for a while. I’d imagine they’ve relocated back to base, and they’re settling everyone there. They can’t send them out on a mission yet. It’s like…Protocol.”

Maggie’s body physically calmed, she dropped her legs back on to the floor. This was a part of the positives of living with the Danvers women. They knew how to deal with situations like this. She wasn’t so alone anymore; she didn’t have to be. Eliza smiled taking a seat at the head of the table, pushing Maggie’s plate closer to her. 

“Now eat. I will not have you living under my roof, and lose weight.” 

The cop’s lips involuntarily turned into a slight grin. The damn good food was another bonus too. She was getting bored of take out, and her own poorly home cooked meals. This place was starting to feel like home more than her own apartment.

Kara chuckled. “She’s not kidding.”

* * *

Her fingers shivered every single time she pressed a number on the burnt out payphone. Alex’s breath kept trembling with every second that passed while the beeps rang in her ear. This was her last calling card, and she was hoping to hear Maggie’s voice. She needed it more than hope itself. Her fingers kept taping the edge of the payphone, as her head stared at the ground. It was quiet back on base, many soldiers have fled military headquarters the day after the explosion and those who didn’t had already made their peace with the news and informed their families of their well-being, except for her. Because she couldn’t help but fuck everything up, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for what she couldn’t do, and what she did accomplish to do. 

“ _Stupid_.” She hissed to herself as she realized what a shitty partner she had been to Maggie. 

She should’ve called, she should’ve been thinking about what she was going through, she should’ve been more considerate, and man she should’ve been much more understanding to the situation. She’s been on the other side of the fence, she knew how worrisome Maggie could get, yet she blinded herself because one of her best friends had been injured and will soon face a life changing healing process. In the past 3 days she’s been acting like a real shit head. It was time she got her act together. 

“Hello?” 

Maggie had answered too quickly for Alex’s liking, yet she could tell even though she had a questioning tone it was quiet clear that Maggie had expected the strange number ringing on her phone to be Alex. It didn’t take long for her to respond, Maggie’s voice alone trigged the simplest yet most effective words in her vocabulary.

“I’m okay.” she whispered.

It was a long heavy sigh that replied to the soldier. “I was so worried.”

“I should’ve called sooner.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Alex easily picked up on Maggie’s disappointed tone, even if it was just a little bit, but the cop had expected them both to be working towards getting to the same page. However, ever since that night it seemed like Alex was drifting farther apart, and the pages of their book was expanding. The soldier’s eyes involuntarily shut, she swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to face the consequences of silence she dawned on herself.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“I just need to know you’re okay, especially after…,” she couldn’t even get herself to say it. 

The soldier opened her eyes to a single tear sliding across her cheek, that pain behind her worry. “I know.” She admitted. “It’s been a long time since something like this happened.”

“Promise me you are okay?” 

A soft smile lifted on her lips, she couldn’t remember the last time she genuinely smiled and here Maggie was getting her lips to curl without even trying. It was nice to hear that she cared so much. “I promise.” But then the thought of Vasquez lying in her bed with an amputated leg, it scratched that smile away. She sighed heavily, her free hand landing atop the payphone. It was a small sniff that Maggie had caught before the line died and came back.

“Did you know someone?” she asked quietly. Alex scoffed remembering how well Maggie could read her even through a dead beat payphone line. But when some of the fresh memories of her oldest war buddies being shot to death surfaced, her tone went darker, and her eyes felt heavier.

“Marcus. He was an old friend who just got married, and Jamie she was only 27.” She paused thinking about it, she could hear Maggie’s shaky breaths through the line, she couldn’t muster up the courage to go through the rest of the list, but that didn’t stop the one name echoing in her head. “And Vasquez.” She forced out.

“Alex...”

“She’s not dead.” She replied quickly trying to shove the thought deep down into the abys of her brain. “She’s been unconscious since that night. I got her out, but I wasn’t fast enough.” 

“I-I don’t know-,”

“It should’ve been me.”

Maggie felt her stomach turn cold. She held her phone tighter, and wrapped her arm around her stomach as she walked closer to Alex’s dresser where pictures of them hung naturally. She closed her eyes to breathe.

“No.” she could hear the soldier exhale a little harder, an unsettling anger started to climb within her. “You can’t say that. You should be more rational Alex, if anything happened to you-,”

“I had to do something.” She replied coldly. The soldier had already pinned so much guilt on herself she didn’t need the rest of it coming from Maggie.

“What were you thinking of doing?”

“My job.” She said angrily, Maggie had never been this opinionated before.

“You can’t act without thinking, Alex.”

“I’m not.” 

“What if something had happened to you? What then? Did you even think about everyone waiting for you back home-?”

“Maggie, I know.” She replied almost bitterly. 

Maggie had to bite her lip, and calm herself down. They shouldn’t be arguing about this, _she_ shouldn’t be arguing about this. It was Alex’s job, she knew that. She knew the battlefield was a place showered with blood and bullets. It didn’t mean she had to be rational about it, the love of her life had barely survived a terrorist attack. She had the right to feel angry and scared. It’s why Alex knew she had to be the bigger person. She closed her eyes and breathed pulling the phone closer to her ear. 

“I’ll be back.” Alex promised her.

“You keep saying that.” Maggie’s eyes begun to water. She should know better than to question Alex’s strength. It’s all she had to rely on. 

“I promise you, I will be back.”

She closed her eyes, shutting down any thoughts of an injured Alex, falling to the floor on the sands of an unknown desert. “Alex, please-,” 

_“_ _You have 30 seconds._ _”_

“Just stay safe.” Maggie quickly mentioned, slapping herself from almost saying something she could regret. 

“I will. Tell my mom, and Kara that I’m okay. And I’ll be back before you know it.”

_“Beep.”_

Alex held on to the phone like it was a lifeline. She placed the phone back into its place, and closed her eyes. She had never hated being here more than she had ever before. 

* * *

 As the line threatened to rupture her ear drum Maggie finally put down her phone. She had lost all her sleep deprived self, switched on the lights in Alex’s bedroom, climbed into her bed, then clutched the soldier’s shirt that she wore. It’s funny how it smelt so much like her, yet the aura of her own body tried to conquer Alex’s distinct smell of Febreze detergents. Not in a million years did she think she would still be in love with Alex Danvers, living in her room, and clutching to one of her favorite band shirts. To even think that she was exactly right here a decade ago, was mind boggling. They were two worlds apart, but their feelings never felt farther than a block. It’s funny how the world could keep spinning without leaving a single trace behind. 

It was practically useless for Maggie to try and sleep the rest of the morning. Work was in a few hours, and she couldn’t handle another disturbing nightmare. She felt that a cup of coffee would do her some good. She had put on one of Alex’s over-sized hoodies, and made careful steps down the stairs when faint sounds of laughter came from the living room. She followed the sounds quietly. Dim lights flashed from the television, a young version of Alex and Kara climbing into what looked like washed bedsheets made into fake tents.

Little Alex pulled out a walkie-talkie from the inside of the tent. Her nibble fingers pulling the antenna, while shushing a giggling Kara.

_“_ _Beaker 9-1. I_ _’_ _d like to report a transmission._ _”_ _Ale_ _x’s lips curled into a grin, while waiting for the statics on the other end of the talkie._

_“Roger. What’s your 20?” what sounded like a male’s voice replied._

_“Do you copy?”_

_“Affirmative.”_

_Kara’s little giggles grew louder despite Alex’s fierce threats. She put her pointer finger on top of her lips, and shushed her younger sister loudly before a man came up from behind pulling apart the cloth, and forcing the makeshift tent to collapse over them. The only thing audible for the next 20 seconds were the little girls laughter’s colliding as they tried to escape their fathers grip. After a velvety chuckle rung closest to the camera, it turned around showing Eliza Danvers smirking into the camera._

_“And this is why laundry day never ends, when Jeremiah is home.” She explained with a smile, and soft shake of her head._

_The camera shook when arms suddenly wrapped around Eliza’s waist, a soft shriek escaped before the camera settled a little in smaller hands. It focused on Eliza and Jeremiah as they held on to each other desperately. The Camera zooming in till the lens was forced to stop. For anyone who didn’t know the life story of the Danvers household they would’ve missed the way their smiles were tragic more than they were joyous, and how these precious moments resembled a heartbreaking love story._

_Alex’s face popped into the camera suddenly. “Kara!” she said annoyingly._

Maggie felt herself chuckle slightly. Alex was such a tom-boy. The cop found herself walking further into the living room. On the couch with the remote in her hands was Eliza. Dry tears on her cheeks, a nostalgic smile on her face. Maggie gently sat next to her almost startling the oldest Danvers. 

Eliza placed a hand on her chest. “You scared me for a second.”

“I’m sorry.” She whispered back.

_“Kara, it’s my turn!” Alex nagged, as her feet jumped up and down._

_“No, you had the camera yesterday.” Kara stuck her tongue out, running away before Alex caught up with her._

_“Hey!!” she followed her sister._

_“Girls!” Eliza casually walked after her daughters._

Both women stifled their laughter. Maggie couldn’t help but notice how red Eliza’s eyes were as they stared onto the screen ahead of her. She must’ve been up all night. It wouldn’t be the first time, and it certainly wasn’t the last.

“Alex is so much like her father.” She mentioned while she lowered the volume slightly. “And it isn’t just the physical resemblance, they’re too selfless. They’ll sacrifice everything for strangers than enjoy their own blessings.”

“I know.”

Eliza pointed towards the TV when Alex appeared on it again, this time a little older with two of her teeth fallen out, and a lisp following her every word. Maggie couldn’t help but chuckle, she didn’t have much of her childhood recorded like Alex did. It was both a blessing and a curse. She loved seeing Alex Danvers’s history through life, it sucked that she couldn’t provide the same about herself.

“She was 11 here, her teeth were taking forever to grow back.” Eliza laughed involuntarily. “I remember at the time; her lisp was the worst thing to ever happen to her. She hated it. Especially with how much Kara liked to make fun of it.”

“They sure like to make fun of each other.” 

“When they were younger I couldn’t keep them in the same room without hearing who was going to reach the bathroom first.” She chuckled shaking her head. “They were such messy kids.”

“It’s nice that you kept all these memories, my parent’s barley bothered to pick up a year book at the end of school years.”

“I love the memories.” Eliza’s smile faded slowly. “They’re the only things that last forever.”

It was quiet for a while, the muffled sound of home movies playing in the background. Maggie played with her fingers while Eliza’s eyes plastered towards the TV again.

“Life’s short Maggie,” her blue eyes turned towards the cop. “Whenever you have the chance, _say_ what you have to. _Do_ what you have to. You’ll never know if you get that chance again.” She paused the TV, put the remote down, and placed her hand on Maggie’s shoulder. Tears collected in her eyes, as she tapped the cops shoulder. “I wish I had known that.” 

She said before walking away, wiping at her tears. Maggie had immediately reached for the remote, and hit play again. Even if this was 20 years before she knew she’d ever fall in love with this woman she felt like she knew Alex, and man did she want to keep knowing her for more than the time Eliza and Jeremiah had. For more time than either of them ever deserved.

* * *

_February 15 th 2018._

_Dear Alex,_

_I want to start with an apology, so,_

_I’m sorry._

_I didn’t like the way we ended things the last time we talked. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I know it’s tough on you, I do. I just- I got scared. You’re all I have, Alex. I can’t lose you. Think about that the next time you plan to be a hero, because I know you. No matter how many times you deny it, or say you’re not a hero any chance you get at saving someone you’ll jump right to it, no matter the consequences. And that scares me. You scare me. But I know better than to trust my paranoid thoughts. So, I’m trusting you._

_I’ve spent a lot of time with your mother since that day. We even spent some time watching several of your home movies. I can tell that she’s missing you terribly just by the way her eyes water when you come on screen._

_Kara and Lena are doing fine too, just in case you were wondering. Crystal said her first word, and spoiler alert it wasn’t mommy. You’ll just have to get here and see for yourself to know what it is._

_I know there’s less than 4 months to go for your leave. I wish I knew how to speed the time. Same thing goes for McConners he keeps wishing for the next day to pass faster than the other. I can already tell he’ll make for a great dad._

_I don’t know if you’ve heard it yet, but Lena’s engaged. It surprised us all. She made me promise to tell you that she won’t set the date until she’s sure you’ll be able to come. I know you won’t disappoint her, and make her wait another decade to see her again. That’s pretty much what’s been going on here._

_I hope your friend Vasquez is doing okay, you sounded pretty heartbroken over her._

_Please be careful, Alex. I’ll be waiting for your next letter, or call._

_Yours Truly,_

_Maggie._

She folded the thin piece of paper carefully, her mind rushing in swivels. This was the first letter she’d received since the last time they talked. For the better part of a month she’s been regretting the way she didn’t comfort Maggie enough. The way she handled things wasn’t ideal. She kept on seeing her face in tears during the middle of her sleepless nights, and every time she had the chance to close her eyes she felt the guilt rise as the images went from faint to ten folds realer.

She sighed heavily. The truth was she was the one who had to apologize. She was the one who neglected her. The more she thought about it the more her hands began to crush the letter in her fist. 

“Alex?” she heard the faint whisper from Vasquez’s bed.

Her hands immediately set the paper loose, she tucked it into her pocket as she got up from her seat. Her, and the rest have been taking turns watching over their youngest troop. It was going on for a month. They knew Susan was going to need help, there is only so much you can do with one leg amputated, and another in a cast. Vasquez never looked weaker, and it tore a hole in Alex’s heart. She put her hands on Vasquez’s that lay lifeless next to her on the mini hospital bed. 

“Hey, Kid.” Alex tried to smile, but Vasquez wasn’t having it. She knew that she was only dead weight from the moment she learned of her amputated leg. 

“How bad?” was her immediate thought. Alex swallowed thickly.

“Vasquez-,”

“How bad?” she insisted. 

They’ve been waiting for a week to know the results of her second leg that lay helplessly defenseless in a cast. She’d been infected, and the infection was spreading quickly. Doctors had told her if she had any chance of saving her other leg then she’d need surgery right away. Only _if_ her results came back positive, which were under the process of being conducted. Or so that’s what she thought.

Alex sighed. She stared at Vasquez with heavy eyes. Susan could tell by the way Alex was looking at her that she’d seen her last days of walking. She looked away tears shamelessly falling down her cheeks. 

“I’m never going to walk again.” She whispered in painful thought.

“Don’t say that.”

Vasquez crushed her eyes shut, she breathed deeply feeling Alex’s hand hold on to her tighter. “What are they going to do to me?” 

Alex stared at the ground with the essence of guilt washing through her veins. “They’ll be transporting you to a hospital in National City, as soon as you’re cleared to fly.”

“Does Sam know?” she faintly asked. Fear spreading on her face, the fear of being rejected. 

“She was the one who requested they take you to the hospital in National City. She said they were the best, and they’ll do all they can to help you.” 

The younger soldier looked almost shocked. She expected her new girlfriend to walk away after this. Alex felt the slightest bit hopeful. At least she didn’t lose her everything. Vasquez’s exterior already began to calm. She swallowed the heavy spectrum that stuck in her throat.

“Do you know when I’m scheduled to leave?” She looked into Alex’s eyes for an honest answer. 

“Maybe in a week.”

She nodded. Alex could tell that Vasquez wanted to be out of here, she could tell from the way her anticipation sparked by the mere thought of being nowhere near a military base, but she still couldn’t help but feel like it was her fault she was in this mess in the first place. Even through the pain that rushed through Vasquez she could tell Alex was beating herself up over a thing she couldn’t control.

“Come with me.” She simply pleaded.

Alex’s eyes grew larger within seconds, “What?”

“I’m going to need someone with me. It’s only fair that it be you. You saved me, you should be there when they fix me.”

“Vasquez, I can’t-,”

“No,” she shook her head. “You were supposed to be out of here weeks ago.”

The redhead stared at the ground once more.

“I’m not going to let you shove yourself aside just to protect me.”

“You need to rest, Vasquez.” She tried to ignore her statement.

“ _Please_ ,”

Alex felt like she couldn’t say no to that. The way her friend looked helpless, and how she knew it took such strength for her to even envision how her state was going to be in over the course of a few days. She couldn’t imagine bringing her down. Her eyes had flickered back to the letter in her pocket. She faced Vasquez who awaited her acceptation. Alex knew her mind was made up for her, Vasquez needed her, and she knew someone else who needed her that wasn’t trapped in a military base. 

* * *

**February 23 rd 2018,**

**Dear Maggie.**

**Trust me when I say I’m scared too. I don’t need an apology from you. I know you didn’t mean to argue with me. I know I can be insufferable at times, which is why to ease your mind, you’ll be happy to know that I’m flying back to National City with Vasquez for her treatments. She’d picked me to be her emergency contact. The doctors and her girlfriend are doing everything they can to make sure at least one of her legs survive. She’s still in recovery, which is way more than any of us thought she’d get.**

**I want you to know that no matter what happens I’ll be back home, safe and sound, sooner than you think.**

**I miss you…**

**I miss everything about Midvale, and I never thought there would be a day where I admitted it. But, here we are. I’m admitting it to you. I miss it. I miss my mom; I miss Kara, Lena, even Crystal whom I’d only spent mere days with. I bet she’d feel more at ease with you than she would with me, and I’m supposed to be her aunt.**

**Thinking about all of that it made me see that I don’t belong where I am. I don’t belong in the deserts fighting a fight I’m no longer passionate about. I belong with you, with my family. Spending restless nights watching the stars in my dads’ old pickup truck, that’s where I belong.**

**I hate that it’s taken me so long to see it, but I see it now and trust me those images aren’t fading away.**

**So, rest easy Maggie, I’m coming back.**

**Yours truly,**

**Alex.**

It was the first time in a long time that a letter from her made her smile with such ease. Maggie had read it twice before Kara slid open the glass door in their backyard, Crystal attached to her hip. The cop had quietly folded the paper and tucked it beneath her thighs, she smiled at Kara. A smile that the latter Danvers was convinced she’d never see unless her sister magically appeared in front of them.

“You seem happy,” she simply stated as she sat with her daughter on the grass. “Everything with Alex is okay?”

“More than okay.” She smiled peacefully. Kara grinned in return, Crystal making googly sounds while she pulled and plucked at the grass underneath her.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Content.” She paused. “Happy with your life.” 

Maggie stared at her fingers, that glowing smile still lingering in the shadows. “I am happy.” 

“I can tell.”

“It’s like all the pieces are falling together. I’m in a better place than I was when Jacob first brought me here. I know I’m not alone now.”

Kara beamed her hand reaching for Maggie’s. “No you’re not.”

“I remember when I first got here. I was only 14, you and Alex took me in so effortlessly. I wasn’t alone back then either. I can’t thank you enough for it.” 

“We wouldn’t change it for the world. You were so sad when you got here. Don’t tell Alex I told you this, but she got obsessed with you the second you walked into Midvale high.” 

Maggie giggled with blushing cheeks. 

“I mean you were literally the reason she figured her sexuality.”

“Can’t say I wasn’t attracted to her either.”

“You two were perfect for each other back then,” Kara grinned when Maggie’s blush grew ten folds. “I don’t think any of us could’ve erased what we’d witnessed between the two of you. It’s like a real life Romeo and Juliet movie.”

The sound of an airplane rushed passed them. Crystal immediately watched the sky, her eyes following the loud sound of the plane. She grinned with a toothless smile, the giggle that followed after, and her soundless claps made both Maggie and Kara laugh. It was adorable. She was growing by the day, even her hair was starting to grow enough to tie it into a small bun. 

It was these little moments Maggie was most thankful for. The moments when time stood still, and the after effects of a loneliness life foreshadowed her tragic years of lonesomeness and heart break. It didn’t take much for her to feel comfortable again. All she needed was a Danvers to make her smile, and the thoughts of Alex to keep her content. To keep her future a bright paradise that she’s waiting to explore. Life with Alex had just begun. The years they’d shared in high school that was just a prologue to their story. This is when everything really begun, when everything was still beginning.   

* * *

National City was loud; the bright city lights could blind her eyes even from the other side of the glass pane. It was a poor imitation of New York City, people walking up and down the streets, hollering taxies, and banging on their hoods whenever they were so close to crushing them. It was nerve wracking happening to know that just a few miles from this loud city, lived a small quiet town, that had its lights turned off the minute the clock stroked nine. Alex had to work hard to keep Maggie at the back of her mind, at least for a few days. She was here with Vasquez to be her emotional support, not to string into a different direction neither of them were ready for. But Alex couldn’t help but think of her, the closer they got to the outskirts of National City the more her mind circled the thought of visiting her home town, even just for a day. Still, she slapped herself at the mere thought of leaving Vasquez. Even if she had a wonderful woman who essentially took care of Vasquez’s every need. The purpose of her leave was Susan, no matter how much Maggie overshadowed her. She had to be there for her friend.

Vasquez and her have been living in a middle class hotel which Sam had forcefully pushed them into. Susan couldn’t win the argument with her insist girlfriend, and Alex was nowhere near strong enough to stand between the two. She knew how much the power of a woman you loved could do to you. She just smiled longingly when Vasquez blushed as her girlfriend pushed her wheelchair into the hotel. She’d been through multiple surgeries, 4 at the very least, until finally they’d stopped her infection, and placed a metal rod in her leg. She’d lost one, but she still had the other. It has been a tiring 3 days of boiled nerves. However, everything died down the minute doctors informed them that Susan gets to keep a leg, and start physical therapy over the course of a few days.

Vasquez being Vasquez decided to speed up the process, which was why it was 11:00pm and her and Alex with Vasquez’s PT trainer were still counting down the last of her mandatory exercises. Susan held two metal bars that were parallel to each other, she took slow steps using her reformed foot, and a rough-and-ready prosthetic for her other leg.

“Come on Vas,” Her PT cheered her own, as he kept two hands ready whenever her balance faltered. “That’s it.”

Susan took deep breaths with each step.

“Two more steps.” He encouraged, and sure enough it only took Vasquez two steps before she crashed into her wheelchair.

The sound startled Alex, who for the last few moments of her friends’ therapy session, stared out the window wondering what it would be like if she dropped everything and surprised Maggie. She internally slapped herself, forced a smile on her lips, and made her way to Vasquez. Her hands instantly wrapped around the handles of her wheelchair, while the PT trainer stood ahead of Susan. He had a clipboard in his hand, and a pen which he used to check a few boxes.

“Alright,” he started above his clipboard giving Vasquez a genuine grin. “You’re progressing very well, a little slower than we’d expected but we’re walking on the right track.”

“How long do you think till I can get ahold of the fully developed prosthetic?” Vasquez asked.

“Bout 3 more weeks.”  He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, once it’s delivered you’ll be having at least 55 percent of your strength back on your leg, which will make the training easier. My advice is to take things slow, and don’t over work yourself. A few months and you’ll be good as new.” He smiled again, patted her shoulder, said his goodbyes, and almost instantly Alex had begun their trip back to their hotel.

* * *

It was the next day; Alex had woken up before dawn. Her cup of coffee held comfortably in her hands serving as a blanket to warm her cold fingers. She took small sips, as she sat by the window. Watching the cars gradually escalate to a normal National City morning traffic jam. She pulled a pocket size picture of Maggie from her pocket. It was tapped at the very top, crumbled, and a little yellow by now, but she still looked breath taking. She still made her heart jump. Now that Vasquez’s recovery was a guarantee she couldn’t help but leave her thoughts be. She allowed herself to sneak in moments in the day where it was just Maggie living in her brain. She didn’t even have time to call her, not with the back-to-back appointments Vasquez had. She wasn’t complaining, but she honestly wished that those hopeful thoughts could turn into somewhat of a reality.

She didn’t mind the time she was spending with Susan and Sam. Even if it was hard at times, especially when they stole a kiss from each other, or had their hands interlocked together. It sent slight jabs at her guts. The last time she’d felt Maggie’s lips was months ago. It felt like years. She sighed, placing the photo in her hands back in her pocket. It was just a few more months now, and distance will never be a problem again.

Alex could hear the wheels on Vasquez’s wheelchair. She knew it meant that she was awake and forcing her stubborn nature to wheel herself around the hotel. Their room was wheelchair friendly and yet Alex insisted she help her with it, while Susan vowed to not let her trouble herself. Hearing the crinkles and crackles of the wheelchair, Alex decided to get up from her place, and begin the day of appointments, and being a supportive friend. That was until, she saw her duffle bag placed on Vasquez’s’ lap. She stared at the younger soldier questionably, Vasquez just smiled, dropped her duffle bag on the floor ahead of her.

“Vas, what is this?” 

 She smirked. “You’re going to Midvale.”

“What?” she breathed out. “What are you talking about?”

Vasquez pulled out car keys from her pocket, she threw them towards Alex, who instinctively caught them. Still staring at her with confused eyes. “I can’t leave you alone.”

“I won’t be.” She shrugged. “Sam will be over as soon as you leave.”

“But, what about-,”

She shook her head cutting her off. “Did you really think I asked you to come along with me, just to take care of me?” She chuckled when Alex’s eyes turned into confusion. “I know you don’t have many days of leave left, and I know there’s still a couple of months before you get to see Maggie.”

Alex was starting to piece everything together now. She felt her stomach begin to twitch at the mere thought of driving to Midvale. “Vas…,”

“You saved me, Alex.” She deadpanned. “Without you I wouldn’t even be here. _Please_ let me let you do this.”

The older soldier stared at the keys in her hand, then back at Vasquez’s pleading face. She felt something hot rise from her stomach, a pinch of nerves about to explode. She tightened her grip on the keys, and faced Susan with a teary smile. She knelt towards Vasquez gave her a hug, and whispered a thank you. She didn’t know what she did to deserve friends like these. Susan chuckled against her ear, she could feel the evidence of tears next to her cheeks. 

“Say Hi, for me.” She whispered.

* * *

Maggie had just parked her car near the Danvers’s driveway, she turned her car off, pulled the back of her trunk open, and begun to unpack the grocery bags from the trunk of her car. She felt that since now she was basically living with the Danvers ladies she might as well be a productive member of the household. She’d offered to shop for groceries, to which Kara immediately replied with a grin. She scratched a list into a piece of paper she hurriedly found in the kitchen, and gave it to Maggie along with specific instructions to which type of baby products she should keep a lookout for. 

It has been about an hour and a half since she left, and as she walked back and forth into the house and back to her car, she could hear from the upstairs level the screams of Crystal as Eliza and Kara tried to give her a shower. She chuckled eyeing the bathroom, before leaving to pick up the last grocery bag. Her phone began to vibrate as soon as she shut the trunk.

“Hello?” she tucked her phone between her ear and her shoulder. Alex could hear the sounds of a car being locked.   

“Did I catch you in a bad time?”

Maggie paused and smiled once her voice registered. “Alex.” She grinned.

“One and only.” She chuckled. “How have you been?”

“I’m okay, and you? How’s Vasquez’s recovery going?"

"I checked in last night. Her doctor said that it was going to be a while till she got used to the prosthetic, but with her skill and body tone it'll be much faster than expected."

"That's good." 

"It's great. I just hope she doesn't overwork herself." 

"She is determined." 

"And annoyingly stubborn."

Maggie smirked. "Reminds me of someone I know." 

The soldier blushed. Maggie tucked her phone tighter between her ear and her shoulder. She opened the back door to the kitchen, and began placing the few grocery items she picked up for Kara and Crystal on the kitchen table. The other side of the line started to gain static, and she was almost sure she heard cars, and a honk echo from her cell phone.

"I've been meaning to tell you something."

"I'm listening." 

"Since Vasquez is on the road to recovery, and doing pretty well with the help of Sam. I'm pretty sure I can drive up to see you soon." 

Maggie froze on the spot. "You're coming home?" Her lips curled into a hopeful grin. 

"That's what I'm hoping for." 

The cop broke into a beam. "When you say soon, how soon do you mean?" 

"In a week's time? Is that okay with you?" 

"Yes!" The answer came almost instantly. Alex chuckled softly, the bag Maggie had tried to hold on to, almost fell out of her arms. The ruckus of plastic bags barely keeping a low sound.  

"Got your hands full?" 

Maggie blushed. "Your sister has me running errands."

"Shame on, Kara."

"Who knew Kara Danvers could be bossy?" She sarcastically said.

The soldier snickered. "Are you in my house?"

"Just walking in."

"I can totally imagine it. You in your skinny tight blue jeans, and black leather Jacket, carrying a bag of diapers and baby products."   

Maggie blushed looking down at herself. She was surprised Alex got it that accurately. She placed the grocery bag on the kitchen Isle. The Danvers household still in the mildest of a long baby shower. Crystal was barely 1 and she's already arguing about bath time. The cop started pulling some of the things out of their plastic bags, as she kept a proper hold on her phone with her free hand. 

"Am I that predictable?"

"Not really, but the view from the driveway gave me a pretty big clue."

The cop's heart dropped down to her stomach. The box of powdered milk in her hands dropped to the floor. "What?" Her skin turned white, and her heart beat 10 times faster than it normally did.

Alex laughed softly. "Look out the window."

Maggie immediately aimed her gaze towards the window. Her eyes scanning the driveway multiple times, each time it moved back and forth she thought Alex would appear like in one of those war movies. However, her blood turned cold when she heard the filter of Alex's teasing laugh.

"Gotcha." 

_"Alex!"_ Her face turned bright red with furry. How could she joke about that? "That was not funny."

"Oh I bet you wish you could slap me right now." 

"Believe me I would." She hissed. "You can't make a joke like that. I actually thought you were here. You could've given me a heart attack. Not to mention, completely acted like a child. What kind of sick game were you playing at? -,”

_Ding dong._

"Saved by the bell." 

Maggie took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and shook her head. "I'm not done yet. The stunt you pulled was beyond mean-," she unlocked the door pulling down the handle. "I swear if you do that again I'm-" 

The Latin woman's eyes blinked extremely fast, her phone slipped out of her hand. Her lips parted into a small O. 

"Surprise." Alex whispered in a loving tone. Her smirk shinning as she stood in her uniform, her duffle bag still hung on her shoulder.

Maggie felt her eyes grow heavy in happy tears, without even feeling it she lunged herself into Alex's arms wrapping her legs around her waist, and her arms around her neck. Subconsciously dropping her duffle bag, and knocking her army hat out of the way. She breathed in Alex's familiar scent. 

"Alex." She whispered into the soldier’s ear as she held her tighter.

The warmth of being in Alex’s arms it brought tears to her eyes, the fact that she could see her breathing and smiling, the feel of her heart beating so fast against her chest. The way she smelled. It was everything Alex had been craving for months. Everything she ever wanted was holding on to her so tightly she was almost sure she couldn’t breathe, and she didn’t care because it was worth it.

"I'm home."


	12. Gone With The Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so overwhelmed by the responses I got last chapter, I can't believe that so many of you are still holding on to this fic. I'm doing my very best on it. I've never worked so hard on a fic before. I'm very proud of it, and I can't thank you enough for the reviews and Kudos, and recs if you ever did recommend my fic. I really appreciate it, and I'm trying to reply to anyone who leaves me even a one-worded comment because to me even those are up-lifting. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a bittersweet long one. ;)

Maggie couldn’t stop gazing at Alex as she sat cross legged on the floor with Crystal in her lap, and Kara facing her. Eliza had brought out her old video Camera. She started filming them while they played, eager to accumulate new footage for her never fading memories. The cop had a glass of red wine in her hands, she rested her back against the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen. She watched in peace. Her eyes harboring a light she’d lacked for months, and her smile a gentle touch of affection. Her heart beat was still on the verge of coming down from its high. It’s been all of 30 minutes since Alex showed up at the front porch of her own house. The pictures of that moment plastered in her head, repeating consistently. She thought she was hallucinating. She thought that maybe she’d reached a point where she missed Alex way too much; A point that her brain thought visualizing her would be healthy.  

Imagine her surprise when she saw that she wasn’t the only one to crush Alex into a never ending bear hug. Kara practically squeezed the life out of her while she yelled nonsensically at her sister for not mentioning that she planned to visit, and Eliza nearly fainted thinking her brain was playing tricks on her. Things managed to calm down when they realized that they were going to be lucky enough to have Alex over for a few days. 5 to be exact. Maggie had a lot of trouble stopping herself from counting down the time, but whenever it was just her and Alex the clocks disappeared, time didn’t exist. It was just Maggie and Alex. Like it should’ve been ages ago. She still enjoyed these moments with everyone in the picture. Watching Alex as she tried her very best to keep Crystal from crying was the most heartwarming thing she’d seen in months. The way Alex started blocking her face with her hands, and letting go in front of Crystal trying to play Peek-a-boo with her, made her heart swell.

The innocence spewing out of them like something straight out of a Nicola Sparks novel. It just hit her that the last time she’d seen Alex was in her uniform. She was ready to leave them. She never thought she could hate anything so much, but when she saw her again with the same damn uniform; She didn’t even care. She didn’t care about anything else. She didn’t care that her heart was doing twice the effort to keep her from fainting. She didn’t care that Alex had made her spend days on end alone in an empty bed. She didn’t care, because it didn’t matter. All those things, they never mattered when faced with the bigger picture.

Alex had been feeling Maggie’s eyes on her for a while now. She lifted her gaze towards Maggie, letting their eyes meet. She smiled. It didn’t faze her how Maggie’s brown chocolate orbs were still in the midst of a happy cry. Maggie’s instincts were to look away, and let her blushing cheeks settle. She didn’t do that though, her time with Alex was limited, and she didn’t want to waste any of it looking away.

The soldier chuckled softly at Maggie’s blushing cheeks, right when Crystal began to fuss in her arms. Eliza put her camera down, and quickly grabbed a hold of Crystal from Alex’s lap before she cried.

Kara stared at her sister with a grin. “How did you manage to get a leave so soon?”

“A friend of mine.” She thanked Vasquez internally for the millionth time. “Let’s just say I owe her a favor.”

“I can’t wait to see everyone’s face when they see that you’re here.” She squealed, Alex chuckled.

“Actually, Kara. That can wait for tomorrow.”

Kara eyed her sister curiously.

“Today’s…,” The soldier stared at the spot Maggie occupied, she seemed to have finished her glass of wine, and was starting to make her way towards the kitchen.

“For Maggie?” Kara smirked, watching where her eyes were traveling.

Alex’s cheeks had no difficulty turning into a crimson red.

“Hey, don’t let me step in the way.” Crystal started to fuss in her grandmother’s hands, looking for an escape. “I have a baby to take care of.”

Eliza handed Crystal back to Kara as soon as she was up. She grinned, and patted Alex’s shoulder. “I’m so happy that you’re back, sweetie.”

“It’s good to be back.”

Maggie was making her way over to the living room when Eliza stood up; knowing that the two needed some privacy she opted to excuse herself. “I’ll get things ready for dinner. I’m serving for 5 tonight.”

Alex nodded with a beam. She stood up when Maggie had made it to the living room. The cop took slow strides towards Alex, who took hold of her hands, and pulled her closer to her.

“And then there were two.” Maggie whispered with a smile.

The soldier breathed her in, placed her forehead on top of Maggie’s. She closed her eyes, and let the moment sink in. She could hear the calming breaths Maggie was taking. She could feel the bliss take over her, because she was feeling it herself too.

* * *

Dinner ran long, cold, and deep into the night. Conversations were kept light, and mentions of war at a minimum. The smell of Apple pie, and Macaroni and cheese rinsed through the air. To Alex, it felt like home again. She didn’t want the night to end, she liked the unsubtle ways her and Maggie gawked into each other’s eyes every now and then; or the way her mother had felt freer and less alone by the added presence of Maggie in her home; or the way Kara kept talking to Crystal as though she was old enough to reply back. She’d learnt earlier in the night that it was a common occurrence, and she couldn’t help but giggle at the mere thought of Kara complaining to Crystal about the difficulties of being a single mother in this day and age.

The night went on this way, sucking in all the time with Alex as much as they could, it wasn’t until her yawns kept enforcing into their conversation did everyone call it a night. Needless to say, it was quality time the soldier had missed. Yet, it was nowhere near what she was fortunate enough to be experiencing now as she laid comfortably in her old bed sheets, facing Maggie who couldn’t keep her eyes off of her.

“Am I dreaming?” she whispered.

Her eyes still convinced that what lay in front of her was nothing but her deceiving thoughts. She kept pinching herself internally; whole-heartedly committed to the thought that she was dreaming a dream she never wanted to wake up from. Alex’s hands brushed aside the hair that fell comfortably over her face. Her eyes glancing back and forth into the specks of roasted-chestnut-brown eyes.

“Tell me I’m not dreaming,” she begged.

“You’re not dreaming.” Alex took hold of her hand, she shifted herself closer to Maggie, and placed her hand on top of her beating heart. “I’m  _ here _ .”

Maggie’s eyes closed, she took a breath, clenched her shirt tightly. The beats of her heart registering in her ear. She opened her eyes to find Alex shifting even closer, and all she could do was remind herself to breathe, remind herself that this was real.

“You’re here.” She repeated, her hands landing on Alex’s cheeks. She noticed the fresh scars that were slowly healing on her face.

The soldier had held back a wince; she didn’t want Maggie’s hands to stop even if the pressure hurt. Alex could easily see the worry marks that embedded themselves on her forehead, she could see the veins on her hands that became much easier to feel and see. It stabbed at her heart. Maggie had gone through just as much as she had, only her scars weren’t as visible on her skin.

“I’m sorry we’re not at the Caribbean’s though.” She smiled.

The cop chuckled, shaking her head softly.

“I promised that’s where we’d be when I got back, I guess we’ll have to settle for Midvale.”

“I don’t care where we are as long as we’re together.”

“I’m sorry I made you wait so long.” Her hazel eyes gazed at Maggie with fresh hints of guilt and remorse. “I should’ve called sooner, I should’ve came back sooner-,”

Alex felt her soft fingers press against her lips. She felt her hands wrap around the back of her neck, and her strength pull her body closer. Her eyes remained closed, she breathed her in, and let Alex’s beating heart settle.

“Alex?” she whispered, her eyes still closed, the soldier following her.

“Yeah?”

“Stop apologizing.” She commanded.

The soldier felt her lips curl into a smile. Only Maggie could make someone feel guilty for apologizing, only Maggie could make her feel this good even if at the back of her mind she still felt the guilt. Nothing could come between them right now, at this moment nothing stood between them.

Maggie opened her eyes to Alex staring at her intently. “I missed you.”

“I  _ know _ .”

“Did you miss me?”

Her hazel eyes blinked multiple times. In her mind she thought how could she even question it. The hassle she’s been through trying so hard to not miss her, the torture she put herself through. “I have never missed anyone more in my entire life.”

Maggie’s lips broke into a sad smile, her eyes inviting the glistening glow. Her fingers could only brush what little hair Alex had grown back from the last time she’d seen her behind her ear. The soft soothing motions, slowly bringing the soldier to a blissful sleep. She tried very hard to stop her eyes from flickering shut, but Maggie’s soothing fingers, and the heat of her breathes just barley touching her face; they made it terribly hard. Her eyes had long gone to rest, while Maggie’s watched the easiness of her chest rise and fall. She could tell by the way Alex had fallen asleep so quickly, that it’s been a long time since she had a good night’s sleep. And she was more than happy to be the one to give it to her.

* * *

Alex had woken up before Maggie. She spent her morning gazing at the petite resting figure that lay comfortably still next to her. Maggie’s breathes evening out, her hair a plush mess on the pillow, and one of her hands placed under her pillow supporting her head, while the other still held on to Alex’s hands. The soldier chuckled feeling her hands grip her tighter when she moved the slightest bit. She’d taken her free hand, and brushed back her brunette hair. Taking in the view of Maggie’s flawless freckles, her resting dimples, and her soft, supple lips, that she was sure could make her tremble. The more time that passed as she stared relentlessly; the more reminiscent she became. Alex could remember exactly how it felt years before, she could feel exactly how she did back then. When this used to be a normal everyday thing. When sleeping next to her used to be habit. When it used to just fit.

Having Maggie lay this close to her, it washed away all her nightmares. She actually had a good night’s sleep. Granted; she still woke up before dawn, but still it was more than she had during the course of a decade. Alex loved how Maggie still had the same patterns she did when they were in high school. She loved how her mouth was open just the slightest bit, as she breathed. Or her soft snoring, that normally Alex would make fun of, she cherished it now. She held it dearly in her heart, playing it like a perfectly recorded melody. It made her feel like home, as it should.

She kept a hold on Maggie’s hand even as she began to twitch into an awakening stretch. It was her turn to grip her tighter as her slightly parted lips, turned into a yawn. Alex couldn’t help but find it so endearing. She couldn’t help but let her giggles escape her lips. The cop’s eyes fluttered open with a flushed look spreading across her face.

“Morning stranger.” Alex smirked.

Maggie smiled “How long have you been awake?”

“Long enough to know that you still snore when you sleep.”

Maggie’s eyes expanded wider than she anticipated they could. Alex chuckled. “I  _ don’t  _ snore.”

“It’s okay, I find it cute.”

“I don’t snore.” She repeated with an eye roll.

Alex couldn’t help but laugh, she had always denied it. “Yes, you do.”

“You were hearing something else.” She shook her head looking the other way.

“I’m pretty sure it was you snoring.”

“You must have something crawling into your ears at night.”

She laughed. “Must be.”

Maggie’s lips curled into a smirk. The soldier got on her elbows and waited till Maggie looked back at her, a smile lingering on her face, her fingers creased her cheek. The cop fell into the touch of her hand. Her hands clung to hold Alex’s palm holding it in place against her cheek. They cherished the moment as it swiftly passed by.

“I can touch you.” Alex whispered admiringly.

“I can  _ feel _ you touch me.” Maggie whispered back.

The lust in Alex’s eyes sparked, her feverishly hot ears turned red, and her insides began to boil. She felt her fingers shake against Maggie’s cheek. The way she stared back at her. The way her brown eyes grew ten times darker as she leaned forward. Maggie slipped her hands of Alex’s hand and pressed it against her cheeks pulling her all the way to her lips. The pressure of Alex’s chapped dry lips pressed against hers; it forced a jolt of electricity through her bones. She pulled her closer, wrapping her arms around her neck, letting their kiss kill her internally. She could feel Alex’s hands crawl underneath her shirt. The cold tips of her fingers exploring her all over again, as if she’d never touched her before. As if it was their first time again. Maggie’s skin acting as though it never felt anything so good, but deep down, she knew this feeling by heart. She remembered how soft Alex’s brushed touches were.  

Alex’s own body shocking with waves that doubled over, when Maggie’s firm grip pulled her even tighter till she fell flat on top of her. The hairs on her skin sticking, every time their lips parted and touched again. It felt like the sky above them had broken apart, and the angels kept falling through.  _ This _ , Alex had missed this. The feel of someone else’s skin, the feel of  _ Maggie’s _ skin pressed against hers.  She swore that if she didn’t know any better she could’ve been dead right now, living in the afterlife. It was only when her breathing short-circuited, and the need for oxygen surfaced that told her otherwise. She could feel Maggie draw in breath after breath like it was her last. The soldier’s head automatically laying atop hers. Their eyes closing in a moment of bliss.

“I missed you.” Maggie whispered again, as if to justify how  _ bad _ she really had missed her.

Alex bit her now wet lips, she felt a tear begin to slide across her cheeks. “You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamt of this moment.” she sniffed.

Maggie felt the single tear crash on her cheek, it made her hold on to Alex tighter. She knew what the soldier meant because she’s been dreaming of this moment since the day she watched Alex walk away.

“Believe me, I  _ do _ .”

* * *

“And that?” Maggie pointed at a woman with piercing green eyes, and dark brunette hair standing next to Alex in the photograph she held. “she’s  _ pretty _ .”

The soldier laughed, catching onto Maggie’s unsubtle jealousy. “And  _ straight _ .”

“Really?” she quirked her eyebrows, as Alex’s body vibrated with chuckles.

“Trust me.” She smirked.

Her busy hands put down the photograph on top of the pile of her other photos. The solider worked quickly to pull out the toast Maggie had placed in the toaster, and seemed to have forgotten about. Clearly entranced in the image, and the fact that a woman as perfectly groomed as Lucy wasn’t interested in other women. They’d finally gotten out of bed with bellies that screamed for something edible. Alex had made it her mission to cook breakfast for Maggie. So she crawled out of bed first getting ready to grab a change of clothes from her duffle bag, that’s when the bundle of pictures she liked to carry around slipped out. They fell onto the floor forming a messy circle. Maggie happened to be captivated by them, flipping from picture to picture, which is why it ended up with them, as Alex cracked the eggs into the frying pan, and placed the hot toast on an empty plate.

Maggie switched to the image underneath, it was a photo of her Unit huddled in what looked like a break room, beer bottles in all their hands, and smiles that couldn’t be more forced or annoyed. The cop chuckled at the image, she slipped her arms around Alex’s waist from behind, the photo still in her hands. Alex enjoyed the heat pooling her back, as she scrambled the eggs, and Maggie pointed at her face.

“You couldn’t have been more than 21 here.”

Alex starred at the image again, she laughed remembering the moment it was taken. “That was my 21 st birthday actually, and the first time I  _ really _ got drunk of my ass.”

Maggie laughed. “Is that why you look so annoyed?”

“I looked annoyed because, that was the 6 th photo we’ve taken in a row because  _ Lucy _ didn’t like how her hair turned out the first 6 times we’ve taken the shot.”

“I think you guys look really adorable.” She kissed the back of her neck, Alex smiled at the feel of her lips.

She couldn’t believe how easily things have been going. It was like they’d fallen back to their old habits so quickly, like time had turned back. She turned off the heat of the stove. Maggie’s hands slipped away from her waist, she gave her room to pour the scrambled eggs on the plate. She added some salt and pepper, while Maggie swiftly spread the rest of the photos on the kitchen counter till her eyes landed on the image she didn’t expect to see huddled in the pile of photos. Almost like it was accidentally packed. It was the photograph of herself that Alex loved to carry around. She felt her stomach tickle when she noticed how far back the picture went. How worn out, taped, and color drained it was. This photo went back enough to high school, she could tell from the lack of worry lines on her forehead, and the vintage shirt she wore.

“Okay, breakfast’s ready.” Alex said with a smile, her smile faltering when she noticed Maggie’s frozen state. 

The cop turned around, facing the photo forward. Alex’s cheeks fleshed into a crimson red, Maggie smiled.

“You kept it.”

Alex blushed harder. Her body trembled with embarrassment, like a bucket of ice cold water crashing onto her skin. Maggie wasn’t supposed to see  _ that _ . She kept feeling the tips of her fingers twitch, and her hairs stick out as the cop’s eyes lingered on the photo. She wondered whether the brunette remembered the photograph because she sure as hell never forgot it. It was imbedded in her brain.  

“It’s my favorite.” She whispered.

“I know,” Maggie chuckled. “You used to carry it in your wallet all the time, even when I begged you not to.”

Alex gently plucked the photo from her hands, feeling a sense of contentment at her memory. She smiled at it, holding on to it as if she was still on the field, and Maggie wasn’t right in front of her. “I got through a lot because of it.”

Maggie’s cheeks stole the fluster from Alex.

The soldier’s eyes landing back onto Maggie’s. “Because of  _ you _ .”

Her stomach dawned with butterflies again, she took the few steps between them. Leaning into her warmth. Closing the distance their lips had to endure. She felt Alex’s hands crawl to the space between her lower back, and hips. They let the kiss last a while. She enjoyed the way they fit perfectly together. The way they fell into each other with ease. She loved how their lips parted delicately, only to be greeted by Crystal’s voice.

“ _ No!” _ she’d said, a bark of laughter following from her mother, who carried her.

Maggie pulled away with redder cheeks than before. Alex rolled her eyes at her sister.

“Well,” Kara grinned. “Now you know her first word.”

“No?” she eyeballed Kara. “ _ That’s  _ her first word? How many times do you say it to her?”

“Almost every day.” Maggie teases, as she turns the coffee machine on.

“Don’t exaggerate.” Kara shook her head, and put Crystal in her baby chair. “Maybe twice a day.”

Alex laughed. She could get used to this. This life she had missed on for a decade. She could get used to it now. Watching how Maggie, Kara, and Crystal were so at ease. It made her miss home. Especially when Eliza walked into the already half full table. The smell of her coconut butter soap from her morning shower filling her nostrils. She payed close attention to the way the morning filled with meaningless conversation, and quiet laughter. Apart from Crystals surprisingly loud outbursts. She couldn’t stop saying the word no, specifically when Kara tried to feed her a piece from her breakfast. It made her beam. It kept getting cozier and cozier as the minutes passed, as the hours passed. She could see herself holding on to this in the near future. Holding on to all these strings that were tugging at her heart.

* * *

The weekend had passed by incredibly fast. The Danvers household had spent it entirely bundled at home, watching home movies, making light chats, and cooking endlessly in the kitchen. It was only when the weekend had flown by did Alex have to spend a morning with Eliza and Crystal alone. Kara had headed to work, and so did Maggie. It was bordering 11 am when Eliza put Crystal down for a nap. She insisted that Alex spends her day outside of her old room. The soldier couldn’t have agreed more; it’s why she was walking towards Bistro with Lena by her side.

Alex felt the added weight of Lena’s engagement ring on her finger, when the back of her hand had collided against the back of her head. She rubbed the light bruise that replaced her best friends hand, and laughed at the disappointed look she supported. Her green eyes threatening her.

“Next time you come home, and I don’t get a call the second your feet touch Midvale’s grounds I’m going to sue you.”

“Sue me for what?”

“For being a terrible best friend.”

“Wouldn’t that be obstruction of Justice?” Alex snickered, while Lena pinched her.

“Don’t be a smart ass.”

A laugh bubbled up her throat as they walked into Bistro. “I missed you to, Lena.”

“I never said I missed you.”

“You don’t have to. I can see it.”

Lena felt a smirk crawl onto her lips as they stood in line. Word got around pretty fast that Alex was back the second she stepped foot out of the comfortable confines of her home. The soldier was almost tempted to spend her entire leave huddled in her old room, with Maggie, as they flipped through albums and albums of photos. But reality came knocking on her door sooner than she planned, and Maggie had to resume her life once again. She was already running late to work because of the sleepless nights they kept inviting. They’d spent the previous night making pillow talk, and prepping soft kisses along any exposed skin either of them could find. The cop had to work hard to peal herself out of bed the next morning. Alex felt she should get her some caffeine to brighten her day, since she was on the way to Bistro with Lena.

Their turn to order had come about, and Lena couldn’t help the smirk that filtered when Alex ordered Maggie’s favorite drink without batting an eyelash. She stared at her best friend with a knowing look, Alex stared back defensively.

“What?”

Lena shook her head. “Nothing.” She chuckled. “It’s just good to have you back.”

“See,” Alex grinned. “Told you, you missed me.”

“Don’t push it.” Lena eyed her while they walked to the pick-up area.

Alex laughed. Her eyes fell on Lena’s ring while they picked up their orders. She still couldn’t quiet register her best friend’s fingers with the sparkling diamond ring that wrapped around her engagement finger. Her hazel eyes stared ruthlessly.

“Siobhan, huh?”

Lena blushed the slightest bit. “Do you not plan on congratulating me?”

“I did not see that coming.” Alex’s lips stilled in a knowing beam that could only be described as cocky.

Lena looked back at her best friend as they walked to her car. Alex’s face showing no shame over the fact that she was more than thrilled to have something to tease Lena with now. She could bet her entire wealth on the fact that Alex had never looked happier. She looked, smelled, acted like the 18-year-old Lena remembered. It’s been a long time since she’d seen that Alex. If felt like staring at an old movie cover. The lawyer shook her head getting into her car. Alex following pursuit in the passenger seat.

“Don’t even start.” She pointed a threatening finger at the soldier.

“I didn’t even say anything.”

“But you were thinking it.”

Alex laughed, then shook her head. “But, seriously. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Lena genuinely smiled. “Now when’s it going to be your turn?”

Although it started off as a tease, the soldier felt her stomach bubble at the mere thought of marriage. She could envision the nights she would spend with Maggie laying in the same bed, breathing the same air. She could see the weekends they’d get to spend together watching scary movies, and crashing on the couch because of a long day of work, and they were both too tired to move. She could even see at the very back of her mind, behind the 6-foot-tall wall, and the thick green bushes; a little girl chasing their dog. she smiled sheepishly while her eyes rested on the road as Lena backed up her car.

“Soon.” She whispered mainly to herself.

Lena didn’t miss the way Alex’s eyes sparkled at the prospect of marriage. She could feel the love Alex was bottled up with. She knew it had to happen someday soon, and when it did she was going to be there with open arms, and an “I told you so,” she’ll never let Alex forget about.

“Hey, can you stop by the flower shop too?” Alex mentioned quickly before she forgot.

The lawyer took her eyes of the road for a split second just to rub her smirking lips at Alex’s face. The soldier rolled her eyes. “You’re so whipped.”

“I  _ know.” _

* * *

Papers stacked on her desk. Maggie’s brown eyes stared callously at them. She flipped through a few, allowing a huff to escape her lips. She did not want to spend hours on end in a cramped desk working through piles of useless protests while Alex was in town. She shouldn’t even be standing in her impeccably small cubicle. It wasn’t fair. Sometimes she wondered how a small town like Midvale could have so many complaints. It was a quiet town, with not much criminal activity, and yet her desk always pilled with papers. It was the worst part of her job, but it was her job nonetheless. She patted the mound of papers, hoping that somehow time will be lenient on her. She pulled her desk chair out, and flopped lazily on it.

“What are  _ you _ doing here?” Jacob supported a baffled look. His left eyebrow quirked, and a coffee mug settled in his hands. He dropped the few papers he’d rolled up in his hands, on his desk.

“Same as you.” She shrugged. “I’m working.”

“But, Alex’s in town.” He said with an obvious tone. As if that supported the reason behind his surprised face.

“And?” She watched him take a sip from his coffee.

“Shouldn’t you be spending time with her?”

“I should. But like everyone in town who needs to pay their bills, I have to work.”

“You have to get your ass out of here.”

She eyed him desperately hoping he wouldn’t keep reminding her of where she’d rather be. It was clear as day Maggie wasn’t happy to be at work. The bitter distaste she had at the moment for Midvale residents made things even more unpleasant. She could feel the bubbling need to ditch work enlist in her guts. McConnors must’ve seen it too.  The more her mind went in depth showing her possible realities she could spend her evening, none of which existed in this cramped space, the more he smirked. She was oblivious to the fact that the reason behind his smirk wasn’t her day dreaming phase, but it was the tall figure dressed in skinny jeans and a familiar shirt Maggie had worn underneath her own leather jacket on most days when she felt the distance slowly start to skin her alive.

Alex had a flower bouquet with Maggie’s favorite flowers in one hand, and a warm cup of coffee from Bistro in the other; black with two sugars, just the way she liked it. Danvers shared McConners’ smirk, she slickly made her way behind Maggie. Years of tip toeing in deserts made her an expert at the field of surprise. Alex pulled the flowers behind her back, and let the scent of coffee do its Magic.  Surly enough when Maggie’s nostrils registered the scent she turned around to be faced with a grinning Alex holding a coffee cup, and a hand behind her back.

Her cheeks brightened up, and her next words appeared in whispers. “Alex?”

“Gee, don’t act so surprised.” She simply said with a smirk. “I thought you might need a cup of coffee. I kept you up late last night.”

Maggie took the cup from her hands, she sniffed and titled her head in that Maggie Sawyer way that made Alex’s insides churn. “Black coffee-,”

“With two sugars, just the way you like it.”

“Thank you.” She dreamily looked at Alex, who held out her now free finger in a shushing gesture. She pulled out the flowers from behind her back.

“For you.”

The cop blushed incredibly red, she could hear the faint result of Jacobs muffled laughter. She eyed him dangerously, forcing him to cough his laughter into a stop. She took the flowers from Alex’s hand, and sniffed at them. Her rosy cheeks inviting the dark blush to settle on her red hot cheeks.  

“You just love poking at my heart don’t you?” Maggie sipped from her coffee, and sniffed the flowers again.

“Is it a crime to make you happy?”

“It is when you make me blush in front of my partner.”

“A crime worth being arrested for, Detective Sawyer.”

The cop chuckled. She looked back at McConners, Alex following her eyes. Jacob held up some papers ahead of him indiscreetly pretending that he wasn’t watching or listening in on their conversation. “I’m never going to hear the end of this.”

Alex placed her hands on her waist. Maggie’s face turned towards Alex. She could feel her pull her closer as the heat rose inside of her. The closer Alex’s lips got to hers the more the tremble of her lips began to surface. Alex planted a soft delicate kiss on her lips, and Maggie felt like she’d just landed on 7 th heaven. She was still floating in the after effects as they pulled apart. The soldier whispered against her ear.

“Then let’s make it something  _ worth _ remembering.”

Maggie felt her heart drool. Her lips curled into a smile. She could feel the tiny hint of wetness tingle its way between her legs. For a second there, she felt like she was 18 again. When Alex’s every move made her stomach tremble, her cheeks burn redder, her lips shiver, her fingertips quiver, and her eyes try so hard not to water.

It was Jacobs fake cough that forced them to look back at him. He’d managed to walk towards them while their eyes were entranced within one another. The look in her eyes he’d never seen before. The way they shone so brightly, much like the times she received a new letter. He knew they needed some solo time together. The world can pause for a minute. Maggie should enjoy these few days with the love of her life. He patted her shoulder.

“Get out of here before you make me puke.” He said with a smirk. Maggie instantly knew it meant he was willing to cover for her. She thanked him with her eyes, he nodded.

“We’ll be out of your hair.” She said with a smile.

“Better be.”

He shook his head at the way Maggie grabbed her leather Jacket, put it on, and let Alex carry her coffee. They walked out starting a banter about whether Vegan ice cream was real ice cream or just a lousy excuse at a healthy lifestyle. He noticed the way Maggie indiscreetly laced their fingers together, he knew she unintentionally meant to do it because of the way they flexed a few times before settling. He chuckled, and got back to work. Not minding that it amplified, the way his partner seemed to finally take life in was enough for him. Maggie needed this, and he was more than sure that the soldier needed this as well.

* * *

Days passed with time ignoring the silent requests coming from all the residents of the Danvers household. Maggie and Alex were living in a bubble through the course of 4 days. The cop could’ve sworn the sun shone brighter with Alex’s presence, and as time came down to her last 48 hours she could almost physically see the skies turn as grey as her heart. The twinkles in her eyes that lived through borrowed time were defusing, and she felt like everything was turning backwards from the day Alex showed up unannounced. In fact, she knew it was turning back in time because the second Alex’s eyes finally pulled their lids shut, she could feel the way her body shivered. The way sweat piled over her forehead, and she was there to witness the way she bolted up from her sleep, barely breathing. Vasquez’s name still ringing in her ear, still lingering in the quiver of her lips.

Maggie had effortlessly acted in response, she turned the lamp on, and scooted closer to Alex. She watched as she took deep breaths, and brushed her hair back; making it stick up in spikes from the effects of her sweat. She placed her hands over Alex’s thighs. She held her gasp when she felt the strength of Alex’s heat, and the way her eye’s still remained closed. She pulled the sleeve of her shirt, and began to wipe off the sweat that formed on her forehead. She hoped her touch could help heal some of the pain. It broke her heart the way Alex started to sink into her nightmares again. She remembered when this used to happen the closer it was time for her father to leave, the more the nightmares echoed in her brain. She kept getting sucked deeper into the quicksand. She couldn’t imagine how much worse it must’ve gotten now that it was her who had to leave. She remembered from the times Alex had these panic attacks, she would wrap herself behind her, let her curl into a ball and sink into her chest.

She let her wallow in her own sorrows, release every negative thought on her mind, and live in the dark moments till it washed away. When Alex started to shiver despite her heated body temperature, she’d done just that. Alex fell into her arms just as easily as she always had.

“ _ Shhh _ .” She whispered laying her head atop hers. “Your home, baby.” She whispered, visibly watching the rise and fall of Alex’s chest. “You’re  _ okay _ . You’re  _ home _ .”

“I’m  _ home _ .”

She nodded at Alex’s faint reply. “It was just a dream.”

“ _ Just a dream _ .”

“Just a nightmare.”

Alex took a deep breath. “ _ Just a nightmare.” _

“It’s okay.” Maggie rubbed up and down her forearms.

She felt her calm down for a while. She felt her heart beat settle, and her breathing even out. But for some reason her body shook again. It cracked at the lie Maggie had to repeat. She heard the soft choked up sobs Alex was trying to hold still. She felt the soldier grip onto her arm. She felt her crumble like the ashes she was. Alex shook her head against her chest, and it made her heart constrict. It made her whole world fall apart as her words whispered over and over.

“It’s  _ not  _ okay.”

The whisper that made its way through her chocked sob, it cut a whole so deep in Maggie she didn’t know words could go that far. And, yet, Alex kept digging deeper and deeper with her words repeating over and over. A hidden apology lied on the surface as Alex couldn’t muster up any other words.

“it’s not okay, Maggie. It’s not okay.” she repeated.

“Hey,” she held her tighter. Waiting for the vibrations to still in her hands. “Alex, breathe.”

The solider listened. She took heavy breathes till she felt the dizziness of too much oxygen kick in. She always was a lightweight. It’s been so long since someone caught her as she was falling. Alex almost believed she was seeing things, she almost believed she was delusional, but the cold lips that pressed against her forehead refused to let her think that. She brought her back from the depths of her darkest despair. She brought her back from the o-zone layer that expanded on a daily basis in her heart.  She found her escape from her own inner demons in Maggie’s quiet whispers that reminded her to breathe, to be focused on nothing else but breathing. 

And she  _ did _ , she focused on nothing else, but her shallow breaths, and the grip around her that protected her like an invisible force field. The sound of Maggie’s calming voice against her ear, the warmth she spread against her back, and the quiet nothings she whispered over and over to her. They were her cure. They were the cure she needed. When Maggie began to rock her soothingly, she felt herself drift off slowly. She didn’t know how long they’d spent in that position, but she knew it was long enough to be considered healthy because when she woke up again Maggie wasn’t next to her.

* * *

She jolted up from her bed with a heavy heart, checked her bathroom, her closet space, and then finally the hallway. That’s when her heart slowed it’s pace at the faint sounds of Maggie’s curses and a tumble of pans clashing onto one another. Alex felt an honest smile curl on the corner of her lips, as she walked down the stairs to the kitchen where her eyes were met with the back of Maggie’s bed hair, oversized shirt, and uneven socks; the on her left leg slightly higher than the one on her right. Her hands occupied with placing a pan over the stove about to crack two eggs. Alex couldn’t resist herself she wrapped her arms around Maggie’s waist. The cop surprised by the sudden grip, the egg in her hands unintentionally cracked.

Alex chuckled softly, “Did I scare you?”

“You seem to be enjoying doing that lately.” She huffed out, while she wiped away the residue of the eggs from her hand.

Alex didn’t want to let go, they wobbled towards the trashcan together till Maggie could throw away the mountain of tissues she’d made. She could never enter the kitchen with good intentions and come out of it spotless. A warm laugh crept out of her lips, by the sudden touch of Alex’s lips against her neck. The soldier didn’t even bother brushing aside her hair, she just wiggled her nose into the bushy hairs of a particular Sawyer till the edges of her nose clashed against the cops tanned, warm, skin.

“You smell nice.”

“I smell like you.”

“Which is why you smell nice.”

“Are you implying that I usually stink?”

“You smell nice.”

Maggie chuckled softly at the innocent way she dug her nose further into her neck. Her chin resting on her shoulder, as she gave the eggs another try; Successfully cracking it into the pan this time. The morning rushed by in hushed quiet tones of Alex’s singing voice in Maggie’s ears, and the sweet sound of eggs sizzling on the pan. Maggie let her enjoy the moment, she didn’t bring up last night. She wanted her to have the morning at least before she bombarded her with questions. She only opened the subject when Alex had scraped the last piece of her ‘Burnt’ scrambled eggs.

The cop slipped her hand over Alex’s on the table, she gazed into her eyes. Alex could feel the interrogation coming so she beat her to the punch.

“I’m okay.” she promised.

“Are you sure? The last time I saw you like that was when your dad-,”

“I’m fine.” Alex gently pulled her hands away, and placed the dishes in the sink. Her immediate instincts were to shut everyone out. Shut the pain out, the pain of she recently held.

“ _ Alex _ .”

She sighed. Maggie took the few steps towards the soldier, she laced their fingers together, and gently tugged. Alex understood that she had to face her.

“Don’t shut me out.” She said when hazel eyes stared into hers. “Not now, not after everything we’ve been through.”

“I’m just-,”

“Scared. I know.”

The soldier stared at the ground shamefully. “I don’t like talking about these things.”

“I know you don’t, and I’m not forcing you to talk to me about it now. We’ll take it slow. Just like we did with Astra.” She lifted Alex’s face up with two fingers, and stared into her eyes. “When you’re ready you’ll tell me. Just don’t lie to me. Don’t tell me you’re fine when you’re not. When I know you’re not.”

“I’m sorry.” She paused. The cold ticks of the clock filling the silence before she decided to talk again. “I’m just used to hiding these things.”

“I  _ know _ . Trust me I  _ do _ , but we were doing so good let’s not ruin things again.”

Alex shook her head. She pulled Maggie closer by her waist. She felt her place her hands on her cheeks. “I never want to lose you again.”

“Me either.”

The soldier smiled. “Maggie, I need to tell you something-,”

“You two are up early.” Kara grinned as she turned the coffee machine on, unaware of the way Alex shot evil eyes at her.

She hummed loudly to the tune that was recently stuck in her head. It reminded Maggie of Alex just this morning, and how much the two were alike. The cop held a soft subtle chuckle when Alex huffed. Kara turned around looking at her sister sincerely baffled.

She shrugged. “What?”

Alex gave her another death glare still holding on to Maggie by her waist. Still having something to say at the tip of her tongue. Still half dressed. Kara had barely put the pieces together. Her finger flicked back and forth between them.

“I ruined a moment didn’t I?”

“Yeah.” Alex huffed.

Maggie shook her head. “It’s okay. I have to get to work anyway.” She said kissing Alex’s cheek, and grabbing the cup of coffee Kara had just poured into her favorite mug.

“Hey!” Kara wined. “That’s my coffee.”

“You started it.” Maggie smirked as she sipped at the hot strong coffee. Ignoring Kara’s huffs and puffs, and enjoying Alex’s eyes following her.

The soldier took the moment in strides. She sighed, relaxed when Maggie had finally disappeared from view. She later flicked the back of Kara’s head as she poured herself a new cup of coffee.

“Way to kill a mood, sis.”

“Maggie already stole my favorite mug; I don’t need a wrestling match with you.”

“Don’t blame me if the next time one of your boy toys are over, and I flash photos of you in your underwear from our childhood album.”

Kara chocked mid drink. “ _ Man _ , must’ve interrupted something really important.”

Alex shook her head with a chuckle. “You have no idea.”

“Well, you can always make up for it tonight.” Kara smirked, pulling keys out of her pocket. She gave them to Alex who stared at her in bewilderment. She recognized the keys as Maggie’s apartment keys.

“Why do you have Maggie’s keys?”

“Because once up a time mom was right. I’m a meddler, and I can’t help it.”

“Kara, what did you do?”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Just a surprise which you’ll thank me for. Especially since I interrupted something so good.” She placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Just take her there, and spend your last day with her. We all know you want to.”

* * *

“I still can’t believe Kara was the one who had my keys this entire time. I spent weeks looking for it. Do you think she trashed my place?”

Alex chuckled. “I don’t think Kara would have the heart to crush a bug let alone trash your place.”

“ _ Still _ , she could’ve just asked for the keys. I would’ve given it to her. Why the secrecy?”

“Beats me,” she said as she fiddled with the door. Memories of the past came flooding through because of the way her apartment door was always a little stubborn. “You need new keys anyway.”

She’d finally pushed open the door with a thud. Maggie hadn’t been to her apartment since Emily, she felt a wave of secretive relief wash over her. She was glad they’d called it off before anything too serious happened. She couldn’t even begin to imagine that instead of walking in with Alex, it could’ve been Emily with a shadowy Alex crawling at the back of her mind, and through the cracks of her walls. The cop had expected to be greeted with a rush of guilt, or unwanted nostalgia, but instead a hitched breath escaped her lips, as a faint “Woah” uttered from Alex’s mouth. Maggie had to blink four times in order to make sure they were still in her apartment. She couldn’t even recognize the home she’d spent over 17 years in.

“Guess we made it to the Caribbean’s after all.” Alex breathed out, still taking in the view.

The old beaten, battered kitchen isle Maggie had been using for years replaced by a bamboo bar counter, with two bar stools made entirely out of Hawaiian wood. Two untouched coconuts set on the table, with straws dangling from the poked holes, and two mini umbrellas acting as a décor. Her kitchen cabinets, and utensils replaced with fresh new ones that matched her now bamboo isle. The living room that held her second hand couch, and coffee table groomed in a way that made it look brand new, with a new TV set she’d have to work double for in ordered to even place a down payment. From what little view she got of her bedroom, she knew that her old worn out mattress had been replaced, with a new headboard she was almost sure Kara had found from some remote, fancy furniture shop she wouldn’t even be able to pronounce.    

“Kara did all this?” she questioned in shock.

“I’m pretty sure she dragged everyone to pitch in.”

Maggie chuckled in surprise as she kept digesting what her new apartment looked like. !7 years and she couldn’t afford to change her bedsheets. This was more than she bargained for.

She shook her head in denial. “I can’t accept this.”

“Hey,” Alex chased Maggie, she held her wrist and pulled her close. A smile plastered on her lips. “Yes you can.”

“This is way too much.”

“This is just enough.”

“But-,”

She felt Alex’s lips press against hers. Swallowing whatever protest she had ready. She let her words die in her mouth, then pull away. Maggie blushed. She watched as Alex’s lips turned into a smirk.

“Promise me you will accept this with no ‘but’s, ‘what if’s, and ‘I can’t’s.”

“Only if you promise to not apologize again.”

Alex eyed her disapprovingly, “Not fair.”

“I never said it should be fair.”

“No. No, you didn’t.” she said in a whisper.

They fell into a perfect silence, hands wrapped around each other. Swaying as though they were back in a high school gymnasium, dancing to a homecoming dance or a prom night they never had. It made the cop laugh gently.

“We’re dancing to no music. I think we look weird.”

“Maybe we do, but it doesn’t feel weird.”

“Can we stay like this forever?” she asked innocently as her forehead rested on Alex’s shoulder.

The soldier felt her heart flare with the mere thought of living in mirth like this. she sighed contently. “Maggie?”

“Yeah?”

“About what I wanted to tell you the other day.” She waited till Maggie faced her.

Alex stopped their swaying. She sucked in a heavy breath, stared at their feet for a few fleeting seconds that seemed to last a lifetime for Maggie. She’d been thinking about telling Maggie for a while, confirming the fact that she was done with war. She’d had enough of spending restless nights fighting for others, and their lives while excluding her own. She was ready to move on from her father’s death, from Astra’s, from the life she’d spent 10 years in the making. She was ready to settle down. To follow her heart. For once in her entire lifetime she was ready to be selfish. She let her eyes burn holes into awaiting brown ones.

“I’m retiring from the military.” She breathed out. “When I get back, that’ll be my last tour.”

Maggie stared at her like she’d seen a ghost. Her eyes blinked, and her chest moved as though she was breathing, but the way her posture didn’t flinch, or the fact that her lips were signed sealed for what seemed like an hour. Alex felt the nerves find their way through her tiny veins.

A soft “What?” escaped her lips.

Alex made sure she was as close to Maggie as possible. Her fingers caress her cheeks, her lips flicker against hers. Their eyes gazing from left to right, like a car wiper in a hurricane. Alex’s hand fall firmly against her cheeks.

“I’m coming home for good.”

Maggie closed her eyes, she felt the tears start to roll down her cheeks, and slide across Alex’s fingers. The brush of Alex’s lips against hers after every word. It sent a shock wave into her entire spinal cord.

“Don’t tease me.” She whispered back forcing a throaty sob filed chuckle from Alex.

“I don’t want to be anywhere else, Maggie.” Hazel eyes locked into brown ones. “Home,” she brushed a strand of her hair back. “It’s in your eyes, it always has been.”

Maggie swallowed the thick coated lump in her throat before she crashed onto her lips, pulled her closer, and fiddled with the buttons on her jeans. She felt Alex’s hands move swiftly in sync with hers. Their drunken walk fumbled towards her bedroom. Alex nearly ripped open her shirt, a button flying across the room. The sound of its trickle against the pavement, meaning nothing to Maggie. She rushed to uncover Alex’s body from bellow her shirt. She’d slipped it off her, forcing their lips to break a part for a second before they crashed into one another again. Harder than the first time.

The cop felt firm grips on the back of her thighs, they lift her of the ground and slam her against the soft surface of her new bed. She knew there was no turning back now. She knew what she wanted, and by the way Alex worked with such force unbuttoning her pants she knew that Alex wanted it too. It was only a matter of time before they’re clothes had scattered across the room, and their bodies collided in sweet, sticky, sweaty harmony.

* * *

The clock was ticking, and the sun that hid itself deep within the oceans horizon was gradually making itself known. The collateral beauty of this moment was so damaging. Alex couldn't spare a second to blink, her eyes fixated on the beauty that lay rightfully bare next to her. The plush way her brunette hair relaxed on her pillow; a combination of extravagant exquisiteness and bizarre chaos. She didn't know how, but it worked. With Maggie, somehow the two learned to coexist. The Latin cop couldn't find it in her to gaze into Hazel eyes she'll terribly miss. It would be too paralyzing, too demolishing. Instead her fingers strolled across the scars scattered on Alex's exposed collarbones. The lumpy bump she felt on her left collarbone as she slid her fingers across made her wonder how she'd gotten it. She'd been questioning the origins of her scars all night. Alex had told her about the vicious map-like scars on her lower back. She told her how they were what's left from an ENT bomb that ambushed one of their campsites in Iraq. Maggie was fascinated by the story, and she wanted to hear more.

"And this?" She whispered as she brushed against the bruised flesh.

"Swiss knife." Alex replied. "Iraq, 2007. Tom and I ran into some ignorant racist in the market place. I was trying to calm him down when he pulled a knife from underneath his cloak."

Maggie swallowed thickly, letting her fingers move upwards while digesting the story. She couldn't wrap her head around how cruel some people were. For no reason other than the color of your skin, or the name of your country on the passport you carry. Her fingers landed on a slightly smaller battle wound on Alex's neck. 

"A glass shared. It accidentally scratched me when I was climbing out of the Humvee in Bagdad." 

Maggie had closed her eyes and breathed. So much pain; Alex had gone through so much alone. She wanted her to know that it never had to be that way again, not while she was in the picture. She shifted closer towards the soldier, her fingers moving on till they reached a sore spot on her left cheek. Alex hissed slightly, her body flinching for a second. The essence of a fresh wound tingled underneath her fingers. The cop finally opened her eyes and fixated them on Alex's face, she softened her touch. The soldier relaxed into her fingers, her eyes shuttering closed.

"2017." She whispered. "When I failed to save Vasquez's leg." A tear glided against her cheek, Maggie wiped it effortlessly, before she let her gentle lips press on it.

Alex felt warmth she had missed for far too long. The feel of having someone so close, someone tell you it was going to be okay even if it wasn't. Someone who would whisper sweet nothings to your ear in the middle of the night because you had a bad dream. It felt so surreal to have someone like that. The cop relaxed back against her pillow, and In one swift movement Alex pulled Maggie closer to her. Her hands securely wrapped around her waist, her forehead finding comfort against Maggie's. The soldier's shallow breaths colliding with Maggie's. The harsh ringing of the clock's tick tock's reminding them that they had minutes left. In a few hours’ time, Alex will be miles away again. The agonizing reality that they both had to go through this for 6 months again was numbing, but the thought of coming home again. Man, that thought made up for every other thing.

"I love you, Alex."

The soldier felt her skin crawl. A painful smile slowly unfolding on her lips, she placed one of her hands on Maggie's cheeks. It felt like such a release hearing it again. "Say it again."

Maggie's lips curled into a smile, a throaty chuckle escaping. "I love you."

Alex memorized her voice, she harmonized it in her ears. She didn't need to hear anything else. Her lips moved forward, they fell perfectly on Maggie's. the soft pressure was security enough for both of them to know that what they felt was true. Their lips took a while to detach, but as soon as they did Maggie held Alex's hand in place when she felt it move.

"Do you have to go?" She asked knowing the answer.

The soldier brushed back a few strands of her hair behind her ear. "I promise, I'll be back."

"For good, right?"

" _ For good _ ."

* * *

The loud ding through the speakers of the airport made Maggie’s fragile heart slam hard across her chest. She’d spent the better part of the morning with Alex waiting by the airport gates. Ignoring the fact that Alex had to leave again. Ignoring the fact that the way Maggie’s fingers crushed Alex’s hand hurt, for the fact that it was the third warning for last calls. Maggie had such difficulty letting go, she didn’t want to go through the late snail mail, and the tip toeing of calls here and there. She wanted the next six months to be over. As if Alex had read her mind, she held on to her hand tighter.

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

“You’ve said that before.” Maggie forced her tears back, while Alex slung her duffle bag over her shoulder, gripping her army hat in her other hand. “This is going to be the last time, right?”

Alex locked eyes with her. She made sure to prove to her how sincere she was. “After this,” she kissed her forehead, then landed atop hers. “it’s forever.”  She whispered.

Maggie nodded. “ _ Forever.” _

She closed her eyes as the seconds dragged. She didn’t want to see how their hands were slowly beginning to lose grip as the distance between them escalated inch by inch. She had to endure feeling it, she didn’t need to see it too. Alex had put her hat, and duffle bag into the X-ray machine all the while telling herself to not turn around. She convinced herself that Maggie had left already, that they were miles’ part already. But when her eyes looked back to find her back turned towards her, and her baby steps just starting to make its way towards the exit a loud cry inside her told her there was one thing she still needed to do before she left.

The soldier wedged herself out of the line that accumulated behind her. She rushed passed the check points, and ran until she’d caught Maggie’s wrist. She twirled her around.

“ _ Alex? What-,” _

_ “ _ I forgot something.” She rushed to justify, her chest heaving. She gripped her cheeks, and pulled her into a deep soothing kiss.

In the middle of a busy airport, as the last call for her flights boarding echoed, and their cheeks were filled with damp tears. In the midst of a final goodbye, this is where Alex had said three little words, she forgotten how they felt rolling of her tongue.

“I love you, Maggie Sawyer.”

The cop let it sink, a sad smile forming in the corner of her lips.

“I love you, Alex Danvers.”


End file.
